Miss Universe 2013 National Costumes – Part 3

Posted on November 12, 2013

It’s the final stop on the crazy train tour, darlings! Let’s DO this!



Miss Kazakhstan

 “Come to Kazakhstan and luxuriate in our coarse, heavy fabrics!”



Miss Guam

“GUAM IS IN THE HOUSE, HOS! And she’s got a great rack and a motherfucking coral crown. WOOOOO!!!!!!”





Miss Greece

 “As we like to say in Greece, ‘Here. Have a bird.'”




Miss Germany

 “Germany! We’re kind of like a ’90s Michael Jackson video on crystal meth!”




Miss Philippines

“Yeah, that’s right. Philippines is serving up Alexis Carrington Colby – WITH FEATHERS, BITCHES. The ’80s never ended here. DEAL WITH IT.”




Miss Malaysia

“These games must end, Thor. Now give me your hammer and swear your sexual fealty, or I will unleash my fury upon the nations of this earth.”



Miss Denmark

 “Oh, God. Denmark is just so fucking sick of the mermaid thing.”



Miss Ecuador




Miss Austria

“Austria. Where not a single gay man can be found working in costume design.

Seriously. I got this at a convent.”



Miss Curacao

“Come to Curacao and get your FREAK ON! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I’m a little crazy!”

Miss New Zealand

“We call this ‘Zwerking.'”



Miss China




Miss Estonia

 “Estonia! Where our superheroes are also drag queens!”




Miss Haiti

“I gotta say, Miss Haiti is really FEELING IT right now, you guys. Check this pose.”





Miss Romania

“Romania is sick of those Latin and South American bitches and their fucking feather costumes! We have peacocks in Romania too, you know!”

Miss Mexico

“That’s cute, Romania.”





Miss Nigeria

“Nigeria would like to thank Pier One Imports for sponsoring this costume.”





Miss Vietnam

 “Vietnam is here to bring beauty, taste, and dignity to this vulgar spectacle.”




Miss Dominican Republic

 “Fuck that noise, Vietnam.”




Miss Poland

“In Poland, we wear our dignity like flowers in our hair, not by putting a gold toilet seat on our heads and acting superior. #sorrynotsorry.”




Miss Korea

“Korea agrees that Vietnam should get the hell over herself. Like that bitch invented class or something.”




Miss Myanmar

 “You guys talking smack about Vietnam? I’m in. That ho acts like she shits ice cream.”





Miss Aruba

“Aruba thinks bitches who talk about taste and dignity look like shit in bikinis.”







[Photo Credit: Darren Decker/Miss Universe]

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  • From all appearances, Curaçao is far and away the gayest place on the planet.

    • Karen Belgrad

      And they just got their very first box of 64 crayons and wanted to show off ALL the colors!!!

    • HobbitGirl

      Is Miss Curaçao a lizard? All I can see is lizard body and then her head where its head would be. Curaçao, home of the bejeweled lady-geckos.

      • Fabulous gay bejeweled lady-geckos.

      • heather

        She’s totally a lizard. Her face is where the neck is, though. Her headpiece is the gecko’s head, but looks like it’s collapsing a bit.

      • conniemd

        Yep, clearly the body design was lizard with those padded feet. One of the freeways around Phoenix has that design all along the sound walls.

      • frannyprof

        A lizard holding a sperm with a red question mark. It totally makes sense!

        • Shawn EH

          I wonder if she knows how much of a lizard she is? Also, Romania may ONCE have had peacocks, but I’m not so sure they do anymore.

      • formerlyAnon

        Google hints she might be a whiptail lizard, which are, apparently, abundant in Cuacao. If so, she’s a mature male – they are blue-green. The females & young are brown.

    • formerlyAnon

      Misplaced comment.

  • Jeremiah Capacillo

    I challenged myself to try to not laugh throughout the whole thing. I lost it at Guam.

    • I lost it at Guam.

      I suspect you’re not the first sailor to say that.

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        Winning post of the day!

        • Aw, shucks!

          • NYCGlamourpuss

            C’mon, 153 likes – don’t be modest!

      • Lower L


      • Lanus

        Here, sir, are your Internets. Spend them wisely, on shoes and liquor.

    • Karen Belgrad

      Guam… home to a land of Snooki-lookie-likes! She’s so going to do some “Jersey Turnpike” action at the after party.

  • MoHub

    It’s too bad PRAS was already in the can. Jeffrey could have used a look at Ms. Vietnam to find better inspiration for his cocktail dress.

  • Vickiefantastico

    Such a wonderful start to the day! Thanks, uncles!

  • sugarkane105

    Miss Germany’s NuvaRing appears to have fallen out.

    • decormaven

      Is she at risk for unintended tastefulness now?

    • Bwahahahahaaaaaa!! I wish I’d read this before I posted.

    • filmcricket

      Everybody go home. This is the winner right here. Oh my God.

    • NYCGlamourpuss


    • Anna_Cecilia

      HAHAHAHAH. How am I just reading this now. I think I’m probably going to get a memo about my productivity, my co-worker has had to ask me AGAIN if I was OK.

      • formerlyAnon

        A memo? You work for amateurs. I get volunteered for the “other duties as assigned” projects no one wants if I let my snorts of amusement be heard too often.

    • formerlyAnon

      And you’ve apparently convinced the ad pushing software that we’re in the market for birth control, hahaha! For the first time ever, an ad for NuvaRing popped up when I refreshed this page. (Of course, now that I’ve typed it, the ad’ll probably follow me around like a puppy.)

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Hellooooooo, Sailor!

  • NMMagpie

    Vietnam was bringing the class, even with the headgear.

    What is Denmark’s connection to mermaids again?

    • Angela_the_Librarian

      Hans Christian Andersen was from Denmark. They have a statue of The Little Mermaid in Copenhagen in honor of him.

      • Librarian to the rescue!! Once again!

      • NMMagpie

        Thanks! That’s a pretty substantial connection. You would have thought they would have done that better.

      • MoHub

        I think that was pretty obvious.

      • frannyprof

        It is also a very sad mermaid.

        • AnneElliot

          That was my first reaction — saddest mermaid EVER. Her hair, her facial expression — it was just depressing. Have they no flair in Denmark?

          • E2_Remote

            I have some Danish friends…the short answer to your question is “no.”

          • Katharina Ofelie

            Aww, come on! Danes have plenty flair! We’re just not as up front about it as some people.. But I agree that this display is an embarrasment.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Then again, the fairy tale is pretty dark-I remember being startled by the ending when I first read it..

        • Alloy Jane

          Well, in the book she dies so yes, she’s very sad. Ascending to heaven after you sell your soul for legs and are rejected by the one you love is hard work.

    • Disney’s The Little Mermaid is from there.

      • MoHub

        Disney’s The Little Mermaid has very little in common with Andersen’s beautiful and tragic story.

        • (i was making a joke)

          • MoHub

            I know you were. I just get very angry at what Disney did to a beautiful story that made me cry when I read it as a child.

            And I know it’s practically un-American, but I never liked anything Disney my entire life.

          • NYCGlamourpuss

            I used to do stand up comedy (just amateur open mic stuff) about 20 some odd years ago. Part of my routine were jokes about the difference between the Disney version of fairy tales and the original Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Anderson version of fairy tales. That shit used to get me some of my biggest laughs in an otherwise unfunny routine.

          • I would love to hear that bit.

          • It may not make it out of moderation, I put up a link to The Terrible Love Lessons We Learned From Disney (Buzzfeed) just for you, love.

          • MoHub

            Thank you! I’ll look it up. However, my main issue was Disney’s need to give kids happy endings while putting some of the most nightmare-inducing scenes on the screen. The death of the Wicked Queen in Snow White, the forest fire in Bambi, and especially, the “Pink Elephants on Parade” number in Dumbo kept me awake nights when I was a little kiddo.

          • NYCGlamourpuss

            The death of the Wicked Queen in the original Grimm’s “Snow White” was one of my best jokes in the above mentioned comedy routine. It was totally simple, too – “when the people of the kingdom find out that the wicked queen tried to kill Snow White, they take a pair of red hot iron shoes, make her put them on, and force her to dance until she drops dead…. goodnight, Billy, Mommy loves you.” The audience would howl, and I certainly didn’t do anything special. It was one of those jokes that just wrote itself.

          • MoHub

            True, but Disney had her going off a cliff amid spectacular thunder-and-lightning effects that were pretty graphic.

          • NYCGlamourpuss

            Oh, I know, it was totally scary, and I agree with you. But the thought of forcing someone into a pair of red hot iron shoes and making her dance until she drops dead is a special brand of traumatizing!

          • Fox and The Hound had made me cry so hard as a child, that to this day, I refuse to watch it again.

          • Ramon Figueroa

            But Disney gave us Pat Carroll as Ursula, the Sea Witch (“I confess that in the past I’ve been a nasty. They weren’t kidding when they called me, well… a witch). You almost forgive them for what they did.

          • Heather

            Let’s not forget the chopped-in-half pet otter in “Ring of Bright Water.”

          • Shireen Stuart-Jones

            Me too… Except for the Michel mouse club on TV

  • aninsomniac

    No India 🙁

  • Adriana

    Vietnam, Korea and Myanmar actually look tasteful and beautiful…did they not get the memo?!

    • Cathy S

      They’re like real national costumes. They must feel very confused. But they look beautiful, so there’s that.

      • kimmeister

        Yes, Jeffrey should take a gander at what a traditional ao dai looks like right there!

        • Munchkn

          I was about to write that!

      • Munchkn

        So does Miss Philippines’s costume. Women in the Philippines were wearing big shouldered dresses way before Alexis Carrington. Heck, they even beat Joan Crawford to the punch. I think those dresses are lovely.

        What’s with all the peacock feathers on the costumes of contestants of Latin American countries? I thought that peacocks were native to India.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          The costume designers have never let ornithological accuracy get in the way of a truly outlandish costume.

        • Alloy Jane

          I dunno about those other countries but there are peacocks in El Salvador. There are also peacocks running wild in Temple City, CA so they’re versatile critters.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Peacocks must be very adaptable birds, given the right climate-and since I’ve seen a male peacock doing his full display dance, I can well understand why people want them around-they are gorgeous!

    • marlie

      They’re my favorites out of the bunch. Really lovely.

    • penguinmom

      And Philippines. Stunning, even with the feathers on her head.

  • quiltrx

    Awesome! Such a mix of taste and mega-tacky!
    (I sure hope someone of German descent has some insight on the glittered Styrofoam wreath hanging from her cooter.)

  • Sobaika

    Vietnam is a WERQ.

    • ccinnc

      … as are most of the Asian countries’ reps, IMHO.Bringing it.

      • sugarkane105

        Agreed! China and Malaysia are both fierce.

        • Sobaika

          Malaysia’s disco stripper heels, though?

          • sugarkane105

            Maybe she felt the need for a hint of tacky to compete in this feather and sequin shitshow.

          • marlie

            I think the disco stripper heels are a prerequisite for even entering the pageant.

          • DuBey2

            Yes, they are surgically implanted/attached prior to the 1st level competitions.

          • Carmen Comeaux

            Almost ALL of the shoes were questionable. Many of them made their poor feet look unsightly.

        • Patricia Groves Dobrowski

          I keep wondering what happens if Miss China has to go to the bathroom, though.

          • Shawn EH

            She floats there like all the other ghosts.

            Loving Miss Korea, what a nice traditional style!

  • decormaven

    The country of Denmark must be bereft of costume designers. Little children come up with more inspired costumes than this.

  • Patricia Groves Dobrowski

    Seriously – is Miss Germany wearing a box around her hips? It’s like the designer got all his information about Germany from watching “Springtime for Hitler”.

    • MoHub

      I was dying for Germany to show up in either the beer mugs or pretzels costume from the original Producers. I am sorely disappointed.

    • Malve Lyborg

      She’s serving Walküre-Realness.

      And this dangling ring reminds me of this ring you need to prepare a Adventskranz (I hade to look it up in my dictionary: advent wreath. Is this even a thing outside Germany?)

      • Stella Zawistowski

        I was gonna say, girlfriend is definitely giving me Wagner. Senta from The Flying Dutchman, particularly.

      • Patricia Groves Dobrowski

        It is, but not like it used to be. We had one in our house when I was a kid, but when it eventually wore out, my Mom never replaced it. Most churches I know do one every year, though.

      • formerlyAnon

        I make one every year (even though I no longer go to church, mostly) because Advent has been my favorite part of the church calendar since I was a child. For reasons mostly having little-to-nothing to do with actual religious teaching, but whatever. Take the joy where you find it.

  • ConnieBV

    Dang it, did I miss Peru? SHE WAS CARRYING A BABY DOLL, for Christ’s sakes!!
    1. I want to fight crime with Malaysia.
    2. China looks like one of those Erté sculptures they sold for monthly payments in the pages of Good Housekeeping.
    3. Kazakstahn’s (sp?) dress looks like it is made from the finest yak felt.

    • quiltrx

      Looking like an Erte’ is ALWAYS a good thing!

  • carnush

    Mexico wins. But Korea, Poland, and China are stunning.

  • DTLAFamilies

    Miss Guam: YOLO!

  • Joe J

    Miss Curacao apparently decided to show Lisa Simpson who the REAL Lizard Queen is.

  • I need Miss Kazakhstan Snuggie, pronto!!
    Miss Germany looks like a salute to contraception.

    On another note, I needed this post this morning, like nobody’s business. I’ll be keeping it open all day, just to back for repeated laughs. Miss Universe posts are the gift that keeps on giving.

    • Carleenml

      and I’m going to spend the day seriously wondering how they let Miss Austria leave the country with those shoes. Nothing screams crazy international extreme pageant Austria like clunky black bandage sandals.

      • Anathema_Device

        I know. It is like she lost the original shoes and had to pop into DSW on her way to the pageant.

    • ana170

      I’m pretty sure Miss Kazakhstan’s dress is a rug, since that’s what they’re known for.

      • DuBey2

        Agreed. And I’d love that pattern in a rug for my house.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Many, many birds sacrificed their tail feathers for this travesty of taste. Let us now mourn them by cackling like Jessica-Lange-as-Fiona-Goode at a Witch burning. It’s only right.

    • filmcricket

      I’m seriously concerned that there’s going to be a peacock shortage soon. None of the males will be able to put on their mating displays, so all of the females will be like, “Meh, I have a cake baking, TTYL,” and presto: no peacocks.

      • Any chance they are synthetic?

        • filmcricket

          I guess that’s a possibility, isn’t it? Let’s hope so.

        • pippitypup

          No. They’re plentiful & cheap naturally.

  • Emily Smith

    Why isn’t New Zealand dressed as a hobbit? Or a sheep. One of the two.

    • MoHub

      Or a kiwi bird.

      • Emily Smith

        That would work too, at least then she too can be covered in feathers, despite their lack of feathers…

        • Heather

          Her costume DOES have feathers, and I think the color may be a reference to the All Blacks rugby team? Not sure, but it’s less freaktastic than most of the others, and she’s also very naturally pretty, which is unusual for beauty queens.

          • I feel like it’s referencing Maori feather cloaks. But not doing a brilliant job of it.

  • jonesybj_notreally

    I was waiting for ms Denmark and she ended up looking like post-surgical Octomom. how flippin depressing…

    • quiltrx

      I see Alanis in there too.

    • pippitypup

      Someone else saw Octogone, too!

  • filmcricket

    All I could think of looking at Miss Estonia is that frilled dinosaur that kills Newman in Jurassic Park.

    • jtabz

      Oh, my goodness, right? What were they even going for? Winged stewardess?
      I can’t even.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I thought that too!

  • AndreaSkates

    This was the most brilliant dialogue by far. I laughed so loud I woke the dog when I got to, “That’s cute, Romania.”

  • I totally want Romania’s shoes, love that red.

  • Stella Zawistowski

    T.Lo, you have outdone yourselves.

    I don’t know why — there are certainly more *ridiculous* costumes in this post — but the one I can’t stop laughing at is Austria’s Maria von Trapp dress paired with Kardashian heels.

    • Dzing!

      I know, right? I really do not understand how she could have looked in the mirror in that and thought, “these are the best possible shoes I could wear with this dress.” A nude pump would have been better, and I’m not much of a nude pump fan.

  • Fred Vaughn

    Does all of Denmark need Prozac or something?

  • Adrianna Grężak

    Since I’m Polish, I’m inclined to root for Miss Poland’s costume. I’m happy to see she’s not ready to do the polka (it’s like assuming that cowboy hat and boots represent American culture) and that it’s more of a interpretation of the traditional embroidery.

    • Her dress is gorge! Jennifer Lawrence should have been in this dress, instead of the Dior.

      • Adrianna Grężak

        Even my very non-fashion-y boyfriend liked it

    • E2_Remote

      I’m married to a Polish guy and we both agreed we were happy she didn’t dress like the girl on the Zywiec bottle…

  • “These games must end, Thor. Now give me your hammer and swear your
    sexual fealty, or I will unleash my fury upon the nations of this


  • Frank_821

    My god guys!

    thank you for your dedication-especially after your wedding festivities. Granted the Miss Universe thread comes easy for you two, but even still

    That Vietnam inspired smackdown dialogue was priceless. I love Korea’s response

    And yes the asian countries were bringing more class

    I thought Miss Philippines was channeling Mrs Marcos more than Alexis

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I know, the Vietnam inspired throw down was worth the wait!

    • ojosazules

      She’s wering a “terno,” a traditional formal wear gown with enormous sleeves. Imelda was nothing if not formal.

      • jon sudeste

        Imelda did popularize the look in the 70’s…she always rocked the traditional Philippine terno (if anything). I’m disappointed with Miss Philippines version though, the fit has some issues – top should be more form fitting and the butterfly sleeves look too overemphasized. The dress would look better in a brighter color.

  • Patrick Cleary

    “Have a bird.”

  • ChristySchiff

    I live in Vienna, and every ball season you see TONS of couture versions of traditional clothing – which often seems a little unnecessary. But this is when you’re supposed to bust them out! C’mon Austria – you cannot sit back and expect the strudel to do all the work. Don’t send the girl if you’re not going to send the game!

    • DB Ruberto

      “Don’t send the girl if you’re not going to send the game!”


      Bless you for this!

    • DuBey2

      *you cannot sit back and expect the strudel to do all the work*

      This will be a lovely cross-stitch project for all young ladies…

      • 3boysful

        I will get right on that pattern.

      • ChristySchiff

        Perfect! I love doing cross-stitch but the patterns are always so tacky. (I cannot with the kittens and the Smiling sunflowers.) This is just the sass that a sampler needs.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          There are some stunning counted cross stitch patterns/charts available-much better than the kitschy kitties.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Curacao and Ecuador ARE NOT PLAYING AROUND, BITCHES!! Damn, baby!

    Pier One Imports – haaaaa! I love you guys!

    Philippines will TOTALLY shove her ex-husband’s new wife down the spiral staircase of her mansion!

  • Anna_Cecilia

    I’m pretty sure Manila Luzon has a peacock blue version of the Miss Philippines gown. It’s actually a beautiful look, being Filipino myself and an Alexis Carrington fan, I’m partial to it. Way to represent.

    I was enjoying my Americano up until the Miss Germany and subsequently Miss Nigeria comments. Now it’s mostly on my keyboard.

    • Nikko Viquiera

      Hey hey! I hope your friends and family are all safe. What a terrible storm.

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        Same here, honey, I hope your friends and family are okay.

        • Nikko Viquiera

          Thank you! my cousin’s family lost their house. But their alive so that’s all that matters..

          • Anna_Cecilia

            Same to you, thanks for the good wishes. Immediate family are all here in Canada but cousins and extended family in Manila are all OK.

  • Nikko Viquiera

    Side note: Everyone loves the Miss Universe in the Philippines! It’s the Olympics for many, many gay men. haha.

  • AndreaSkates

    How on earth did no one nix Germany’s Gestapo Hooker outfit? While all the rest are varying degrees of hilarious, this seems just in extremely poor taste historically.

    • Garcia Loca

      I thought it was a Brunhilda costume, what with the giant gold ring. (Reference to The Ring of the Nibelung, maybe?) It’s just very unlikely that a Miss Germany would wear a Gestapo costume, referencing such an embarrassing period of their history.

      • AndreaSkates

        Your explanation is far more logical. But unfortunately the color combination and the severe cut-outs in the skirt that look like eagle wings have a referent I can’t unsee. I’m not suggesting that this is intentional; rather, I’m suggesting that whatever was intended is lost in the black-white-red with gold epaulettes.

        • alyce1213

          It doesn’t help that she’s saluting.

          • Lanus

            Yeah, the salute was the first thing I saw, then I read the country and thought, “Oh, Germany? Oh, honey, NO. You can’t do that, not with the Gestapo skirt.” I’m sure it was unintentional, but there are too many potential references in that design.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            There’s something unsettling about Miss Germany’s costume-it’s as if they took a really ugly figure skating dress and forced it to mate with some old military uniforms.

  • CaseyinNY

    I weep for the peacocks of the world.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    This was essential therapy; thank you, gentlemen. The trains were just NOT RUNNING this morning – police action at a station further north where a fatality occurred, so flurries, wind, transit uncertainty and a dental appointment. Finally at IP Central with a backlog to address. I am so grateful for the giggles.

  • Zubair Ghumro

    Ignoring class and elegance of Veitnam and Korea…Miss Nicargua was the winner of this costume drama.

    • pinkxxa

      Yeah I’m Nicaraguan and I was surprised by that, my vote is definitely for Miss Vietnam or Myanmar, and if they were gonna choose the ticky tack Miss Curacao because come on… she is a lizard!!!!
      That being said Miss N did work the fuck out of that thing, doing lunges and shit which is probably what got her the win.

      • Zubair Ghumro

        Ohh…I didn’t see the show just read about it.

      • Zubair Ghumro

        Ohh…I hadn’t seen the show so I can’t say.

  • Adelaidey

    I’m giving it to Romania, because she’s the only one who actually managed to have costume-appropriate shoes.

  • Garcia Loca

    Mexico brought it! Curacao brought… something.

  • Sweetvegan

    Is anyone else struck by how many of these costumes look like Erte illustrations? China, Estonia, Honduras, Israel, etc.

  • MilaXX

    How did the tasteful group slip in?

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I know – how the hell were they not turned away at the door?

      • ojosazules

        That would have completely knocked Asia out of the competition.

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          Well, they just need to tacky that shit up, we can’t have them going around looking like normal people!

          • jon sudeste

            especially with Donald Trump at the helm.

    • BuffaloBarbara

      They look so out of place. And like they’re in something resembling national costumes. What’s up with that?

  • Cathy S

    Miss Korea wins for prettiest costume. Is Curaçao wearing a giant gecko? What?

    • marlie

      A friend had a traditional Korean wedding ceremony a few years ago and wore a hanbok (with a little less volume), and it was simply breathtaking in person. Someone from her family had it made in Korea out of beautiful silk fabric with beautiful embroidery, and it was just gorgeous.

  • Danielle

    BRB swearing sexual fealty to Miss Vietnam.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    Miss Malaysia dialogue FTW!

    Miss Korea for actually seriously rocking a national costume. Miss Haiti for best pose, and Miss Mexico for best feathers.

  • marlie

    In terms of genuinely beautiful costumes, the countries from Asia win, hands down. Malaysia, China, Vietnam, Korea, and Myanmar’s costumes are all really gorgeous. Gorgeous, culturally relevant (without being stereotypical), and tasteful.

    The ladies from Greece, Denmark, and Estonia are like “whatevs.”

    And Miss Germany’s costume scares me.

    • alyce1213

      Scares me too. I can’t imagine what possessed anyone to create that thing, and why on earth is she saluting?

  • Miss Ecuador hired the guy who did the Emperor’s New Groove for Disney before. I genuinely LOVE the movie and therefore the dress is a win!

  • Laura Renee

    Also, congrats on managing to snark in a single, pithy line about all these countries’ ridiculous apparel without treading into stereotypes! I knew you weren’t assholes, but it’s incredibly easy to do with some of the smaller, lesser-known countries, because sometimes all we absorb about them are stereotypes.

  • EverybodysStarling

    Aw, cute. Germany brought her “Adventskranz” with her.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Vietnam, Korea, and Myanmar appear to have shown up to the wrong party.

  • Le_Sigh

    These posts make me so happy I can’t even tell you. Thank you for my morning giggle Uncles!

  • YoungSally

    Actually before you laugh at Germany and Austria — High end Dirndls are very hot among the local cognoscenti. The fact that I know this is a reason to laugh.

    • Munchkn

      I wanted one of my daughters to bring one back when they went to Germany and Austria on student exchanges, but they were just too expensive.

    • cowper

      Just what is a “high-end dirndl”?

      • YoungSally

        Not the usual off-the-rack variety. I think there was an article in the NY times about them. Off the rack starts can be $900 alone.

  • frannyprof

    OMG, Denmark. Somebody get that girl a Xanax.

  • conniemd

    Miss Mexico looks like her outfit was made by a costumer designer on amphetamines, who kept saying, just one more design element will make this so much better.

  • Joanna

    “Nigeria would like to thank Pier One Imports for sponsoring this costume.” DIED!!!!

  • Rhonda Shore

    I watched this program and surprisingly, Miss USA’s Transformer gear came across as really fresh and modern. Miss Nicaragua won the over-the-top prize. The final crowning of the winner was really rushed and confusing and it almost looked like they pushed the first runner-up, Miss Spain, out of the way.

    • Heather

      They may indeed have. These beauty queens can get catty when there’s a crown around.

  • DuBey2

    Ahh Miss Romania. I love her and I also can’t stop laughing at her. My favorite of TLo’s caps for this part 3.

  • Heather

    I had a 7th grade jazz class recital routine to “What a Feeling” (from the ‘Flashdance’ soundtrack) where we repeatedly took the pose that Miss Haiti is demonstrating.

    • That’s the pose I associate with Usain Bolt – I keep looking at it and thinking “But he’s Jamaican”, like logic has a place here.

  • Tracy_Flick

    Germany: We’re brassy!

    • pippitypup

      I thought the giant ring meant she was Miss Mordor.

  • Dzing!

    Miss Malaysia = scrolldown fug. I liked it until I got to the shoes.
    Vietnam is seriously gorgeous. Miss Austria’s dress is boring as hell, but the choice of shoes bugs me even more than the dress.
    Does anyone know what the Germany and Estonia costumes are supposed to represent? Or are they both just kinda “random weird outfit in the colours of the flag” costumes?

    • Melvis Velour

      I was wondering that as well – Estonia needed a splash of black to finish it off, maybe it was her thong?

    • alyce1213

      Germany’s costume is an attempt at interpreting the Brandenburg Gate. Major fail.
      For the life of me I can’t figure what Estonia is wearing.

  • JanieS

    Curacao looks like she’s getting ready to attack Angel Grove with her Puttie Patrol.

  • DuBey2

    Who actually won the title of Miss Universe? (not the costume division)

    • 3boysful

      Venezuela, I believe.

      • AnneElliot

        Venezuela has won three of the last six Miss Universe pageants. It’s like a national pastime.

        • DuBey2

          Kind of like Texas?

  • DuBey2

    Thank you, Miss Universe pageant, for teaching me the difference between hot-blooded countries and cold weather ice queens. 1 picture (or 40) is worth a thousand words.

  • guest2visits

    Cannot even decide which caption is the funniest. I do love the infighting between the miss countries though.
    So many beautiful entries (Malaysia, Myanmar, Vietnam, Korea…even the feathery Mexico and Dominican Rep); yet so many questions…..like what is that box with rip-cords Germany is wearing, or how could they do that to poor Denmark or Aruba, or why is Estonia doing the teapot with her hands in her tasteful flying squirrel gown….?

  • guest2visits

    Really is Kazakhstan wearing an actual carpet?

  • kim bunchalastnames

    both miss mexico and miss dominican republic would make fabulous thanksgiving centerpieces.

  • Irish Rodriguez Reyes

    They should change the name of the event to “Beauty Queens for International Sugar Daddies” cause I know that if I looked half as good as any of these girls I’d be strutting my stuff in search of a guy with money to burn.

  • Lindsay

    Heh…Aruba is recycling the same suit from 2010, but they threw out the older headpiece for just an itty bitty feather?

  • e jerry powell

    And now that we know Nicaragua took the best national costume category…

    • alyce1213

      Russia has a long, great history of cracktastic, over-the-top costuming for the Bolshoi and (formerly) Kirov ballets, theater, figure skating, etc. And of course gay.

  • housefulofboys

    You guys have got to have so much fun coming up with this posts. I have a mental picture of you flinging zingers at each other for hours until you have them all down in the correct order. Y’all’s wit is killer!

  • another_laura

    Cage match Miss Germany and Miss Sweden!!

  • willworktomorrow

    Have sex with a giant iguana in Curacao!

  • Monabel

    Miss Austria, the poor thing.

    • alyce1213

      Sadder than Denmark? Her costume came out of a package.

      • Monabel

        True. My comment was more in response to TLo’s interpretation.

  • Trickytrisha

    This week in history, 2013…. pheasants, peacocks, turkeys, birds of paradise, crows, swallows, hummingbirds, and ducks all around the world are in mourning for their departed or naked relatives.

  • alyce1213

    Thanks for that link, very enlightening. Unfortunately, the inspiration was not conveyed at all in the actual costume. You can’t really even tell what you’re looking at.

    • fietsenpath81

      I agree. I was glad they avoided typical “German” clichés (see Miss Austria e.g.) but the artistic execution of this year’s outfit leaves me baffled and disappointed.

    • quiltrx

      It looks little-or-nothing like the sketch OR the Gate, does it? Their well-known precision engineering obviously does NOT stretch to include their pageant-wear.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    Perhaps Miss Greece is intending an homage to Aristophanes. Or Hitchcock. Was he Greek?

    • demidaemon

      Perhaps its a metaphor for all the birds that died for these costumes.

    • jon sudeste

      Aphrodite maybe? part of her iconography involves a white dove for whatever meaning I’m not sure.

  • formerlyAnon

    Despite (or maybe not) the heels, Miss Malaysia’s is my favorite costume. Ostentatious yet still, somehow, graceful.

    Miss Curacao is the most baffling. (Yes, even more so than poor pitiful Miss Denmark.) Why is a gecko in all the colors one might find on a box of nutritionless breakfast pastries for children representative of Curacao? (Google informs me that she might be a whiptail lizard, not a gecko. Coulda fooled me.)

  • quiltrx

    Thanks for the link…yes, I’m going to call EPIC FAIL on that one. The outfit itself is moderately interesting, but the craft project hanging down is a tee-total mess.

  • MartyBellerMask

    Curacao for the win. LOVE. IT.

  • calbear97

    From the linked site: “Miss Germany Ana Julia Hagen doesn’t need to speak about her chance of victory. The costume will do it for her. Winners are silent losers talk!” Excellent smack-talk from the costume designer!

  • Tania Grüning

    I am totally disappointed in my home country Denmark, that is one sorry costume, and there are soooo many things much more fabulous than that darn mermaid, and in that cheap badly designed mess.

  • PaintingChef

    These are one of the highlights of my year.

  • Katharina Ofelie

    Seriously, Denmark, what the F?! You’re making us all embarrassed!

  • allcapsERINN

    OK, so Vietnam was gorgeous and I actually kinda want that gigantic peacock dress (without the belt).

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    “These games must end, Thor. Now give me your hammer and swear your sexual fealty, or I will unleash my fury upon the nations of this earth.”

    I.am.Bowing.the hell.down!

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    I do like that Miss Nigeria’s costume gives a nod to NIgerian ethnic art, which is amazing.

  • favorthebold

    Germany: World capital of military uniforms that frequently appear in sexual roleplay!

  • Larry McAwful

    Holy moley. I had no idea I wanted to go to Ecuador so badly. I’d gladly settle for Guam, though.

    Misses Poland and Estonia are also doing quite a bit for me at the moment. Austria, too, but yeah, that country’s fashion industry could apparently use a few more gay men.