RuPaul’s Drag Race: Big Buncha Snatches

Posted on March 25, 2014

You guys, we’re feeling really hurt and sad because of something that happened that we can’t recall but we’re really angry at you all for it.

But we’ll try to carry on. Even though you hurt us. Somehow.

 

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SNATCH GAME, BITCHES!

Maybe not the best Snatch Game in the show’s history, but enough queens brought their A game to keep it lively. To be honest, we don’t understand these queens who don’t have a game plan for this challenge. It’s the one you know you’re going to have to do, so why wouldn’t you have something worked out? It seems a lot of them planned for the look without giving a thought to the impersonation.

 

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But not this bitch. She BROUGHT IT. As we expected she would. It’s a comedy challenge and she’s a natural comic. The impersonation wasn’t what we’d call dead-on, but it was funny and she was committed to it the whole time. So much so that she stepped all over anyone else. Not that we had a problem with that. This is one of the challenges where Bianca’s kind of aggression is called for. We didn’t believe for one second that she didn’t know that Ru’s a huge fan of Judge Judy. There was more than a little smart calculation going on behind this performance.

 

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But this was kind of an underwhelming look. It’s Frumpy RuPaul.

 

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We were SHOCKED by this one. She nailed her character and was hilarious to boot. Never expected to see such a committed and precise performance from her. This was a superfan paying tribute in her own mean way. You can tell Bianca’s noticing the same thing Ru is; that there’s real potential here. And instead of being threatened by it, Bianca’s nurturing it by befriending Adore and lending her a cincher.  Bianca surveyed the room, decided there was no one playing on her level, and turned toward the one queen she thinks can give her a little run.

 

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But she didn’t quite bring it on the catwalk. Michelle was thrilled to see her in a cincher, but this just reads as generic drag, rather than a Ru attempt.

 

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Awkward.

 

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If someone that the judges really had it in for, like Pandora Boxx, did something like this, they’d read her beads and send her packing on the first plane out of town. Milk’s a cute club kid and to be perfectly frank, that’s the only reason he’s still in the competition.

 

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She tried, but maybe Aussies should stay away from Fran Drescher impersonations. It doesn’t seem to come naturally. Joslyn casually nailed the character in two words and a laugh. It’s a shame she didn’t give it a shot.

 

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This, on the other hand, was gorgeous. She’s a glamour queen, so it’s no surprise she can ace a “dress up like Ru” runway challenge.

 

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Oh, this kid. What a mess. There was some seriously sad and transparent attention-seeking coming from him, on a level that shocked even us, after almost 8 years of reality competition blogging. “You hurt me but I can’t remember how” is so jaw-droppingly LUDICROUS that your head has to be jammed pretty far up your ass for you to even think of saying it with a straight face. Adore was right to shut that shit down immediately. And when Gia tried to defend it, it only made her look dumb(er)(est).

Anyway, you need to be observant to do mimickry and as far as we can see, Laganja spends all her time trying to get people to look at her and none of her time observing or learning about other people. Hence the shitastic Rachel Zoe “impersonation.”

 

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Kind of Ru?

Whatever. We thought she had potential, but we’re seeing a lot of nonsense and only a little bit of talent.

 

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An appropriate choice, adequately rendered. No surprises and no real laughs. She should have pushed herself and done something much less expected.

 

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This was pretty fabulous, though. One of the best on the runway. She may be the most glamorous big girl the show’s ever had.

 

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The dumb playing the dumb.

 

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This could’ve been okay if she hadn’t screwed up her head. That wig isn’t very Ru at all and the wonky eye makeup was crazy distracting. She needed a kickass look to keep her out of the bottom after that shitty performance. This wasn’t it.

 

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Enh. We’re starting to really like Joslyn but she needs to be bolder. This was flat. So many of these queens don’t understand that the Snatch Game requires extreme personalities; not semi-literate reality show cast members. She really should’ve done Fran Drescher. Could’ve won the challenge on it.

 

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But we’ll give her this: she NAILED it on the runway.

 

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Another one whose insecurities are going to keep her from going all the way. At least she’s not attention-seeking about it the way Laganja is. Having said that, her frequent meltdowns and pout sessions are already old.

This “impersonation” was anything but. But hey; no Bey.

 

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SCARY makeup.

 

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She wouldn’t have been our choice for the win, but her performance was as finely rendered as Bianca’s and Adore’s. She got some really good zingers in and pretty much nailed a sort of cheap drag version of Dame Maggie. She played to her strengths and it paid off for her. We like her a little more each week.

 

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We think this had almost as much to do with her win as her performance did. She’s one of the few who really nailed the essence of Ru without trying too hard to turn herself into Ru. It was the most glamorous look she’s worn yet. And Auntie Ru rewards glamour; yes she does.

 

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In the end, these two messes got sent to the Lip Synch Pit and given a song they had no idea what to do with, since it’s probably older than they are. Neither of them managed to outshine the other, as far as we were concerned.

 

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But Ru was probably offended by that janky-ass wig and sent Gia packing. We admit, we’re surprised. That kind of bitchery is the stuff reality show stars are made of; especially when you combine it with a big mouth that just loves to say dumb shit all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

[Screencaps: tomandlorenzo.com]

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