Coat Porn: Helen Mirren in Burberry Prorsum at the 2014 BAFTA Nominees Party

Posted on February 19, 2014

It’s Coat Porn Day here at T Lo Meaningless Holidays, LLC, darlings. Sifting through the wire services this AM, we noted that there were far too many fabulous coats on the backs of the famous to go un-commented-upon. It is our duty to form and express opinions on the sartorial choices of the famous, after all.

Queen Helen? You’re up.

Helen Mirren attends the 2014 BAFTA Awards Nominees Party in London in a Burberry Prorsum embellished trench coat.

Burberry Prorsum Resort 2014 Collection


Queen Helen does love her sparkle, doesn’t she? It’s a great coat, but our advice would’ve been to belt it for pictures.  That somewhat utilitarian shape and color doesn’t come alive in front of the camera as well as it should, sparkles or no. A belt would’ve added just enough of a touch to give it a finished look  – and help break up the long expanse of buttons.

Still, like we said; it’s a great coat.



[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews,]

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  • @Biting Panda

    Nope. It looks like a Bejeweled Glitter Fairy came all over her coat.

    • Evan

      I walked through Saks Fifth Avenue on Sunday to see how the other half lives (I mean the 1%) and I saw this coat or a similar one by Burberry. I thought the same thing and just wanted to rip them off.

    • filmcricket

      Comment of the day, and it’s not even 9:30. Everyone can go home now. Also, I agree.

    • She is a top agent in the most fabulous spy agency ever. Unfortunately, spies in that agency are easy to spot and are often caught, but they look great until then!

      • Carleenml

        well done!

    • leahpapa

      You nailed it. If this is coat porn, I have blue balls.

      • @Biting Panda

        Well, glitter fairy surely does not. ; )

    • Emily Smith

      They look like bejeweled cockroaches to me.

    • marlie

      I love the coat, but your comment is hilarious!

    • demidaemon

      Yep. And he has very strange aim.

  • Scimommy

    This gives me ideas. Where’s my glue gun?

  • MilaXX

    I wold prefer it belted and I wish the glitter bombs were only on the collar area. I may be in need of coffee, but those others look like giant bugs.

    • wisdomy

      Likewise, I love the collar and hate the random bric-a-brac elsewhere.

    • GinaGeo

      Scarabs. That’s what I saw immediately.

      • Alyssa

        Me too. Especially the one on the bottom.

        • scoobynacks

          I thought that one looked like someone tried to declare her a member of the Order of the Whatever but they were drunk so the medal ended up down there.

    • SugarSnap108

      You have conveyed all of my thoughts, including the one on coffee.

    • deelup

      Didn’t see your comment. But yes, bugs!

    • kimmeister

      The one in the crook of the elbow is particularly impractical. What if you need to bend your arm? The jewels will get scuffed and the fabric they touch will get ratty.

    • vitaminC

      Also, it really should be unbuttoned like on the model.

  • Sorry guys. The random nature of the embellishments makes me sad. Its like someone threw sequin appliques at her.

  • I love the idea, but it does look as though someone tripped in the Liberty discount embellishments bin.

    • Anna

      Makes me sad to say it, since there’s Helen Mirren involved, but they make the coat look cheap.

      • They do. And having so much sparkle on her collar actually makes her earrings look cheap too.

        • Rhonda Shore

          I hope tacky appliques aren’t becoming a trend…

  • deelup

    What are those bugs who crawled up and eventually got under your skin and consumed you in The Mummy? Yeah, that.

    • Anna

      Indeed. Why would we want Helen Mirren eaten alive by scarabs?

  • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

    I know it’s probably due to the light, but I’m not feeling the color. It takes the coat from fab to drab, and that’s not a word that should come to anyone’s mind when talking about Queen Helen.

  • SugarSnap108

    Nooooo! This was a fabulous coat (with the belt) until some lunatic with glue gun came along.

    • FrigidDiva

      And the sad thing? I’m sure that coat probably costs more than I make in a month but it looks like something my 5 year old niece would have done to my perfectly nice trench coat after she got a hold of some dollar store decorations.

      • £2995. That’s a lot of money for a coat that’s been ruined.

        • cocohall

          Oh, ouch! That is a great deal of money for what is essentially a novelty item. Queen Helen probably got hers as a loaner, and doesn’t have to concern herself with wearing it more than once. But a civilian would probably find that you couldn’t deploy this trench every day. I imagine you’d be losing bits and pieces of the embellishments if worn on the regular.

          • Particularly that boob-level one. Between seatbelts and handbags that one would not survive. I think my hair would snag in the collar jewels too.

          • cocohall

            I know, I had the same thought – this coat is just too tricky by half.

        • FrigidDiva


  • jtabz

    Sparkly barnacles!

    Can’t beat that smile, though.

  • FrigidDiva

    It looks like she was the victim of a drive-by bedazzling. Not a fan.

    • kimmeister

      Those would be the most hilarious vandals EVER.

      • FrigidDiva

        Now I’m thinking this might make a great short story…a gang of bedazzlers, attacking well dressed women at random. Why are they doing it? What’s their message? And then…I could totally sell the movie rights, because it’s more original than half of what’s being produced today lol.

  • RussellH88

    It looks like she has drag queen beetles crawling over her coat.

  • CupcakeTrudy

    Nope. The embellishments are just too clunky and random and the buttons look cheap. Plus, I hate khaki and always will. Something positive? Her earrings are fantastic!

  • Jessica Freeman

    The upside ladies, we can all have this coat for a mere fraction of the original cost! Bring your hot glue guns and bedazzler! IAnd vodka!

    • MaggieMae

      And vodka….lol

      • Jessica Freeman

        Going to need alcohol to get the random placement of jeweled bugs correct.

  • BrianaJC

    I don’t think she’s ever looked worse. I’m not a huge fan of the coat, but it’s the hair and make-up that are really not doing her justice.

  • Judy_S

    I think this coat is hideous. Sorry.

    • Wendi126

      Totally agree. I think it’s one of the ugliest coats I’ve ever seen. Looks like it’s been in porn and developed trench mouth disease. Burn it

  • Blair Sylvester

    I think if you kept the collar and maybe added sparkly trim to the pockets and the cuff straps it would look less random . I also think it’s a bit stumpifying on the model and dame Helen

  • Kent Roby

    I adore Queen Helen, but I really dislike this coat; it looks like a thrift store reject that has been bedazzled.

  • luludexter

    nah, not feeling it. looks like a craft project.

  • If only they’d stopped the bedazzling at the collar. Oh, how many times have we all said *that*?

  • Therese Bohn

    That’s a nice crunchy collar!

  • Boobs Radley

    Meh. It’s a khaki trench with some random sparklies on it. Usually I’m all for the sparklies, but this is doing nothing for me.

  • majorbedhead

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this was on the hideous side.

  • Danielle

    Whatever fashion boner that coat gave me shriveled up from the sight of the appliqués.

  • Yolanda13

    I’m afraid I cannot sign on to the bedazzling of an otherwise fashionable coat.

  • Winter_White

    dreamy sigh….why can’t EVERYTHING on the internets be Coat Porn?….

    This one doesn’t work for me though.

  • Heather

    Classy with a some sparkle – just like Dame Helen!

  • Noah

    I kind of hate this.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Definitely not my favourite coat, but Queen Helen makes it work.

  • SewingSiren

    The application of rhinestones is a bit haphazard, no?

  • Lorelski

    I have a couple of beloved sweaters that somehow got moth holes in them. Now that I see this pix, I understand it is fashionable to apply haphazard appliques on clothing. I shall be doing same with my sweaters. Thanks, Burberry Prorsum!

  • jw_ny

    randomly bedazzled trench coat…not a fan.

  • Diego!

    I wish my raincoat had some sparkling too. hahaha Amazing!

  • lobsterlen

    Its a double breasted trench with sequin appliques. Those descriptive words should never be together in one sentence let alone on a coat.

  • gsk241

    It looks like it has very sparkly wooly bear caterpillars on it.

  • MaggieMae

    Not my kind of coat porn; it really does nothing for me. Clearly, it’s doing something for Queen Helen! I much prefer yesterday’s Burberry on Naomie Harris. Rahr.

  • Glitterberries

    Yuck! There is nothing great about this coat.

  • Leah Elzinga

    this is distressingly “crafty”. And it’s bugging the snot out of me that she’s got it buttoned that high when it looks SO much better with the wider lapels like on the model.

  • rebeemoon

    Her haircut is particularly lovely today, though–no?

    • formerlyAnon


  • RescueMe23

    It looks like someone threw random fake jewelry at her coat and it stuck in random places.

  • Carleenml

    I think it’s a Girl, This is Not Your Coat coat. I don’t like to see La Dame looking old. Pedestrian old.

    • thank you. i was thinking that but afraid to say it. she looks like a random nursing home volunteer.

  • Lilithcat

    Not a fan. But then, I’m not a fan of trench coats in general. They tend to make the wearer look bulky.

    And random sparkles? No thanks.

  • julnyes

    The haphazard deployment of the bauble clumps disturbs me.

  • Gatto Nero

    This is nicely tailored and looks good on her (especially paired with the dark hose/boots). But I wish:
    – it were a different color and
    – the bedazzling weren’t so random.
    This might be a werq in a dark blue wool with (tonally appropriate) sparkly bits confined to the collar and either the cuffs or the edges of the pockets.
    But she clearly loves the coat and looks happy in it. So that’s enough for me.

  • Paula Pertile

    No! Its like its growing sparkly jeweled fungus.
    She looks great – the coat is weird. (sorry)

  • formerlyAnon

    Like her hair. IMO, globs of random sparkly stuff attached to a classic and expensive trench coat does not improve it.

  • RedRaven617

    It looks very random to me.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Beautiful, well-fitted trench coat ruined by random splotches of jewels. I like the bejeweled collar, but the rest can go.

    • Yeah, same thought. They’re like sparkle tumors.

      In other news, my new band’s name is the Sparkle Tumors!

      • Sabin

        Or your My Little Pony name.

        • She’s the goth pony who is really into zombies.

  • alyce1213

    Bad idea coat, not coat porn.
    I don’t know if it’s the lighting or if she changed color, but her hair matches the coat perfectly.

  • judybrowni

    Yeah, no.

    But I’m no fan of the double breasted anything, and those buttons are too utilitarian to go with the random glitter bomb,which don’t go with that dull shade of brown fabric.

  • marlie

    This is a beautiful coat – and a belt would have been the perfect finish. As someone said in the Naomie Harris post yesterday (I think), it’s ridiculous that the ladystars are freezing their assess off on the red carpet when there are gorgeous coats like this to be had.

  • MichelleRafter

    Who cares about the coat, that haircut is darling!

    • Sofia Bentivoglio


  • DaringMiss

    Nope. Do not love and do not want.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    I don’t like the sparkles. They make the coat look like it was saved from a dumpster full of tacky party decorations.

  • mrspotts66

    i don’t like it.
    those jewels would be getting caught on everything.
    i’d have scratches just from taking it off.
    but i still love HM.

  • Kate4queen

    ooh sparkles! I am immediately attracted to anything like this-or with flowers on it. LOL

  • quiltrx

    I like the shape and agree that it needs a belt. I think it would be a lot better if it weren’t “standard trenchcoat” color, though.

  • no no no. this is one awful picture of the usually glamorous helen. i seriously thought this was not her, like, are TLo just messing with us? but no. the makeup is atrocious, esp the lipcolor, and the shiny too light foundation which is reflecting the flash back at us. most of all i hate that mud brown color on her or anyone else. the embellishments just look like she put on too many brooches in all the wrong places. man, am i cranky today.

  • Sally Spannagle

    I thought those were random barettes clipped all over her coat

  • ShaoLinKitten

    The bedazzling looks cheap and the coat is otherwise blah. Not loving this.

  • ErmengardeGreen

    She has Annette Bening hair here, and weirdly I think it’s aging her. She’s still a fox — and for that matter so is Annette Bening — but I want a different headsuit for Queen H.

  • KT

    Sorry, but no. The coat itself is fine, but the sparkles look random and kind of… honky tonk to my eye. Like if you gave Britney Spears a trench coat, a bag of sequins from a Halloween store and a hot glue gun — this is what you’d end up with (though probably less brown and more pink. That sounded dirty).

  • DeTrop

    No. The coat is fine but sans the sparkles. (Something comes over the stars when they cross the pond. Look at Amy Adams). This would never fly here.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    I love the shape of the coat,and would love it even more without the sparkly bits. Dame Helen does look so pleased here, that a song from “on the Town” came to mind: “I’m So Lucky to Be Me”-suits her, I think, in the best possible way.

  • LaSylphide

    What on earth are those things crawling all over her coat? Limpets? Giant roaches? Aside from the clinging wildlife, nice coat.

  • Columbinia

    I dunno. The stuff on the coat looks like that part in a sci-fi movie where transformative scales have appeared on the human and the poor victim is becoming part of the hive or the shell colony. I find it creepy.

  • Qitkat

    Helen! Just yesterday I invited you to my “Fantasy Party with Fun Lady Celebrities” and you show up like this? Come on in doll, we’ve got belts and dye and glue guns and more sparkles. We’ll set this one straight. Or bling it beyond hope. Liquor will help us with improved design I’m sure!

  • Anne

    I love it. It’s so exactly what Helen Mirren’s coat should look like!

  • Joe Schmartin

    That is so NOT a great coat. Inspector Gadget with a Bedazzler. Awful.

  • velomango

    blech. It looks like a pelican pooped bedazzled doo-doo all over her “Nod to Inspector Gadget” trench.