2014 Golden Globes Red Carpet Rundown – Part 2

Posted on January 14, 2014

Okay, our throats are a little sore after that previous shoutfest, so we’re going to calmly state our opinions, this time, as if we were having tea at Downton Abbey.

 

 

Helen Mirren in Jenny Packham

This dress is frightfully elegant, don’t you find? Exquisite draping and color.

 

 

Sarah Hyland in Georges Hobeika

What a darling little 12-year-old girl. Is she some sort of missionary or something?

 

 

 

Emilia Clarke in Proenza Schouler

Heavens, what a terribly stiff little cobblestone walkway of a dress!

 

 

Megan Mullally

She is deliciously unconventional and fun, however one should probably refrain from sleeves you can slip off your arms if you get warm. Especially if those sleeves are the size of hams. But perhaps one shouldn’t judge.

 

 

Laura Dern in Roberto Cavalli

We believe this may be the epitome of the “Everyone wants to do me” dress, dears. We do so hope that all those sexually aroused people behind her don’t start fighting over her.

 

 

 

Mayim Bialik in David Meister Signature

How sad. Did someone in the saloon where she works die?

 

 

 

Robin Wright in Reem Acra

The very last thing we would want to do is alarm anyone, but there appears to be some sort of hostage situation afoot.

 

 

Hayden Panettiere in Tom Ford

 What a delightful little lower class girl!

 

 

 

Ariel Winter in Mikael D

Will someone please advise that young girl to stay away from open flames for the night? We’re not entirely sure that fabric is safe.

 

 

 

 Lily Rabe in Georges Hobeika

This is rather pretty and striking, although we do so wish the skirt and top were a little closer in shade. Don’t you just adore her hair and makeup?

 

 

 

Kaley Cuoco in Rani Zakhem

Now isn’t that an interesting coincidence? We once saw a bedspread like this in a Walmart. No, wait. We saw someone sleeping in a Walmart parking lot with this bedspread! Oh, how funny that we misremembered like that!

 

 

Jessica Lange

How clever of Miss Lange to have her Snuggie taken in.

 

 

Jenna Dewan-Tatum in Roberto Cavalli

Mrs. Tatum is working the excrement out of that red carpet!

 

 

Rashida Jones in Fausto Puglisi

Pardon me, Miss. Have you any open tables for dinner?

 

 

Uma Thurman in Atelier Versace

It’s not that we believe in space aliens, but one does tend to wonder after encountering certain people.

 

 

Kelly Osbourne in Escada

Apparently – and this is only conjecture, mind you – the man who framed her lover for murder is in the crowd and she just spotted him.

 

 

Mila Kunis in Gucci

This is pretty, but rather a lot like Christmas wrapping paper or some sort of New Year’s Eve party favor.

 

 

Angela Bassett in Ines Di Santo

Her globes are delightful, but we don’t find that neckline particularly captivating and the poor dear appears to be standing on her hem, which does tend to make one wince, we find.

 

 

 

Emma Roberts in Lanvin

We find there’s not so much as a jot or tittle of this look to criticize, and yet curiously, her smug expression is giving us the most awful urge to say something withering.

 

Olivia Wilde in Gucci

You know we just might get into trouble for saying such a cheeky thing, but we do tend to think she looks like she’s made out of some sort of glittery Play-Doh. But goodness, she’s quite a lovely expecting mother. Has she married the father yet or is she being “modern” about it?

 

 

Sofia Vergara in Zac Posen

It seems to us that Miss Vergara can only handle clothes that rip wide open if she laughs too hard or clothes the size of a circus tent. She appears to be wearing a trivet of some sort around her neck. How very odd.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PRPhotos.com, Juan Rico/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES]

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