Paula Patton in Versace at the 2013 Film Independent Spirit Awards Announcement

Posted on November 27, 2013

This isn’t so much a scrolldown fug, to borrow once again the perfect phrase from our Fairy Blogsisters, as it is a scrolldown “What?”

Paula Patton attends the 2013 Film Independent Spirit Awards Announcement held at W Hotel in Hollywood, California in a Versace dress paired with Giuseppe Zanotti pumps.

Versace Resort 2014 Collection/Model: Stephanie Hall

We fully expected that to be a gown when we started scrolling down. Not that it has to be or that she’s required to be wearing one, but we can’t help thinking this would look way more balanced with a skirt that went to the floor.

As it is, it’s fine, but that’s about as far as we can take our complimenting. It’s just fine. We probably would not have gone with a white shoe because it really does look too summer for late November. A gold or silver shoe would’ve dressed this up a bit.

Of course no shoe or hem alteration is going to make that janky makeup look good, nor is it going to do anything about that unflattering blunt cut she got for herself. Girl, you need to work on your head a bit.

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Juan Rico/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, style.com]

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  • Diego!

    I don’t want to be rude nor offend anybody, but she looks like a poor drag queen… OMG… this is a mess

    • boweryboy

      Especially the last photo.

      • Diego!

        HAHAHAHAA xD

    • Anna_Cecilia

      Word. This is just BAD. I won’t even get into the garish makeup, bizarre poses or the Forever 21-ness of this dress (no offense to F21 shoppers, I shop there too, but out of economic necessity).

      • Diego!

        Word. She needs someone to teach her how to pose both face expressions & body language!

      • sojourneryouth

        SO agree! She can look quite lovely when she gets it right, but she always seems high, or maybe a little insane. I always find myself wondering what is wrong with her when she’s out doing the do.

        • martha

          I’m guessing high.

    • KT

      She TOTALLY does. That was my first thought, too.

    • Evan

      Yes, it makes her upper body look like a bodybuilder’s or wrestler’s, esp. in the profile shot third pic down.

    • alyce1213

      I’m not convinced she isn’t a drag queen.

      • Diego!

        She was pregnant and had a baby boy a while ago. She is a woman but needs someone to tell her how to pose in the red carpet!

        • alyce1213

          I know, I was just being extra snarky.

        • Coolekat

          The baby is about four.

          • Miranda

            That baby damn near in high school…but I dont care if she delivered yesterday…there is no reason to show up on the red carpet looking worse than Wesley Snipes in Too Wong Foo.

        • H2olovngrl

          She needs someone to guide her in EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of red carpet appearances. She always looks tacky.

          • Diego!

            Word. It’s a pitty because she is very good looking!

          • Danielle

            When you’re married to Robin Thicke, tacky is a part of your life.

          • H2olovngrl

            An excellent point.

    • elleg929

      I was thinking the same thing sadly.

    • http://CallMeJane.com/ CallMeJane

      I admit it – she totally has that look. I think this every time I see her. And I feel bad about seeing her that way.

      • Diego!

        Me too

    • Julie

      We’re all thinking it, but you said it.

      • Diego!

        I’m brave!

    • Milos Mom

      You hit it on the head. She is a nice looking woman but her sense of style and taste level is questionable. And that haircut is not helping her since it makes her jaw and neck look wide. But I will say that at least she is not wearing those horrible thick pantyhose that she has been seen in for the last few months.

    • Rebecca Zmarzly

      With this post right next to Ryan Reynolds, I thought at first it WAS Ryan Reynolds in drag.

  • Inspector_Gidget

    Aw. She looks so self-conscious. The great thing about her is she’s usually beaming from ear to ear, a nice change from the normal “Take my picture and get this shit over with” attitude on the red carpet. She looks a bit like Rashida Jones acting sheepish in a skit.

  • hughman

    Mummy Dearest.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      My first thought as well. Sheesh what a mess. The lads are so right, all the way to the floor and this would’ve been a total win.

      • sisterb67

        I couldn’t decide between “sexy mummy” and “sexy Bride of Frankenstein” (sans horror hair) when I saw it. And those shoes need to be tied up in a burlap sack with a brick and thrown into a river, pronto.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Slutty Mummy.

    • Kent Roby

      I hate you; I was just about to type the exact same thing (am just now seeing this thread post-holiday), but thought I should quickly scroll in case someone beat me to it! PS: By “hate”, of course I mean “love”.

  • Sarah

    Shoot, for Paula Patton, this is a frikkin’ WERQ. She looks loads better than usual. Baby steps…

  • Claudia Fernandes

    Alicia Keys lost twin sister

  • Karen Belgrad

    If the entire top portion was mesh, I’d swear it was a club dress from 1991 Merry-Go-Round or Contempo Casuals.

    • homespunner

      Wow! Merry-Go-Round. Nail on the head. Having mall flashbacks…

  • LeelaST

    I also was expecting a gown! The arms looks very mummy.

    • conniemd

      Compare her to the model. The model’s sleeves are properly proportioned with the pleats even. All of PP’s sleeves are below the elbow and the sleeves are twisted around so we see the seam and it’s crooked. The dress required the stylist to even out the sleeves after the dress is on, which he/she obviously didn’t do. I hate the length, but if it was gown properly worn it could be really stunning.

      • Coolekat

        I went back and looked and you are so right. Obviously she has no one much less no stylist. My mother wouldn’t have let me leave the room looking like that.

      • scraig096

        I de-cloaked to thank you for explaining the sleeve issue!

  • jonnyf8

    How can a a couple (her and Robin) that seems on paper like they should be interesting be so boring?

    • sojourneryouth

      I think because they are such a cliche, and always desperately trying to prove how “hot” their relationship is. It gets tiresome. Also, both of them are only mildly talented, IMHO.

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    Bless her. Should we BKs do a Kickstarter campaign to fund a proper stylist, hair, and makeup person for her?

    • Rand Ortega

      As much as I hate the idea of rich people panhandling when they can fund their own projects w/ very little effort (seriously), this would totally be worth it.

  • princessricky

    such a pretty, pretty girl. such bad, bad choices.

  • Anplica Fiore

    Her torso looks like a mummy…

  • MW

    There’s no denying that she’s got great legs but the skirt needed to be to just above her knees to make the proportions work – could have been chic. With different shoes.

    • Sarah

      Knee length would have been nice, you’re right!

    • Celandine1

      She has a great body but yeah the proportions of this dress are not flattering to anything but her legs.

  • marlie

    Her hair is better at this length, but still not great. And even though I don’t like this dress, it doesn’t scream “tacky!!” at me. A little more length (even to the knee) could have gone a long way with even-ing out the proportions.

    But most importantly… girlfriend needs to take some lessons in red carpet posing. SOMEONE needs to tell her to stop posing with her head down and her chin all the way down on her neck, because that’s HELLA unflattering.

    • Sarah

      RIGHT? I am so afraid of even the semblance of a fat neck that I usually thrust my chin out so far I look like a hungry baby bird in any pic taken of me. I don’t know why she does the opposite. It is so odd.

  • boweryboy

    Serving up Boris Karloff Mummy realness.

  • Jaydar

    Makes her shoulders look massive —> drag city.

  • MilaXX

    I don’t like the haircut & yes it’s all a bit summery, but this is Paula Patton we’re talking about. This is pretty decent considering the source.

  • teensmom99

    This is a scroll up fug- her legs & shoes are fine until you see what they are paired with.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    I nominate Paula Patton as worst dressed of the year. Bitch is tacky. Always.

    • alyce1213

      She really brings the tacky, every time. She and her hubs are perfect for each other. Eeeuw.

    • sagecreek

      I second.

    • DTLAFamilies

      Vulgar, crass, and like school in summer: no class

      • Diego!

        hahahahaa I loved it! hahahaha xD

    • Diego!

      Let’s not forget of two other nominees Zosia Mamet & Lena Dunham… The top 3 of tackyness!

    • Anna_Cecilia

      I think she may have blurred vision when it comes to selecting outfits for public appearances.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      And it’s an adorably clueless tacky, not an attention-seeking deliberate tacky. I think she genuinely just has taste issues.

  • MoHub

    I don’t believe she ever gets it right.

  • MzzPants

    C’mon, honey. Shoulders back, chin up, fierce gaze. A serious ‘werq’ would’ve helped. Instead you look like you want to hide.

  • Mismarker

    Will someone *PLEASE* teach this woman how to pose on the red carpet? I feel like I could do better than this.

    • mjude

      you would do better!

  • amber.

    i’ll just say, given her fashion history, it could have been worst.

  • Huntsmanfan

    So much body shimmer. It makes me want a shower.

  • Fred Vaughn

    That bitchface she gives the cameras is STILL as offputting as it gets.

  • Jaeda Laurez

    I dunno- ever since I saw her on the red carpet at what I think were the BET Awards, I’ve just assumed she’s really, really lifted and then it all makes sense. Note: that is the exact wrong hair to have with that neck. I don’t understand why she has it.

  • Kelly

    Her build is too athletic for this dress — it makes her look bulky, waist-less, and uncomfortable. But at least there’s no illusion netting.

    • NoveltyRocker

      That’s what it looks like to me, it really reads Olympic Gymnast. Her physique is awesome and something to highlight but a getup like this—dress and now haircut—throws everything off balance and just detracts from the good.

    • Rand Ortega

      As soon as I saw her shoulders, I thought, “Starting as Linebacker…”

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      Yes! It’s the sort of mistake the Williams sisters make sometimes. Incredible legs and beautiful strong shoulders and arms, crammed into a dress made for a girl who can just about lift a lettuce leaf to her lips.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    It’s way too short, and she has no neck. Poor woman looks like a roll of toilet paper.

  • Sabin

    She looks like a guy. In bad, bad drag.

  • crash1212

    I really like this dress. Just not on her. I like the shoes. Just not with this dress. I’m not liking anything I’m seeing here. business.

  • kimmeister

    Besides what TLo have already mentioned, here are my quibbles:
    1. If the designer went for a racerfront, why obscure its look with those shoulder panels?
    2. She looks like she’s ready to explode, especially in that 3/4 view. Don’t poke her, she’ll go flying off.
    3. Super duper matte face combined with super duper shimmery legs = what the heck?

  • Trickytrisha

    I dunno, to me it looks like she should be posing in front of a Women’s Wrestling Association backdrop.

  • Rand Ortega

    I just don’t get it. If I had her looks & lettuce, I’d have Rachel Zoe/Brad Goreski/Ryan Hastings et al, living in my guesthouse. Who’s responsible for making this vision walk the RC like she’s in front of a funhouse mirror? It’s positively criminal.

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    1. Quit pulling in your chin. It does terrible things to your face.
    2. Lay off the damn body glitter, honey.
    3. Hire new makeup and hair people. Send the old one to your arch-rival.

  • MannahattaMamma

    Too much person, not enough dress.

  • Tatiana Luján

    She has broad neck and shoulders, that neckline isn’t flattering for her shape.
    The dress is too short and too tight, so it makes her torso look squared.
    The white shoes make her look like an 80´s “modern” bride, getting married in the city council.

    • Rand Ortega

      Soooo Courthouse Bride, waiting in line wearing the latest from Forever 21.

  • jay

    I feel like I would like this if it wasn’t white.

  • uprightcitizen

    Mummy from waist to neck. Kelly Bundy from the waist down.

    • martha

      That is totally a Kelly Bundy dress!

  • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

    I’m glad she’s getting a second wind out of Halloween’s sexy mummy costume.

  • d4divine

    She looks like her meds are off…poor thing…she’s so pretty…somebody help her!

  • KinoEye

    I just CAN’T with this woman. The buckets of body glitter plastered on her legs makes for a weird reverse ombre effect. I stand by my previous opinion that she needs her own worst-dressed list for the end of the year, because I’ve never seen her get within shouting distance of a basic Attagirl.

  • Noah

    I think broad shoulders and those sleeves/that bodice is a tough sell.

  • Heather

    Is she wearing very sheer white hose? Her legs look kind of … sparkly.

    • LJCdoc

      I was gonna say. She looks like my 5-year-old got at her with her sparkle glue.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    Congratulations on your legs, but you really want a longer skirt. That shit’s just tacky.

  • Michelle Wilson

    You know something is a little off when RuPaul makes a more convincing woman than you do.

  • bravobravp

    I will never forgive you for the shoe choice, Paula.

  • webslice33

    killer legs!!!! damn!

  • ThaliaMenninger

    Olympic gymnast in heels. Nope. Not having it.

  • ms_kat

    Abuse of shimmer powder on her legs! Is she years late in auditioning to play a sparkly vampire?

  • LaSylphide

    Sexy mummy?

  • OpinionatedMtnGirl

    Too straight-jackety

  • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com cheekypinky

    Oh, honey. You do not give Good Face.

  • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

    Mummy chic.

  • Lilak

    Why, when a person has perfectly fine physical qualities to work with, would she MAKE herself look like a fireplug?
    (A fireplug on its wedding day, sure, but a fireplug nonetheless.)

  • lifeisastory

    The neighborhood kids tp’d her dress!

  • Cheri Lee

    Is it me or does she always look incredibly uncomfortable on the runway?

  • http://www.momforless.com Crystal

    Why are her legs so shiny?

  • GeoDiva

    What has happened to her? She needs a new style team, pronto!

  • Miranda

    THis has gone on for far too long. Where are her friends to have an intervention?

  • Erica

    This one has the WORST instincts when it comes to fashion. She needs to pull a full Costanza and, when she’s offered the selection of dresses, pick the last one she would want wear. Maybe that will result in looking just a tad bit classy or less gawky or something.

  • Constant Reader

    Paula Patton needs SO MUCH HELP. As we say in Rhode Island, fastatas (meaning “to begin with”), she needs someone to pound it into her head that she’s drop-dead gorgeous and she needs to quit posing and walking like she’s apologizing for being there. And then she needs a whole new pack of style wranglers who realize it’s their job to play to her strengths, not… keep doing THIS to her. Nobody this pretty should look so consistently bad.

  • ShaoLinKitten

    To me the scroll down WHAT? was the leg shimmer. That drags it down the last few pegs from meh to… oh honey no.

  • Dagney

    I just looked at this again and I am still frustrated at how close she was to being a WERQ.

    #1 Shoes. Dear god. Change those shoes. A metallic? Something sleek.

    #2 Makeup. Softer. Smokier. Subtler. I can’t even start on that lipstick. The eyelashes….just no..geez woman, you HAVE the goods. You don’t need to glue on the fake crap.

    #3 Hair. I am not a fan of miles of extensions. But…maybe this a “luscious hair” dress? Hmmm…Or possibly neat up-do? She has the bone structure to pull off a neat up-do. In any event, something that involves a hairdresser.

    #4 Legs. Again. Paula, you have rockin gams! Ditch the shimmer lotion or sparkle hose or whatever that is.

    #4 The most importance. Confidence.

  • E. D.

    Mess.

  • Jacob Bowen

    Ummmmm….I pose WAY better in heels than she does. Girl, you need some drag help to get your drag together!

  • Imasewsure

    Versace for KMart? Ugly dress… tacky everything else

  • BookManFilm

    she does not know how to walk. clearly.

  • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

    Scrolldown “of course”

  • Lilyana_F

    Yeah… nothing here works, go back home and start over.

  • cocohall

    Poor girl. The photographer appears to be kneeling or perhaps fully prone on the floor. And here she is in a dress that barely covers her baby maker. No wonder she looks so uncomfortable. But I will say that the dress only appears to be one size too small instead of two, which is an improvement. She has an amazing body, I can see why she wants to show it off. But dear, leave a little to the imagination. . .

  • Gatto Nero

    Awful dress, full stop — even on the model. Too short. Hate the mummy-bandage effect.
    And the white perforated shoe — why?
    Her demeanor is apologetic. She isn’t buying this look either.

  • jangma

    What is she doing with her face? Is she drunk?

    Also, I don’t think white is her color.

  • Town

    Why does she always do that thing with her neck?

    On paper she should be attractive but in actuality she’s not and it’s b/c of poor styling decisions & weird neck gestures. I don’t get it.

  • Erica_Vuitton

    THIS is what ones wears when getting married in Vegas on NYE.

  • anotherkate

    She always looks so hunched and uncomfortable. I imagine that’s an uncomfortable dress to wear–I am a fellow broad-shouldered gal, and that mesh looks like it is a shoulder-straitjacket. It’s too bad, because she has the face, she has the body, and it seems she has the positive attitude. I just want to take her by the shoulders and say, “Honey, you’re beautiful. You’re fine! Take a deep breath.”