Miss Universe 2013 National Costumes – Part 1

Posted on November 07, 2013

Time once again for a grand T Lo tradition of bitchery and stereotyping, as we check in on the greatest (or at least the largest) international drag revue the world has ever seen, darlings! It’s the Miss Universe National Costumes Parade!

Hit it, strippers!

 

 

 

 

Miss Great Britain

 “Come to Great Britain and explore our rich history of prostitution!”

 

 

 

Miss Azerbaijan

“Come to Azerbaijan, where our women have dignity and are not whores.”

 

 

 

Miss Turkey

“Come visit Turkey, the world’s leading supplier of nylon prom gowns!

 

 

 

Miss Argentina

 “BAM. Here it is, motherfuckers. Argentina out.”

 

 

 

Miss Thailand

‘Thailand! We’re not afraid of color! Or setting our hair on fire!”

 

 

 

Miss Honduras

 “Honduran women have amazingly strong abs and back mu-OW! SWEET VIRGIN MOTHER OF GOD THE PAIN.”

 

 

 

Miss USA

“AMERICA! Due to the decimation of our manufacturing base and the destruction of our middle class, we don’t make cars anymore! We make movies about cars that turn into robots. BOOYAH, MOTHERFUCKERS! Forefathers! Constitution! FUCKING FREEDOM, AMIRITE?”

 

 

 

Miss Costa Rica

“Come to Costa Rica and be pleasured by our tacky fish-goddesses with bad color-pairing skills!”

 

 

 

Miss Paraguay

 “Not even gonna front. Looking for a sugar daddy tonight.”

 

 

 

Miss France

 “Ooh-la-la! Come to the land of modest bathing suits and ass nets! LA FRANCE!”

 

 

 

Miss Brazil

 “They told me I had to keep my top on, so check out my “Blow jobs & Tits” cape instead! Brazil! THE SEXY PEOPLE.”

 

 

 

Miss Gabon

“Come to Gabon, where — Is that a cigarette? ARE YOU INSANE? GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME, ASSHOLE!”

 

 

 

Miss Lebanon

 “Come to Lebanon. We’re classy bitches over here.”

 

 

 

Miss Bahamas

“The Bahamas export more showgirls per square mile than any other country in the world! We hatch from eggs!”

 

 

 

Miss Italy

 “Italy. Our serial killers are chic and wear couture.”

 

 

 

Miss Croatia

“Croatia is ready to do some ASS-KICKING tonight! Watch my tassles, bitches!”

 

 

 

Miss Puerto Rico

“Come, let us cast our dark Puerto Rican magic on you. MwaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

 

 

 

Miss Nicaragua

“Nicaraguans! Balance! Thigh muscles! At least three extra heads! Great at peacock-plucking!”

 

 

 

 

Miss Ukraine

“Come to Ukraine. Our mothers don’t let their daughters leave the house looking like common Belarus streetwalkers. Hips are for wedding nights.”

 

 

 

Miss Guatemala

“Come visit Guatemala! Especially if you have perhaps a degree in Costume Design! And no ADHD? And you shun the use of any stimulants?

Please. We’re begging you.”

 

 

 

Miss Hungary

“In Hungary, the women all look like slutty hotel maids!”

 

 

 

Miss Netherlands

 “KABLAM! Dutch bitches be CRAZY!”

 

 

 

Miss Israel

“I’m not saying I’m marrying a wealthy man tonight. I’m just saying I’m ready for it, should the occasion present itself.

Oh. Um…. ISRAEL!”

 

 

 

Miss Indonesia

 “Come to Indonesia, where our beauty queens have finally decided they WILL NO LONGER BE IGNORED.”

 

 

Miss Japan

“Am I an acid-tripping geisha shaped like a fan? Or a kind of ugly fan shaped like a geisha? Come ponder mysteries like this in JAPAN. Our women love back pain.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Darren Decker/Miss Universe]

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