Lily Rabe, Taissa Farmiga, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, Gabourey Sidibe, and Emma Roberts in FX’s American Horror Story: Coven.
No, you go to hell, American Horror Story!
Sorry. That episode title felt like a joke at the viewer’s expense. Hell, this whole season has felt like a joke at the viewer’s expense. Feh. If you’ve been reading our reviews, then you’ve heard it all before. We honestly don’t know how to frame our complaints and criticisms in a more entertaining manner. But here. Let’s recap events, shall we?
Formerly dead (at least twice now) Misty Day is back, ready to wreak vengeance on formerly dead Madison.
Formerly dead Queenie tries to rehabilitate formerly decapitated immortal Delphine (Why? Because reasons.) but once it’s determined that the vicious racist, torturer and serial killer is not going to be her best friend, Queenie kills Delphine. The formerly immortal Delphine.
Speaking of which, formerly immortal Marie has been killed by formerly immortal, formerly decapitated Delphine and they’re both spending eternity together in hell.
Formerly fleeing Zoe and FrankenKyle (also formerly dead) are no longer fleeing.
Formerly sighted, formerly blind, formerly second-sighted, formerly resighted, formerly non-second-sighted and formerly reblinded Cordelia does not gain second sight (a second time) after self-mutilation. Then she does.
Formerly dead Axeman “kills” Fiona. The coven all – HILARIOUSLY – believe this to be true and return him to his former dead state. Maybe.
Also: Every witch has seemingly every power the Supreme has, rendering the already extremely hazy concept pretty much meaningless.
And the truly ironic part? This was easily the most coherent episode of the season. Thank god for Frances Conroy, the clear and obvious MVP of AHS season three. Jessica seems tired and Kathy and Angela seem to have no idea what to do anymore (although Bates really does give it her all this episode, even if it felt like she was struggling to give her character motivations), but Conroy takes every line given to her and hits it over the fences. Honorable mention to Lily Rabe, who still remains fun as Misty Day, especially now that we know she’s a true shit kicking swamp rat. Her beatdown on Madison was the best part of the episode.
We’re here until the end, obviously, but the sad fact of the matter is, all the moments from all the episodes this season never approached the stylishness and creepiness of the opening credits or even the teaser trailers. Which tells us this is a story the creators were only capable of telling in one-minute increments.