2014 Golden Globes Red Carpet Rundown – Part 2

Posted on January 14, 2014

Okay, our throats are a little sore after that previous shoutfest, so we’re going to calmly state our opinions, this time, as if we were having tea at Downton Abbey.

 

 

Helen Mirren in Jenny Packham

This dress is frightfully elegant, don’t you find? Exquisite draping and color.

 

 

Sarah Hyland in Georges Hobeika

What a darling little 12-year-old girl. Is she some sort of missionary or something?

 

 

 

Emilia Clarke in Proenza Schouler

Heavens, what a terribly stiff little cobblestone walkway of a dress!

 

 

Megan Mullally

She is deliciously unconventional and fun, however one should probably refrain from sleeves you can slip off your arms if you get warm. Especially if those sleeves are the size of hams. But perhaps one shouldn’t judge.

 

 

Laura Dern in Roberto Cavalli

We believe this may be the epitome of the “Everyone wants to do me” dress, dears. We do so hope that all those sexually aroused people behind her don’t start fighting over her.

 

 

 

Mayim Bialik in David Meister Signature

How sad. Did someone in the saloon where she works die?

 

 

 

Robin Wright in Reem Acra

The very last thing we would want to do is alarm anyone, but there appears to be some sort of hostage situation afoot.

 

 

Hayden Panettiere in Tom Ford

 What a delightful little lower class girl!

 

 

 

Ariel Winter in Mikael D

Will someone please advise that young girl to stay away from open flames for the night? We’re not entirely sure that fabric is safe.

 

 

 

 Lily Rabe in Georges Hobeika

This is rather pretty and striking, although we do so wish the skirt and top were a little closer in shade. Don’t you just adore her hair and makeup?

 

 

 

Kaley Cuoco in Rani Zakhem

Now isn’t that an interesting coincidence? We once saw a bedspread like this in a Walmart. No, wait. We saw someone sleeping in a Walmart parking lot with this bedspread! Oh, how funny that we misremembered like that!

 

 

Jessica Lange

How clever of Miss Lange to have her Snuggie taken in.

 

 

Jenna Dewan-Tatum in Roberto Cavalli

Mrs. Tatum is working the excrement out of that red carpet!

 

 

Rashida Jones in Fausto Puglisi

Pardon me, Miss. Have you any open tables for dinner?

 

 

Uma Thurman in Atelier Versace

It’s not that we believe in space aliens, but one does tend to wonder after encountering certain people.

 

 

Kelly Osbourne in Escada

Apparently – and this is only conjecture, mind you – the man who framed her lover for murder is in the crowd and she just spotted him.

 

 

Mila Kunis in Gucci

This is pretty, but rather a lot like Christmas wrapping paper or some sort of New Year’s Eve party favor.

 

 

Angela Bassett in Ines Di Santo

Her globes are delightful, but we don’t find that neckline particularly captivating and the poor dear appears to be standing on her hem, which does tend to make one wince, we find.

 

 

 

Emma Roberts in Lanvin

We find there’s not so much as a jot or tittle of this look to criticize, and yet curiously, her smug expression is giving us the most awful urge to say something withering.

 

Olivia Wilde in Gucci

You know we just might get into trouble for saying such a cheeky thing, but we do tend to think she looks like she’s made out of some sort of glittery Play-Doh. But goodness, she’s quite a lovely expecting mother. Has she married the father yet or is she being “modern” about it?

 

 

Sofia Vergara in Zac Posen

It seems to us that Miss Vergara can only handle clothes that rip wide open if she laughs too hard or clothes the size of a circus tent. She appears to be wearing a trivet of some sort around her neck. How very odd.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PRPhotos.com, Juan Rico/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES]

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  • Kelly Wilson

    Gentlemen, I believe you have identified Megan Mulally as Molly Shannon, if it was a witty joke that flew over my head, please forgive this comment ;->

  • Constanza Álvarez Espinoza

    I’m bowing at Queen Helen’s royalness. And that awesome hair.
    The dress Jenna Dewan-Tatum wore was a dream.
    And Olivia Wilde? I don’t know if actually the dress is that nice, maybe she’s just too beautiful.

  • Sobaika

    Ms. Osbourne, please do something jolly with your hair.

    • Janice Bartels

      Can I please upvote this twice? Once is not enough.

      • Amelia

        Once for the sentiment and once for the use of the word “jolly”

        • Sobaika

          It’s a Downtown Abbey line! But I need to work it into my daily language more often.

      • Danielle

        Unvoted just so I could vote it up again.

    • suzq

      Clearly, her lady’s maid is not up to the task.

  • merciblahblah

    L-O-V-E-D Laura Dern’s look – ’twas one of my favorite of the night, as was her JBF hair.

    • rkdgal

      Personal Best, IMO. Love the hair color on her, and want it for myself.

    • Evan

      The dress is interesting, but she looked like the epitome of a cougar to me.

      • ailujailuj

        The dress is perfection – I would love to wear that… and so surprising for her – she’s usually a bit-o-mess. But her hair/face staff should have stopped after the 3rd dirty martini.

      • Perigee

        Is cougar supposed to be a bad thing? If so, what is negative about a conventionally sexually attractive older women showing that she is conventionally sexually attractive? What are incredibly hot women of a certain age supposed to do, hide their raging sexiness under conservative clothes? LD is single, talented, and looks amazing. Maybe she is looking for a new man, maybe she just loved the dress, maybe both. IMHO “cougar” is just pejorative slang for “adult woman who knows exactly how attractive she is and how best to accentuate it.”

        • Evan

          I’m not trying to be derogatory. Like ailujailuj stated, I just think that the hair and makeup are kind of aging in a stereotypical “cougar” way. There’s nothing wrong with an older woman wanting to look sexy though!

    • AudreysMom

      Someone wants to do Laura Dern indeed – like the woman standing behind her, licking her lips.

      • Nicole C

        It looks like EVERYONE behind her is ready to do something to her.

        • demidaemon

          It’s a little scary, no?

        • KinoEye

          It’s like one of those Gucci (At least, I think it was Gucci) photoshoots that look like the prelude to a gangbang or something.

    • MM4321

      Agreed! She should have gone that hair color years ago – fantastic on her.

    • Inspector_Gidget

      Love her. Vavavoom!

  • MissWix

    Helen Mirren gets my personal best dressed of the night. The hair is something fierce. Perfection.

  • http://weirdinedgewise.blogspot.com ONEWEIRDWORD

    Megan Mullally – best ever!

    • CelandineM

      Is she aging backwards?!

  • formerlyAnon

    “Has she married the father yet or is she being “modern” about it.”

    Oh dear god, I fell out laughing. I have heard those words issuing over the rim of a coffee cup at a kitchen table, more than once, I swear I have. Or as near as makes no difference.

    I thought Ms. Osbourne looked good (though doubtful about the flat epaulettes), as, of course, did Ms. Mirren. Plus several others in whom I am less interested. Ms. something- Hyphenated- Tatum would have been the most impressive, had not the awe-inspiring Ms. Thurman deigned to descend.

    • Coolekat

      Hyphenated Tatum just had a baby! She must be wearing a corset!

      • formerlyAnon

        I did not know this. She is definitely over-acheiving stunningly well, in that case. Atta girl, momma.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

        Must be about 6 months ago, no? A lifetime in celebrity-land. They can get divorced, remarried and pregnant in less.

  • @Biting Panda

    Firstly, I feel like Karen Walker would kick Megan Mullaly’s ass for wearing those arm warmers.
    Secondly, I’m going to need to pretend Angela Bassett and Jessica Lange just didn’t happen.

    Other feelings include:

    Mila Kunis continues to add to her list of shit she should be doing better.
    Uma’s Bitch Face and Bitch Walk give me life.
    Mrs. Tatum it’s shutting it down!

    • LeelaST

      LOL- my first thought “Karen Walker would laugh in your face Megan!”

      • CelandineM

        Karen Walker would wave her hand about, make a more cutting remark than I could ever think up, down her martini, then wander off in search of someone with a ” prescription.”

    • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

      I choose to believe she came in character as Tammy Swanson because nothing else explains the bicep cozies.

      • demidaemon

        Bicep cozies will be the newest tend in fashion and vocabulary!

    • charlotte

      I thought Megan Mullally looked like Molly Ringwald’s mother.

  • LeelaST

    Helen Mirren is a goddess! And Jenna Dewan-Tatum – WOW! Gorgeous.

    How, in good conscience, can Kelly Osbourne host Fashion Police (abomination of a show) & yet show up looking like this as an on-camera Red Carpet host? One of her faves by the way, was Hayden Panetierre; can’t believe that slinky, cheezey B&W fabric is Tom Ford!

  • marlie

    Dame Helen and Laura Dern are KILLING it. I have to begrudgingly admit that Emma Roberts and Olivia Wilde look pretty fab too.
    Jenna Dewan-Tatum and Uma Thurman were holding their breaths the whole night.
    Emilia Clarke looks pretty.
    Jessica Lange disappointed me.
    I’m trying to figure out why Angela Basset is clenching so tightly.
    This isn’t the worst that she’s worn, but I’m still done with Kelly Osborne.

    • Vtg Fashion Library

      I didn’t even recognize Angela Bassett.

      • http://www.GiftedCollector.com/ The Gifted Collector

        My sister says she’ll stop messing with her face right before she starts to look like someone else. Ms. Bassett has passed that point.

  • jilly_d

    OHHHHH I had not seen Helen on the RC or in the telecast. She nailed it in something really unexpected. Fuckinfantastica, indeed.

  • GenieinTX

    But did you see Helen’s shoes?

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    WHY is the first time I’m seeing what Jenna Dewan-Tatum wore? She looked fantastic!

    Also, I am a huge fan of the “tea at the Abbey” construct. You do it so very well.

    • GeoDiva

      I didn’t know she attended till I saw this photo.

      • MikeW_Vegas

        Wasn’t she and her husband presenters or something?

        • ailujailuj

          yes… the you fucking bittertons want to do us AND be us – award.

    • MilaXX

      She looks gorgeous!

  • StillGary

    Laura Dern please tell me your researching a role for an upcoming appearance in Cougar Town– I like her so much. I am very concerned. Oh, can someone explain the hostage situation joke — I’m slow today.

    • Sarah

      Methinks it is a reference to the stiff body language and the barely-held-in crazed expressions of the couple.

      • DuBey2

        Thx for the explanation. I needed it, too.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      He does rather look like he’s holding a gun to her back.

  • skitzfiggitous

    So, everyone saw Robin Wright’s boob tape during her acceptance speech, right? Maybe that was the visual representation of the ubiquitous “I TOTALLY didn’t think I’d win this!” statement of the night.

    Also, I want to kidnap Megan Mullally and make her my enforced BFF. Wait… NSA… JUST KIDDING! JUST KIDDING!!!

    • MilaXX

      Considering she ran up to the stage n 5 inch heels, I give her a pass on visible boob tape. If she wasn’t in the cheap seats with Jacquline Bisset, she could have walked up like a normal person.

      • demidaemon

        Oh, Jacqueline Bisset…I’ve only seen clips of your speech and all I can think of are my mother’s words: “What happened to her?!”

        • cocohall

          Vodka, apparently. Although Whoopi Goldberg on the View, as a veteran of these things, said that it is very common to be pressed into going, even though everyone is telling you you will not win. To the point that you really believe you have NO CHANCE to win. And you sit and you sit (and drink and drink) and maybe there is food, and maybe not, and then you hear a voice from a football field away and it sounds a little bit like your name. And at that point, you have MILES to travel to get to the stage both literally and mentally. So shit, like what JB pulled, happens. Maybe that is what was going on with JB, or maybe not. Maybe she is tin-foil hat crazy all the time. But it was refreshing to have someone pull back the veil a bit on the award show “glamour.”

  • MichelleRafter

    Nevermind the dress, that’s the most glamorous I’ve ever seen Mayim Bialik. Considering her red carpets looks from 1-2 years ago, this
    a PB for her!

    • MilaXX

      The dress is good, the color is not. However, I give her credit for knowing she needed to step up her fashion game and doing so while still maintaining her religious restrictions.

    • marlie

      The dress works for her, the fit is great, and her hair and makeup are the best I’ve seen. But some color would have been nice.

      • charlotte

        A yellow clutch would have been great.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      She did much better for the People’s Choice awards.

  • Sue_Asponte

    Yow, Downton Abbey is an awfully cold place.

  • Super_Red

    brilliance. I have nothing add and will not embarrass myself with the attempt. I say again: brilliance.

  • GeoDiva

    So I just read that Hayden bought her Tom Ford dress off the rack. Wonder if she can return it?

    • MilaXX

      She’s too short for that dress it makes her look like a fire hydrant.

      • demidaemon

        A colorless fire hydrant.

  • matildarf

    “her smug expression is giving us the most awful urge to say something withering.”
    Hahahah! Perfect!

  • MikeW_Vegas

    I read this entire post in the voice of the Dowager Countess.. made me giggle!!

  • Mothra

    I hope I am not posting out of turn here, but are there no pictures of Gwyneth in that awful couch slipcover of a thing?

  • MilaXX

    I wish Mayim’s dress was in a color. I like the shape & style, but in black it will always read funereal. For once Emma Roberts doesn’t look like a dirty crack head to me. Sarah Hyland seems to be serving modern day Freida Kahlo realness, Sofia Vergara should have done without the necklace. A dress that big doesn’t need much accessorizing.

    • Introspective

      sofia could have smuggled in at least 2 other people in that dress. zac posen was behind a lot of fug that night…

      emma is definitely in personal best territory. im shocked at how good she looks given her tendency to cheapen every outfit she wears.

      • Jacob Bowen

        Zac Posen is behind A LOT of fun ALL the time…his dreamy, romantic aesthetic is unwearable and sometimes just so stupid.

    • Kristin McNamara

      The way those weird ruffles are attaching to the skirt of Sofia’s gown makes it look like a floor-length version of Chloe Moretz’s infamous penis skirt from last year. If only Sofia’s was two-toned like Chloe’s…. Not vulgar enough, Vergara!

    • kimmeister

      I wondered at Sarah’s brows and their extreme prominence myself.

      • 3boysful

        Her face looks odd, almost dirty. I can’t decide if it’s the brows, or redically different eyeliner, or what?

  • ShaoLinKitten

    Oh Rashida Jones! Is that side boob that is visible from the front? Good heavens.

    • Vickiefantastico

      That dress was so close to being perfect, and yet it just didn’t work at all, did it? The fit on the top was plain bad, and I thought the hem was just a skosh too long.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        But isn’t that the story of Ms. Jones’s fashion life? She needs to spend top dollar on a really good stylist. I can’t fathom why she never, ever gets it right.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Love, love Queen Helen,as always-she never disappoints. Also love Jenna Dewan-Tatum-gorgeous gown-and she can accessorize with Channing!

  • ailujailuj

    I don’t know who the emilia is in the ill-fitting dress but I found that same black mold growing on my basil plant. threw the damn thing out.

  • Sarah

    Daaamn I like that alien Uma is serving. She looks fierce! And Queen Helen of F. is a great big jade column of lovely. Hells yeah!

  • jw_ny

    I’m not lovin the plastered hair style/trend that many of the ladies are sporting, nor the over use of colored eye shadow. I am, however, lovin Uma…that is one fierce alien!

  • Cynica

    I heard the whole commentary in the Dowager Countess’s voice. Well done, gentlemen.

  • ailujailuj

    sofia is a walking nutella. i mean novela.

  • prisma

    Please, please, PLEASE say something about Gwyneth Paltrow’s look for the night! Please?

  • Tricia

    Pretty sure Helen Mirren looked the best out of all of em.

  • BobStPaul

    I actually thought that was the best Mayim Bialik has ever looked on the red carpet.

  • phylora

    I love Olivia Wilde’s look, but she does sort of look like a snake who just ate a large frog.

    • sojourneryouth

      THANK YOU! I am all for pregnant women wearing what makes them feel good, but this dress is just too tight, period. It’s an amazing color, but the whole thing screams try-hardness.

      • AnotherJulie

        Amen… you just summed up exactly how I feel about wearing too-tight clothes, when pregnant or not. When did it become the norm to outline every single body part?
        For the love of God – can’t celebrities sacrifice 4-5 months of this look when they are pregnant?

        • sojourneryouth

          I’m glad I’m not alone in my opinion. Seems like nearly every style blog and commentator was frothing at the mouth over how ah-mazing(!) Olivia looked. I much preferred Kerry Washington’s choice. I know it isn’t exactly fashion-forward, but she looked like a happy, fashionable, and comfy pregnant lady who wouldn’t start popping green sequins off her dress if she burped too hard.

          • cocohall

            I believe that is what my mother used to call “class.”

    • Demeter

      I completely agree. I wish for the return of maternity clothes.

  • Call me Bee

    Oh my word. Miss Uma is. Bringing. It. She is my hero.

  • quiltrx

    I did the gay-gasp at Jenna’s gown! Just gorgeous. Nice “look at my post-baby body” look.
    The beading REALLY makes Helen’s gown, doesn’t it?
    And Lily’s dress is on the verge of perfection…something I can’t quite put my finger on keeps it from going all the way. It has a certain Grace Kelly-ness to it.

  • CeeQ

    Totally picturing T and Lo at tea, commenting between sips and bites of biscuits.

    I know everyone is cooing about Olivia Wilde but it’s falling flat for me. She looks nice, but…yeah. I’ll leave it at that.
    Uma Thurman was the stand out from the crowd for me. Fabulous.
    Why are there so many “I want to Murder You” or “I am So Fucking Bored” RC faces? Baffling.
    Queen Helen looked ok. I loved her hair but that dress is leaving me cold.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      If I had to talk to a parade of vacuous TV hosts who were standing between me and my appetisers, I’d have that look too.

      • cocohall

        Plus, my sense is the RC is almost on the level of a hockey fight – people yelling, people crashing into each other, people in headsets pulling you here and there, photo flashes pretty much non-stop. And also, the very real problem that you may run into 1) an ex, 2) someone you worked with that you didn’t really enjoy and 3) someone you slept with in a drunken stumble after the LAST awards show. At some point, the natural response is probably to glaze over.

      • CeeQ

        You got a point there, Bitter Kitten Kin. Never come between a starved starlet and the buffet line…

  • Lune

    Kaley Cuoco: correct deployment of the boob-cup tube top. Take note, Dunham and Posen. (And compared to a lot of what was walking down that carpet, the bedspread look is sane.)

    Kelly Osbourne: Still possibly the best I’ve ever seen her look… which is sad.

    Sofia Vergara: Have you ever seen Second Life prim skirts? The big, stiff prim skirts from back in the oughties? Yeeeeah. That’s this.

  • Kimberlini

    Dying at the trivet and party favor comments! Can’t wait to read TLo after the second bottle of champers.

  • In_Stitches

    The person who described Olivia Wilde as a snake who had too big of a lunch nailed it.

    Helen further cemented her status as HBIC.

    Emma Roberts as a smug, pretty white beneficiary of nepotism with a history for domestic violence is easy to hate and for once, I don’t, so kudos.

    Angela Basset looks pretty terrible….for Angela Basset. Make-up is harsh and the dress’ boob situation isn’t the most flattering. Still, she gets to be Angela Basset, so she wins.

    Big Bang girls, Kaley and Mayim stepped it up….a little. Both are mildly improved upon.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    Who ever is doing Sarah Hyland’s makeup needs to be fired immediately…

    • Danielle

      Her brow game is TOO strong, it’s off-putting.

      • schadenfreudelicious

        They look like fake brows that you stick on, her features are far too delicate for that look, just because the power brow is en vogue does not mean it will work on every face

  • deelup

    Anyone remember the original V series from the 80s? I wonder if Olivia Wilde does.

  • SugarSnap108

    The best part: The sunglasses couple behind Laura Dern *does* look sexually aroused.

  • Lizzy

    At first glance I thought Laura Dern was Steven Tyler.

    • Imasewsure

      I see Steven Tyler pretending to be Jane Fonda… I do love the dress though

    • Gatto Nero

      She’s looking very eighties here, complete with lion-mane hair.

    • Carleenml

      At first glance I said ‘man I loves me some Laura Dern but damn, is that some kind of drag hair.”

  • MM4321

    Ladies . . . please put the elbows back down at your side, before someone gets hurt. Except Angela Bassett. You are one FIERCE lady and can do whatever you darn well please.

  • Inspector_Gidget

    I’m imagining Mila Kunis and Angela Bassett facing each other across the room, both getting ready to cut a bitch. (“YOU!”)

  • ThesisMonkey

    bowing to queen Helen. Love Emilia Clarke & Olivia Wilde

  • Trickytrisha

    Helen Mirren. ‘Nuff said.

  • DuBey2

    Did someone tell them all not to smile? Never seen such angry faces, especially from Rashida Jones down to the glowingly preggers, (& of course, smiling) Olivia Wilde.

  • DuBey2

    Loved your description of Jessica Lange’s “Snuggie”! Am I the only one who did not recognize Uma Thurman or (yes, I know she was on the Part I post) Heidi Klum? Is it just that their hair is different, or have they had obvious “work” done? Who will tell me if not you?

  • Susan Velazquez

    Oh my God this was hilarious! You should do your rundowns like this more often. That being said, I think this was a persona best for sarah hyland (although she needs more eye makeup), ariel winters is much too young to be showing off baby heads, and this was also a personal best for mayim although I wish it was a different fabric and without the train.

  • Kate

    why does Sarah Hyland have caterpillars on her face? Those eyebrows are not right.

  • kimmeister

    Not digging the dress, but for once Kaley’s makeup doesn’t look like it was applied by crackheads!

  • diamond dog

    Olivia wilde in MATRIX

  • Sunraya

    I agree, Emma Roberts is a smirky little thing. And after I fell in love with Roberto Cavalli on Projectt Runway when he praised Chris March, I am glad to see that two of the best looks of the evening were by him!

  • Diego!

    Mrs. Tatum, Olivia and Sofia are the winners here. I found Helen’s dress to be pretty much… Meh. Special mention to Emma Roberts, Uma Thurman and Lily Robe because they look amazing!

  • Pennymac

    Other than Ms. Tatum, one supposes there is no accounting for ones taste. Heavens!

  • decormaven

    I loves me some bling, but Sofia’s necklace is blung.

    • Shawn EH

      I love it, but I’m one of those turquoise-happy crazies.

  • Anna_Cecilia

    I didn’t recognize The Khaleesi. I thought that was Kristin Davis. Hayden Panettiere and Kaley Cuoco are absolutely frightening. Gwyneth Paltrow’s infamous dismissal of Jennifer Aniston as “that TV girl” is actually quite apt when it comes to these two.

  • MoHub

    Once again, Helen Mirren proves that she’s the Queen.

  • NBG

    I envy Queen Helen’s ability to look so spectacular elegant while also looking very much like she’s not planning on going home to a empty bed. You work that confident sexiness!

  • jacklaudia

    Emma Roberts’ dress has a striking similarity to Rosemary Clooney’s “Love You Didn’t Do Right By Me” dress from “White Christmas.” If only she’d worn the silver gloves too….

  • AmeliaEve

    Mayim Bialik is a perfect candidate for the Julia Roberts shirt-dress. This is only a slightly classier version of it. Honey, look at what Helen Mirren is wearing. It is equally modest, but significantly fabulous. You can do it.

  • Darcy H

    Kaley Cuoco’s face has all the colors of her gown. Pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to do it dear.

  • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

    I do love the earrings Emma Roberts is wearing…..a nice choice with what is basically a black silhouette of a dress.

    • Shawn EH

      Black mermaid dress at that! Best ever look for her!

  • joything

    It took me a moment to realize that there are 2 men standing behind Uma Thurman with their backs to her – they are not part of her outfit.

    • Shawn EH

      It’s the latest thing in Alien Capes!

  • sienna elm

    Emma Roberts’ dress looks a whole lot like the one Rosemary Clooney wears in White Christmas.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    I like your “restrained voice” a lot for these comments – made my morning brighter. A fine counterpoint to the shouting yesterday (which was pretty DOGGONE GREAT, too).

  • Kelly

    Once again, Helen Mirren is my favorite look of the night. But I have to give props to Emma and Uma — I thought, “thank GOD, here’s finally someone who is not doing the cocked-arm-on-the-waist thing.” Before Uma, the previous seven people in a row were doing the arm stance. I understand why — flattering line, smaller waist, etc — but it’s beginning to look like a parody of itself. Even Queen Helen is doing it. (Mila Kunis is doing *both* arms, along with the laser death stare; she looks like her next words are going to be, “don’t make me come over there!”)

    • MoHub

      I’d give Helen a second to Lupita—but not by much.

      • Kelly

        True, I’d forgotten about Lupita (I mean, that post was yesterday /g/). But definitely, it’s at least a tie. And Lupita might have the edge, because Mirren’s dress, while perfect for her, is also not too far from what she usually does, whereas Lupita’s is not only mad flattering, but interestingly different, too.

  • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

    Why does Sarah Hyland look like Frida Kahlo?

  • Lily-Rygh

    The color of Queen Helen’s dress was just fucking perfect for her!

    Unlike Kelly Osbourne’s hair color, which is just ridiculous anymore.

  • ovarB

    Queen Helen looked most regal on Sunday night…but did you see the touch of stripper underneath that glittery frock??? She was rockin’ some serious, 4″ lucite platform, “I’ll stab you in the heart with these heels”, stripper heels!!

  • Danielle

    JENNA IS SHUTTING. IT. THE FUCK. DOWN. She looks SLAMMIN’.

  • cocohall

    Sarah Hyland’s dress was stunning. I loved the color. I wonder if she does the heavy brows to help bring definition to her otherwise somewhat soft, baby face.
    There was some sort of plumbing emergency on the Red Carpet (huge puddle – photo on Fashion Police) and it is a shame that it got on Kaley Cuoco’s dress and bleached all the color from it. Poor dear.
    Helen and Uma are just not playing by the same rules as everyone else. It is just not a level playing field when they are on it. Stunning.

    • Candigirl1968

      I think Sarah needs to fire her hair and makeup people, because they rarely get it right.
      Kaley needs to fire her beauty team, because that is a hot mess from head to toe.
      I would like to be Helen when I grow up. Maybe she can give some tips to these unfortunately dressed youngsters.

  • bookish

    Good work with the writing! I just started binge watching Downton Abbey, so this was extra funny to me. :)

  • Sly

    I read all all of that in a British accent. I also imagined lady Mary saying it all.

  • ailujailuj

    Did Freida Pinto do any interviews? Did she enjoy the show?

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

    You boys are top knotch! Sorry, was that too common?

    Sarah Hyland’s styling and expression is reminding me of Frida Kahlo for some odd reason, and not in an avante garde or interesting way.

    • Imasewsure

      It’s not odd. I thought the same thing… it’s the hairdo which is pure Kahlo and the makeup/brows which is also heading in that direction. Frida would rocked a much more interesting gown of course though!!

      • Gatto Nero

        What’s with the Sharpie brow trend lately?

        • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

          I love a strong brow, but that’s a brow too fur.

  • KinoEye

    Oh, my darlings T and Lo. You never cease to make me titter. “We do so hope that all those sexually aroused people behind her don’t start fighting over her.” I looked at said aroused people, and you’re hilariously on point. Also, Walmart bedspread. The Cuoco ranks high on the list of irrational hatred, so this pleases me.

  • jonnyf8

    Emma Roberts looks just like the “Barbie in the Spotlight” doll

  • Shawn EH

    The Uncles are so much more devestating at tea! Poor Hayden, Uma, Kelly and Jessica. By which I mean, exactly!

    Lovely to see that Lily Rabe has left the crazy behind and gone for glamour.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    These may be my two favorite posts of the year… Don’t have anything particularly witty to say, just want to thank TLo for making me laugh!

    Btw, can’t wait for your book! :-D

  • Lily

    All I could think is that Sofia Vergara looks like Ursula, from the Little Mermaid.

  • Lilyana_F

    Helen looks absolutely spectacular! Wow!

  • Valdri8

    I thought the bald dude was David Arquette until the next day – hahahahahahahahahahaha!

  • allcapsERINN

    Laura Dern — Ehhhhhhhhh, I think she looks really Nashville to me. What the hell has happened to her face/skin/hair? The faces of everyone behind her say it all.
    Kaley Cuoco — I know I’m all alone in this, but I think her dress looks kind of cool. Not that eyeshadow, tho.
    Olivia Wilde looks like a greasy, misplaced mermaid/eel/reptile/something wet-and-scaly.
    It’s nice to see Sofia Vergara in something that doesn’t cling to or reveal every crevice in her body.
    Why is everybody so effing angry in these pics?
    I think I’m in a bad mood today. I need an eCiggy and some Xanax.

  • Emily S

    I honestly think that’s a personal best for poor Mayim Bialik, or at least the hair and makeup.

  • Lauren

    Poor misses Kunis and Roberts…how dreadful to have been clothed in free couture gowns and invited to an award ceremony. Where’s my violin? Wait – first I’d like to smack the insolent sass off both their faces.

    • yllas

      For being so utterly unlikeable on American Horror Story, Ms. Roberts deserves an Emmy – oh, wait, this picture indicates she may not be acting all THAT hard. A fakey smile, m’dear, is the least your adoring public deserves.

  • AMartel

    That looks like a pig in a shiny green fashion python.

  • http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

    If I were Helen Mirren, I would never take that dress off. If I were anyone else (except maybe Laura Dern or Jenna Dewan-Tatum) I would cry that I was not Helen Mirren. Sexy bitch.

  • jjtxgrrl

    Lily Rabe FTW.

  • Kane

    Please do make your “Downton Abbey” voice a recurring feature on this delightful website. It has been quite some time since I laughed until I cried, and I’ve come to realise I’ve missed it so.

  • MaggieMae

    Soooo funny! Thank you TLo, thank you BKs.

  • kerryev

    Will and Grace started in my early 20s. When the hell did Megan Mullally get younger than me?