Oscars 2014 Red Carpet Rundown – Part 2

Posted on March 04, 2014

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith (in Versace)

She is giving us ’70s Bob Mackie Cher. He is giving us Hugh Hefner. Guess which one we like more.



Jeremy Renner in Givenchy

Enh. S’alright.



Kim Novak

She’s a legend (not to mention a legendary victim of old Hollywood sexism) who found herself a little overwhelmed being watched by millions all of a sudden. The internet was a little too mean this time. She looks fine, although that jacket’s more than a little odd.



Kristin Chenoweth in Roberto Cavalli

Stunning. If that doesn’t say “HEY BITCHES. I DESERVE TO BE HERE,” then no dress does.



Steve Coogan

Sweet Jesus on Breadstick, no. If even Prince Charles finally gave up double-breasted tuxedos, we think it’s time for you to do so, Steve. Especially since you insist on wearing such poorly fitted ones.



Gabourey Sidibe in Theia

LOVED this. Great color, great styling, love the textural quality of it. We don’t think she ever looked that good.



Idina Menzel in Vera Wang

It’s too fussy and pleated and origami, but that color is gorgeous on her and we love that she’s not afraid of a good statement necklace.



Zac Efron in Calvin Klein

We rarely ever get the chance to say this, but his hem is actually a bit too short.



Leonardo DiCaprio in Giorgio Armani

It’s fine.



Portia de Rossi in Naeem Khan

We liked this at first glance, but it’s looking an awful lot like a macrame plant holder the longer we look at it.



Alfre Woodard


Bitches best stand back.



Olga Kurylenko (in Alice Elia) and Kellan Lutz (in Hallenstein Brothers)

They look like they ran both their outfits through the wash before putting them on.



Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein

Gorgeous. That’s the best deployment of the naked shoe we’ve seen in ages.



Laura Dern in Alberta Ferretti

Sorry, but no. The dress didn’t fit her well (and in our opinion, doesn’t suit her) and the hair is pure honky tonk.



Sally Hawkins in Valentino

Girl, that’s way too much dress for you to handle. It’s pretty, but she’s not the lady for it.



John Legend (in Versace) and Chrissy Teigen (in Monique Lhuillier)

We thought her face looked underdone and that swept back hair wasn’t the best choice for her, but we can’t fault her on the dress. It’s beautiful and she’s working it. He always looks good. One of the few celebrity males who routinely outshines his celebrity lady on the red carpet.


And darlings, this is as good a place as any to tell you we’ll be on the twitters tonight at 9 eastern (like we are every night), joining in on a Kitten-led book discussion about our magnum opus, Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me. Just look for #BeMeOrDoMe.






[Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Jennifer Graylock/INFphoto.com, Peter West/ACE/INFphoto.com]

 And if you’re loving our Oscars red carpet bitchery, you might consider checking out our new book, darling!  “A hilarious critique of celebrity culture,” they called it! We’re proud. And shameless. 


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  • Idina Menzel has (borrowed) the kind of jewelry Kate Middleton should be deploying. It makes me wonder if the Royals have pawned off some of the goods. (Also, cannot unsee Portia’s STAR CROTCH POWER! PEW!)

    • Jessica Freeman

      She was one of the few of late that was basically saying “bitches, they are letting us borrow expensive jewelry and I will be wearing it!”

      • marlie

        Totally. “This is my chance; no way I’m missing out on this.”

    • Gatto Nero

      I am woman, hear me roar.

      • Alloy Jane

        Is that what Portia’s crotch is saying? Or Idina’s necklace?

    • decormaven

      I loved Idina’s performance with Jimmy Fallon and the Roots! She looks great here; that necklace is to die for.

      • marlie

        I think I might be the only person who thought that both of her performances (the Oscars and on Fallon) were kind of bad. She seemed off-key half of the time.

        • Alloy Jane

          Her oscars performance wasn’t embarrassingly terrible but it wasn’t good either. Poor gal, it ain’t easy performing with an orchestra that’s in a different part of town. You could tell she was pissed afterwards. But I thought her performance with the Roots was wonderful. Sure she went flat every time she tried to keep from laughing, but when you’re performing with a bunch of outta tune kindergarten toys, I don’t think intonation matters as much as delivery. It was a very charming performance and I loved how much fun everyone was having.

          • MilaXX

            That’s one of my favorite bits that Jimmy does. My all time favorite was when he did Mariah and then a Mariah stan watched it and went full on freak out mode.

          • Alloy Jane

            I don’t really watch tv other than a bit of Conan here and there, PBS, and the Big Bang Theory, so I really am out of touch with television. When I heard that Jimmy Fallon had a show and that his house band was the Roots, I was a little confused as to why they would agree to do something so boring. And now I know why. I had no idea there was so much music going on on his show. Freestylin with the Roots? His Neal Young impression??? Holy cow! In other words I’ve eaten my evening by watching the musical shenanigans they do on Jimmy Fallon’s show. Good stuff. Gotta love someone who can make bad pop music palatable.

        • AnneElliot

          I thought so too, she seemed really sharp on the Oscars. Didn’t see her on Fallon.

        • Oh the Oscars performance was awful. I was literally looking away. And I was so excited for it…

        • MK03

          It’s almost like they didn’t tell her they were cutting the second verse.

    • There totally needs to be a kids’ cartoon show called Star Crotch Power!

      • Kitten Mittons

        As a parent, I say no, pretty pretty please no.

  • carlatheviking

    If Jeremy Renner would just get rid of the facial hair he’d look just fine IMO

    • fursa_saida

      I keep wanting to just scream “SHAVE, RENNER” at the screen.

  • Jessica Freeman

    Will Smith’s scarf is silly as hell. I found Kim’s excitement just to be on the Oscar stage endearing.

    Gabourey FTW. She killed it with the color and texture, and she damn well knows it.

    • decormaven

      Loved the movement of Gabourey’s dress as she walked the red carpet. Her stylist hit it out of the park with this gown.

      • andreawey

        she looks like a blooming peony! in a good way….

    • rhymeswithorange

      I thought Will Smith didn’t look formal enough for the Oscars.

      • Jessica Freeman

        Which is one reason why I thought the scarf was silly. But mainly that it just looked out of place and served no purpose.

    • Clash D

      I love how the scale and texture gets more pronounced and flowery as it falls to the floor. This was a great dress for her.

  • Frank_821

    Gabby was faboo. Kristin was uber faboo

    I kind of dug Will Smith. He and Jada rather complemented each other

    • MoHub

      Krstin Chenoweth needs to stick with those bangs. makes all the difference.

      • Constant Reader

        And her makeup seemed a little more subdued than usual, which I like.

  • Sobaika

    Will and Jada were among my favorite couples. I love an ascot.

    • decormaven

      I thought that was one of the prettiest dresses she’s even chosen for an event. Sometimes her style is a little too hard-edged for my taste.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Jada does usually choose something edgier, so that makes her Oscar choice such a good change-the color and silhouette really worked, I thought.

      • andreawey

        She looks like a soft, feminine goddess that could kick some serious ass (and not even get dirty)

  • MilaXX

    I like WIll & Jada’s look. More Jada than Will. The fuller face makes her look less likely to cut a bitch.
    LOVED Gabby’s look. This is at least and atta girl if not a werq (small w) for her.
    I thought the internet was more concerned about Kim’s plastic surgery than the outfit. The outfit gets the dress, same old lady pass as Liza’s look for me.
    Loved Adele Dazeem’s dress & jewels, but she’s another one I wanted a warmer lip on.
    Kristin almost looked like an Oscar. I wish they were bringing back Pushing Daisies instead of Heroes.
    Kellan Lutz looks like he wore that suit in the washing machine. Awful.
    Alfre Woodard looks gorgeous. Love that she looks that regal wearing flats.

    • Jacob Bowen

      Ditto on the “Pushing Daisies” comment! I LOVED Lee Pace and I LOVED the “Darling Mermaid Darlings”!

      • fursa_saida

        That show was so great. I believe Fuller has said he’d be interested in Kickstarting a movie like the Veronica Mars people did, but that he’s not sure he could get everybody on board. At this point I’m just praying for a Lee Pace guest spot on Hannibal. (One of the Darling Mermaid Darlings has already shown up, as well as Molly Shannon!)

    • kimmeister

      They’re bringing back Heroes?!?

      • MilaXX

        Yep. and I have no idea why. Heroes lost steam by season 2 and limped along to a lackluster ending.

        • Alloy Jane

          Like Sheldon said, “they just kept making it worse and worse until we were glad it was over.” The last time I saw the Pie Maker, he was pretending to be a vampire.

          • gabbilevy

            I love Lee Pace so much. I couldn’t bring myself to see the Hobbit (angry that a short children’s book has been split into three movies to equal the length of all three LoTR movies… ugh) but The Fall was a visually beautiful, if strange movie and (I know its a bit old) he was so wonderful in Soldier’s Girl. Here’s to hoping Guardians of the Galaxy is good.

          • AnneElliot

            I LOVE The Fall, one of my favorite movies EVER. He’s also delightful in Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day, which just a charming movie — also stars Amy Adams and Frances McDormand. And Ciaran Hinds!

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            OMG- I love Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day-Lee Pace and Amy Adams singing “If I Didn’t Care”, Ciaran HInds, Frances McDormand, Mark Strong with a toupee as the silly nightclub owner-what a treat!

          • AnneElliot

            Lee Pace — he makes my heart go pitter-patter!! Le sigh.

        • kimmeister

          Totally agree. The last good episode was the penultimate one of season 1.

    • Spicytomato1

      Adele Dazeem, lol. I know it’s been beaten into the ground but the utter absurdity of it is still giving me fits of giggles.

      Alfre W FTW. I actually gasped when I got to her photo. With so many ladies looking tweaked and pulled, she looks refreshingly natural and, as you said, gorgeous.

      • Alloy Jane

        I’ve been trying to figure out who the hell Adele Dazeem is, and then I went to youtube Let It Go, cuz it’s the only song from the movie I liked, and now I know. AMAZING. What a clod, to invoke musical theatre and not even know who Idina is. I’m no musical theatre geek but even I know who she is.

        • It kills cause he said “one and only.”

        • MK03

          I honestly think he had some kind of neurological episode up there. He started fine and then shit just got weird around “wee-hee-ked-lee”.

          • makeityourself

            That’s the only possible explanation. Oh, or maybe that toupee caused a malfunction.

          • MoHub

            Scientology-induced brain rot.

          • Call me Bee


          • MoHub

            Yep. They’ll hunt me down now.

        • Sobaika

          I hear he’s dyslexic.

          • MoHub

            Dyslexia wouldn’t account for that mispronunciation.

          • Alloy Jane

            So am I, but that doesn’t stop me from knowing who Idina Menzel is. He’s supposedly a musical theater guy, he should know her name. Maybe @MK03:disqus or @MoHub:disqus are right and his brain started rotting, but my guess is that he doesn’t know who she is.

          • Clash D

            If true, who’s great idea was it to put a dyslexic on stage to read from a teleprompter? It’s like putting a monkey in a cage with a lion. You KNOW it’s gonna end badly but curious how it’s gonna happen anyway.

      • No, the *one and only* Adele Dazeem.

    • marlie

      Agree about Kellan Lutz. It looks like he and Olga were on the unfortunate receiving end of a “make a red carpet outfit for a couple” challenge on Project Runway, where they only had 4 hours to construct the looks.

    • littlemac8

      My jaw dropped open, followed by a sharp intake of breathe and then slightly hysterical laughter looking at Lutz. He has that “seriously, I am some kinda stud” and that ridiculous tux.

      Kristin won it for me and it makes me so happy to see a tiny little lady fitted properly in a proportional gown.

      I think TLo were very sweet about Kim. That’s very generous of them. It seems to be true that the older stars (except Jane Fonda) have never gotten into the whole stylist performance piece that is award shows.

      • SierraDelta

        I’m OUTRAGED at the cruelty directed to Kim Novak. The criticism was all highly superficial and focused only on her appearance. It ignored her contributions to film and the lasting impact of her work with Hitchcock. It struck me as meanness for the sake of meanness and made me glad that she’s apparently found happiness and fulfillment elsewhere.

        While I haven’t seen a lot of Matthew McConaughey’s recent work, I will forever think kindly of him because of his respectful and courteous behavior to her Sunday night. Kudos also to Angelina Jolie and her obvious pleasure in presenting with Sidney Poitier.

        • Constant Reader

          This. I regret that I have but one up vote to give it.

          • SierraDelta


        • KinoEye

          It made my blood boil, too. Her role in Vertigo was one of the most influential of all time. The film has been ranked as #1 on Sight and Sound for two years in a row for a reason. The use of one actress for dual roles has been repeated over and over — Twin Peaks, Mulholland Drive and Black Swan jump to mind. She had a huge impact on meaningful, female roles in the movies.

          Not to mention the hell she went through to land that part. Torture by the monstrous Harry Cohn, her agent, who referred to her as a “fat Pollack” while making her adhere to strict diet and exercise regimens, capping her teeth and bleaching her hair. Later on, directors who discouraged her from trying to give any depth or dimension in her parts, wanting her to “just stand there and be Kim Novak.” Recently, she recovered from breast cancer and a horse-riding accident. The woman is 81 years old. In the words of my mother, a great fan of classic movies who remembers and respects Kim Novak — “Bullies. Assholes.”

      • marlie

        Unlike most of the celebrities featured here, Kim Novak has stayed out of the public eye, and isn’t part of the Hollywood “machine” anymore. She was thrust into a world that is SO different from what it was in her heyday, and I can understand her being overwhelmed and maybe a little unprepared, so she (rightfully) should get a pass.

        • What you say is true, but whoever did that to her face should lose his license.

    • colleenjanel

      There are rumors of a Pushing Daisies movie or Broadway show!

    • makeityourself

      Poor Adele. How could anyone have a good performance after being introduced that way.

  • Danielle

    ALFRE WOODWARD IS SHUTTING. IT. DOWN. Everyone else can go home.

    • AudreysMom

      she knows it too. Just look at that look. Alfre has always had a way of seeming a teeny bit superior to us all (in way I find totally endearing and that is just her wonderful self). In times like this when the look and moment come together, she is the whole package of shutting it down.

      • KateShouldBeWorking

        Ain’t braggin’ if it’s the truth.

    • Guest

      Agreed. They both looked really, really beautiful.

    • butterflysunita

      I agree that she’s serving–it’s her attitude that sells the look.

    • scoobynacks

      Sorry but I seriously disagree with, well, basically everyone else it looks like about Alfre. Her look from the neck up is serving it. Her attitude could sell a lot of used cars without even trying. The dress is going along for the ride. If that dress shuts it down, I need to hit the reset switch. It’s official, she could look like a queen in a garbage bag. Love her. Hate that dress.

  • Random Compliments

    You WERQ, Alfre & Gabourey! Personal Best(s)!!

    • Denise Alden

      Agreed. They both looked really, really beautiful!

  • Jacob Bowen

    Kristin clearly is WERQING the Red Carpet, because her TEENY TINY body can handle ALL of that dress.
    Alfre Woodard is showing Oprah how boobs should look. WOW.
    Gabourey’s textured dress is one of my favorites of the night! I literally can’t stop staring at the texture. Beautiful.
    Portia. I LOVED your dress at first look and still think you looked STUNNING, but it is TOTALLY one of those macrame plant holders (which I’ve never seen with a live plant in them).

  • Glam Dixie

    Don’t you mean Adele Menzene, or whatever the heck he called her?

    • PuttyGalore

      Adele Dazeem.

      • AnneElliot

        And you can now Adele Dazeem your own name on Slate. It’s hilarious.

  • Gatto Nero

    Naomi Watts — cool, sleek, a breath of fresh air.
    Will Smith in an ascot — not so much.

  • Pennymac

    Did Kellan Lutz get that tux at the thrift store? Ugh!
    And I’m betting you liked Will serving up Hugh better. I know I did.

  • lunchcoma

    S’alright is a personal best for Renner.

    I really liked Idina Menzel’s dress, probably because it reminds me of the only bridesmaid dress I was allowed to select for myself. But that probably does signal it’s not perfect for the Academy Awards.

    What was Kellan Lutz doing at the Oscars?

    • marlie

      Idina’s dress did seem very bridal. Change it to white, and it’s probably been on the backs of millions of brides (maybe a slight exaggeration) over the last 10 years.

  • kimmeister

    At first I thought Will Smith was wearing an ascot and was digging it, but then it just looks like a regular wool scarf.
    Kristin C wins this set, by a landslide, for me.
    Idina’s dress here is much better than what she wore to perform. I don’t know if she has it on here, but the green eyeliner she wore during the performance was hiddy.
    Kellan’s jacket literally looks dirty.

    • decormaven

      I liked Kristin C’s hair as well. She looked like a tiny golden Oscar.

  • Calvin Philips

    Gabby looked fab; ’twas certainly a “WERQ” moment. That being said, I find her personal best to be the year that she was nominated.

  • Billie_Dawn

    Kellan Lutz’s facial expression is killing me.

    Is Naomi Watts stepping on the hem of her dress?

  • Neil

    What exactly is Alfre Woodard serving other than a small helping of pot belly?

    • Gatto Nero

      Queenly dignity and elegance.

    • Imasewsure

      I’m not loving the drape of that dress as much as everyone else either but I still don’t see pot belly… that’s bordering on body snarking!! But I do agree that she is more fabulous than this dress

    • dash1211

      She certainly looks classier than your comment sounds.

  • JauntyJohn

    Kristin, Gabourey, Alfre and Naomi. Stunning.
    Portia, I agree with all that’s been said, in that you look both hot and like a crafts project.
    Sally, if librarians had a formal awards ceremony you would absolutely be “Best Dressed.”
    “Olga and Kellan” sound like a Dutch children’s movie in which life lessons are learned with the help of a winter starling, a loaf of nutbread and some obscure danish mythological creature. And I have no doubt the characters in the film would look less rumpled than those two. Really, no excuse for them.

    • Imasewsure

      Hey I’m a librarian and I take offense at your comment about librarians and Sally’s ugly dress…. Librarians would never wear something like that to a formal ceremony or anywhere else… Where’s the tattered wool cardigan with pockets to stash our glasses? Where’s the bun?. No orthopoedic shoes….???
      COME ON!!

    • Gatto Nero

      You had me at “nutbread.”

      • decormaven

        Reminds me of “Little Girl Who Trod on a Loaf.” The illustration for that story is forever seared in my brain.

    • littlemac8

      I am snickering delightedly at your Olga and Kellan scenario!

    • alyce1213

      That is so funny, you always crack me up. Mind if I riff on what they LOOK like to me?
      “. . . and from the 1992 Winter Olympics, representing the Unified Team, Pairs champions Olga and Kellan.”

      • demidaemon

        What country are they from? I can’t tell from the possibly Russian yet not names.

        • alyce1213

          Former Soviet Union (encompassing all kinds of names). The “United Team” is how they went to the ’92 Olympics after the Soviet Union came apart. It was messy.

          • demidaemon

            HAHAHAHA. I bow before your snark informed by history.

          • alyce1213

            I’m old, I remember it well.

          • demidaemon

            I vaguely remember that Olympics, though I think that was a particularly bad year for my family. I was still just a growing BK then, though.

    • enuma

      I loved Naomi’s dress, but the necklace bugs. It’s such a bold and beautiful statement piece, but it almost disappears against the fabric of the dress. That necklace deserved to be paired with a dress with a much lower neckline.

  • Imasewsure

    Naomi’s simple little dress was one of my favorites. Love Gabby here – best ever and a fun dress… KC was my favorite of the night though because I don’t always love her overall look and this was not only gorgeous but also perfectly proportioned for that cute little nugget

  • Jay

    I love Sally Hawkins’ dress. It’s charmingly conservative and her hair and makeup are fab.

    • Imasewsure

      I think it’s too long and also needs some sort of edge – a much edgier updo at least?… it’s not awful but it’s not great either

      • AnneElliot

        Yes, and the sleeves are too long.

    • MilaXX

      It’s too much dress for such s tiny person. The dress is consuming her.

  • ShaoLinKitten

    Looking at all the stars on Portia deRossi’s dress and thinking, “I’m in Carcosa now!”

    Yeah, I’ve been watching too much True Detective.

  • Danielle

    Jeremy Renner needs to change his facial hair. He looks like when someone doodles on a picture to make a face into the devil.

    • decormaven


    • Laura Renee

      Yeah, this is incredibly not flattering. Major, run-across-the-street creeper vibes.

    • jilly_d

      OMG YES

  • Imasewsure

    I really really don’t like that shade of pink, Jada… but it’s nice to see her try to change it up with a soft look now and again… This dress with her edgier short hair would have worked… or an edgy dress with this soft hair… but not both.
    Will looks fine except a bit casual for the Oscars I think…

  • AvaLehra

    I had to post a picture of Kim Novak on Twitter and basically be like, “This is Kim Novak!” Peasants. They were too mean.

    • Evan

      I hope they take this as a cue to watch Vertigo, one of the best movies ever made, but I doubt they will.

    • Alloy Jane

      Rose McGowan apparently went on a twitter rant that the audience did not give Ms. Novak a standing ovation. Why did her appearance make such a fuss? I can’t find a vid of the presentation. Did she rename all the nominees or something? Or is it just because she’s been uh… surgically tampered with a few too many times?

      • natty_bat

        There’s the surgically iffy thing, and she was pretty stuttery and kind of scattered. Honestly, I think she was overwhelmed (notoriously reclusive,) and MM was thankfully there to gently help her along, but it was tough to watch. Initially I thought she was in recovery from a stroke or similar brain/face/mouth issue, and still kind of wonder, though I couldn’t find any internet evidence of that.

  • Spicytomato1

    Beautiful dress on Jada but she still looks like someone I would not want to meet in a dark alley.

    Kristin’s dress is fab but above the neck she looks like a little old lady to me. It took me aback, actually, because prior to this I’d thought of her as radiating youthfulness, which is totally absent here.

    Naomi looks the best I’ve seen her in ages. I am swooning over that style of sleeve lately, too. So flattering.

  • DagnyReardon

    Love Kristin, Naomi and Alfre. Confession time: I pinned Chrissy’s gown months ago. Kim is just sad.

  • altalinda

    One of the more depressing parts of the ceremony occurred when Kim Novak came out and virtually no one seemed to know who she is, even though they played her in with the theme from Vertigo. Movie folks — learn your movie history and give that legend a standing O!

    • Daisy Buchanan

      I had assumed when I heard she was presenting, she’d be giving away Best Picture because they usually save that for a big name and she *is* the reclusive legend Kim Freakin’ Novak; but no, and then on top of that, the tepid audience response. Really disappointing.

    • Kelly

      Twenty years ago, a colleague of mine had a daughter who auditioned for TV roles, with a couple years of minor success. One day at lunch, her mother was regaling us with stories of her daughter’s Hollywood experience and was particularly annoyed by a director who had said, “I want a little more of a Doris Day effect here.” My colleague said, in outrage, “As if [daughter] would know who Doris Day is! She’s 20 years old!” And I thought, “So what? If she wants to be an actor, she should damn well know her film and theatre history. At least know the names of the effing legends.”

  • IMNAngryLiberal

    No, no Alfre — you can’t wear flip flops on the red carpet .. not even sparkly ones.

    • MilaXX

      They’re flat sandals. She doesn’t do heels anymore.

      • TerryMH

        I thought they were flats peaking out under her hem. Why not? The Oscars are a long night and she needs to have stamina. I love her outfit even more for that!

        • IMNAngryLiberal

          I have no problem with flats on the red carpet, nor sandals, but I don’t think thongs (the shoe kind people) are appropriate. Just my opinion, of course, but it always makes me cringe when I see it.

  • decormaven

    I think the producers should have hooked Kim Novak with a couture designer. Presenters should get the same perks as nominees in my book.

    • marlie

      Presenters who are movie legends. I totally agree with you.

      • decormaven

        Yes, this exactly.

    • altalinda


  • decormaven

    The drape of the train on Chrissy Teigen’s dress was stunning in photos. That was an eye-catching gown.

  • Daisy Buchanan

    Thank you for your comments re: Kim Novak. The stuff being said about her on other sites made me cringe. She’s 81, survived a horse accident, breast cancer, bipolar illness and the cruelty of Hollywood, and is still a legend. She deserved a break.

    • cocohall

      I agree, but they didn’t seem to have prepped her very well, although Matthew McConaughy showed Southern manners and did his best to take care of her. The cruel truth is that men get to age and be lauded in Hollywood, and women get skewered for daring to get old.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Matthew gets a big bonus from me for his treatment of Kim Novak. She did appear to be somewhat overwhelmed, and he did his best to shield her.

        • cocohall

          I agree. And I bet if he hadn’t, his mother would have never let him live it down. That woman looks like she doesn’t play. I want to grow up to be just like her!

  • marlie

    Jeremy Renner – I don’t know why he’s so charming in movies, but so smarmy in real life.
    Gabourey – a personal best for her.

    Alfre Woodard looks stunning. She also looks like my mom from a black tie event that my ‘rents went to a few years ago (nave gown, deep v-neck, similar hairstyle). My sister and I told her that there was too much boobage on display “for a lady her age.” I’ll have to show her this picture and tell her that I take it all back.

    Another story: I was watching the red carpet with 2 of my nephews (well, they were there when I was watching it), and the oldest said that he liked Naomi Watts’ dress “because it looked like clam chowder, just in a good way, with all of the bumps on it.” I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

    • kimmeister

      Clam chowder IS my favorite soup, so kudos to him for the reference!

  • KendraMR

    Gosh, my tv did not do Gabourey’s dress justice. It’s absolutely stunning.

  • alyce1213

    I can’t even look at those Pinkett-Smiths anymore. She is molded plastic, and he’s dressed like T-Lo said — Hefner. Double ew.
    Personal best for Miss Gabourey – that dress is utterly gorgeous on her.
    Naomi Watts is perfection, one of the night’s best.
    Alfre Woodard, one of my very favorite actresses, looks stunning. The top’s a little crooked in the picture, but THAT is how you do illusion netting right.
    Legend and Teigen, great together.
    I like Kim Novak’s suit, but I wonder why she went so casual.

  • Evan

    Naomi Watts for the win.

  • dschubba

    This is probably the “youngest” gown I’ve seen Gabourey wear. I don’t love that brooch/detail on the belt, but I like everything else.

    Whenever Kellen Lutz puts on a suit, he looks like the Hulk a moment before he ruins his formalwear. Could someone pull him aside and give him some pointers?

    • AnneElliot

      Kellan’s pants look like they shrank in the wash. Is he actually wearing jeans?

  • OffToSeeHim

    You know, I know you guys kind of make your living with the snark, and I love it as much as the next person. But I have to say that over the years I’ve come to love the occasional glimpse of the softer, gentler side. You’re such a class act – you look at Kim Novak and say something so compassionate and gentlemanly, with an homage to her contribution to Hollywood… and it makes me so happy. You deserve all the success and happiness that’s coming your way.

    • Laura Renee

      I especially appreciate their discretion and choice of when not to bitch, given their understanding of celebrity life (since they chose to write their first on that and not style, after all). I haven’t gotten the book yet because I’m completely uninterested in the cult of celebrity, except from a more sociological/academic viewpoint. I may cave in and get it sometime, just because I like everything TLo does and want them to succeed, but it’s not something I would grab off the shelves if I didn’t know them. Anyway, back to the point: yeah, I’m glad they know when stars do and don’t deserve our sympathy (at least, I’m trusting that they do).

  • Tanya Wade

    God bless Sally Hawkins, I love her and really, this woman should play Chrissie Hynde in a biopic of her life, amirite? But she’s so tiny she always gets dresses that swallow her whole. She’s like, Chenoweth tiny. She really needs to go that route. Also, Kim Novak is a frackin’ legend and I’ll be Bell Book and Candled before I say a harsh world about her.

  • bertkeeter

    A whole lot of BORING DRESSES! C’mon…Mother of the Brides, Bar Mitzvahs and 30th wedding anniversaries! I thought this was 2014?

  • susu

    I guess I’m in the minority because I don’t like Alfre’s dress. The color, shape and fit is flattering, but I’d like it so much more without all the illusion netting and whickety whack. Still think she looks pretty great though – love the hair and makeup.

    Portia’s dress was among my favorites. And despite (or because of?) the simplicity, Naomi looks pretty stunning.

    • Vtg Fashion Library

      I liked Portia’s dress at first glance, but the more I studied it, the more I just see cheese grater.

    • bringbackbeatles

      I didn’t like Alfre’s dress either. The color is beautiful and I like black detailing on that dark blue, but the cleavage window doesn’t work for me. That illusion mesh cut out has all that whickety wack around it and it literally looks like they framed her cleavage. My eye goes there immediately.

  • Liz

    Jeremy Renner was robbed, he was awesome in “American Hustle”. Alfre’s face is priceless, <3

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Jeremy’s hair deserved its own special award for that film, and he was great.

  • Jacquelyn

    Sally gets my Girl That is Not Your Dress Award. Naomi Watts…damn.

  • quiltrx

    I must take this moment to say I hate those Smiths with the white-hot intensity of several suns. I’ve been wishing his demise for a very long time, but that ascot has put me over the edge. I’m ready to dispatch him myself. She can be collateral damage. Then their not-really-talented kids can go do whatever they might enjoy, instead of what mommy and daddy push them into. End of rant.
    Random comments:
    I love Kim Novak. What she’s had done is unfortunately the same mistake SO many women are making around their mouths. But in those sparkly eyes, she’s still very much HER, and I love that she shared herself with us.
    Gabourey…terrific dress, and even prettier than it looked on stage (thinking the bright lights visually flattened the texture?).
    Chrissy–on of my favorite dresses from that ML collection. Very Barbie, in my very BEST meaning of the phrase.
    And DOES FUCKING KELLAN LUTZ HAVE ON JEANS???? And who invited him anyway?

  • shehungthemoon

    I can see Florence Welch as the lady who should be wearing Sally Hawkins’s dress.

  • colleenjanel

    Cheno was in my top 3 for the evening. She looked PERFECT! Too often she doesn’t wear the dress, the dress wears her (the dangers of being a wee wisp of a thing!) But this time SHE wore that dress and she made it her bitch!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I thought she looked super in this-it takes a certain level of confidence to wear gold metallic at the Oscars, and she pulled it off.

  • MsC

    Jada Pinkett Smith wore her favorite accessory: Bitchface.

    Kristen Chenoweth’s dress is gorgeous. And her hair is perfect to minimize the fivehead.

    Kellan Luntz’ tux looks too tight and he looks as dumb as a bag of hair.

    Gabby FTW.

  • WittyCism

    I think I heard it first from Nick Nolte that when you’re on top, Hollywood gives you everything for free, but once you’re down, you can’t seem to catch a break with people who used to be your ‘friends’. So I think it was a little mean to ask Ms. Novak to present, yet not take care of her wardrobe-wise. Though I thought Matthew was sweet, just as Angie was sweet with her turn with Mr. Poitier.

  • CPK1

    Loving Naomi Watts and Alfre! Everyone else is either hmm or huh?!

  • I thought Chrissy Teigen was one of the best of the evening. That gown is simply stunning, and how wonderful that it was black & PINK, rather than the very safe black & white. Plus: pockets.

  • elemspbee

    Kristen Chenoweth wins the most like the Oscar statue award! She’s probably as small as the statue ya? Cuteness.

  • DeTrop

    I grew up in the Kim Novak era. She WAS a world-class beauty. It was shocking to me and my friends, to see her looking like this. I’m assuming it was her decision to go under the knife in an attempt to fight aging. If I’m wrong, I apologize. If I’m correct, she did herself no favor. Her mouth reminds me of Jack Nicholson’s Joker. I’m heartbroken. This woman could wear a dress, ala Sofia Vergara and knock it out of the park. Her beauty is there for all to see in her films, especially Bell, Book and Candle. Thank God for that.

  • e jerry powell

    Kristin looked even better standing next to her producer boyfriend, if you ask me (and you didn’t). But girlfriend was about to cut somebody with that grin, and I was THERE FOR IT.

  • lojoso

    Laura Dern’s dress looks like the bottom zips off for ease of dancing at the reception.

  • GillianHolroyd

    Does one wear white tie with a dinner jacket?

  • SewingSiren

    Galinda and Elphaba!

  • Ramon Figueroa

    Jada Pinkett is such a tiny woman, you would think she would be overwhelmed by all that fabric, but she makes it work in the picture. I think is her posture. She is giving me air goddess ready to fly.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Naomi Watts was stunning. Other people looked nice too, but she was striking.

  • Pablo

    Am I the only one getting chewbacca vibes from Kristin Chenoweth?

    • LambeeBaby

      I’m thinking more C3PO

  • Kelly

    I kinda like Kim Nova’s weird jacket. But my favorite is Alfre Woodard — great color, interesting detailing (that is almost, but not quite, too much — so, just right), fab expression. . .and suitable yet comfy shoes! (Poor Sally Hawkins, though — I don’t like the dress at all. It’s definitely too much for her and probably for anyone — it’s what Nellie Oleson might consider “glam” if she were transported from “Little House on the Prairie” to the present day.)

  • Laura Dern’s hair looks like it weighs more than she does. That doesn’t seem right.

  • Here’s a trend: Pale pink with enormous draping. (SEE: Penelope Cruz, Camilla Alves, Jada Pinkett-Smith)

  • Shawn EH

    Idina’s performance dress was better. I’m sorry, I mean Adelle Moyzem. Loving that killer necklace, though.

  • TheRealAndra

    Portia di Rossi’s dress is activating a massive attack of trypophobia!

  • andreawey

    Alfre Woodard bitches!!!

  • lillyvonschtupp

    I thought Will looked kind of fly! He’s always wearing those fitted suits, this made him look youthful.

    Poor Ms. Novak. I am aware of her battle of nerves, but did she even KNOW she was at the Oscars? I really wish she Liz’d it up, but it just ain’t her thing.

    As for Ms. Chenoweth and Ms. Woodard: BOW DOWN, MOTHERFUCKERS! !!

  • peachy

    i am skeeered a’ jada. ew. gaby is rockin that red carpet — yes, the best she’s ever looked. evah! lord, alfre is truly WERQin that look! fabulous. and i must say, although chrissy’s dress is nice, her face is…. uh …. underwhelming. and that hair.

  • AutumnInNY

    Sally Hawkins is adorable and would be well suited to all kinds of fabulous dresses. Shame on whoever talked her into this coal miners daughter costume.