2014 Critics’ Choice Movie Awards Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on January 18, 2014

It’s Saturday, darling. Only time enough for drive-by bitchery. Hop in.




Jessica Chastain in Nina Ricci

 It’s too tight on her. And while the color feels fresh, the gown doesn’t.





Aisha Tyler in Tadashi Shoji

 Morticia’s wedding gown.




Elisabeth Rohm in Carmen Marc Valvo

 Can we all just stipulate that the “Are those shadows or not?” dress is a calculated move?




Sophia Nelisse in J. Mendel




Brie Larson in Escada

Pretty enough dress, but the hair and makeup are seriously lacking.



Chiwetel Ejiofor in Burberry

 We just can’t sign off on the head. Maybe it’s for a role.



Bradley Coopper in Bottega Veneta

Love the color of the suit, but he looks a sweaty, frantic mess.




Meryl Streep

 Brava, Mary Louise. Possible ALL TIME best.




Kellan Lutz

A poodle in a tuxedo.





Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Reem Acra

She seems to have suddenly started dressing “of a certain age,” and she really doesn’t need to. Not that she should go chasing trends or youth, but she can be a little more snazzy than this.



Leonardo DiCaprio

 His head needs a rethink.




Jeremy Renner in Ermenegildo Zegna

 As does his, for that matter.




Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks

Aren’t they pretty much the fun aunt and uncle at the wedding? The ones doing shots and getting line dances started? Bless them.




Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles

If they leaned in and kissed, Tumblr would burst into flames.




Margot Robbie in Elie Saab

That top could be potentially badass, but not paired with those wait staff pants. Hair and makeup are gorgeous.



Abigail Breslin in Badgley Mischka

For Oprah’s sake, you’re seventeen. Stop wearing Helen Mirren’s old dresses.




Kristen Bell in Pamella Roland

Gorgeous and dramatic. She’s really come into her own.




Emma Thompson in Alexander McQueen

This is awesome. Really perfect for her. But we once again wish she’d get rid of those shoes, which are obviously killing her. She got a great bit out of it for the Globes, but she doesn’t seem to realize how much it affects her pictures.




Ian Somerhalder in Dolce&Gabbana





Christina Applegate in Marchesa

This was the night of the aging dress, apparently. The shoes really aren’t helping our opinion.




Matthew McCounaghey in Lanvin and Camila Alves in Paule Ka

Continuing their admirable trend of toning their innate tackiness way down for the awards ceremonies while still remaining true to themselves. He really needs better tailoring than that, though; especially if he plans on wearing metallic tuxedoes.




Jared Leto in Balmain

Oh whatever.



Leslie Bibb in House of Ronald

WAY too much going on for one dress/look.  It’s like those creepy origami towel creatures you find on your bed on cruise ships.





[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PRPhotos.com, Jennifer Graylock/INFphoto.com]

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  • I feel like Aisha Tyler and Elisabeth Rohm are doing an Odile/Odette thing. An opera of Swan Lake?

    • (to the main theme of “Swan Lake”, the one played by the oboe): You wear the black one/I’ll wear white/We’ll rock/the red carpet tonight!”

    • marlie

      Aisha Tyler’s makeup is SO bad. Awful.

      • quiltrx

        I HOPE it’s the expression on her face that is making it look so weird…she’s gorgeous naturally, and I sure hope she hasn’t messed with her face.

  • lexilexi

    Meryl Streep looks amazing! This flatters her shape so much, and shows off her lovely legs.

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      Love her in this! And as a long (llooooooonnnngggg) time TLo reader, whenever I refer to her, I say Mary Louise, but I just realized I have no idea why. Can a BK shed some light?

      • formerlyAnon

        It’s her “real” name. The one on her birth certificate.

  • Evan

    Someone needs to take a flamethrower to Christina Applegate’s shoes.

    • sagecreek

      I volunteer!

  • I love that green on Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Gorgeous. I wish it had a different neckline though.

    I really love that top on Margot Robbie, wish it had been teamed with a cute skirt of some kind.

    Imma gonna steal that coat from Emma Thompson. That is a thing of such beauty. 🙂

    • marlie

      Right?! That coat is just lovely.

    • livesarah

      I really hate that top on Margot Robbie. It might have potential to be badass if she was nearing sixty, but right now it just looks like she dressed for Halloween as Sharon Stone.

    • MoHub

      Julia Louis-Dreyfus is wearing my all-time favorite color combination, but I wish it was on a different dress.

  • Sobaika

    Leto walking around like he got lost on the way to Coachella.

    • Inspector_Gidget

      Maybe he’s playing Dave Grohl in a biopic.

      • AMinNC

        I was going with Chris Robinson.

        • Sally3000

          Long lost fraternal Olsen triplet.

          • MK03

            He’s becoming Russell Brand.

          • Imasewsure

            Very astute… hopefully he won’t go full Brand since we only need one (or less)!!

      • terpsichory

        I was thinking of JC, should they ever turn Niven’s The Second Coming into a movie.

  • ojosazules

    Meryl Streep!

  • Scimommy

    I don’t know. This seems to be the one photo of Meryl where she looks ok. In all other photos I’ve seen that dress is a stiff yet shapeless mess. I thought it was very far from a personal best for her. In general, I thought this was a terrible red carpet with a couple of exceptions (Lupita, Sandra).

    • DTLAFamilies

      Personal best for Meryl was the two Chris March dresses. She needs to hire him again.

    • Trent

      I agree with Scimommy — Meryl looks…fine, but not an “all-time best.” Especially with stockings and peep-toe shoes. Also, Emma Thompson looks like she’s still a bit tipsy from the Globes (but fun!), and my 62-year-old aunt wore Christina Applegate’s dress at my cousin’s third wedding. Really, the only dress I out and out loved was Brie Larson’s, and as TLo said, her hair and makeup were blah.

      IMO, a seriously underwhelming red carpet (other than Lupita).

    • lundibleu

      I agree. I think one of Meryl’s all time bests was the Vivienne Westwood at the BAFTAs … two? years ago. This one doesn’t compare to that at all.

  • Nicholas

    Jared Leto clearly just walked off the set of the Interviews with a Vampire reboot.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Now, if there was a reboot of Interview with a Vampire that featured Jared Leto, I’d consider seeing that….also if it included Chris Helmsworth as Lestat.

      • ryenerman

        Consider yourself responsible for my wasting several minutes lost in a daydream about this movie that isn’t even real.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          I think we need a Kickstarter campaign to get that movie made…..I’m picturing Leto as Louis, Chris as Lestat, who shall we cast as our fantasy interviewer, plus Claudia, the child vamp?

          • Deborah Cardillo

            Kiernan Shipka for Claudia?

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            I like that choice!

  • @Biting Panda

    It’s all so busy and overly textural.

  • Nicole Sauvage

    I admit I don’t always pay attention, but what the heck happened to Jared Leto? And when did ladystars go back to wearing that just-below-the-knee skirt length? I think it makes practically everyone look stubby. Finally, is something wrong with me or does anyone else think Kristen Bell’s dress is cheap-looking? Maybe it’s just a bad photo.

    • @Biting Panda

      I hate KB’s dress. The keyhole is only over one boob, that bugs. And she is wearing a metric ton of eye makeup. I has a sad, because I pretty much worship her.

      • SugarSnap108

        Yep, that whole “here’s half of one of my breasts” is an odd look.

      • In_Stitches

        It looks like her boob is in a therapuetic sling. Not a good look.

        • MM4321

          KB had a baby 10-11 months ago. Are those still “nursing boobs” or did girlfriend get some work done? ‘Cos those thingamajingies were NOT there before. When I had kids they didn’t still look that way a year later . . .

    • MilaXX

      He’s a rock star. His band is called 30 seconds to Mars. When he’s doing the musician thing his hair, along with guyliner and chipped black nail polish works. However in a tux it does not.

      • SRQkitten

        At least he’s not wearing the hair bun he had for the Golden Globes.

      • KinoEye

        How I wish he’d stick to acting. I’ve always thought he was wonderful on screen, but 30 seconds? They were big when I was in high school, and I’m kind of amazed they’re still going. Much to my chagrin.

      • Tânia

        To me this hair never works. Ever.

    • Alloy Jane

      The hair thing is a cycle. It goes from stupid and gross to groomed every few months. It’s just his thing. He looks silly but his pants are hemmed and his band is awesome.

  • bellafigura1

    It delights me to say that Sts. Meryl & Emma win this round, handily.

  • Viviennne

    At 90 my grandmother wore dresses like Meryl’s …. thanks for the trip ~ and the morning laughter!

  • Snaps in frantic formation for Miss Meryl. Amazing!

    On the question of shadows in sheer dresses: I wonder if the linings have darker fabric in certain sensitive spots JUST to make people wonder, while allowing the celebrity to feel safe in the knowledge that she is actually lined. Are they trolling us?

    • alyce1213

      Funny idea, but I think it’s a matter of lighting. What may look semi-opaque in the showroom or at home won’t photograph the same under bright lights, which seem to penetrate most sheer linings. If ladystars don’t (or do) want to be revealing, the smart thing is to check out the clothes different lighting (esp backlight) and take flash pictures. Stylists should do this.

  • jen_vasm

    Everyone but Aisha Tyler looks horribly pasty. Maybe Abigail Breslin took a bite out if them because clearly she’s now a vampire. She even bit Jesus, er Jared Leto, who I should be happy that he has forsaken his jacked-up pony.

    • Rand Ortega

      ” She even bit Jesus, er Jared Leto”
      Laughing so hard, I then read “jacked up pony” as “jacked off porny” & almost wet myself.
      You have talent, my dear.

  • xmixiex

    Where in the world has my ewan been? He’s in a nominated movie… 🙁

  • decormaven

    Shout out to Meryl Streep- definitely a personal best. And is Rita Wilson going to be on Dancing With the Stars? That’s a tango outfit if I ever saw one.

    • MilaXX

      The only thing I dislike about Meryl’s look are the peep toes.

      • alyce1213

        The dress is so spectacular (and hair, etc) that I overlooked them. I love that she’s wearing sheer black hose, and I wish the shoes had closed toes.

      • Tatiana Luján

        I so hate peep toes with tights!

  • Kathy Monkman

    “Paper” “origami towel creatures” You just made my morning. :::applause:::

  • luludexter

    I love Emma Thompson’s look!! with black kitten heels it would be perfect and comfortable…

  • FunButNutz

    OMG you “Whatevered” Jordan Catalano! Escadoloso!

  • jw_ny

    Kellan, such a cute poodle…I went to pet him 😉

    and, for the love of god Ian, please take note of the pics above…at how much better you look without all your usual scruff!

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    Camilla looks classy and refined. I suspect that’s why she also looks so uncomfortable.

    • AmeliaEve

      It has a very flamenco look, and the hair really makes it.

  • SRQkitten

    Jessica, if we can see what looks like the outline of your spanx, it may be an indication your dress is too tight.

    Abigail, honey, we get it, you’re almost all grown up now and have a bodacious rack. But please get a better stylist, girl, you’re cute and should look way better than this.

    Julia, could you and Marisa Tomei get together for a discussion of how to dress cool after 40? It can be done.

    [still laughing at the Kellan poodle in a tux comment]

    • Imasewsure

      Actually Julia rocked her 40’s… it’s just 50 that has sent her to frumpville I think

      • SRQkitten

        :O Had no idea she’d hit 5-0! Wow, she’s looking very good (not that 50 is that old) just hadn’t realized she wasn’t in her 40’s.

  • DTLAFamilies

    Emma Thompson’s outfit is perfect for her the way Helena Bonham Carter’s outfits always are. Too bad about the shoes, though.

    • MilaXX

      I wish someone would give her a cute pair of kitten heels.

      • Lisa_Co

        She wore Louboutin flats to the SAG Awards:)

        • MilaXX

          I saw and she looked cute.

  • Audrey Lee

    Lost my shit at the JarPad Jensen Ackles comment. Seriously, though, the jacket’s too big on Jensen, and Jared’s pants need about three inches off which considering how TALL that boy is is inexcusable.

    • MilaXX

      Fared is slowly killing all my Jordan Catelano memories.

  • formerlyAnon

    Wow. Most of them suffered badly in either the face or the details of their ensemble or both for being over lit. And apparently having the sun in their eyes. (For that reason I give everyone with sunglasses on a pass.) Fewer than half a dozen really stood up to the brightness, Ms. Streep stunningly among them.

  • formerlyAnon

    P.s.The image of Tumblr bursting into flames is one I’ll smile over for a while. I suspect you are literally correct, though.

  • Snailstsichr

    I wonder if Julia L-D is dressing more matronly because she wasts to be seen as an artist? Or maybe she just wants to be Helen Mirren when she grows up? I can buy that since so many of us have the same goal!

  • Introspective

    Theres WAY too much flammable material on this red carpet. Im not impressed.

    But Meryl looks amazing!

  • Sofia Vesson

    Emma looks gorgeous
    Pretty Beautiful Gown http://fedbe. net/pretty-and-beautiful-gown-dresses/

  • Sofia Vesson

    Juliette Lewis looks beautiful in this dress http://fedbe.n et/juliette-lewis-2014-critics-choice-awards/

  • jonnyf8

    Is Abigail Breslin the next Lindsay Lohan. I don’t know anything about what she’s up to, but she sure looks like a hooker in all recent RC appearances.

    • boweryboy

      I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt. I keep telling myself she’s in character for an upcoming role as Mae West.

      • jonnyf8

        Isn’t the old-fashioned term we use for looking like her “blousey”?

        • Linda LaPaz

          Actually, I think it’s ‘blowsy”.

          (of a woman) coarse, untidy, and red-faced.
          “a blowsy woman wearing Bermuda shorts and a Bally’s sweatshirt”synonyms:untidy, sloppy, scruffy, messy, disheveled, unkempt, frowzy, slovenly;

          • jonnyf8

            Thanks Linda — that spelling makes more sense — also “rode hard, put away wet” comes to mind. Awfully young for such unkind adjectives isn’t she.

    • I don’t think her behaviour is giving any cause for concern, she’s just dressing like the divorced mother of the bride hitting on the groomsmen.

      • kimmeister

        She needs to learn to pose with her mouth closed if she insists on the super dark lipstick.

    • quiltrx

      I’ve always loved her, ever since ‘Signs’. I think she’s got the talent if she doesn’t get derailed by the foolishness that often overtakes at that age. I hope the hair is for a role, it sure makes her look cheap.
      And I am starting to wonder if she’s going for the “old school glamour” thing, but just not choosing the right looks to do it.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Abigail could be caught up in trying to dress as she thinks grown women ought to, but she hasn’t found the right looks for herself to date.

    • MilaXX

      I’ve not heard any rumors of foolishness. I think it’s a combo of bad taste and being at that age where you want to dress grown up.

    • Slanted & Enchanted

      A hooker, really? It seems like the criticism of her recent looks have been that they’re too matronly, besides the dress with the sheer panels (which otherwise had a modest silhouette).

      I’m honestly surprised by all of these comments because…she’s 17. Which is honestly a way more awkward time than most people remember. Abigail Breslin’s recent RC attire (almost all gowns, arms always covered) seems to indicate that she’s still adjusting to her changing figure. My theory is that she wants to keep covered up, but since she’s *~young ‘n fresh~* these sexy gowns keep getting pushed onto her because without cleavage she’d look Amish. And we can’t have that for a starlet.

  • understateddiva

    bahahahahah creepy origami towel things. I never thought of them as creepy before, but I totally understand.

  • M_E_S

    Bless you for the Jensen/Jared comment. I fear that if that actually happened, the entire Internet would burst into flames.

  • Claudia Berry

    Jeremy Renner and his damn hands. He just doesn’t know what to do with them.

    • Spreecord

      Also, an open letter to Jeremy Renner:

      Girl, that is not your face.
      ~The End~

  • marlie

    It’s rather telling that, after looking at these pictures, I want to hang out with Meryl, Rita & Tom, and Emma. THAT would be the fun table at the wedding.

    And I’m still laughing about the Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles comment.

    Brie Larsen’s dress is pretty, but almost ALL of the guys here need head makeovers.

    • Have you seen Brie Larsen’s dress from the back though? Bad things happen.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      That would be a fun table at a wedding reception-I can just see Rita pulling people up to dance!

      • marlie

        And after seeing her at the SAG awards, I want Rita Moreno to be at that table, too!

  • Jacob Bowen

    Kristen Bell looks FIERCE, and I honestly wish “Frozen” would win every award EVER because I honestly have never loved a Disney movie more (and coming from my BIG family of Disney lovers that’s a VERY brazen statement to make).

    Mr. McConnaughottie is looking GREAT except that stupid jacket doesn’t fit him! Come on Matthew, we are READY to endorse your tackiness, could you at least make it FIT?!?!?

    Finally, Jared/Jensen relationship has been the focus of WAY too many of my dreams, so TLo I LOVE YOU even more right now……sooo much sexy.

    • Stefanie Mackenziews

      Um no. The jacket has that perfect blend of Sacino & Sons ready for the Univision/Telemundo interview he’s been cultivating. She, too, is perfect. Although this time she is more ‘flamenco dancer at The Columbia Restaurant’.

  • Cloveradams

    Chastain is wearing the same dress worn by every debutante in a 1930s film whose heart is broken by a faithless beau, who eventually sees the error of his ways and begs forgiveness on bended knee.

    • supri_supri

      Her hair looks pretty though which makes me happy!

    • And as she looks like she’s bestowing some sort of Papal benediction, she clearly forgives the heel who done her wrong.

    • sagecreek

      At least it wasn’t yellow. As fabulous as she looks in yellow, I was getting bored.

  • supri_supri

    I might have nightmares about Leslie Bibbs’ shoes.
    Veronica Mars, I’m so proud of you!

  • Carla_Charlton

    Disagree about Kristen Bell — that neckline is really unflattering on her. But agree 100% about Meryl Streep — she looks relaxed, but stylish and up-to-date. And Bradley Cooper ALWAYS looks sweaty. I don’t like the no-tie look, either.

  • Kathy

    Ta very much because I love your “drive-by bitchery.”

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Meryl looks great, great color for Jessica Chastain, but the dress is too tight. Maybe Bradley’s sweaty mess look is a carryover from his American Hustle character, who was a sweaty mess?

  • MilaXX

    I guess the semi-formal dress code of the Critics Choice awards threw some of these folks off. Far too much widows lace going on. Poor Abigail is trying so hard to dress sexy and grownup she always end up looking like she’s dressed as Mae West for Halloween. Her stylist really needs to reign that end and offer her more youthful looks. The MUA needs to be publicly flogged. No 16 year old needs that much war paint on.

  • another_laura

    I’m so happy for the chance at a Saturday drive-by with TLo! And you’re spot on, guys.

    Seriously, what in the name of all that’s holy is going on with little Abigail Breslin? I hope she’s not headed for a disaster.

  • ailujailuj

    awww… I feel bad for the B team. Am I losing my edge?
    The comment about Jared & Jensen made me spew my tea. oh my.

  • kimmeister

    I love JLD’s dress, but maybe more for a luncheon type of event. Camila might be at her personal best here.

    • LadyLuck777

      I like it too. It makes me think classy rather than aged.

  • Susan Velazquez

    Abigail Breslin, you are much too young for that gown and make up. Oh, and put away the baby heads! We get it–you have breasts now. Congrats, now get a bra that properly fits you, dear.

    • Gatto Nero

      Abigail always winds up looking tough and cheap, like the girl who threatened to beat you up in junior high. (Sorry — flashback.) My heart goes out to her. Someone please give her some guidance!

    • TeacherH

      Abby Breslin reads like a bundle of body insecurity to me. I think she is lovely, but it feels like she can’t see it and wishes desperately that she looked like someone else. I don’t feel annoyed when I look at her, just sad. Probably because she reminds me of my high school self. I get that she is a movie star with “people” so not comparable to pathetic Midwestern teenagers in suburbia, but I still want to give her a hug. And then take her shopping.

    • In_Stitches

      She needs to look to Kat Dennings for some style advice. They have very similar bodies and Kat has learned how best to handle hers over time.

  • MartyBellerMask

    Oh, Jared Leto, please dress like that at the Oscars. Bring some crazy to the R.C.

  • alyce1213

    That simple, elegant shift is the best thing I’ve seen Meryl Streep wear. I think for her, clothes should be like a clean backdrop — nothing overdone or excessive, so she can just show up and shine. She’s bigger than any dress.
    Abigail Breslin’s appearance makes me angry,
    The Marchesa that Christina Applegate is wearing could not look any cheaper.

    • Gatto Nero

      Marchesa always looks overwrought and cheap, IMO.

      • alyce1213

        Always. You can count on it.

    • SugarSnap108

      So true about the Marchesa, especially when you pair it with bargain-basement shoes you pulled out of a bin.

  • E. D.

    Too bad Leslie Bibb’s skirt wasn’t just a pencil or tulip skirt. Otherwise, she looks good.

  • frannyprof

    House of Ronald? Ronald who?!

    • Darva Sutra

      Ronald Mcdonald House.

  • cocohall

    I know it is their job and it isn’t breaking rocks, but I feel tired for all these folks having to come up with fresh looks for the seemingly endless awards shows and luncheons. And the Oscars are a month and a half away. Yes, they have stylists, but still one does have to stand there and try it all on and get it fitted. And then there is the issue of guessing how formally/informally to dress, because God forbid, you don’t want to be the only one in a gown if everyone else goes knee length, but then again, the opposite scenario could happen and you’re standing there looking like you’re ready for Sunday brunch with Gran and everyone else got the memo to go full out. Plus, imagine being not quite A list and being told that “no, you can’t have that dress because it is on reserve for someone else. Someone important, who might actually win.” This is the sitcom I want to watch. Let’s call it “The B List.” with a plucky heroine who struggles to crack the big leagues.

    • I know. I can wear a black pencil skirt to work 3 days running, but can you imagine if any of these women wore the same thing to two consecutive events? There’d be a riot.

      • kimmeister

        My boss’s boss literally wears the same black pants and shoes every day to work, with a nice variety of tops. I used to give her the benefit of the doubt that they were multiples of the same pants, but she just got a new pair in a slightly different style and now it’s those daily. They’re not bad pants or anything, but come on!

        • Wearing them every day is a bit much. They need some time to air!

  • Gatto Nero

    Love Emma Thompson’s McQueen coat. I’ll take one please.
    Simplicity suits Meryl to a T.

  • joything

    Abigail Breslin = Baby Mae West. Lordy, what a rack on little Olive!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      She will always be Olive for me-and that dance number to “Super Freak” is dear to my twisted, BK heart.
      Now, Abigail, get a stylist who will help you find the right dress to show off that figure in a fun, youthful way

      • demidaemon

        Oh, Little Miss Sunshine. One of my favorite movies ever! I could watch it over and over again and not get bored.

        ETA: I sometime find it hard to remember that Abigail is the same girl from that movie. Also: It makes me feel old, at the ripe age of 31.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          That movie has so many moments that I really enjoy!

        • Anna

          When Abigail actually turns 31, I have a feeling she’ll look back on these photos and maybe wish she chose things more suited to being 17.
          Enjoy being a miss while you’re still a miss, Abigail. It’s a very short window of time before the person at Starbucks saying, “And here’s your grande Americano, ” follows that up with, “Ma’am.”

          • demidaemon

            It’s so, so true. I sometimes have the experience of going one place and hearing sir and being on the phone and hearing ma’am. Just makes my day!

          • Anna

            Oh dear, happens all the time to my friend Sasha when telemarketers call him. I’m turning 33 in March so intellectually I know I’m not a miss but I still don’t like hearing ma’am.

          • mlle

            I’m at an age where I want to tell people who call me ma’am that I’m not that old yet, but I also want to tell people who call me miss that I’m an adult with a job and a dog. I wish there were some neutral form of address.

  • “If they leaned in and kissed, Tumblr would burst into flames.”
    When you’re right, you’re right.

  • sagecreek

    What the heck was E Rohm thinking with that make-up? It adds ten years, easy.

  • Miss wks

    I love Ms. Streep’s dress. She looks fab in it. My only pick on it is that I wish the sequin verticals would have been moved closer to the center by about 5/8″. Or the shoulder and sleeves fit her a bit better. Love the color and design.

  • nannypoo

    Meryl Streep looks great. When she is the best of the bunch in a list as long as this one then you know it’s a bad weekend. But I do want to stop a moment and mention Abigail Breslin. She is a beautiful young girl with lots of talent who looks absolutely pathetic when she appears in public. Is she entirely without friends and family? Is there no one who cares about her? This outfit is pitiful from head to toe.

  • Cee Layton

    I love your snappy and devilishly spot on rundowns. The compilations are my faves.

    • CPK1

      me too! I suggest a second book of just this type of writing. TLo aphorisms!

  • MoHub

    Personal best for Rita Wilson, methinks.

  • Erica_Vuitton

    Jensen hasn’t aged since Dark Angel, Whoa Abigale! YAAAASS V Mars! and YUMMMM Mr Catalano.

  • Jean Marie Downing

    Is Jared Padelecki’s hairline receding? He looks… less endowed with hair than I remember.

    Don’t consider Morticia’s wedding gown a barrier to fabulousness. Sometimes you want to rock some skintight black lace. And tango.

    Disliked Kristin Bell’s dress from another angle but loving it here – very dramatic.

  • SugarSnap108

    It’s amazing to think Abigail Breslin is only 17 when she’s decked out like this. That whole look ages her by decades. If she doesn’t have a stylist, doesn’t she have friends her age?

  • siriuslover

    Love the run downs because we get so much TLo bitchiness out of it! My comments: too many wrinkled clothes on the red carpet…what happened to all those portable steam irons? And Kristen Bell’s wonky boob is freaking me out.

  • save_the_hobbit

    Trying not to stare at Abigail Breslin’s boobs until she’s 18 is gonna be really hard if she keeps dressing like that.

  • SophieCollier

    Your comment about Jared and Jensen had me rolling. TRUE DAT.

    • @Biting Panda

      I cackled.

  • SaraQ

    I’m kind of hoping Jared Leto is keeping his hair long to come in character to the Oscars.

  • gracedarling

    I just want to wipe that spack off Abigail Breslin’s face, and give her a chic chin-length bob. Maybe a midnight blue version of Camilla Alved dress, and some killer earrings, and a pep talk in the bathroom.

    You can tell she feels uncomfortable about not having a ‘Hollywood body’, but she could really make stark and simple sing if she found the courage to ditch the sheer sleeves and mountains of hair.

  • Maryanne525

    Don’t get the dislike of Jared Leto. It could’ve been better for the event, but I give him props for doing what feels good to him. Then again, what do I know? 🙂

    • somebody blonde

      Because he could’ve done something with similar feeling that was less half-assed.

  • SorayaS

    Oh good grief Kellan Lutz that facial hair is TOO manicured.

  • Ashleigh

    “For Oprah’s sake, you’re seventeen. Stop wearing Helen Mirren’s old dresses” FANTASTIC.
    I too loved the McQueen on Emma.
    But, why “whatever” to Jared? He does always seem to need to have SOMEthing kooky. Why not just be 100% fantastic and WORK IT for once

  • Tatiana Luján

    I love Camila Alves’ dress.
    The color explosion when I scrolled down to Emma Thompson’s picture made me smile, she’s adorable.
    You’re totally right about Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks being the fun uncles at the party. So is Emma Thompson.

    • Lilak

      I’m with you, on all.
      Side note on Camila: Used to bug me, but now fascinated by her consistently not-quite-Mona-Lisa (Sphinx-like?) facial ‘expression’ in almost every photo op, ever.

  • SierraDelta

    Who stole Jeremy Renner’s eyeballs?

  • This trend of dunking all the boy stars in oil before they throw them down the RC is, shockingly, not working for me.

  • AutumnInNY

    How is it possible with all her money, Hollywood wife status, stylists, designers, hair and make-up geniuses at her fingertips year after year that Rita Wilson never pulls it off on the red carpet?

  • filmcricket

    Margot Robbie’s outfit is actually a jumpsuit that is terribly fitted in the back. It’s awful. And she’d been doing so well for her inaugural awards season, too!

    Thanks for the weekend laughs, Uncles. You guys are working overtime. I hope you have forgiving cats.

  • alyce1213

    I think Margot Robbie’s gotta dial back a bit on giving face, take it easy. She’s already beautiful, she doesn’t have to try so hard. This is only her first go-round and she’s already serving up monumental bitchface.

  • trisker

    Laughed out loud at the “creepy origami towel creatures on cruise ships” line!! Just LOVE Emma Thompson’s whole look, expression, everything. Thanks, guys–we BKs know you’re working your butts off!

  • AvaLehra

    “Aren’t they pretty much the fun aunt and uncle at the wedding? The ones doing shots and getting line dances started? Bless them.”
    My husband and I are aiming for that in 20 more years.

  • Therese Bohn

    Abigail seems to be giving off a Mae West vibe, and it’s just too…something that’s wrong. Seems like she was 10 only 3 years ago! (I haven’t kept up since Little Miss Sunshine) She needs to tone it down, maybe talk to Kiernan Shipka…

  • Suse

    Jared Leto ~ What Would Jesus Wear?

  • Judy_S

    “This was the night of the aging dress, apparently”–probably you meant “dress that implies the wearer is older than she is” but looking at many of these ladies–especially the first few–it seemed as though they had walked through some kind of machine that aged the dresses, stripping them of any crispness or sensual qualities, so they looked flimsy and unpleasant.

    On the other hand, I was so pleased to see Meryl Streep looking fantastic.

  • Anna

    I never really cared one way or the other about Kristen Bell’s style but she looks amazing, dareIsay even the best one from this bunch aside from Meryl and Emma. I scrolled up and down for a few minutes trying to form opinions on everyone else and all I got was, “Ennhh….”

  • You guys crack me the hell up. Jared Leto…whatever. HAHAHA. I was really loving Christina Applegate until I scrolled down to the shoes. Death to the platform peep toe for evening wear. ARGH. Hate that. And Abigail Breslin is in serious fucking need of an intervention. She looks like an extra from Tombstone.

  • somebody blonde

    Maybe it’s just me, but I think Abigail Breslin needs to chop off most of her hair, because I think it’s a lot of what’s making her look so old.

  • Laura Renee



    • Closet Crisis

      Amen sister, amen. Please uncs, please feature the boys on Sausage Friday soon!?

      Everyone else is standard issue, except for Meryl and Emma Thompson, who both look stylish and appropriately decked out for this level of red-carpetry.

  • Dagney


  • cowper

    WHAT is that bizarro zipper pull thing Rita Wilson is sporting? It’s like an extra necklace fell out of her cleavage.

  • Diego!

    Kristen Bell and Meryl Streep are the best here. Special mention to Emma Thompson, I love how that red looks on her. The others… meh!

  • Kent Roby

    I am living for/cracking up over Jessica Chastain’s Cover Girl beauty pose! I assume that Mister Jay was just out of frame giving directions.

  • Patrick Cleary

    Emma Thompson always looks like she just arrived from somewhere 100% more fun than the current event.

  • Jecca2244

    i will never understand Jared Leto. but my 37 year old, mother of two big sister nearly sobs with delight when he comes onscreen. also, Renner and Leo, SHAVE. Leo now looks like Eric Dane and Renner gives me the creep a leeps.

  • Jessica Freeman

    Meryl is following in Helen Mirrens’ hose-with-peep-toe trend. I suppose they know we love them too much to take off points for it anymore.

  • Call me Bee

    Leonardo DiCaprio has a freakishly big head, eh?

  • Sunraya

    You know who looks polished? Meryl Streep. You know why? Stockings.

    I continue my war for stockings!

  • amaranth16

    Feels like progress to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus in something other than just black or another neutral.

  • Adriana_Paula

    Way to bring back my origami towel monkey nightmares from that time I was aboard the Radiance of the Seas…

  • Rrroza

    I think the lighting on this whole set of photos has a really unflattering cast to it. And the step&repeat has a sickly base color as well.