Kellie Pickler in Badgley Mischka at the 2013 American Country Awards

Posted on December 11, 2013

Whenever there’s some sort of Country Music award show (and there’s one every 5 weeks or so, it seems), we always wind up making the same bitch: Where’s all the sparkle and honky-tonk? What’s with all this safe, Hollywood-stylist-approved blandness?

So we feel compelled somehow to defend this:

Kellie Pickler attends the 2013 American Country Awards at the Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada in a Badgley Mischka dress.

Badgley Mischka Spring 2014 Collection

But them boobcakes are distracting the hell out of us. That’s just not a great look. We’re not sure what the purpose of that filmy sheer between her boobs is. It just looks like a really weird tanline.

But y’know… even if that odd neckline was a little more conventional and a little less revealing, we’d still probably have a problem with this dress. The color’s pretty, but man, is it ever over-designed. Sequined and beaded and shirred, with what looks like a World Wrestling Federation championship belt. It’s just too much for our delicate constitutions, kittens.

On the other hand, her hair and makeup look polished and pretty.

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans, PRN/PRPhotos.com, Isaac Brekken/Getty Images, IMAXtree]

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  • boweryboy

    Boobcakes. So apt, and why are they doing that? The bodice isn’t that tight, is it?

    • Sarah

      The tragic lack of sticky-on boob supporters, coupled with possible augmentation = boobcakery

      • algaechick

        I recall a time back soon after she had been on American Idol, and had begun selling some music. Ryan Seacrest was interviewing her and said “and what have *you* been doing w/your new-found money?” while very pointedly staring at her chest. The moment was lost on her, but still worth it in my eyes.

        • Amanda Welliver

          Oh, I think she knew. :)

        • kimmeister

          I remember that moment. Didn’t he also say something like, “My how you’ve grown since we last saw you”?

        • Vickiefantastico

          I remember that too! In fact, this dress reminded me of that for some reason. It was a funny moment, and I did feel a little sorry for her.

      • boweryboy

        Should they be so flat?

        I mean, I don’t propose to being well versed with boobage given the fact that I’m a guy and gay, but they shouldn’t be so flat like that, should they? Especially if they’re fake?

        I’ve heard that if a woman lies down and her boobs are real they natually fall to the side. Yet if they’re fake they stay upright. She’s neither lying down nor, from what I hear, are her boobs real so wassup? Why are they flat instead of perky? It boggles my mind.

        • Robin Murray

          I think they have “settled,” which happens over time with breast augmentation and is usually considered desirable. Kind of like how face lifts can look too tight right after the surgery, and often much better 6 months-to-a-year later. Actually, I think for fakes, they look mighty real. But real breasts of this size need support!

        • Sarah

          All excellent questions, my friend. Mine fall to the side AND point up, and are real. But I’m not that old. I think maybe two things are happening: One: the boobs are squishy and unsupported, and Two: the dress is tighter than you think (hence the illusion web behind the seemingly droopy chains. And they DO look fake, or you wouldn’t be seeing quite as much curvature there, flat or no.

          • jabes

            My first thought was to wonder how heavy the front of that dress must be to flatten her breasts like that, but it being way too tight makes more sense. I would love the bodice on a smaller-busted woman (so that there is no cleavage showing).

        • marlie

          What Sarah said. It can also depend on an individual woman’s breast tissue, her body type/shape/size, or how well the girls have been supported over the years.

        • boweryboy

          Ladies, thank you for your responses. I’m thinking this is a case of illusion netting actually working. I’m getting the illusion that the bodice is loose and flowy, but the reality is it’s really that tight.

      • Jacqueline Wessel

        Or boobfakery

    • Nancer

      I think this dress just didn’t have the internal support system required for this much boobage…. it really needed a good internal bra that wouldn’t let the weight of the dress flatten her like that.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

    Mandrell Sisters realness.

  • sojourneryouth

    Lovely color, and I appreciate where she was trying to go with this look, but I have never seen shirred sheer fabric over sequins before, and I hope I never do again.

    • kimmeister

      Seems a waste, no?

  • hughman

    “Now honey, you can’t glump all the tinsel on the tree. You have to place it strand by strand, that makes it more delicate-like. And if there’s a big space between two of the ornaments well just string it back and forth like a spider web. It distracts the eye from the crazy angel we put on the top.”

    • Qitkat

      My husband used to do that (one strand at a time). It made me want to strangle him. So I abandoned him to do it alone, and eventually he quit with the tinsel altogether.

  • Nicholas

    Understudy for The Darling Mermaid Darlings.

    • gabbilevy

      You managed to fulfill a need for a Pushing Daisies reference I didn’t know I needed.

      • TropiCarla

        Pushing Daisies! SIGH
        My bff and I were just talking about this wonderful show. After watching 90 seconds of Carrie Underwood in The SoM, I started griping about how much better Chenoweth would have been — which launched us right into a lamentation about the loss of Pushing Daisies. It was such fun while it lasted.

    • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

      What gabbilevy said! Thanks for my Wednesday smile!

  • TrixieConQueso

    Sparkle and HonkyTonk and Fake Tan And OverlyBlonde Hair Is A MUST for a Wanna-Be Carrie UnderWood!

  • Sarah

    I do not like her makeup, sorry (agree about the overdesigned dress tho! Tiny chains? Puhleeze). It is too dark, needn’t go all the way around her eye socket, and spider-lashed. The harshness of it is making her dye job look worse, IMO. Also, polished is not the same as GLITTERY AS HECK haha

    • wisenhar

      I’ve seen strippers with less body glitter.

      • Sarah

        I’m sayin’. Last time I saw that much everyone was at a music festival and listening to trance music.

  • Clueless_Jock

    It’s veering on the very edge of ho couture.

  • SewingSiren

    The too low and open neckline takes ,what could have been a beautiful 1930′sque gown, straight to Trashville.

  • mjude

    anytime I see her, I always think “good for her” whether its tacky or not.

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    Her poor breasts look tortured! Other than that, it’s a glorious color on her and the bling is totally venue appropriate.

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    This is where I reveal myself as having terrible taste. I love this. I’d love it even more without the sheer inset in the neckline and if the split stopped before the waist. I’ll be in the corner, thinking about how I’ve disappointed y’all.

    • marlie

      Where the split stops bugs me to no end.

    • Qitkat

      [pats chair] I’ll just come join you, and we’ll have our own little party, but I do like the beaded sheer inset. We’re still bitter kittens, even if we’re marching to our own drummer.

  • annabelle archer

    Girl is country as a turnip green. If her boobs were handled with more TLC, I’d let the rest go on by.

    • demidaemon

      I love your word choice here. I read this as if it were in a southern drawl, down home country style, and I loved it even more.

      • annabelle archer

        “And as you see, I can get rid of the Texas accent whenever I want.
        Or I can just slide…
        real deep on into it like this.”

        Change Texas to Tennessee and there ya go.

        • demidaemon

          Holy crap. HOLY CRAP. This creepily reminds me of some of the conversations I have had with my new bf. Really creepy.

          Good job, if it wasn’t clear. ;)

          • annabelle archer

            Wait, so is it ME or Matthew McCounaughey who reminds you of your new (awe) bf?

          • demidaemon

            Both?

  • Blair Sylvester

    without the sheer and chains and maybe a few settings lighter on the self tanner I could get behind this

  • kimmeister

    Please tell me that’s not a silly putty pump peeking out from under that dress.

  • frannyprof

    BOOBCAKES! But I disagree about the hair & makeup. Looks like she (literally) tore a page out of Xtina’s hair & makeup notebook, showed it to her hair/makeup bitch, and said “Do this.”

  • MilaXX

    I’d remove the silvery chain and close up the neckline a tiny bit but I really like the hair and makeup here. The hair is leaning a little too yellow, but it’s mostly okay.

  • kipper

    25 going on 60

  • marlie

    That dress is doing horribly unflattering things to her boobs. The dress is a great color, and there are some interesting elements – maybe too many of them – but I can’t get past how unflattering it is. Also, her hair and makeup are appropriately “Countrified” without going overboard.

  • DeniseSchipani

    whew, I thought it was just me thinking country music threw itself an awards show fourteen times a year!

  • Jessica Freeman

    Its another dress that is not made for those well endowed women. The difference between her and the model is the proof. I love her personality, so I can’t hate this too much…and she does look fantastic from the neck up.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    I’m having opposite day. I think the dress is exactly the sort of overwrought you expect from the country awards, but the yellow hair and too light eyeshadow are really unflattering.

  • Lesley

    i think she’s a little too busty and not tall enough for this dress. this dress makes the model look very ethereal like some flapper goddess but on kelly she looks stumpy and saggy (in the boob area).

  • decormaven

    The bodice is doing her torso no favors. Like the lip color- but that’s about it here for me.

  • Chaiaiai

    Oh GURL, how Priest Lake of you.

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

    Dolly would approve.

    • MoHub

      Bite your tongue!

      • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

        Hey, I love Dolly too but no one ever said she was chic.

        • MoHub

          But Dolly deliberately embraced the tacky in full knowledge of what she was doing, while I suspect Kelly thinks she’s fashionable.

          • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

            Definitely true and granted. On both points.

    • mbandy

      My husband once asked me if she were trying to be the next Dolly. I think we can safely say yes. I approve bc country is going too mainstream.

    • Robin Murray

      Yep. “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

  • Tracy_Flick

    It’s the CMAs in Vegas; this practically qualifies as church clothes. My only real gripe is the unflattering eye makeup.

  • Trickytrisha

    The only thing un-awful on that dress is the color. The hair is aging, especially the roots. Girl, you need to step back and evaluate.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Very “whoa.” I really have no other place to go with this look, just “whoa.”

  • AzSportsGirl

    The hair is tragic. And the make up caked into the hairline makes it worse.

  • shopgirl716

    And the boys need to start showing up in sequin suits a la Porter Wagner.

  • Rand Ortega

    My next script: “Boobcakes: A Love Story”. Oscars all around!

    • Sarah

      I was watching Futurama last night and Fry went into a strip club called “Booby Tuesday’s.” I thought it was hilarious and spit out my beer. You can have that in your story, no?

      • Rand Ortega

        Of course. That’s where our heroine with a heart of gold & a dream will work.

        RIP Futurama.

        • Sarah

          I refuse to accept it, but yes, RIP for now. (There is a crossover episode with the Simpsons coming next season at least)

  • teensmom99

    Boobcakes is polite, gentlemen.. There’s something about the width between the 2 boobcovers that just makes it weird. Who wants that much space between their breasts. Yikes.

  • KT

    I can’t believe the words “polished” and “pretty” were used to describe this look.

  • Ragnarockette

    Trashy. That’s all.

  • SylviaFowler

    It’s beautiful on the model.

  • Anna_Cecilia

    HAHAHAHAHA, World Wrestling Federation belt.

    On the model, I’m getting a Josephine Baker kind of vibe. On Kellie, it’s more picked this up on the sale rack at the local formal dress store.

  • Imasewsure

    This would have been perfect on Kristen Chenowyth or Faith Hill… a bit too Mae West on (tacky) Ms. Pickler but venue appropriate for sure

  • Carolyne

    Pickler. I sure do like her last name!
    But like everyone else here, the boobs are confusing at best – that cleavage is Grand Canyon wide but NOT Grand Canyon deep….

  • jw_ny

    My guess is that Kellie thought this would be on the classy and tasteful side… ;)

    Her entire style is way too aging for a 27 year old…imo. But this seems typical for them country ladystars.

    • raeb23

      hold up…she’s younger than i am?! not a country music or american idol fan so i only know her from here & talk show appearances; i thought she was in her thirties

  • Qitkat

    Wow, am I in the corner almost by myself with this one.
    I would think this look perfectly expresses ‘sparkle and honky-tonk’, especially in Las Vegas, for a Country Music Awards show. She looks glamorous and pretty. The dress is the correct length, fits her well, is flattering, totally country curly hair, nicely styled, and the boobs don’t bother me at all. I guess it’s ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t.’

    • rottenkitty

      I agree with you!

      I think she’s very sweet and very pretty. And my guess as to why she looks older is how thin she is (It makes your face look a lot older as you age), she’s had unneeded plastic surgery, and whoever is doing her makeup cakes it on with a trowel. Also, her hair style is very aging.

      Get rid of the bad hair (go a scooch darker), lose the fake tan, get a better a decent makeup person and she would look so fresh and lovely. As for the boobs, well she did have a boob job, but no woman over a B-cup as going to look good in this dress without some re-jiggering of the neckline. This is a dress for women without tits. It looks great on the model because no tits.

      The color is lovely on her. The swingy beads on the skirt are snazzy. And yeah, it’s over-designed and that makes it perfect for a country music awards show.

      • Qitkat

        I’ll concede she looks more like 40+ than 27. I honestly didn’t know she was that young til I looked it up. I’ve never been able to judge how much makeup someone wears from photographs, except for eye makeup. I don’t love her hair either, it just fit the stereotype. As for the boobs, we’ve all gotten so used to flat-chested models that real women, even those with B-jobs are the ones who apparently look unnatural. I don’t dislike hers nearly as much as I hate the spill-over the top babyheads look. And damn designers have all but forgotten real women have breasts, which come in a wide variety of sizes. You do make some valid points.

  • murt

    I like the dress – it epitomizes the trashiness of country-style…. but hate the makeup – her foundation is the wrong shade and it looks caked on.

  • UsedtobeEP

    I have to disagree about the makeup. I don’t know why she looks so old here, except maybe for the muddy makeup colors they used on her. She has skewed old for a while, and she isn’t even 30 yet. She’s such a pretty girl, I wish she would lighten up on…something.

  • Andrea Lentz

    honestly her boob job is great, they look super real and I would like to know where she got them done.

  • nannypoo

    She’s so cute and so funny and she has such a great voice (yes, I watch American Idol) that I can’t criticize how she fixes herself up. But I wish it wasn’t like this.

  • Jacob Bowen

    That color is BEAUTIFUL! But, unfortunately that’s the only nice thing I can say.

  • ChrisP

    Do we just accept dark roots as OK these days? Just wondering as I am woefully ignorant.

    • SouthernGirlRena

      If I may be so bold as to speak for We, no, no we do not.

  • lalahartma

    Eek! Those boobs!

  • demidaemon

    I’m sorry, TLo, but as one who follows wrestling to a minor degree, that belt is way too subtle to be anything championship related. It needs to be about three times as big with a huge belt buckle, in gold, bronze, and/or brass. Hmm, now that I think about it, that would be event appropriate and possibly an improvement to this dress.

  • LeelaST

    If you sewed up that cleavage completely it would be a lovely gown. I can’t with the matching eyeliner though.

  • conniemd

    I’m 60 years old and my boobs sag just like that. Nobody her age should show up on the runway with such saggy girls.

  • p_capet

    I like the retro-country way she sings and remember her when she was a teen on american idol…so it’s just weird. She was a cute kid and it hasn’t been all that long. She looks about 40 years older, and not even related to the person she was. It’s like she was desperate to escape from her own self. I know it’s not the first time people have changed, I mean it’s show-biz. But really, her skin is so…orange…and her boobs are so…fake…and her face is so…hard. Damn, I think she’s got loads of natural talent, can sing and dance and write her own songs, and grew up dirt poor, so I feel bad even criticizing her…but it’s actually creeping me out. I keep waiting for her to come back to herself but I guess this is it.

  • prettybigkitty

    Polished and pretty makeup for a wax statue or corpse. Yikes.

  • fursa_saida

    For some reason, the thing I’m hung up on is the sheer amount of body shimmer. Look at her left arm in the first picture–it’s, like, caked up around the (perfectly natural) lines in the skin around her wrist and is actually making her tattoo look faded. I can’t stop staring at it.

  • Aaminah Khan

    I kind of want to see Taylor Swift in this.

  • Kathy

    This look could definitely be a lot better. As the uncles say, the color of the gown is nice, but it sure needs some editing in the chesticular area. She looks a bit orange. Her roots need to be touched up. Better yet, she should darken her hair. Her eyeliner looks tacky, her lashes are clumpy, and she needs more color on her lips.

    This all combines to make me even more bitchy than usual.

  • cocohall

    So Miss P saw this dress and she fell in love with the sparkles and the tinsel. She took her “can do” attitude and squished her plus size boobies into a sample size. At least she has the graciousness to smile and not inform us of how she suffers for her art. I like this girl. She had a rough start and has done improbably well. Imagine if Lady Gaga had the same back story.

  • livesarah

    It’s amazing how easily that dress went from treasure to trailer-park. The hair and makeup are exactly what you expect from country music stars, but they really don’t work with that dress.

  • Gatto Nero

    Tammy Fae eyes.
    Didn’t need to see all that expanse of boobage and solar plexus.