Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith (in Versace)
She is giving us ’70s Bob Mackie Cher. He is giving us Hugh Hefner. Guess which one we like more.
Jeremy Renner in Givenchy
She’s a legend (not to mention a legendary victim of old Hollywood sexism) who found herself a little overwhelmed being watched by millions all of a sudden. The internet was a little too mean this time. She looks fine, although that jacket’s more than a little odd.
Kristin Chenoweth in Roberto Cavalli
Stunning. If that doesn’t say “HEY BITCHES. I DESERVE TO BE HERE,” then no dress does.
Sweet Jesus on Breadstick, no. If even Prince Charles finally gave up double-breasted tuxedos, we think it’s time for you to do so, Steve. Especially since you insist on wearing such poorly fitted ones.
Gabourey Sidibe in Theia
LOVED this. Great color, great styling, love the textural quality of it. We don’t think she ever looked that good.
Idina Menzel in Vera Wang
It’s too fussy and pleated and origami, but that color is gorgeous on her and we love that she’s not afraid of a good statement necklace.
Zac Efron in Calvin Klein
We rarely ever get the chance to say this, but his hem is actually a bit too short.
Leonardo DiCaprio in Giorgio Armani
Portia de Rossi in Naeem Khan
We liked this at first glance, but it’s looking an awful lot like a macrame plant holder the longer we look at it.
Bitches best stand back.
Olga Kurylenko (in Alice Elia) and Kellan Lutz (in Hallenstein Brothers)
They look like they ran both their outfits through the wash before putting them on.
Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein
Gorgeous. That’s the best deployment of the naked shoe we’ve seen in ages.
Laura Dern in Alberta Ferretti
Sorry, but no. The dress didn’t fit her well (and in our opinion, doesn’t suit her) and the hair is pure honky tonk.
Sally Hawkins in Valentino
Girl, that’s way too much dress for you to handle. It’s pretty, but she’s not the lady for it.
John Legend (in Versace) and Chrissy Teigen (in Monique Lhuillier)
We thought her face looked underdone and that swept back hair wasn’t the best choice for her, but we can’t fault her on the dress. It’s beautiful and she’s working it. He always looks good. One of the few celebrity males who routinely outshines his celebrity lady on the red carpet.
And darlings, this is as good a place as any to tell you we’ll be on the twitters tonight at 9 eastern (like we are every night), joining in on a Kitten-led book discussion about our magnum opus, Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me. Just look for #BeMeOrDoMe.
[Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Jennifer Graylock/INFphoto.com, Peter West/ACE/INFphoto.com]
And if you’re loving our Oscars red carpet bitchery, you might consider checking out our new book, darling! “A hilarious critique of celebrity culture,” they called it! We’re proud. And shameless.