T Lo’s Worst Red Carpet Looks of 2013 – The Final Five

Posted on December 31, 2013

You know what? We’re gonna keep this simple and just list the reasons why these disasters have been designated by us to be the very worst the red carpet had to offer this year. This way, you can form a more efficient argument when you tell us we’re nuts or smoking crack or whatever.

Ready? Then we’ll begin. Please remember to stare at a spot on the horizon if you start feeling nauseous.

 

5. Kim Kardashian in Givenchy

Kim Kardashian attends the 2013 Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City in custom Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci accessorized with Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.

 
 

Because Anna Wintour said “Fine, Kanye. She can come. But I’m picking out her dress.”

Because Anna Wintour is the High Empress of Devious Bitchslaps and this ensemble proves it.

Because the dress looks like drugstore gift wrapping.

 
 

4. Miley Cyrus in Vintage

Miley Cyrus attends the MTV EMA’s 2013 at the Ziggo Dome in Amsterdam, Netherlands in a lace-up custom vintage dress with the faces of rappers The Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac Shakur and the words “Please Stop Violence” on it accessorized with Tom Ford boots.

 
 

Because this silly little privileged white girl spent the year grabbing at African-American culture like a kid running up and down the aisles of a candy store and shoving it in her mouth and now thinks she can start appropriating the images of dead black men and send vaguely bland messages about “stopping violence.”

Because this dress is ugly and tacky.

Because she’s kind of an asshole for wearing it.

 
 

3. Florence Welch in Miu Miu

Florence Welch attends the Opening Ceremony and ‘The Great Gatsby’ Premiere during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival in Miu Miu.

 
 

Because it’s hideous.

 
 

2. Maggie Gyllenhaal Gives Up

>Maggie Gyllenhaal attends the 2013 Riverkeeper’s Fishermen’s Ball in New York City.

 
 

Because we don’t care how casual something called the Fisherman’s Ball is likely to be, YOU DON’T COME DRESSED LIKE A SENILE OCTOGENARIAN WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR PICTURE IS GOING TO BE TAKEN.

 
 

1. Kerry Washington in Peter Pilotto

Kerry Washington attends the “Django Unchained” photocall in Rome in a Peter Pilotto dress.

 
 
Because Maggie Gyllenhaal’s look was probably uglier, but you have to take into account intent and event, like we always say.

Because girl, your dress is having an emotional crisis at the moment and clearly needs some time alone to pull itself together.

Because let’s face it: it’s the butt-ugliest dress we’ve seen all year.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And there you have it, kittens. Feel free to add your picks or argue with ours. Don’t forget parts one and two of the Worst list, for the full bitchy experience.  Happy New Year! And may all your bitchy dreams come true!

 
 
 
 

[Photo Credit: INFPhoto.com, PPhotos.com, Getty Images]

    • Kate Andrews

      Ha! Maggie Gyllenhaal smells like mothballs through the computer screen! Right on.

      • judybrowni

        …mothballs and pee…

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          I do like her as an actress. I don’t know if she thought that this particular look would read as funky/quirky, but it’s just kind of sadly WTF, instead.

    • @Biting Panda

      Bravo, Gentlemen! Bravo!!

      (Even if my Queen of Goodwill is here.)

    • kimmeister

      I knew a Peter Pilotto look had to be in the top 5! That dress is 3 dresses in one, all of which are ugly, plus part of a casual cross-body bag. Florence’s look is ugly, but for me it’s not Top Five ugly. Everything else, I’m totally on board. One more thing to add to Kim’s “because list” – because a crazy print dress should never have matching (or attached?) crazy print gloves.

      • Kate Andrews

        I think the shoes put Florence over the top for me. And the plasticky Barbie purse. Ick.

        • editrixie

          For some reason, that dress and those shoes has always made me think of the movie Sucker Punch. It looks like something someone should wear in the asylum.

        • Evan

          Yeah It’s the shoes that do it for me. Not only are they hideous, but they clash terribly with the dress. She should have worn them together to the Met Gala since it was punk themed. Then it might be appropriate.

        • formerlyAnon

          Shoes combined with the flyaway frazzles of the hair.

      • Billie_Dawn

        The matching gloves give the whole thing a decidedly creepy, straitjacket-y feel.

        • Lori

          The matching gloves caused to feel a brief twinge of sympathy for Kim K. It must be really horrible to be photographed in an outfit that so clearly screams, “Someone hates me.”

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Drugstore giftwrap-that does so capture the quality of that print. You know that Kim K. knew that she was going to be on a lot of worst dressed lists for this one.

            • Lori

              Oh yeah, you could tell by the look on her fact in all the pictures that she knew it wasn’t working. It just seemed like she didn’t have a huge amount of input on it and she’s certainly not the first person to be talked into a bad, bad idea by their SO.

            • bitchybitchybitchy

              As annoying as I find the Kardashians, I have to feel more than a smidgeon of sympathy for her here.

            • random_poster

              No sympathy from cold-hearted me. She could have figured out a way to get herself out of it–made up a story about horrifying morning sickness, etc.–but she wore it and went anyway.

            • BayTampaBay

              I have a hard time imagining Anna Wintour and Kanye as friends. I wonder what they have in common or could possibly talk about? LOL!

          • Rand Ortega

            More like, “Everyone hates me.”

            • Lori

              That’s sort of true, but I think responsibility for the cheap gift wrap dress and making gloves is far more specific than that.

            • Rand Ortega

              I can totally imagine Anna Wintour sitting at her posh Vogue desk snickering like Snidely Whiplash at the Kim photos…

      • AnneElliot

        I was so overwhelmed by the print that I didn’t even notice the MATCHING GLOVES. What. were. they. thinking????

      • judybrowni

        Yup, it looks like three dress from The Limited were involved in some Mad Scientist cloning experiment.

        She’s lucky a fly wasn’t also included in the transporter…

        • Kathy

          Now I’ll forever imagine Kim caught in a spider web, wearing that dress and crying “Help me!”

    • butterflysunita

      That Peter Pilotto is definitely a seriously ugly dress. On the other hand, Kerry Washington is so beautiful that she actually doesn’t look that bad.

      • MilaXX

        Truthfully so great is her power if they removed the riffle at the bottom, I’d give it a pass.

        • Sarah

          Yeah that one (forgive me I’m heinously ill and my brain is fogged) that was featured not long ago that had a fiery volcano on it was worse.

          • kimmeister

            I hope you don’t have the strain of the 2009 swine flu that is going around!

            • Sarah

              Don’t think so. Just badly clogged ears messing with my equilibrium, and no doubt bronchitis, because I’m doomed to have it for months for falling of the non-smoker’s wagon, and this is my penance.

            • @Biting Panda

              Oh, feel better, love. But smoking is super icky, so get back off that stick.

            • kimmeister

              Well git back on that wagon, girl!

            • Sarah

              I knows it. I quit smoking everything else to pass a test for a job it looks like I won’t get, so I haven’t an excuse (poor that it was) anymore. And I hate it, so there’s no good reason to keep on.

            • Kathy

              As a former smoker (quit twice and hope it holds this time), I feel your pain. Get well soon!

            • Sarah

              This would be the third time for me. Mistake: Thinking you can “just have one once in a while with a drink.” And also being a champion quitter. Easier you find it to quit, easier it is to fall off the wagon, it seems. Gonna have to approach it from a philosophical standpoint this time; as my friend says: “Why do you want to be a slave?” I don’t.

            • Kathy

              That’s a good way to look at it. I used to always have a cigarette with a drink. Now I can’t drink because of acid reflux. lol! So I guess that’s two birds with one stone.

          • Rand Ortega

            Feel better soon!

            • Sarah

              Thank you. I do. Happy Nude Year!

          • decormaven

            Feel better! Then steel your resolve to get back to nonsmoker status. Your lungs will thank you. (smile)

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          The ruffle puts the dress into fugland, doesn’t it? Kerry almost pulls it off, but the ruffle defeats even Olivia Pope.

    • http://recapscallion.blogspot.com/ Claire

      This is the part where I admit that I kind of liked Kim’s Met Gala dress (or at least the print; I’m sorry but I just love a floral).

      • Kathy

        I understand. Though I’m not into florals, I love boots. I’m ashamed that I’d kinda like Miley’s Tom Ford boots if it weren’t for the toe holes.

        • Dorothy_on_the_yellow_brick_rd

          In reply to Claire: Yes, looking at Kim’s dress again, I do like the print and the dress – but the attached, matching gloves are overkill. I only say this now, because the print really set off her coloring and dark hair then. Now with her lighter hair and frozen face, she looks dead.

          In reply to Kathy: Yeah! Miley’s Tom Ford boots…I want my own pair.

      • Lilah

        I admit I didn’t hate her dress either. The gloves were a step too far and the fact she was pregnant just made it way too much fabric. I also kind of love Flo’s dress. Oops.

      • Tracy_Flick

        I was just scrolling through all these posts hoping that I wasn’t the only one that felt this way. I hated the dress on sight, but god help me, it’s grown on me (still think the gloves are way too much). But I think she looks beautiful from the neck up, too.

        And if AW did make her look bad on purpose, that’s pathetic. Have the cojones to tell her not to come, if you feel that associating with someone you see as low-class will tarnish you. Humiliating someone and then snickering over it behind their back is the mark of real trashiness.

    • MilaXX

      Blogger Gabbifresh bought 2 dresses,made some alterations and went as Kim for Halloween. It was hilarious.
      The commentary for Miley is spot on & I love you for it.
      Flo & Kerry are a swing and a miss, but Maggie clearly just said “eff it” that say.

    • Imasewsure

      I predicted that KK would top the list so glad she made the bottom 5 with that monstrosity… the others are well deservedly awful as well. Good times… Good times….

    • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

      Seeing Kerry Washington make the top of your Worst-Dressed list has made me weep bitter, bitter tears. She, who can do no wrong; she, who is the only legitimate pretender to the thrones of La Swinton and Iman — and yet it is she who wore this truly hiddy dress. That she is named in the company of Kardashian (I can barely type it), Cyrus and Gyllenhaal grieves me. I guess the mighty must be judged by the standards they themselves have set. It is midnight in Yangon as I type this. That, and this post, are reason enough to start drinking early today.

      • Jessica Freeman

        Let’s not forget the prairie gown she wore as well. That was the one I thought may make it.

      • KinoEye

        “Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.”

    • Jessica Freeman

      The Miley commentary is spot on.

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        Yeah, this. Washington is more “Girl, you took a risk and … uh-uh. No. Try again.” Cyrus is like “Girl … fuck you. Go home and don’t come back.”

      • mayanempire

        Except for not showing the rear of the dress and pointing out the fact that the faces of the two deceased men form one buttock each. As fugly as Kerry’s look is, Lil Miss Cyrus should’ve been #1.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        Exactly . . . that’s EXACTLY what I was thinking. Thank God TLo can put into words what we were all thinking.

    • sagecreek

      Perfect commentary on why Miley’s dress was so very horrible (well, beyond the obvious visual). Well done, unks.

      • AnneElliot

        And the boots!!! Their hideousness is only accented by the tiny peep-toes.

        • kimmeister

          That’s the only thing that could have made the already hideous boots even more hideous. Plus, if the wearer had sported clawlike toenails, I suppose.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          Can we get a collective bitchslap for Tom Ford for designing or authorizing these horrors?

          • makeityourself

            Mr. Ford would enjoy a collective bitchslap. Let’s just ignore him instead.

            • bitchybitchybitchy

              Good point -let’s not reward him.

    • Janet B

      I feel so much joy looking at these hideous outfits!
      (So much joy, I might be a tiny bit embarrassed.)

      • alyce1213

        You’re not alone. That’s one of the reasons we’re all here, isn’t it?

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        That’s why we’re here; the German language has the exact word for this: schadenfreude-shame joy.

        • Coolekat

          never knew what it meant before. Thanks!

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            My pleasure. It’s one of my favorite German words because it so perfectly expresses the emotion.

    • PittypatBR

      Kerry’s dress looks like something a 3 year old would make for her Barbie doll at 11 pm when up WAY past his/her bedtime. And then they would have nightmares!

    • Tricia

      You guys are amazing, thank you! I stumbled across your blog this year, and it was the best thing I discovered on the interwebs, hands down. I whole-heartedly agree with all of these picks- Miley’s and Maggie’s particularly.

    • MK03

      I would put Kim’s upholstery dress in the #1 spot. Because A) it’s truly hideous, B) it makes her look like an amorphous blob with a head perched on top and C) naming her the worst dressed of the year would really piss her off.

      • kimmeister

        Not that you would know she was ticked off, since her face isn’t capable of making facial expressions anymore. We might hear a nice new jingle by her baby daddy about it though.

      • Constant Reader

        I think what bugs me the most about that dress (and I am no fan of any Kardashian) is that she looks prettier than I’ve ever seen her — all pregnant-fabulous, glowing, and shiny-haired — and that dress is a crime against all of it.

        • Shawn EH

          Though sort of genius that Wintour is the criminal, not Kim.

          • Constant Reader

            Agreed.

        • manina

          The glowing is, I think, from make up; the shiny-haired, from hair spray or something similar. I think she looks more and more like Wendy Williams everyday, even though she is probably going for that other girl singer married to the rapper, won’t mention any names. The material of that horrible garment really looks like gift wrap paper that you find in the drawers of old furniture in thrift shops.

      • http://unbornunicorn.wordpress.com/ Amanda Gun

        No, I think she’s the kind of woman who would be thrilled to be at the top of any list.

      • Lower L

        You know those nature films showing an octopus change color and texture to match its surroundings? This is what Kim K’s dress makes me think of.

    • Super_Red

      oh loooord… I don’t recall having seen Kerry’s before, and now I realize it’s because I clearly blocked that monstrosity out. TLo, I have no complaints about the final five. well done, boys. Well done.

    • Carrie

      I will never get over the fug that is Kim’s dress. It’s one of those moments that make you wonder if she thinks people are laughing with her instead of at her.

    • Danielle

      I forgot about that upholstered abomination.

      • OmegaMu

        I read that upholstered abdomen. Either way…

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

          Freud at work there.

    • zenobar

      Fucking Pilotto.

      • Tracy_Flick

        I suspect that his “designs” are a long-term performance art piece about the stupidity of the fashion-celebrity industrial complex. That’s the only explanation that makes sense.

        • demidaemon

          I just assumed they were all designed in a drug-addled haze. Choose your poison that applies.

    • Frank_821

      That really is a hideous dress on Kim. The irony is she is looking better post birth on a style front. Nothing high fashion but better

      • Sobaika

        Because Kanye stopped dressing her.

        • formerlyAnon

          Ha! Every time I see them together I think “Girl, I hope your daddy’s legacy means you’ve got better lawyers than he does, because y’all bred together which is an 18 year entaglement and you are gonna be sorry.”

    • Carolyne

      Oh Tom and Lorenzo, I worship at your feet….

    • RedRaven617

      Gentlemen, thank you for a wonderful year of observant bitchiness. My day is never complete without you. Good health and happiness to you both in the New Year.

    • Lattis

      Florence Welch in the polka dot Miu Miu . . . . Can’t explain or defend this, but if I was at a party and saw her in that dress, I would really want to get to know her, talk to her. To me she looks endearing, humorous, a bit self-effacing and a bit defiant in that odd dress.

    • brown-eyed girl

      I cannot look at photos of Kim Kardashian in this dress without recoiling. The gloves, the gloves. Dear God, the gloves!

    • filmcricket

      I might have picked different dresses for both Gyllenhaal and Washington, but can’t really dispute any of these. The commentary for little miss Miley is spot-on.

      Happy New Year to all the BKs and to our wonderful Uncles most of all!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Whenever I see Maggie Gyllenhaal in this kind of outift I want to reach through the screen, put my arm around her and say, “Honey, we all know that you are a serious ARTISTE but that doesn’t mean dressing like fashion victim”.

    • GeoDiva

      Nothing from the hideous Dior stuff that they made Jen wear?

      • Evan

        Yeah, the one that looked like a tracksuit that she wore to the Dior Couture would have definitely been in my top 5, even though it technically wasn’t red carpet.

    • Shawn EH

      It’s really sad when even Kerry W. can’t save a look. But I love the Flo pram lining dress, even including the yellow plastic sandles. She looks like a doll from a 19th century department store.. And you know Miley’s desperation is instantly forgiven by the very community she’s courting because she’s also giving them all that skin.

      • Sarah

        Not sure about that one. Unless you’re referring to a community of people who enjoy skinny privileged arses of middling talent instead of respect for their culture.

        • Shawn EH

          Rather than skinny and priveleged, I see a sexually suggestive arse who can twerk.

          • Sarah

            Matter of opinion. Twas the suggestion that there was a specific group of people that would regard her goings on with favor for their sexual nature and disregard her hopeless misinterpretation of cultural influence that I was meaning to address.

            • Shawn EH

              I know. But most of the commentators I’ve seen finding fault with that outfit have been white. I think she’s seen as more clownish than insulting by the hip hop community.

            • Sarah

              Heh, she’s a clown, all right. I agree with you there!

          • Sobaika

            MIley can NOT twerk.

            • Shawn EH

              Ha! You win!

    • Evan

      Maggie takes the cake for me followed by Kim. The only one that I disagree with is Flo’s. I think it would be ok if it weren’t for the hideous clashing shoes. The Pilotto reminds me of some of the monstrosities Raf Simons turned out this year, esp. the one Jennifer Lawrence wore to the Dior Couture show. Technically that wasn’t red carpet, but it would have been in my top 5.

    • VioletFem

      Pretty much agree that every outfit presented on here should be on this list, but I would switch the positions of Miley and Kerry. I think Peter Piloto is (successfully) stealing the title of “designer of the ugliest” dresses away from Stella McCartney.

      • MilaXX

        Yes but Miley’s loses major points for cultural appropriation & disrespect for the dead.

        • VioletFem

          Oh I totally agree. That’s why I think Miley’s outfit should have been at the top of this list.

        • Tracy_Flick

          Totally. It takes a special kind of celebrity to break out of the category “holy shit, that’s ugly” and into “wow, you’re a complete jerk” using only their clothing choices.

          • RectPropagation

            THIS. I have to agree with VioletFem that this should have bumped her into the #1 worst spot.

    • Jacob Bowen

      My FAVORITE part of this list is that the “Fashion Police” LOVED this dress on Kim (if I remember correctly) and I laugh so hard that they do! Also, “Because it’s hideous” is so pointedly perfect that I burst out laughing.

      • Evan

        I find it funny that none of the commentators on Fashion Police exactly have great style. Kelly has her own style, but it’s mostly a miss for me, Joan always looks tacky like a Carnival float threw up on her, Giuliana is too boring and I think that stylist has some questionable taste too, although I think he’s the most respectable of the bunch.

        • MilaXX

          I love George K’s looks.

          • Jacob Bowen

            I LOVE George K’s and Kelly’s outfits are usually pretty great, but for some reason they like the most AWFUL things sometimes (Kim K’s dress, for example).

            • demidaemon

              I don’t remember them liking Kim’s dress that much. Maybe I blocked it out. I do remember them liking Kerry’s PP dress though, for some ass-backwards reason. On style:

              George: usually good. Sometimes gets a little too entranced with the shiny.
              Joan: Is Joan. Selling her QVC wares and hosting at the same time. Generally, I think she looks pretty respectable.
              Kelly: Generally love. She usually only has a few misses. Her dress tonight was particularly stunning on her. Hairstyles are of various qualities but I do appreciate that she changes it up, unlike certain other starlets.
              Giuliana: Pretty hit or miss. After seeing some of her hairstyles from early in the year, I’m glad she killed the extensions and went fro a bob.

    • e jerry powell

      Didn’t that Welch Miu Miu go with that coat that Kerry Washington wore on the cover of Flare?

      • Aurumgirl

        That whole Kerry Washington spread for Flare could have swallowed up this ugliest looks of the year listing all on its own.

        • e jerry powell

          Combine that with the Lucky spread, and we’re talking starting a war against fashion editors on Kerry’s behalf.

      • ohbear1957

        Sadly, it goes with my granny’s chenille bathrobe too.

        • e jerry powell

          But Prada probably charges way more for it.

    • Sunraya

      Ironically, I love the Peter Pilotto without the green lettuce running down it. And Maggie G – you just crack me up!! She did look like an Octogenarian!!

    • elzatelzabelz

      I can’t disagree with any of these choices, but the Kim K carpet dress was perhaps the Worst Dress Ever In the History of Clothes.

    • formerlyAnon

      Ya know, I’d usually say you have to give a pregnant gal a break, but it’s Kim Kardashian, so . . . I’ll be a bitch. Well done Ms. K on displaying your complete willingness to do ANYthing to achieve your ends and showing up in the thing.

      Miley coulda pulled off those ridiculous boots with a decent outfit. Coulda woulda shoulda.

      Ms. Gyllenhaal & your comments made me laugh and laugh and hope that she’s as fun to be friends with as I imagine.

      Ms. Welch & Ms. Washington could have had other people subbed in their place, they weren’t the special little broken snowflakes that the other three were. But I sure can’t argue with these calls.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        I think you nailed my minor qualms with this list. Florence and Kerry both made a bold, interesting choice. Failed, but they made an effort and they look at least put together. It’s the garments themselves that are offenders (though yes, they also had the bad judgment to put them on). The other three are offences against nature. They make you spit-take with horror. But they are also quintessential looks for their wearers, exemplifying so well what we find annoying about them. True fug classics. The Kardashian monstrosity in particular will live in infamy for years to come.

      • Qitkat

        I have a soft spot for Maggie, and on any list, I’ll bet she is one of the most fun to hang out with (and the hell with prepositions at the end of sentences).

        • demidaemon

          I love a good preposition at the end of a sentence–as long as it makes sense.

    • CarrieBaby

      That prairie girl dress that Kerry wore a couple of months back was more deserving of that #1 spot than this one. If that random green ruffle was gone then the dress would have been decent

      • demidaemon

        Everyone keeps saying that. i, however, think it would still be pretty ugly.

    • snarkykitten

      Both lists were spot-on, dear uncles!

    • CatherineRhodes

      This wasn’t the Maggie G. outfit that inspired my favorite TLo comment of all time: “She probably smells like nursing home pee.” But it could have been. Nice job, guys. This Bitter Kitten salutes another year of terrific blogging. You’re on a successful ride, Uncles, and you deserve every ounce of it.

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      I think you did a wonderful job. The top 5 best were a bit on the bland side but then again, like you said, they’re being paid for a job and they need to bring it. And I myself am a big fan of the Francisco Costa so am ok with the JLaw winner. Bravo men. Nicely done. (and not to give myself bad karma in 2014, but the bottom 5 of ugly were absolutely on point).

    • boweryboy

      Did Anna Wintour really make KK wear that monstrosity? If so, I suddenly have a new found respect for her.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Behind those sunglasses Ms. Wintour has laser beams for eyes-don’t mess with the woman.

      • Anna_Cecilia

        Anna Wintour is the couture Regina George and deliciously so.

        I’m convinced this was an inside joke between AW and Riccardo Tisci. If you look up the Met Gala wrap-up gallery on the vogue web site, KK is cut out of the shot so that you only see her hand holding Kanye’s. Interestingly, other people’s dates seem to be included in the rest of the photos…

        • boweryboy

          I saw that gallery. I had a good laugh that KK was cut of the picture.

      • Erica_Vuitton

        The BEST rumor is that Kanye and Riccardo Tisci (the designer for Givenchy) are lovers and Riccardo was jealous of Ye cutting it off to be with Kim only and that’s why he put her in this dress.

        • boweryboy

          Ooo…that’s a delicious rumor. It’s so Jackie Collins.

      • Sunraya

        I just read that Anna Wintour banned reality stars, saying something like “They won’t be rubbing shoulders with fashion’s elite.” I, personally, think Anna Wintour is a complete asshole. Especially since Grace Coddington is the real genius behind Vogue.

        • boweryboy

          I agree with you. I think Wintour is dour, condescending, and unpleasant; that she’s is the sole reason Vogue sucks; and that Coddington is the true genius behind the magazine.

          Having said that, I agree about Wintour’s reality star statement. These “stars” are usually noveau riche vulgarians who are rewarded for their bad behavior. Money can’t buy class.

          • BayTampaBay

            I must has agree…Vogue has really been sucking out loud the lat two years. Other than the advertisements, it seems to me, fashion is less than 15% of the content of the magazine.

    • Susan Velazquez

      Still think Kerry and Maggie should switch places. At least Kerry bothered to put on some make up.

    • lillyvonschtupp

      My wishes for 2014:
      Miley gets punched in the face by Faith Evans for that getup

      KimK gets hit by a train

    • somebody blonde

      I think what makes the Florence Welch one so amazing is the lady behind her in the absolutely stunning gown- the contrast is just fantastic.

      I burst out laughing at the Kerry Washington one. Apparently I forgot all about it.

    • http://thatswhatthemoneyisfor.wordpress.com/ lizlemonglasses

      One of the year’s best tweets had to be Robin Williams posting a side-by-side of Mrs. Doubtfire in a floral monstrosity next to Kim Kardashian, with the caption, “I think I wore it better.” (God bless Anna Wintour.)

    • John11581

      I have to agree with your number 1 pick (and that’s with Lena and all her Girls pals stinking the red carpet up all year long). I can’t help but hear Tim Gunn’s voice in my head saying “Designers, this weeks challenge is to create a red carpet look using these fabric scraps from Mood. Carry on!”

      • alyce1213

        Yes, I’d add “blindfolded.” It has a ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ look.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      Happy New Year Bitter Kittens, Precious Unborn Fawns and lurkers yet to declare an identity! All the best for 2014. I’ve given it some thought and I have decided that my favourite post for 2013, aside from the pageant costumes, was Rihanna’s doobie wrap. That post represented the best of the T.Lo community for being interesting and having bloody brilliant below the line commentary.

    • UsedtobeEP

      Happy New Year, T & Lo! All worthy choices. I wouldn’t go out of the house in any of these. But then, who wears couture (even ugly couture) to the grocery store???

      • BayTampaBay

        But then, who wears couture (even ugly couture) to the grocery store???……..Kim Kardashian! LOL! LOL!

    • SewingSiren

      Agree with all (though Kardashian would have been at the top/bottom of the list) , except for Florence ( I love her look, minus the daytime bag).

      • marlie

        But the SHOES!

        • SewingSiren

          Loves the shoes.

          • marlie

            Haaaaaaate the shoes. But I love you anyway. ;)

    • LilyVanessi

      Of all the year end retrospectives, this is my favorite. Bravo guys!

    • unbornfawn

      I think my only quibble is that I would have moved the Kim Kardashian floral glove monstrosity dress higher, only because that damn thing seared itself as permanently on my brain. Lesson learned. Do not mess with Wintour.

      • Anathema_Device

        Yes. I might have put her at number one.

    • StillGary

      OK, but I think Kerry Washington attempted that like some people people climb Everest — yeah, it didn’t end well, but she gets points for trying!

    • murt

      I liked Kerry’s dress haha! I’d definitely put Miley number 1 here for the cultural appropriation.

    • Anathema_Device

      Oh god, the SHOES with Florence’s dress!

    • rondele

      Sorry, I can’t hate Kim Kardashian. It took guts to wear that dress, and even though it’s ugly, to some extent she is making the best of it. Anna Wintour is a mean bitch, I mean, really, Kim was pregnant. Maggie Gyllenhaal made me burst out laughing–I forgot that picture. What a mess. Miley Cyrus, please just go away for 2014. Florence W., you’re in Cannes! It’s a stylish place, no? lolol

      • demidaemon

        Yes, KK was pregnant. Yes, Anna W. chose the ugliest dress to put her in. Did Kim have to go? No.

        That’s why she’s here. It didn’t take guts; it took a desire to push your famewhore capabilities to the next level, and maybe to go somewhere with her man and knock something off her bucket list.

    • AnaRoW

      I actually think I’d like Kim’s dress if it didn’t have that couch pattern and the gloves.

      • alyce1213

        But that’s what’s exactly so wrong with it, what makes it uniquely hideous. Otherwise, it’s just a turtleneck jersey dress with a little train.

        • demidaemon

          Yes, and that silhouette is so flattering on a heavily pregnant woman.

    • Lauren Hall

      “Maggie Gyllenhaal Gives Up” hahaha

    • Andsheewas

      This is the only time I’ve been happy to see a Kardashian picture. It’s making me feel 100% about my 9-months’ pregnant body and fashion choices.

      Amazing lists as always, gentleman!

    • Cathy S

      Why is it that I remember the worst looks of the year better than the best ones. This whole post is me nodding my head, “Oh yeah, I remember that one.”

    • ashtangajunkie

      This top 5 gives me life.

    • marlie

      Kim Kardashian and Miley Cyrus’ outfits here will haunt me in my nightmares.

    • Erica_Vuitton

      WOW Flo with the #3 BEST AND #3 WORST. That’s skill.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      HOLY SHIT at Miley and Maggie! Miley’s is truly a “Shut up, you little asshole!” outfit, and Maggie looks like she just decided that this is a perfect time to wear everything she owns.

    • TropiCarla

      Oh my gosh, @jtabz:disqus — thanks to you and @disqus_uaAgd5XTr8:disqus for this volcano dress reference. I somehow missed it when it was originally posted and have been in fits of giggles reading the whiteboard comments for the last few minutes. Happy New Year, indeed.

    • ChaquitaPhilly

      Thanks Boys and Happy New Year and New Book to You!!!

    • Laylalola

      Oh well, Maggie Gyllenhaal can take comfort in that her look wasn’t any worse than anything Helen Bonham Carter has worn the past decade, in another year the same outfit could put her on the Best of list.

    • Sarah

      YUP! Turrible.

    • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

      Miley Cyrus: because she’s kind of an asshole. Period.

    • Fannie Wolston

      Ikinda like what Florence Welch is wearing, but it needs Irene Adler accessories.

    • guest2visits

      No arguments. All seriously ugly or tacky or just plain crazy attire.
      Maggie G and Kim K both made the most awful and curious choices for me…. along with Miley’s fruit net and pastie outfit.

    • ojosazules

      Seeing Kim in that dress makes me as wicked happy now as when I first saw it. The gloves give it that final, perfect little push.

    • GTrain

      Anna Wintour for the win. Forever. And amen! to your take on Miley.

    • Tracy_Flick

      I can’t wait for today’s TLounge. I NEED to know what the BKs have to say about Georgina Chapman’s outfit. OMG.

      • alyce1213

        You mean the snowflake nightie?

        • Tracy_Flick

          Yes! The ice dancing costume for the performance themed “Elizabeth Taylor’s Boudoir.” So fugly. My gawd.

          • Sarah

            RIGHT? As soon as I saw it, I was like I remember your fugly ass from runway to celebrity to right here right now, and it is still ridonkulous how ugly that dress is. You can’t make it work! So bad.

      • Fordzo

        I need to talk about Kiernan Shipka starring in the Flowers in the Attic movie. I am side eyeing that decision, just saying’. (Also, have I been living under a rock? Because that commercial during PR was the first I’d heard of it.)

    • demidaemon

      Oh, I could not agree more. Some of these I didn’t remember the hideousness of until they were reposted here. Kerry, you take the cake for that PP disaster, which was somehow named a Best of the Week on FP and still causes me to cry tears of blood.

    • demidaemon

      To be fair, it wasn’t that great either. It just wasn’t as eye-searingly ugly.

    • guest2visits

      I WANNA TLOUNGE……anywhere will do. I’ll settle for Joe’s Tavern in Newark. :)

      • http://www.GiftedCollector.com/ The Gifted Collector

        I have a mental image of all the BKs sitting at our computers, pounding the keyboard ala a prison movie dining hall scene, chanting “We want our Lounge!” over and over again.

        • guest2visits

          Oh good, I was hoping it was taken as light hearted as it was meant – we just unloaded our guests for the holidays; so it’s not like I truly expect anyone to be on my personal schedule of course, everyone’s got stuff to do! – including having a life. Just a note to let them know they are appreciated.
          Still…. if this somehow guilts them into posting another page…. I’m ok with that too!!

          • unbornfawn

            Missing the lounge too! I hope TLo are off having a wonderful relaxing time.

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          Even when I don’t have time to hit the lounge, I miss it! I hope Uncles T and Lo are having a wonderful relaxing vacay, because they do truly deserve it – but I still miss new stuff! ;-)

    • Emily

      Without a shadow of a doubt that was THE best summation of Miley Cyrus I have ever read. *standing ovation*

    • http://www.tinseltine.com/ Tinsel & Tine

      I think Maggie wins or loses, however you want to look at it. Just so much red carpet nonsense – Great disaster picks TLo!

    • R. L.

      Obviously Maggie though she was going fishing NOT to a ball.

    • Diego!

      I think Maggie Gyllenhaal ended her year better than she started it. I’d thought Lena was going to take the first spot, but you guys amazed me with this result. Indeed Keri’s dress disgusting and I completely agree with your choice!