2014 Kids’ Choice Awards Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on March 31, 2014

It’s the Kids’ Choice Awards, darlings! And like you, we don’t know who half these people are! Hey stars and wannabe-stars, why don’t you all come out and tell us a little about yourself, kids show-style?



Lea Michele in Elie Saab

 “When I think of kids making choices, I think of going out in public in lingerie!

Choose to buy my album, kids!”



Bella Thorne in Valentino

“What’s a cigarette girl?”



Jayma Mays in Timo Weiland

 “Grownups are CUH-RAZY, amirite, kids? Just look at my wacky dress!”



Pia Mia Perez




Ryan Newman in Alexander McQueen

 “I was born under a blacklight inside an airbrush-painted van at a Whitesnake concert!”



Willow Shields in Timo Weiland

“Hi! Likes: blocky clothes! Dislikes: color!”



Acacia Brinley

 “I like pairing things that don’t go with other things!”



Olivia Holt in Angelys Balek

” Working the room right now. If you can’t get me a job, I can’t be bothered.”



Coco Jones

 “I like to wear all the things! At the same time!”



Debby Ryan in BCBG & Sportmax

 “I’m like one of the bad white girls in West Side Story!

Wait. What’s West Side Story?



Kelli Berglund in Armani

“I’m so ready to marry Elvis!

Wait. Who’s Elvis?”



Victoria Justice in Atelier Versace

 “Working. Talk to you after I’ve scoped out the room.”




Peyton List in Rhea Costa

“My goal tonight is to be noticed as little as possible!”



America Ferrera in Veronica Beard

“Don’t let the pants fool you, kids! I’m not like a mom or anything! I’m cool! Look at my racing stripe!”



Ariana Grande in Aiisha Ramadan

 “My Chanel clutch looks like a Trapper Keeper and I totally don’t care if that gives T Lo conniption fits!”



Daniella Monet in Tiger Mist

 “What’s a proportion?”



Katherine McNamara in Clover Canyon

“Shit. Gotta go. Just saw Victoria Justice working my beat.”



Alexa Vega in Tart

 “I was hoping to add 20 years to my age with this look!

How’d I do?”



Zendaya Coleman in an Oscar de la Renta & Free People

 “When I’m, like, old or whatever –  like, 30 or something – I’m gonna love looking at these pictures and admiring my taste and style.

Embarrassed? About what?”



Peta Murgatroyd in Self Portrait

 “BAM, kids! Choose to admire my fierceness. CHOOSE TO JOIN THE MURGATROYD ARMY.”



Nicola Peltz in Calvin Klein

 “Whatever. I’m pretty.”





Kaley Cuoco in Rebecca Minkoff

 “Hi, kids! It’s your crazy old aunt Kaley! Hugs, not drugs!”





[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans, David Gabber/PRPhotos.com, INFPhoto.com]

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  • Maggie

    This is clearly out of my age demographic. I don’t know who 80% of these people are.

    • Imasewsure

      Don’t worry, you don’t have to know who any of these people are…. they will be replaced with pods next year (oh wait… I think these ARE the pods… sorry)

      • marlie

        Ha. I just wrote that most won’t be around next year. I meant because they’ll face off into obscurity, but it could also be because their ‘pods’ will be updated.

    • AnaRoW

      I’m at about 50%. I recognize the girl from The Hunger Games and most of the ones over 20. A couple of them, like Zendaya Coleman, are really hot right now for some reason or another so I recognize the names.

      • marlie

        Which one was in the Hunger Games?

        • tereliz

          The one with the dark gray eyeshadow (Willow Shields) is Prim.

        • Headphone Princess


      • tereliz

        White Calvin Klein is on Bates Motel.

        (Although her character seems to have been written off by faking her suicide and leaving town after committing a badly thought-through murder.)

    • Beardslee

      I’m impressed you know as many as 80%. Such wee little things; such bad clothing.

    • NinjaCate

      Me either and I’m only 23! What the HELL!

      • Constant Reader

        It’s the first sign of age, sweetie. 😉

        • NinjaCate

          I know!!!!! Lmao. I thought I was still “hip” and “with it” but alas, the years have crept up on me.

  • Danielle


    • Kimbolina

      Hey Arnold too. Can’t hate on that.

      • Danielle

        And AHH! Real Monsters! I have a great and powerful need.

        • StelledelMare

          I also think I spy CatDog.

        • majorbedhead

          There’s a Chanel bag with Ahh! Real Monsters????!!! This may cause me to type in ALL CAPS because AHHHHH! Real Monsters!!!

          *ahem* Yes, I’m a grown-ass woman, why do you ask?

          ETA: Dammit. They’re just stickers.

    • StelledelMare

      That bag is my whole childhood so I can not at all hate. I want it.

      • Little_Olive

        See, and here I thought “Chanel bag” and “childhood (cartoon characters)” should never be worked into the same sentence. Unkle Karl kray.

        • StelledelMare

          Apparently they’re stickers that she put on? At least that’s the only info I’m finding. I still like it either way.

          • vickilu

            Yep, stickers. She has a closeup of them on Twitter, I think they’re all 90s cartoon characters. She won me over with the Reptar one.

          • Irys

            And I think I just heard Unkle Karl weep tears of pearl over the thought of “vintage nick cartoons” all over one of his clutches.

          • decormaven

            Aww, we’re all often tempted to put all kinds of stuff over the junk that’s been rolling down the runways of late.

          • Danielle

            Do you think she’s even old enough to remember any of these shows? *shakes fist*

          • semirose

            No Hey Doug sticker = deal breaker

          • Emily Smith

            Ugh just stickers? Damn.

      • rhymeswithorange

        And if you can’t use a Chanel bag with Nicktoons characters on it at the Kids’ Choice Awards, where CAN you use it?

    • Evan

      I didn’t know Karl was a fan.

    • MartyBellerMask

      I prefer to think she put a Chanel sticker onto her Nicktoons bag.

    • Guest

      I WANT IT. I would have mugged her if I saw her in person. She can’t move quickly in those shoes anyway.

    • Darren Nesbitt

      My little sister (17), already LOVES Grande, and she would go crazy over an expensive Chanel bag covered in trapper keeper stickers.

  • Tammy_4

    Lol x infinity! Your comments are dead-on and a perfect start to the week.

    • ballerinawithagun

      Yes! Thanks boys, needed some laughter this morning!

  • @Biting Panda

    That’s it. I’m turning Mormon. Or Amish. Or whatever I have to turn so that I have a legit reason for banning all things Nickelodeon from my kid’s world. All I see are a string of current and soon to be coked out attention whores whose momagers have sold their souls to the machine. My stomach is actually turning.

    • DebbieLovesShoes

      Boom! Nailed it.

    • Alyssa

      We don’t have cable, so that helps keep my daughter away from all things Nickelodeon. She can only watch mom-approved shows on Hulu. Hopefully this continues to work as she gets older (she’s almost 6, and it’s good so far).

      • Ginger

        What worked with my daughter are nature-related shows. She devours anything on the Animal Planet. If it’s about the wilderness or animals then she’s game. She’s been this way since she was 2-ish. She’s 8 now.

        • alyce1213

          That did it in our home too. Nature and science shows, and also History — hooked.

      • leahpapa

        Yep. We’ve become those insufferable people who talk about how they “cut the cord” (#sorrynotsorry). Now the wee one gets to make do with the PBS Kids channel on Roku. But that look on Ariana Grande’s face is enough to make me hurl the whole TV out the window, “Network”-style, and then flee to a Luddite commune in the Adirondacks.

        • marlie

          Even as a non-parent, I don’t think it’s insufferable. My bestie has 4-yo twins, and they don’t have cable. They get by by watching Sesame Street on YouTube, as well as old cartoons that my friend use to watch in her native country as a kid. Also, they discovered the Nutcracker Ballet (with Baryshnikov) on YouTube a year or two ago, and the girls are OBSESSED.

          • Danielle

            We watch old vids of Mr Rogers Neighborhood on Youtube every couple of days. Spawn loves the land of Make Believe.

          • alyce1213

            Mr Rogers is the best, like a natural tranquilizer for kids.

        • Kent Roby

          As a single guy without kids, I’ve streamlined down to VERY little tv; I started over a year ago by banning non-competition “reality” tv, especially anything involving the K-word (family related to Bruce Jenner) or a “housewife”. There’s a lot of brain-cell-destroying crap on the tube. The result of my self-imposed reduction of viewing: I’ve developed a new love of reading books, including (of course) the witty tome penned by our Uncles Dearest!

          • leahpapa

            We were on vacation at a place with cable and I was watching the (hypnotizing) channel guide; most of the show titles looked self-satire. “My Cat From Hell,” “Guy’s Grocery Games,” the entirety of programming on TLC, which seems like a front for Little People-oriented fetishists…blech.

            But I would watch “Queen of Jordan,” tbh.

          • marlie

            I have BASIC basic cable, but when I go to my parents’ house, I can watch episodes of “How it’s Made” ALL. DAY. I’m a sucker for the Discovery Channel and stuff like that.

          • FrigidDiva

            Me too. I love shows like that. I get suckered into not doing a damn thing when they have Mythbusters marathons on too.

          • KinoEye

            My Cat From Hell is more entertaining than you’d think, but it does get infuriating after a while. You wonder how people could be so clueless about the animals they welcomed into their lives. One woman, who I hate to this day, wanted her husband to get rid of a cat he’d had for 14 years. The cat was 17 and obviously wasn’t going to live much longer. Luckily they worked it out, but that woman’s selfishness made my blood boil.

        • justpeep

          Pretty sure Ariana was Xanaxed out of her mind. Unfortunately, I watched the show! Ugh. My kid was watching and I saw enough to know she wasn’t all there.

        • demidaemon

          I don’t know about TV hurling, but some definite Mom talk and gay uncle interventions are needed for that girl. Can’t with that expression or the lame ass outfit.

      • @Biting Panda

        I used to be that smart. Then I began to miss cable and we caved, after years of not having it. I’m still kicking myself.

        I will say this, it’s lead to very real and open dialog with the kids about what is and is not appropriate behavior. Frankly, I think I am better off arming them with their own standards, and morals, while teaching them how to stay true to themselves in a world where the Nick culture is thriving.

        I was never such a prude, until I had kids. Now I look at everything through a fucked up filter or wonder what would a creeper think? I don’t want my kids to be bait for sickos and I don’t won’t them to grow to be hypersexulaized young teens.

        • formerlyAnon

          We had low-end cable till the kids were in high school, by which time the online programming was winning out anyway.
          I liked the opportunity to impart my own [aged motherly] viewpoint on some of the crap watched (and I *did* have to approve the shows watched, at least til they were in their teens). Unless you live among the Amish and/or or your children have NO friends or relations, they are eventually going to see everything you’re trying to protect them from -and WORSE- at someone else’s house. Or possibly at your house, the little suckers are pretty resourceful by the time their ages hit double digits.

        • Alyssa

          I always explain to my daughter why we don’t watch certain shows and listen to certain music. I know one day she’ll have to make these decisions for herself and I want her to be armed with the knowledge to make educated decisions. I used to be obsessed with TV, but haven’t missed it. I have way more free time to do stuff that’s important to me. We occasionally watch movies, but we spend most of our free time doing crafts or science experiments!

        • cocohall

          I think the sheltered approach does work for the wee ones (under 6 set or 8 depending on the kid) and then you pretty much have to acknowledge the rest of the media landscape because of friends, cousins, etc. I still remember when Britney’s sister who had her Zooey 101 show got pregnant and my girls innocently asked if the producers would write the pregnancy/baby into the storyline. It was the launching pad for a really interesting discussion of teen pregnancy and why the producers would NOT want to feature a pregnant lead character. And how Jamie Lynn was certainly NOT the first child star to get pregnant but she was actually to be admired for her choice to keep the kid and leave the show, because most girls with a successful show would have picked the career over the kid. And being “pro-choice” means you have to support EITHER choice. And that Jamie Lynn was at least financially able to support a child, unlike most girls her age. Now my girls are almost 16 and the internet has opened up a lot of viewing options for them. And they mostly seem to navigate them fairly well, although one did start watching Dexter and scared herself sleepless. She’s back to watching Say Yes to the Dress, and Blacklist, with mom, snuggled on the couch. They are on Spring Break and yesterday they jointly picked Little Mermaid. You try not to show how HAPPY you are in those moments. Parental victory displays must be kept to a minimum. And we are far from the finish line, so to speak . . . .

    • mlurve

      Just pop in a bunch of old VHS tapes of Bill Nye!

    • alyce1213

      Cookie cutter gals, interchangeably blonde, brunette, Acacia, Willow.

    • 3boysful

      And the vast majority of them forgot to wear a skirt with their tops.

    • R.A.

      So true and so sad. It horrifies me that the majority of these girls range from age 13-18. And this is what other teenage girls are looking up to and seeing as attainable?

      • @Biting Panda

        Worse. It’s preteens and elementary age kids who watch the shows these girls populate. The actual teens have moved on the shows like Pretty Little Liars and others on the oddly named ABC Family shows.

        • R.A.

          Good grief. Whatever happened to “the awkward teens years” which are MEANT to be looked back on with a fond cringe? I’m still 4-5 years or so away from having children of my own (G-d willing.) I shudder to imagine…

        • marlie

          Had a convo with the bf yesterday about some of the shows on “ABC Family.” I’m far from a prude, but this is a “family” channel?? It boggles the mind.

          • demidaemon

            It used to be. Then they realized no one was watching. YMMV on the results.

          • FrigidDiva

            Ditto. My husband and I talk about that from time to time. I’ve already scouted DVD’s from the shows we watched when we were younger and they’re on the approved list. There’s no way I’d allow him to watch half the stuff that’s targeted for kids. Even the cartoons on Cartoon Network freak me out. There’s one called Grandpa Uncle or something like that, I have no idea what it’s about but I saw about 30 seconds of it and vowed my son wouldn’t be watching something like that.

    • Darren Nesbitt

      Do these girls appear on their Tv shows and movies all dolled (grown) up? I wouldn’t recognize Prim from Hunger games if someone didn’t tell me.

    • semirose

      I’m so glad that my baby sister (now 14) rarely had any patience for the current Nick/Disney shows. She did like Ned’s Declassified which was at least better than most of the I’m an aspiring singer/actor/web personality shows they have now. I spent one summer in college watching her while my dad and her mom worked (she was maybe 5 or 6) and the only thing she wanted to watch was Justice League and since I’m a massive geek I was just like yes! Educating this girl right!

  • CB

    These people pretty much look universally terrible so I’ll just comment that I’m thrilled to see Ariana Grande without that stupid hairdo she usually wears.

    • marlie

      It’s… an improvement. Plus, she’s not dressing like she wants to look 12 years old, so there’s that, too.

      • MartyBellerMask

        Thing is, THIS would be the place to look 12 years old.

    • I was so grateful to see that she looked like a normal 20 year old woman that I screamed ‘GLORAY!’ Not a fan of her outfit (can’t stand white shoes and the dress is a smidge too short and the stickers on the Chanel bag is just plain ol’ sad) but I hope this is the beginning of her realizing that, yes, she is indeed 20 years old.

      • MilaXX

        baby steps

        • Pretty much what I said. Baby steps, indeed.

      • marlie

        The stickers on the Chanel bag is her way of saying “I’m still 12-years-old at heart.”

    • Sara P.

      I’m also a fan of that shady side-eye she’s throwing, instead of her usual “Little old me?” expression.

      • Kitten Mittons

        Me too! It was my favorite part! At least we know she has another facial expression, now.

      • Ginger

        Huh…shady side-eye. I just thought she was high.

        • mlurve

          I thought the photographer caught her mid-blink

    • Little_Olive

      Immediately after that thought I realized how long she must have been sitting on her stylist’s hair while four hands worked the iron. And i pitied her.

  • Imasewsure

    Wow this just shows you how old all of the stylists in Hollywood are right now… I’m hearing a lot of “it’s what the kids are wearing”… and no, it’s not what the kids are wearing… FREAKY RC (hilarious too so thank you for that!)

  • Imasewsure

    Oh a positive note, every single one of these looks can be improved with buckets of green slime! Venue appropriate people, venue appropriate!

  • marlie

    I can’t be bothered to go back and look at most of these chickies, but Lea Michelle needs to STOP. Just stop it. Jayma Mays’ dress is ok, but I hate the short under-skirt. America Farrera’s outfit is too old, too aging, and too heavy/wintery. And Kaley Cuoco? That ish is AWFUL. Ugly, unflattering, and cheap-looking.

    The rest of them? Most won’t be around this time next year.

    • Imasewsure

      There was so much ass to wade through… I forgot about Ms. Michelle… really really bad… tacky, too juvenile and ugly on her… what a combo.. YOU GO GURL (home Girl… please go home)…

    • Evan

      Whoever Lea’s stylist is needs to be fired for thinking that lingerie is appropriate for a KIDS awards show. I’m starting to think that she doesn’t have a stylist though. And those shoes she’s wearing are horrendous.

      • Reine Bron

        her stylist is Estee Stanley who also styles Jessica biel

        • marlie

          That explains a lot.

        • Evan

          Well that makes sense then since Jessica Biel isn’t exactly a style icon either.

    • Sophie

      I rather like Lea Michele’s hair this time, but the rest is down to her usual standards.

    • FrigidDiva

      And Lea’s shoes, lipstick, and hair all make her look like that crazy, drunk, cousin at the wedding who is desperately trying to get one of the groomsmen to take her home. It just REEKS of depseration.

  • rosie5215

    Was Daniella Monet dipped in a vat of Cheetos from the waist down before hitting the red carpet? That is some nuclear-strength spray tan, girl.

    Also, who the hell are most of these people?

    • marlie

      For real. It looks like she’s wearing orange tights.

  • Glam Dixie

    Acacia Brinley appears to be going to a different event than everyone else. In other news, Arianna Grande has her hair down people and I can’t say as I like it any better. In other, other news, Kaley Cuoco still looks bad.

  • Bexxx


    • KinoEye

      The FUCK?! I didn’t realize she was in this line-up until I went back and looked for her, and Jesus take the wheel!! I was actually wondering what happened to her yesterday… and now I know. Sad.

    • MK03

      Oh my GOD. She doesn’t look like herself at all. She’s bordering on Real Housewife territory.

    • Rand Ortega

      I’m speechless. I had to go back & review in disbelief. There are no words.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    HAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks, I needed that. 🙂

  • KinoEye

    I am FALLING OUT right now. “I was born under a blacklight inside an airbrush-painted van at a Whitesnake concert!” I DIED. And Zendaya, whoever you are, what the f*ck with that hair? I can’t tell where the bangs end and the rest of your hair begins. Mergatroyds. Heee. Doesn’t sound like a real name. She does look fierce though.

    And the new Queen of my Irrational Hatred, Kaley Cuoco, rounds it out with a spectacularly dumbfounding outfit, as per usual with her. But this truly surpasses anything else I’ve seen her in. She’s outdone herself.

    • marlie

      Kaley is working her way up my list, and this crap isn’t helping her case any.

      • KinoEye

        It is mindboggling. It offends the senses. Those shoes are so fugly they belong next to “fugly” in the dictionary. And yoga hair. And a leather-detailed, repurposed couch cushion jumpsuit/short set. And that perpetually smug, purse-lipped smile just really ties the room together, in the words of Jeffery Lebowski.

        • Kitten Mittons

          Maybe we should drink some White Russians to deal with all of this.

          • KinoEye

            I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription may be White Russians.

            I’m awash in 90s references today. I think Ariana’s bag brought it out.

    • MK03

      Zendaya is a Disney Channel star (of what, I have no idea.) She was on DWTS last year and she seems like a nice kid. But yikes, that outfit is painful.

      • marlie

        I loved her on DWTS, but this outfit… it makes me sad. And her hair (with the booms coming out of the topknot) is terrible.

      • Margaret Nikoleit

        Peta Murgatroyd is one of the pro dancers on DWTS. Not aware she’s popular with kids, but she’s a pretty good dancer/choreographer and we enjoy watching her.

        • demidaemon

          Her name sounds like a Power Rangers villain’s name, though.

    • decormaven

      When I read “born under a blacklight” I started to hum the Cream song, “Born Under a Bad Sign.” Yes, I’m old.

      • KinoEye

        And that’s a bad thing? Disraeli Gears is one of my all-time favorite albums. My musical tastes are much older than I am — I discovered The Beatles at an early age and ran with it. Plus, even though my dad tried to hide it from me, he was in a band that opened for the likes of Sly and the Family Stone, The Guess Who, Jefferson Airplane, The Grateful Dead, etc. So, in a strange way, I consider music from that era to be part of my “heritage,” for lack of a better word. And nowadays, rock just isn’t what it used to be. Some good things are still happening, but it’s a lot less inventive or exciting.

        • decormaven

          That’s a great heritage. I’m glad you are open to all music- I try to listen to it all, even if it doesn’t all speak to me.

    • demidaemon

      Zendaya (Disney star) is actually pretty cute. Usually. It’s nice to see she’ll have something appropriately embarrassing to look back on when she grows up.

  • LeelaST

    Sad to say I gasped at the horror that was Lea’s dress and it only got worse as I scrolled down. I’ve never seen anything she’s done, but Victoria Justice looks cute & age-appropriate. Thank you, TLo, for the hilarious rundown!

  • Little_Olive

    Victoria Justice is the ONLY one I sorta like and feel is appropriate for her age + the event.
    The others are variations of playing dress-up; a surprising majority, hooker dress-up. Not impressed.

  • crash1212

    That is without doubt the most crap-tastic red carpet in the known world. Was there a contest to see who could look the worst? If so…tie all the way around.

  • Jacob Bowen

    This may be the FIRST time I’ve seen “Tiger Mist” and I wouldn’t mind if it was the last…
    Also, to duplicate my comment from another post “WHO TOLD YOU THE BUMP-IT WAS BACK?!?!?!?”

    ETA: This is drive by bitchery at its finest.

  • Evan

    I know this is totally stereotyping, but that Nicola Peltz, whoever she is, looks EXACTLY like what I think a “mean girl” looks like.

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    TLo, thank you for the rude and absolutely DOP comments. Ladies, thank you for being brave (?) enough to appear in those clothes on an RC. Designers? You’re in time out and I want you to really, really THINK about what you did here.

  • Mary Elizabeth Poytinger Baume

    BURN THAT BAG. BURN.IT.NOW. Why would you do that to a nice Chanel bag?

  • snarkykitten

    Don’t care, Ariana Grande’s bag is fierce as shit. Where else are you going to wear a purse with 90s era cartoon characters on it? Bag is totes on point.

  • MK03

    Victoria Justice wins for being the least offensive.

  • KT


  • embers618

    It’s almost like they’re having a contest to see who can look the most like a Bratz doll.

  • susan6

    Wow, that Daniella apparently staggered in from the Adult Video Awards.

  • lunchcoma

    I’m assuming it’s the angle of the pictures that’s making everyone look like a bobblehead doll, and not some new terrifying trend in children’s entertainment?

  • MilaXX

    Honestly the only ones that feel appropriate fro this are Zendaya and the chola chick. Everyone else is vamping entirely too hard for an event where the host ends up covered in green goo at the end.

    • marlie

      For a “kid” event, sure. Although I think both outfits are awful, I can see how these might be more appropriate for 15-year-olds at a fairly casual event, than some of the other super-short or tight cocktail dresses.

      • demidaemon

        True. Still awful, though. Apparently, that was the dress code.

  • gayle

    I am just shocked I can see all of Ariana Grande’s face and not just the chosen side! Also just No to basically all of these outfits.

  • Anna

    This is just fucking creepy, I can’t tell anybody apart. And regardless of the individual’s actual age, they all look like they’re somewhere in their mid-to-late ’30s.

  • ScarlettHarlot

    “What’s a cigarette girl?” ”What’s a proportion?”

    I am dying in my cube, I am trying so hard NOT to laugh!

    Is Murgatroyd a real name? Because it sounds like an off brand Transformers villain.

    Also, did Ariana Grande apply stickers to a Chanel?!!!

    • Feral Fremen

      What’s a delorean? I read every one of those in Gia Gunn voice. Amazing.

    • twocee

      The only Murgatroyd I know is from Snagglepuss’s “heavens to Murgatroyd” phrase on the Yogi Bear show.

  • Lolo Andre

    HAHAHAHAHAHA you just made my day uncles Thanks :*

  • Aidan B

    What the hell did I just look at?

  • Rhonda Shore

    “What’s a Proportion” – ahahahahaha.

  • Mothra

    I weep for our future.

  • JauntyJohn

    I feel like I’m a thousand years old.
    Who ARE these people?
    Other than the chick from “Big Bang” and the Glee gals I’m afraid they are so far off my radar it’s just… man.

    Whomever they are I am a strange combination of underwhelmed and depressed by the scope of tacky to not-really-appropriate on display.
    Wow… gimme a few more cups of coffee and I’ll be all “You kids get off my lawn!”

  • Kitten Mittons

    I love that there are so many prints being worn, but they’re also not very pretty prints. And so many of them look the same. They all started to blend together around…..whatshername.

    Other items that caught my eye:
    1. Lea’s hair is tragic. I don’t even know what that is. The bangs were a bad choice.
    2. Ariana Grande’s hair is different…still tragic. Her facial expression is much improved.
    3. I’m kind of loving Pia and Peta for being different, if nothing else.
    4. “What’s a proportion?” is my favorite new slogan for utter cluelessness.

  • tallgirl1204

    i actually think Lea Michele looks pretty in this. It’s a step forward for her.

    • luludexter

      a step forward in those new hideous horse shoes….

  • MartyBellerMask

    Oh my god, the NAMES of these girls.
    And areyoufuckingkiddingmeArianaGrande???? You did not just rub-on-transfer RUGRATS onto your CHANEL BAG.

    • Carleenml

      I just had to scroll back through and read them all and now I’m dying again.

  • R.A.

    ”What’s a proportion?” – *SNORT.* Bless you, Uncles.

    Poor, poor Zendaya.

  • Carleenml

    I don’t have kids and I don’t care. This is revolting. OMG. Every single f’ing one. WTF.

  • colleenjanel

    I had no idea that Armani and Versace had mall rat lines.

    • marlie

      And McQueen.

      • kimmeister

        It almost offends me that embryos are allowed to wear McQueen.

        • demidaemon

          Just almost?

          • kimmeister

            Nah, I have better things for which to save my high dudgeon.

          • formerlyAnon

            If I didn’t already value you highly, “high dudgeon” would have done it. XO

  • czarina

    Wait…what happened to Peyton List — that can’t be the same woman who played Jane, Roger Sterling’s second wife, can it?

    • KinoEye

      Different Peyton List, mercifully. I scrolled back up to look and was seriously concerned for a minute until I googled.

      • czarina

        Whew…thank you….I thought I had totally lost it there. Mercifully, indeed!

    • marlie

      Apparently, there are TWO Peyton Lists. This one is NOT Jane Sterling (obvs).

      • alyce1213

        I didn’t even know that there was one Peyton List. As of today, I know there are two. How could that happen? PEYTON LIST?? What are the odds? I thought there was a show business ‘rule’ about duplicate names (eg, Vanessa L and Vanessa A Williams), something about SAG-AFTRA or Equity membership, but I suppose that could be a thing of the past. At any rate, it’s not a good idea to be confused with someone else.

        • Shawn EH

          This one is apparently officially Peyton R. List, which makes sense as the other one is older and got there first with the name. I would have changed something more, personally, but maybe she’s so afraid of being noticed she’s prepared to actually be mistaken for someone else?

  • lecoffeeaddict

    this fucking killed me. I bow to you, uncles.

  • Alyssa Ball

    I bought a bralette over the weekend that looks EXACTLY like the top of Lea’s dress. You know, to wear under my clothes.

    • KinoEye

      I’ve got one in midnight blue, myself. I thought it looked familiar!

  • VicD

    So this midriff thing is really a “thing,” huh? I’ve been trying so hard to ignore it.

  • Paula Pertile

    I feel so old right now.

  • MW

    Lea Michele truly awakens eye-rolling abilities I never knew I possessed.

    • marlie

      Don’t hurt yourself. 😉

  • Angela_the_Librarian

    Tiger Mist is a designer/brand? That sounds like a cologne Ron Burgundy would wear! I wonder if Kiernan Shipka was invited? She could have classed up the proceedings with her presence (though I suppose her projects aren’t really kid-friendly).

    • KinoEye

      “It’s made with bits of real tiger.”

      • demidaemon

        Well, there’s another reason to boycott it. I like my tigers in one piece, personally.

  • Carriganak

    I’m 22 and even I had trouble identifying most of these people. Does going to a children’s award show mean you don’t have to try?

    • demidaemon


  • MannahattaMamma

    This post wins the entire internet today. Perhaps for the entire week. I think you should take the week off, not only b/c this write-up is effing brilliant but also because you poor things have had to LOOK at all this crap on heels, AND think about all these wackadoodle names: Acacia? Willow? It’s a freaking tree farm.

    • demidaemon

      “Tree farm.” I am laughing my ass off.

  • DLJoe

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clean sweep of WTF outfits in my life.

  • Jackie Stewart

    Scrolling through, the only thing that I really noticed is that there are so many tiny bodies with big heads (or hair, I can’t decide which it is).

    • Sophie

      Hair! I was overwhelmed by Kelli Bergland’s, but the rest is almost as bad.

  • Dadoong21

    Zendaya usually looks great, but sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh…. That hair… I love Ariana’s bag though, I don’t even care!
    I also don’t know 90% of these people either. Replace them with cartoons I say!

  • clatie

    Sadly, as the mother of two girls under 11, I know who almost every one of these young ladies are. Must say, Arianna Grande is winning this one, trapper keeper and all. Olivia Holt also looks very cute.

    Lea Michelle, fire that hair stylist.

    • demidaemon

      Lea Michelle should fire everyone involved with this “look.”

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Pia Mia Perez, what is holding up your pants???

  • Sophie

    I do like the print on Olivia Holt’s top, and Victoria Justice looks alright. I don’t think I’ve seen a single one of these people on television (I don’t watch Glee).

  • alyce1213

    What a mess.
    Actually, I don’t mind Zendaya’s outfit — it’s not like anyone else’s, it’s age- and venue-appropriate. She’s TRYING. It’s a little crazy and a little chic. I wouldn’t be embarrassed in the future, given the context.
    The commentary made me spit coffee.

  • DaveUWSNYC

    Oh Kelli…not the bumpit…

  • Molly

    Alexa Vega or Carmen Electra???

  • RedRaven617

    I think the fact that America, Lea, Jayma and Kaley are the “seasoned” performers makes me throw up a little….. :::sigh::::

    • marlie

      Seriously. And only one of them is (barely) over the age of 30.

  • Janet B

    So many oddities
    Two women named Peyton List?
    Was someone giving away metallic pumps?
    Prints on the RC!
    Stickers on Chanel….

  • frannyprof

    I find it strangely comforting that these fetuses, for the most part, have NO idea about style. Looks like us old gals can teach them a thing or two…

    • alyce1213

      Their stylists are making these choices, which is sad.

  • lobsterlen

    What a nightmare of fashion. Adding to it all is most of them look so tiny like children. Its all so troubling. Children trying to look like adults but wearing horrible clothes.

  • JR Labrador

    Nickelodeon means “tacky as hell” in Greek. Look it up.

  • KES4K

    Are…are these their real, parent-given names? (Alternate comment: “where the names are as real as the hair!”)

  • Andrew Schroeder

    I am so happy that I’m finally old enough not to know who any of these people are.

  • Clash D

    Kinda mind-boggling to think that the Versace was the classiest and most approriate dress in that sea of I-don’t-know-what.

  • Carleenml

    There is an honest-to-god album called Soul Sesame Street that everyone here should go check out as a way of cleansing.

  • Dagney

    You know, my husband and I are planning a trip to Vegas in June, so I have been perusing websites for fun party/club clothes. These gals are wearing the clothes I immediately eliminated from purchase possibility because they were TOO creepy/trampy/distatsteful, etc… Bizarre. Completely bizarre. These ladies would look better if they trusted a good personal shopper at Bergdorf’s.

  • Dagney

    Murgatroyd? As in Heavens to Murgatroyd? Exit stage left.

    • Kelly

      Hahaha! I had this very same thought. Loved old Snagglepuss.

    • Aurora Leigh

      Ha! I posted the same thing 🙂

  • decormaven

    Just the shoes on display are bad enough. Please tell me SOMEBODY at this event got it right.

  • ashtangajunkie

    When a list starts with Lea Michele wearing lingerie at an event aimed towards children, you know it’s going to be a goodie.

  • Kate4queen

    And this is why it’s so hard to find clothes for my 12 yr old DD who doesn’t want to look 25.

  • B_C_J

    When you see this ocean of clothing horrors & disasters, you realize just how unique & wondrous is Emma Watson. Just like these ladies, she is young but light years ahead of them in her style choices.

  • ovarB

    Someone call in Kiernan Shipka for a demonstration on how to do an age appropriate RC look!!

  • Cyprienne Zed

    Ariana Grande’s side-eye is my favorite part of this red carpet.

  • Kelly

    Good god, there’s not a single thing right here. On the other hand, maybe it’s all thematically right — every one of them looks like a dolly dressed by an eight-year-old who went wild in the doll clothes box. Kids’ choice indeed. (Except maybe for Lea Michelle, who looks like she just got off a long shift at the brothel, only to find that one of the other girls glued hockey pucks to her shoes as a joke.)

  • GenieinTX

    What’s with all the non-matching two pieces? Is that a thing now? Ugh, these are some ugly clothes.

  • ojosazules

    Zendaya is adorable. The shoes look remarkably similar to the nightmares Karl put on Tilda for the Chanel show.

    • Shawn EH

      When she actually figures it out she’s going to be a striking woman.

  • amanda lynn

    haha! There’s a “designer” called Tiger Mist!

    • Clash D

      Tiger missed. Clearly.

  • Aurora Leigh

    Peta Murgatroyd?! As in heavens to?

  • Jean Beaton Leavitt

    “I was born under a black light in an airbrushed van at a White Snake concert”… perfectly funny and bitchy dear Uncles.. great work!

  • TwiddlyStun

    I dunno, sometimes you talk about dressing for the event, e.g., Oscar vs. Emmy, Grammy vs. MTV Music Awards… somehow it seems fitting for this particular event to be moody, change it’s mind about what should be worn 15 times, and then slam the door on us wailing that we just don’t GET IT but oh, by the way, could we drop them off at the Kids’ Choice Awards red carpet and can they pleeeeze have an extension on their curfew? Don’t they all have to consider being accessorized with green slime?

  • Gener1c

    Did none of these “stylists” realize it’s an ORANGE carpet for Nickelodeon? Why would you put your ladies in orange shoes?

  • demidaemon

    This is like watching a nightmare of fashion through an LSD haze (perfectly provided by the background) without the aid of Google. In other words, I pretty much universally hate every look, but Lea and Ariana are especially atrocious. Lea: Not event appropriate. Ariana: I want to make the expression off your face.

    THE END.

  • MaggieMae

    That was really bad. Exceeded my expectations of bad, even.

  • rhymeswithorange

    This is a hilariously bad red carpet, like it’s from 2002 or something.

  • By the end of that scroll down, Lea Michele was looking pretty damn good.

  • SusannaGA

    TLo, you too funny. My vote for most appalling look: Acacia Brinley.

  • elzatelzabelz

    What. The. Hell. Are. Those. People. Wearing? Seriously, What The Hell.

  • semirose

    Oh Lea Michele, why are you trying to ruin my crusade for bold lip colours? I mean I guess any lip would look horrible with that “dress” but really.

    Willow Shields, go take off 3/4 of that eyeshadow please and thanks.

  • GeoDiva

    Thanks for the laughs!

  • …Pia Mia? REALLY?!

  • altissima

    “What’s a proportion?” Bwahahahahah!

  • largishbearishAtlish

    LOVE the trapper keeper reference, thanks T’lo!

  • Pablo

    I don’t know any of these people and I’m fine with that, with that said that has to be the tackiest event ever

  • sagecreek

    OMG not a decent look in the bunch. Kaley Cuoco looks the best, and she looks a teeny bit cray cray.

  • Virginia Lee

    OMG why do 99.999% of these kids look like scary dolls?

  • save_the_hobbit

    Who let Acacia Brinley in? This is a girl who is “twitter famous” for having nudes at the age of 15 and being possibly the biggest attention whore in existence.

    I’m embarrassed that I know who most of these people are, but….I thought Alexa Vega looked gorgeous. Then again I’m generally a fan of both her and her husband Carlos. Peta looked good too, both the Big Time Rush girlfriends inexplicably wore jumpsuits.

  • Shug

    I was so confused about Peyton List. Like, WTF happened to Jane Sterling and clearly Roger is a bigger creep than we previously thought.

    Nope. There are two actresses named Peyton List. One born in 1986, and one born in…1998. Oh, the humanity.

  • JynxTheCat

    looks like every head bitch from every highschool in California is having a convention or sumpin up in there.