2014 Academy Of Country Music Awards Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on April 07, 2014

Yeehaw, kittens! Yes, it was the Academy of Country Music Awards, darlings. And the theme of the night was BIG-ASS GOWNS. With a side of boob.

We can work with that.


Taylor Swift in J. Mendel

Tay did not partake in the “BOOBS AND BIG-ASS GOWNS” trend last night; preferring instead to work some demure cutouts and a strip of belly skin. This actually works for us. There’s a little bit of sophistication to it. The shoes make the perfect punctuation point for the look – and how often do you hear us say that.



Shakira in Zuhair Murad

 Shakira, sweetie? We don’t want to alarm you, but your symbiotic alien life form dress appears to be getting ready to leave you.



Miranda Lambert in Randi Rahm




Faith Hill in Sant Laurent

 Have to admit, we hate this. The color’s pretty, but the bodice is too blousey and big on her; there’s this weird disconnect, what with the punging neckline, unflattering waist and visually heavy sleeves. It’s just not an elegant look. And the news anchor hair was an odd choice.



Olivia Munn in Reem Acra

 We’ll say this: them boobs is perfectly wrangled. The fit is pretty awesome. Even so; boob PLUS upper thigh is a lot to ask of one look. A little less of one or the other would really help this look.

For some reason, we just love the sleeves.


Kellie Pickler in Romona Keveza

 That is an utterly ridiculous amount of skirt.



Carrie Underwood in Oscar de la Renta

It’s typically shimmery and colorless, which is not only “in” her wheelhouse, it’s the entirety of her wheelhouse. Still, we’ve seen worse from her. It’s a bit on the generic side of things, but she looks pretty and ACM-appropriate.





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  • Carleenml

    Faith doesn’t have the cleavage to embrace her inner Rachel Welch.

    • Victor Beiramar Diniz

      she should have pulled a jolie, not in the usual TLo meaning of the expression, but rather on the ‘2009 sag awards back to front dress”…

  • RussellH88

    Shakira looks like the female Venom.

    The Symbiote is taking over.

    • Jeremy Thomas Porta

      I’m actually really into it. It’s cool looking.

      • Me too! And then she could sponsor an Araña movie.

        • demidaemon

          I love it too. It’s a color. And a pattern. Considering the dearth of both on the RC, I can’t complain.

      • I love it as a nod to her rock roots while still looking mostly classy and pretty. Plus, I just love sci-fi. Any time someone wants to dress like an alien queen, I’m on board.

  • Introspective

    Faith is aging herself unnecessarily with that Hoda hair and that too big dress with copious amounts of fabric.

    My boobs are having sympathy pains for many of these women.

    Shakira? girl, bye.

    Hate to admit it but Taylor won. hands down.

  • Shakira is ready to perform on Fhloston Paradise.

  • I never thought I’d say this, but Tay Tay for the win in this round.

    • Right?! I don’t know about you, but I’m bowing down.

      • Kitten Mittons

        BOWING. Compared to everything out there, she looks chic as hell. Especially when you scroll down to Shakira (who I love forever), and then back up to Taylor. It’s jarring.

    • Kent Roby

      Same here; I just can’t stand her, but she looks great here.

      • Violentcello

        Agreed. I’ll never bow for her, but I’ll concede she looks good here.

      • Clash D

        Yeah. I loathe Le Swift but damn – she ALWAYS turns it out right for the RC these days.

    • Twigg

      And by a long shot.

    • holla

      she’s finally all grown up and hopefully done with the twee pastels.

    • Trent

      Joining the consensus for Team Tay Tay. Her outfit is neither twee nor matronly — her two previous go-to looks. Who would have thought she could look this chic?

  • jilly_d

    TAY TAY FOR THE WIN! And what in the blue fuck are Shakira and Olivia Munn even doing there?

    • Evan

      Shakira has a country pop song with Blake Shelton on her new album.

      • Jackie4g

        OK, thanks for the info, but what about Olivia? What’s she doing there?

        • decormaven

          Truly. I think her PR team trolls for red carpets and places her accordingly. It’s great to be visible, but her team also needs to hook her up with a few credible jobs as well.

        • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

          She wants to show off her new implants?

        • RebeccaKW

          The recent trend of the country shows is getting non-country stars to present an award in an effort to get non-country fans to tune in.

          • Jackie4g

            This would actually make sense. I know Olivia used to get the mens’ adrenalin pumping on the G4 Gaming station, but I am in the dark as to what else she has done, except be seen on the Red carpet.

          • sundaynightaddict

            Not that this has anything to do with country music, but she has a great role on Newsroom (even if it is a shitshow).

          • demidaemon

            She was also in Magic Mike and some other movies I don’t care to look up.

      • Imasewsure

        Oops just posted the same thing but so glad I actually missed the song itself. Phewwwwww

        • Evan

          I actually kind of like the song.

  • CakesOnAPlane

    Well Olivia’s boobs may be wrangled, but I would advocate that they are NOT adequately covered here. I am thisclose to seeing areola.

    • RussellH88

      It looks like a “Gurl, what are you wearing!?” look from Christina Hendrick’s wardrobe.

    • Carleenml

      I’m still trying to figure out her connection to the ACMs.

      • They were opening an envelope.

        • snarkykitten

          Her tits were??

      • CakesOnAPlane

        well yeah, and that. However, that thought came significantly after my concern for the departure of Ol Lefty.

      • Jessica Freeman

        Her and Shakira.

        • Imasewsure

          For some reason I am watching the Voice (don’t judge… I’m choosing not to judge myself right now either) and Shakira mentioned that she is doing an album or a song or something with Blake Shelton… doesn’t everyone cut a country album eventually?

          • Jessica Freeman

            I am not sure I want to hear that one. She has such a lovely accent in her singing voice I am not sure how that would translate to country (which is def not my fav genre of music in the first place)

          • demidaemon

            She has a duet with Blake on her new album, as well as an incredibly sexy song with Rihanna. I saw the video for the latter and..well..it’s definitely sultry.

      • zenobar

        I felt all confused and unmoored trying to figure that out, myself. Kind of like Schrödinger’s Cat, but with boobs and country music.

    • Ginger

      The word “vulgar” comes to mind and I’m definitely no prude.

      • sojourneryouth

        Me neither, but I don’t ever think underboob is aesthetically pleasing, especially with larger boobs. Deep plunge can be very sexy, but that is just too much.

    • lunchcoma

      I don’t mind the deep, wide v-neck, but I think if she wanted to go that route she needed to find a dress that was otherwise very restrained. Bridesmaidy pink with a thigh high slit doesn’t cut it.

    • Seconded

  • In_Stitches

    I really like Carrie’s ODL. I wish she had ditched the Toddlers and Tiaras headsuit and gone for something a bit more challenging and appropriate.

    • Carleenml

      but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her not looking like the princess fairy at a 5 year old’s birthday party so baby steps.

  • imperfectlaura

    I don’t know why, but the most offensive thing to me in this post is how stereotypically prom-y Kellie Pickler’s dress is.

  • Taylor…modern, wearable and chic. Winner!

  • lunchcoma

    You know it’s a rough night when the best look is Taylor Swift with odd-looking hair.

  • Anna

    -HAHAHAHA. The expression on Faith’s face is EXACTLY the same one I had when I saw her get-up.
    -What did Oliva Munn’s breasts ever to do her?! I can’t recall a red carpet appearance where she hasn’t punished them.
    -I’m not sure how I feel about Taylor’s look. On the one hand, it’s not prissy or twee as fuck but I don’t think I love it either. Hair is very Donna Martin.

    • Kitten Mittons

      Yeah, Faith cracked me up. The hair really threw me off. I’m all for a change, but that brown was not what I expected to see from her.

  • Jessica Freeman

    I thought Taylor’s would have been improved without the cut outs. I find nothing in this line up interesting or exciting…..and the ACM’s usually bring the CUH-RAZY.

  • nannypoo

    I love Taylor’s outfit but I really hate her hair. And I am going to advocate for Kellie Pickler here. I don’t like her dress but she does and she looks so happy that I’m gonna say she looks great. These women with the crushed boobs make me sad. It’s unattractive and painful. In fact, Miranda Lambert’s face shows just how painful it is.

  • CB

    Taylor looks AMAZING. It’s a WERQ for me. I’m on the record as being a huge Taylor fan, but I still think she looks objectively great.

  • Jaeda Laurez

    Is Olivia Munn doing anything right now? I feel like I keep hearing her “about” to do/be in something, but never actually see the thing she’s supposed to be doing. Meanwhile, her boobs look fantastic, but she could have kept that thigh to herself. I love Shakira’s brand of crazy/sexy too.

    • Kitten Mittons

      The only thing I know of is The Newsroom, but I’m pretty sure the upcoming season is the last one. Not sure what her plans are after that.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      It looks like she’s looking for someone to do her.

      • Anna

        Isn’t Robocop still doing her?

  • @Biting Panda

    Taylor FTW. Way to lighten the fuck up. Thanks.

  • marlie

    Taylor looks pretty great. Love it!
    Shakira – Tacky AND ugly.
    Faith Hill – even SHE looks like she doesn’t like this look.
    Olivia Munn – I really like the color, and the dress is very pretty, but that’s a skosh too much boob. But that’s a great advertisement for boob tape right there.

  • Sweetvegan

    Taylor Swift’s look is a WERQ!

  • Janet B

    I’m feeling a bit disappointed, only Shakira dressed crazy unfortunately not “country crazy”.

  • Kbear

    What is Faith doing wearing Angelina Jolie’s dress?

  • ScarlettHarlot

    Wow, Taylor wins best dressed in this round. Faith looks like she’s doing a Tami Taylor impression.

  • Fuchsiaforever

    Shakiras’ bottle blonde looks like an alien on its own right.

  • Jacob Bowen

    I don’t mind the look Taylor is rocking, but I don’t like when there is that much skirt on the floor. I just can’t imagine it makes walking any fun.

  • conniemd

    I kinda like Shakira’s alien crazy dress, I guess because the color is absolutely gorgeous.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    Once again I have to ask, is there another Country Music award-type-thing every month? Why do I feel like there’s always another one coming?

  • MilaXX

    Completely underwhelmed by every single frock. I can’t even muster up the energy to snark on anything.

  • Zeee


    Ok. I feel better.

  • Lily

    Something about Faith’s hair coloring makes me want to have her cut all of her hair off and sport an uber-short pixie, which I think would look really sophisticated and fun on her, especially if dark, like the color of her roots. That said, typical fashion for a CMA’s. Taylor brings a spot of tailoring, and at least we don’t suffer from puffy-shoulder syndrome, but the rest is just as bland as a two-bit Bud in a plastic cup at the youth rodeo in Pohuska.

  • Danielle

    Why the hell did Olivia Munn get an invite?

  • Jennifer Schiller

    A personal best for me for T Swift and it came at the TCMs. What has the world come to?

  • Tanya Wade

    I have posted many times of my irrational hate for possum-faced Tay Tay. But I have to admit: I love her hair in the photo.Even a blind possum finds a good hairstyle somedays, right?

  • alyce1213

    Faith Hill looks like sexy Sister Aimee, she needs a flock.
    Taylor Swift — it’s a WERQ for me, from the tousled, side-parted hair to those unbelievably gorgeous shoes and everything between. Teaches me to never make absolute opinions about bare midriffs and cutouts, and stuff like that.

  • Sophie

    They may be perfectly wrangled, but that is just too much cleavage on Olivia Munn.
    I absolutely love the colour of Shakira’s dress (not so much the rest of it, though).

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Olivia Munn could be her own flotation device.

  • Ashley Volling

    I dunno, Taylor’s shoes made me wince. Probably because her feet are purple and the circulation is getting cut off, but…

  • JynxTheCat

    Picker always looks like she is having the most fun.

  • sherrietee

    Faith looks like her boobs are melting. Not a good look. We’re in some strange alternate reality when Tay is the best dressed.

  • Deb_Lynn

    Faith Hill is like the Jolie of Country

  • lrober03

    I liked Taylor’s, but I think it would have been really kick ass with a pair of lady pants.
    Added bonus, she wouldn’t have to stick her leg out like that to show us the shoes

  • Sabin

    I have to admit up front that I don’t follow current music, but…Shakira at ACM? Huh?

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    That’s an Oscar de la Renta gown on Carrie Underwood?!!! It looks like she sewed it herself. Sew…a needle pulling thread…

  • JauntyJohn

    Faith Hill: That grimace, that color, the yards of chiffon-like fabric… if they do “A Christmas Carol” with a country twang they’ve found their Ghost of a Down Home Christmas Future.

  • Jeremy Thomas Porta

    I’m just curious why Shakira is there. Did she release a country album I don’t know about? Don’t get me wrong, I love Shakira, but it seems strange to see her at the ACM awards.

    • demidaemon

      She was performing a duet with Blake Shelton at the awards.

  • Olivia Munn’s dress forces me to wonder how it’s possible she isn’t having a nip slip and come to the conclusion she must have tiny nipples which is not a fabulous thought for a dress to invoke, so I’m going to have to say no to all that.

  • Clash D

    Miranda Lambert is chanelling Heidi Klum.

    • Susan

      That is exactly what I thought! She doesn’t look quite like herself.

  • RebeccaKW

    I can not believe I’m saying this, but I actually like Taylor Swift’s hair. I’m not annoyed just by looking at her, which is not something I think I’ve ever said. Shakira’s gown is perfect for her.

  • BrooklynBomber

    Good God.

  • Dagney

    Excessive boob kinda freaks me out. I mean HALF the boobage (Olivia, sweetie), would have had the same dramatic/sexy effect.

  • frannyprof

    Wow. These looks are all so… bad. Even the best of the bunch (Tay, Olivia) aren’t that great.

  • largishbearishAtlish

    Maybe Kellie can save money and return the 8 yards of fabric to Mood after the awards? ugh. Some kind of product tie in to melting jello ™?

  • sagecreek

    Taylor Swift looks the best of all. And there’s a sentence I’d hoped to never type.

    • Pennymac


  • teensmom99

    Faith’s look is an homage to Loretta Lynn circa 1973.

  • Judih1

    Faith Hill looks like she decided at the last minute that her gown was too mother of the bride, so she cut a slash down the middle to jazz it up. Oh the desperate measures some women take in an attempt to look young.

  • Aunty_Stephy

    is anyone else seeing “bad” Sandy from Grease in Tay’s latest look? Just me?

  • snarkykitten

    I am jealous of Olivia Munn’s goods. Especially if they’re real.

  • Miranda obviously let Blake pick out her dress.

  • quiltrx

    How disappointing. And not nearly enough pictures to fully embrace (what I’m sure was) the horror. Tay and Carrie win, but it’s nothing to brag about.

  • SophieCollier

    I freakin’ LOVE Shakira’s dress. It’s completely insane and glorious.

  • Peeve

    Love Taylor’s dress–simple and chic, especially for a country awards show. For those of you who say you never thought you’d say that, look up Taylor: 2014 Grammy’s. She looked fabulous there, too. I would love to see Carrie Underwood wear something outside of her comfort zone. She’s far past the point where ‘Of course’ could be the default response. Boring, boring, boring.

  • mila_8

    Faith Hill looks like a lost Mandrell.

  • in a pickle

    Those shadows are doing some weird things to some of the dresses. Miranda Lambert looks like she had to change a tire on the way to the event and Faith Hill appears to have knees about 3 inches above her ankles. Kellie Pickler’s train is giving me Ursula the Seawitch flashbacks, but the shadow can’t be blamed for that.

  • Clash D

    Olivia Munn, her boobs in that dress are like smashing boulders!
    Mesmerizing but terrifying at the same time.

  • That is the best Olivia has ever looked on the red carpet.

    …but I might also be speaking under the hypnotic influence of her spectacular breasts.

  • xmixiex

    why is shakira there?