Johnny Depp and Amber Heard at the “3 Days To Kill” Premiere

Posted on February 14, 2014

What’s with the Guys and Dolls drag? Did they just come from a dress rehearsal or something?



Johnny Depp and Amber Heard at the “3 Days To Kill” premiere in Los Angeles, California. Amber Heard is wearing an Alexandre Vauthier dress paired with Christian Louboutin heels.

Like every relationship Johnny Depp has ever had, we think they’re both kind of weird and goofy together. But who are we to judge? Maybe this time it’ll stick. And speaking of stick, let’s hear it for boob tape, ladies and gentlemen.

But seriously, Kittens. Should we like this on him? It’s at least a step away from the elderly gay windchime aesthetic of times past,  but it’s still kind of ridiculously costume-y. The suit’s pretty gorgeous, but the hat, chain and shoes all need to be set on fire. Then he needs to get those pants hemmed.

Seriously, that hat is awful. He looks like he belongs on a children’s cereal box.

As for her… s’alright. We don’t particularly object to anything going on here, but it’s not very modern or youthful. It goes with his outfit. So much so that we assume it was intentional. And if it was, that’s kind of sad. You don’t have to dress older just because your man is, honey.


[Photo Credit: Peter West/ACE/]

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  • Adrianna Grężak

    I like the idea of the dress, though it looks a bit big. Also hate the hair.

    Johnny Depp just looks silly. The shoes and hat detract from the beautiful suit

    • If it was any smaller we’d see the good china!

      • Adrianna Grężak

        At yes, the dress is short, but looks baggy on her! I think somebody like Jennifer Hudson could rock that dress

    • Sobaika

      Her hair is atrocious.

      • demidaemon

        THIS. I could not get passed the combined awfulness of her look and styling.

        • Jecca2244

          me neither…but that skin. wow.

      • FrigidDiva

        She’s rocking the Kristen Stewart school of hairstyling, and that is not a compliment.

      • cocohall

        Somebody looks like she barely got her dress back on after the frolic in the limo on the way over. Might explain the hair too. As for him? I read an interview where he said that he has worked so much and played so many other people that he doesn’t really know what his own thoughts are anymore. I think this outfit is expressing that same idea through fashion. He simply doesn’t know how to dress himself if it isn’t a costume. But honestly, I hope he looks at himself in this and realizes that he can’t trust Miss Heard as far as he can throw her if she lets him leave the house like this. She’s in this relationship for the exposure. Full stop.

  • I really hate her hair though, and the split in that skirt is making me nervous.

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      Yep. What she said.

    • Griffinqueen

      Yeah, the hair needs a wash– at the very least. But I’ve got to say… her skin looks flawless.

      • Heather

        My skin was also flawless when I was 19. Or whatever she is.

    • Angela_the_Librarian

      Maybe Johnny should have gave her the hat to wear. Would have covered her hair and he would have looked slightly less ridiculous!

      • She could have held the hat over her crotch and I would have been less nervous about it.

    • Jessica Freeman

      (and just checked the book site and realized your Bingo has come to fruition. Congrats!!!)

      • This is the attention-seeking through relationships section, isn’t it? They just need to buy an African baby now.

        • demidaemon

          Yep, with entertainment news orgasmic over their first RC PDA!

        • Judih1

          I see you have read TLO’s book too! Things make so much for sense on the RC after reading TLO’s book

        • AthenaJ

          I think it should be a Romanian baby, Edina Monsoon style!

  • Laughingworld

    On top of everything else, couldn’t he have kept the collar buttoned until after the photos?

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    Mr. Depp over-accessorizes, casual or formal.

    • Trent

      Yes, but he looks like he bathed before this event! And his suit looks clean! And….

      Oh, who am I kidding — he looks ridiculous. Bring back the elderly wind chimes…

      • snarkykitten

        naw, his hair is probably all greazy, hence the hat to hide it

  • Griffinqueen

    He looks very defensive… as if waiting for a “Gramps and Tramps” comment . Or he maybe he already knows what TLO is gonna say, but he doesn’t wanna hear it. Humpf!

  • @Biting Panda

    I judge them harshly.

  • Vickiefantastico

    Wow. This ages him terribly. I kind of miss the wind chimes and gross boots, honestly. And she just looks deperate for attention. (This may be colored by the fact that I’ve been reading your book all day, and I’ve since become rather cynical. Great read, though, gentlemen.)

    • Jessica Freeman

      I would agree about the wind chimes and boots, I felt like that was at least more him, even if it was terrible.

    • anneland

      I just like him in his windchimey look. I like that he does his own thing.

  • Sarah

    Hehee, cereal box hat! Delightful. I was thinking Hamburglar.

    • AnneElliot

      Yes, to which cereal box are TLo referring? Is it someone specific? I don’t usually eat cereal with cartoon characters on it so I feel left out of the joke.

      And his sleeves are too long, unless he’s trying to cover up his tattoos.

  • Jessica Freeman

    The only nice thing I have to say is her face is fucking flawless. Burn the rest of it.

    • Stefanie Argudo Mackenzie

      Benefit if Dermablend, not Nature..

  • MilaXX

    Johnny seems to be trying to clean up for her. I’d give him the keychain if he gave up the shoes & hat. She just looks generic.

    • @Biting Panda

      She’s wholly unremarkable. I just don’t think being a home wrecking bisexual is going to shoot her to Jolie status, despite her painfully obvious plotting.

      • MilaXX

        Well I have to say his mid life crisis needs to own some of the blame as well.

        • @Biting Panda

          Absolutely. They most definitely deserve each other.

      • KinoEye

        She’s pretty. But the most I get from her is Scarlett Johansson lite. Unremarkable, and not a very good actress from what I’ve seen.

  • lunchcoma

    He’s in full mid-life crisis mode. She’s trying way too hard to be Angelina Jolie. Next!

  • Alyssa

    His hat is ridiculous. I was thinking about celeb faux relationships yesterday, and came up with lots of questions. Are both parties aware that the relationship is for publicity? Or is one truly in the relationship, and the other is just using it? How does one go about setting up one of these deals…is it done through their agents? Do they pre-agree upon the ending of it? After spending too much time pondering and only coming up with more questions, I decided I was thinking way too hard about something that affects me none, ha.

  • Janet B

    Him: Take off the hat, jacket and switch out the shoes.
    Her: Try another dress

  • Rand Ortega

    He looks like Boss Hijack from “My Favorite Year” when he puts on the wrong hat.
    ” A fight is rounds. This is Round 1″.

    • Will Caster

      So becoming a “caricature” is a code for aging these days?

  • Glam Dixie

    That hat is no ones hat and those shoes belong to someone, possibly Adam Lambert, but definitely not you, Johnny. The suit, is ok, looks a tad roomy. She is kind of a snoozefest and that is hard when your dress is cut down to there. And while I’m at it, I don’t think those frames suit his face either.

  • Betsy

    I used to seriously crush on Johnny Depp. He was so cool and sexy. Now he just seems like a bad cliche of himself. Seriously, Johnny. You are still so handsome. Lose the 25 year old girlfriend, the hat and the outfit. Own your 50s.

    • Me too. The spell was broken when I saw The Lone Ranger. 25 year crush, gone in half an hour.

    • Amy Wilson

      Yes! I told someone a few days ago that Johnny Depp had jumped the shark for me. I have considered him walking sexiness for decades but no more.

    • JackieOBlue

      Me, too. Loved his quirkiness but now just seems so contrived. Johnny, you’re making me sad.

    • AnneElliot

      Exactly!! It’s possible to age well and still be sexy. Like Viggo Mortenson or Patrick Stewart (though I don’t know how old his latest wife is).

      • FrigidDiva

        I’m not really sure either, but I think it was on George Tekai’s Facebook where there was a picture of Patrick Stewart doing a one armed push up at a super bowl party. It was just too much awesome since he was also wearing a Seahawk’s jersey.

  • jw_ny

    so gangsta…um, wait, no…gangster. She’s his moll. He loves his costumes…in and out of movies.

    I’d say he’s having fun with this, but I never see him smile.

    • scoobynacks

      I totally had that reaction to her. Definite moll.

  • ashtangajunkie

    I fondly remember the good ol’ days, when Johnny Depp was hot and I didn’t know who Amber Heard was.

    • Betsy

      Me too. I clung to it for awhile but truth be told, I should have seen this coming after the third Pirates movie.

      • scoobynacks

        I saw it coming after the 2nd one came out. Ugh. Nothing could go right after that movie. I think he’s suffering from CGI PTSD.

  • Anna

    Winona, Kate and Vanessa all had him in his prime. And they all made sense during those specific stages of his life. I personally wouldn’t be too thrilled with getting the dorkier and dorkier version, but I don’t think Amber Heard cares.

    At least his hat isn’t ripped this time. Her outfit barely qualifies as a dress.

    • Betsy

      Totally agree. And I know it is wrong of me to care and to project, but when he and Vanessa split up and he started dating he flavor of the month here, his appeal significantly waned for me. God, I so wanted to believe he was above it. Sigh.

      • Anna

        I’m embarrassed for him whenever he makes an appearance now.

        • Betsy

          Yup. Never thought I’d see the day when Johnny wasn’t hot, cool and sticking it to the man. Now he’s just sticking it…never mind. 🙁

        • Will Caster

          You should start being embarrassed for yourself.

    • Will Caster

      And he had them when they were in their prime! Can you get any more shallow? Amber is actually got the best version of him if you actually look past the looks.

  • bellafigura1

    Maybe he’s hiding some issues at the hairline? It pains me to say, but he looks ridic.

  • Mismarker

    He really needs to give that hat back to Pharrell.

  • Slanted & Enchanted

    I actually really love her dress and shoes. Shrug. I guess it all comes down to my penchant for celebrities wearing things that I suspect I might be able to rock, if given the chance. Brb, gotta search for knockoffs of those shoes at DSW.

  • Daryl Strouble

    Johnny has worn this kind of 1940s drag for years. He must just like the era. He can and does dress more conservatively or contemporary from time to time.

  • MoHub

    Why, it’s good old reliable Nathan. Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit!

  • teensmom99

    I don’t know how or why (but I’m sure some BKs will enlighten me) but somehow their get up is just highlighting the age difference. He looks OLD–sort of the way my beloved George does when he unbuttons his shirt too much.

  • “He looks like he belongs on a children’s cereal box” nearly had my spit my coffee onto the computer. So thank you for that. This outfit actually makes me miss his elderly gay windchime aesthetic.

  • Tatiana Luján

    I’ll disagree: I love her dress, shoes and hair. Just wish the slit stopped a little lower.

  • phylora

    He always appears to be sucking in his cheeks, the way one does to accent one’s cheekbones. But I know he’s not doing that. He’s getting old, that gorgeous man. sigh.

  • sekushinonyanko

    It looks like a starlet posing with her dad. The kind of shot that makes you go “awww…her daddy got all dressed up and everything so he wouldn’t embarrass her!”

  • nomoreprinces

    He stole Darkwing Duck’s hat.

    • demidaemon

      Awesome reference.

  • mjude

    oh johnny….. no matter I want his shoes

  • Paula Pertile

    …. that hat …. why …. god bless whatever’s going on there ….

  • Danielle

    Hate her hair. Hate it hate it hate it.

  • Blair Sylvester

    somebody got lost in boobs leggsly’s closet .

  • ShaoLinKitten

    Amber here looks like the young American Hollywood version of Johnny’s ex. When I saw his name, I was expecting much worse.

  • Molly

    “Hey Johnny? It’s Pharrell. Can I have my hat back please?”

  • kimmeister

    The deep V and the bagginess of the top make her boobs disappear. She seemed more voluminous up top, the last time I remember seeing her.

  • numenah

    I am in awe of Amber’s eyebrows.

  • Roz

    His hat is too big. But he has to wear it. Because she gave it to him. And she thought he was so manly he HAD to wear that size! Neither of them has spoken of this misconception. But now she knows that he is not what she thought. It is the beginning of the end of the fairy tale.

    So much depends.

    On a large weird fedora.
    Sitting on Johnny’s head.

  • Jen

    I just don’t get the hat but maybe he’s balding…

  • demidaemon

    I don’t know. I find their relationship kind of gross; however, I’m probably imposing normal people morals on celebs, so take that statement with a grain of salt.

    Clothes: It’s an improvement for him. Agree with everything TLo said. Her: dress is been there, done that. Hair looks awful and worse for wear.

  • lobsterlen

    It pains me to ask this question because there was a time I adored Johnny Depp and enjoyed his movies …

    When was the last time Depp was in decent film? He is just a sad middle age man now.

    • demidaemon

      Depends on your definition of decent. He wasn’t awful in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, but it wasn’t Oscar level acting either.

      • Will Caster

        Of course he wasn’t awful in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, he was amazing and he got an Oscar nomination for his acting in that so yes it was Oscar level acting.

    • Will Caster

      Rango. How is he a sad man? Do you know him personally or what? Why would you stop liking him because he is middle aged?

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Did anyone see him on the “Grammy Salutes The Beatles” extravaganza? He introduced someone and while making his introduction, he held the “s” sound at the end of a word for an inordinate amount of time. I think he’s trying too hard to be eccentric and not like everybody else. I guess he doesn’t realize we’re all not like everybody else. She is quite beautiful even though this is a pretty standard look. I’m wonder if she has to reign her style in to accommodate his over-accessorized look.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    Zoot Suit Riot for him. Not sure how to characterize her. Anonymous half-naked model?

  • she’s channelling Catherine Zeta-Jones

  • Funkykatt

    I honestly do not understand the need for ‘boob tape’ when there are no boobs.

  • Calinda_L

    You mean her cooch tape? Yeah, it seems to be doing the job.

  • flamingoNW


  • quiltrx

    I’ve always kind of hated her on sight, and the fact that she’s with him just makes the hate stronger. And what is with this stupid sleazy dress? It looks like it’s caught up in her fucking panties, if she’s wearing any.
    Johnny doesn’t look very happy, does he? Be who you are, Johnny…you just don’t look comfortable here. I bet she picked his look out.

  • LaSylphide

    Johnny would rock a Zoot Suit.

  • MissusBee

    It’s like the Fred and Ginger ‘she gave him sex, he gave her class’ thing. Except not.

    • Gatto Nero

      What class? Oh, right.

  • katiessh

    meh, he always looks like he’s in costume

  • A Shiny O’Connor

    And her shoes were a good size too big. Seriously, stylists.

  • Gatto Nero

    This just makes me sad.
    It seems like he’s always trying too hard for eccentricity. On the heels of “The Lone Ranger,” and now that he’s hit his fifties, this is even more painful.
    Her whole getup looks like a bad joke.

    • Will Caster

      How is he trying too hard for eccentricity when he’s just wearing a simple elegant suit?

  • Corsetmaker

    Is he going for the full Galliano now!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      You’ve coined a new phrase/description for the BK lexicon-“full Galliano”

  • Julie Ree

    Two things we will never see together here- Johnny Depp and WITFU

  • Carleenml

    “Should we like this on him?” I vote non. Don’t encourage this behavior. I wish he would try harder.

  • Danielle West

    Her hair looks dirty and this is the first time he’s really looked old to me.

  • Mousentrude

    I’m clearly in the minority but I like the hat. I just wouldn’t put it with the rest of the clichéd getup.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    This is a relatively well-groomed look for Johnny-I can live with the hat, although I do see that it ups the costume-y quality of the outfit. As for Heard,meh.

  • guest2visits

    He’s 50. She’s 27. That just makes me a little nauseous.
    And it also makes the outfit less spontaneously cool and dapper, more trying a bit too hard for it.
    She’s beautiful of course, but the dress is a bit of a cheesy costume itself; too high, too low.

  • OffToSeeHim

    Could he be going bald? I hesitate to say that, because I know it’s blasphemy, but … WTF??