Jessica Biel in Chanel at the Museum of Modern Art 2013 Film Benefit

Posted on November 06, 2013

Okay. Sure. We can talk ourselves into this one.

Watch us.

Jessica Biel attends the Museum of Modern Art 2013 Film Benefit – A Tribute To Tilda Swinton in New York City in Chanel.

Chanel Resort 2014 Collection/Model: Sui He (NATHALIE)

We don’t really love it but here’s what we like:

  1. It’s got some personality to it, which is not something she necessarily can do easily with her style (seeing as how she’s somewhat deficient on that front herself).
  2. It suits her in a lot of ways. The shape is great for her and we’re of the rare opinion that ladies with square shoulders should show them off, which means the Christmas craft material at the top doesn’t bother us. Much.
  3. White is her color.
  4. We love an ankle-length hem, even though we’re only getting half of one.
  5. The gold shoes, matchy as they are, really finish the look off.



Here’s what we don’t like:

  1. The mullet hem.
  2. The minaudiere, which does nothing for the look (although we secretly love it for allowing us to type the word).
  3. The way the top fits, because it looks like it’s sliding off her.


Here’s what  we question:

  1. The under-eyeshadow.


So as you can see, basic math wins again. The numbers don’t lie: we like it. Science, bitches.




[Photo Credit: AO Images/PacificCoastNews, Darla Khazei/PacificCoastNews,]

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  • RussellH88

    I do prefer this version than the runway version. The runway version’s collar looks like it’s made out of moss.

    • 3boysful

      And Jessica’s version is channeling Cleopatra,

      • E2_Remote

        Agreed. But I’m getting some other weird vibe of this as well…Pocahontas maybe?

        • ThaliaMenninger

          Cheap Christmas trash, maybe?

    • Fannie Wolston

      but i prefer that moss to the seaweed strands..

      • MilaXX

        looks like $1 per inch metal sold at the mall.

  • newleaf1

    The mina-what? I feel so inadequate for not knowing….
    ETA….i love those shoes.

    • RedRaven617

      I looked it up. Her purse. No handles or strap.

    • MilaXX

      tiny little clutch

    • cocohall

      I think it is the little bag. There was that accessories show a few seasons back and one contestant used to say minaudiere about every 3 minutes like it was fashion Tourrette’s tick. But the pronunciation was off. It was like a little drinking game unto itself.

    • PeggyOC

      Got to love Mirriam-Webster online, which not only defines it, but pronounces it, so I won’t look like a moron when I drop this into conversation!

      • boweryboy

        “Got to love Mirriam-Webster online, which not only defines it, but pronounces it”

        Say what, now? What kind of sorcery is that? I’m heading over there to check that out.

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          Mirriam Webster Online is the second greatest site on the internet, second only to TLo’s!

  • pepper76

    At first, I loved the blue eyeliner. At least I loved the idea of it. I’m not sure about it for this look in particular. Then I noticed that the model was styled with exactly the same look. Now it feels way less cool and inspired.

    • kmk05

      Too true.The model’s hair is much edgier, which allows her to carry off the look better. And her neck decorations don’t look like Christmas Cleopatra.

      • anotherkate

        If Christmas Cleopatra isn’t a Barbie, it should be!

    • calimon

      Aw, darn it! I missed that connection.

    • jenawesome

      I still think she pulls it off and should rock the look more often. For having such compelling bone structure, her face really goes bland easily. The eye color (and the shape) make her face much more interesting.

  • nannypoo

    I hate her lipstick. It adds to her blandness. I would hate the eyeshadow on anyone else, but here it distracts from her seersucker-like dress and creates something interesting on her face.

    • Elle E Dee

      Agree 1000%! I feel like both she and Kerry Washington default to a nude lip so much, and they both really should play theirs up because they’re fabulous.

    • Sobaika

      Her eye makeup is excellent (and I almost always hate her makeup) but I do feel it is too thick. I would have loved a slightly less smeared-on hint of blue.

  • Emily Smith

    She has a great butt.

    • mshesterp

      Jesus, that rear. It doesn’t quit.

    • mickiemonkey

      If I had a toukus like that, I’d walk into every room backwards.

      • Emily Smith

        Seriously me too. I would never have a shirt that went past my belt, I would just be showing off my butt 24/7.

    • CT14

      I don’t usually notice butts, but her is amazing in that dress.

  • Jessica Freeman

    What happened from the runway to the current dress…the shoulder decoration was much more refined and had it been that way I probably would have liked this more. The under shadow is too Cleopatra-esque and takes this to a costume level.

    • bellafigura1

      Completely agree, the runway version is wonderful, this is all over the place.

    • MilaXX

      She’s trying to copy the model’s look, but it doesn’t work.

      • decormaven

        Good eye! (Yours, that is.)

    • 3boysful

      Just typed same.

  • Jaeda Laurez

    If they changed the bottom to a pair of skinny black pants, I would instantly love everything about this, including the minaudiere.

  • MilaXX

    I think the devil is in the details and they ruin the look.
    1. The metal detail in Jessica’s dress looks cheap & gaudy as opposed to the more bronzey metal detail the model is wearing.
    2. The blue makeup doesn’t quite work as a pop of color, a dark hunter green might have and would have been less distracting.
    3. The shoes or the bag, not both. The bag could work if the shoe was the same color as the dress. The shoes work if the bag is the same color as the dress.

    • SCIENCE.

      • JDreesen

        though these photos instantly reminded me of the four years i spent part-timing it at a florist, spray-painting pinecones gold and wrapping pieces of ginger in floral wire to stick into “alternative” Christmas table centerpieces for the North Dallas upper crust, i have no choice but to [sigh]….agree with the math of it all.

        of course, i would love for Aaron Paul to also weigh in on the situation, but who wouldn’t.

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          YES! I said in my post, she looks like a Christmas decoration!

  • Fannie Wolston

    Why not wear the chanel shoe? i want. Not crazy about the gold pumps, i get the appeal of a little toe cleavage and the shiny gold triangle up front is powerful but side view gives her a stick up the butt posture.

    • ampg

      I’m pretty sure we are all required to refer to her butt as DAT ASS.

  • Love her hair and make up, and her shoes. In between that, not at all.

    • Kristin McNamara

      I was thinking this is a Yes solely based on the fact that she got rid of her booms.

  • Sam Erin

    you rock that alien eye shadow, mrs timberlake.

  • Mary Lauer

    Kind of odd that after changing the stuff at the neck, she kept the styling of the eyes the same. I would have changed the eyes, but kept the runway craft stuff!

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Head looks great but wow – I hate that dress. I can see some good ideas for her – the white and gold, but that’s about it. The fabric here….what IS it? It looks very casual… especially mismatched to the gold “drama net” over it.

  • Bless her, she just tries so hard it is off putting. It’s not science, just a primal reaction, she both bores and irritates me. Basically, she brings out my inner Mean Girl. “Oh, so you agree? You think you’re really pretty? ” Clearly, I am totes jelly of dat ass. But that’s about it.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      Yes, I will give her the ass, but that’s IT!

    • demidaemon


  • filmcricket

    Love the minaudiere, the shoes, and as per usual, her bod is bangin’. The rest is a giant pile of WTFery.

  • 3boysful

    I want to like it, and I really love the textured fabric, but the cheesy chain fringe, extra seaming, and mullet hem beg for editing, methinks.

  • StephanieLovesTLo

    I think copying the runway makeup was a questionable choice but other than that, she looks great because science.

  • cocohall

    I am getting Christmas Tree tinsel applied while extremely looped on egg nog on those epaulets. But obviously, this is all about the bum. And doesn’t she know it. Good for her. The lunges x 10,000 were worth it.

  • SewingSiren

    This is a personal best for her. She often looks like someone else dressed her (which they did , but it shouldn’t look like the did). None of it is great , but it all works together. I even like the under eye shadow.

  • dryadgirl

    Her make up and hair exactly match my mother’s bridal style circa 1972.

  • Nikko Viquiera

    also, her ass looks amazing in that dress.

    • not applicable

      Yes, was thinking that too… Not easy to pull off good ass in a white dress…

  • gigi kennedy

    i was all aboard, until i noticed the patch pockets on the front. *le sigh*

  • teensmom99

    Another thing science teaches us is to examine the evidence and the importance of experimentation. Also, to respect those who are experts in the field. And so, I have learned from the great Profs T & Lo that MOST mullets are bad but that doesn’t mean all mullets are bad. And I kinda like this mullet.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    Chenille bedspread, oddly sewn, with pockets, and grandma’s costume jewelry piled on top.

    • I was getting paper T’s. But yes, the textile ruins it for me.

  • marlie

    I like this. A lot. Sure, it has its problems, but overall this is a really striking look for her. For once, the asymmetrical hem doesn’t bug. I like the collar thing-y, though I wish someone had straightened it out before she got out of the limo. The shoes are perfect for this.

    What I don’t like: the minaudiere. And I would have switched the teal under-liner (because it really doesn’t “go”) with a really bold lip color.

  • Janet B

    Now you are bringing Science into the equation? Hahahahahaha, this will require caffeine. (I’m probably delirious from a lack of sleep)

    Just because it’s one of her better attempts, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

  • TLJezebel

    But that booty is perfection.

  • Kathy

    I worry about her hair getting caught in that chain extravaganza. Ouch! I’m not liking much about this really, though I like the model’s look better.

  • anotherkate

    I know she usually bores sartorially (or misses entirely) but I have always really liked her for being so unabashedly ripped and sexy. Some of these starlets just look like they can only have the bodies they have through starvation/weird cleanses/chefs on the payroll/expensive Pilates/GOOP livin’, but our girl Jess has an actual achievable body. (I mean, achievable if I worked my ass off at a gym). Clearly there is no small amount of good genetics on display, too, but I admire her muscles and the old-fashioned work it probably took to achieve them.

    As for this dress? I agree with TLo’s math. It gets wonkus in the bust, but I dig the shoulder regalia and the shoes especially.

  • ojosazules

    I find all of it awkward and weird.

  • boweryboy

    I think she’s trying to copy the model’s make-up and failing miserably I might add.

    The only thing good I can say about this is dat ass, and she knows it.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Definitely one of her better attempts and her body is killer. Really wish she would have chosen not to copy the model’s makeup, but I like this look overall.

  • But seriously, what DO you wear to honour SWINTON? You are pretty much fucked whatever you attempt.

    • KateShouldBeWorking

      You’re right: that’s a near-impossible hurdle for anyone to clear. But – and this is me being bitchy and personal – her stylist should recognize by now that Biel is uninteresting and dressing her in anything avant guard makes her look disillusion, not stylish.

  • jw_ny

    I kinda like the “Christmas craft material at her shoulders”, and like the overall look, for the most part. The chains being all disheveled does make me cringe, but the thing that bugs me most is the texture of the dress with that shoulder thing…looks like terry cloth, and seems too casual for that thing. Just a wee bit too much of the blue under-eye-shadow, but like it in this case.

  • ballerinawithagun

    Love the under eye shadow. Hate the terry cloth towel look of the dress. (Shorten and send to Jennifer.) I like the collar on the model but neither collar seem to actually belong to the dress.

  • Sunraya

    I like the dress except for what looks like tacky metal to me. I don’t get this woman’s appeal. What does she have that thousands of aspiring actresses do not that make her “make it.”

  • ChelseaNH

    Also, no booms.

    • Imasewsure

      I didn’t even notice – I just knew that her hair looked great to me! Good bye booms! Die Die Die

  • BlueBell42

    I fail to understand why she is even permitted in the same room with the divine Ms. Swinton.

  • lrhoff

    Oh you two were very modest with your list of don’t likes. There’s so much more, which would take this to the “out” column quickly. Way to throw her a bone, guys. You’re feeling generous today….you must not be retaining water.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Here – allow me to talk you out of it. She looks like a tacky Christmas decoration. The only reason she doesn’t look like a tacky Christmas decoration *hooker* is because her skirt is long.

  • Madam Von Sassypants


  • bertkeeter

    For me…too many ideas in one look…Like th chain detail. Like the boucle like fabric. Like the hem. Just not all three together!

  • Nancer

    Guys, how can you not add that lipstick to the list of things you don’t like? Although I think overall this is fine, the lipstick still needs to be questioned!

    • take that lipstick down to the interrogation room!

      • Nancer

        (Snort)…. ok, made me laugh!

  • sagecreek

    The patch pockets seem like they belong on a completely different dress than the bodice.

    • marlie

      Two dresses (so far) today featuring patch pockets that don’t belong. Did someone announce that they were a trend, and I just missed the message?

  • SugarSnap108

    Your science means nothing to me. This is BAD. Except for her booty, which is divine.

  • random_poster

    This would look better if she’d done an updo of some sort on her hair. It would also have been much more practical–I can’t imagine how much hair got caught in all those chains. Ouch.

  • MannahattaMamma

    is anyone else seeing Carol Burnett’s brilliant “Gone With The Wind” skit, in which she makes a dress of curtains, including the curtain rod? Jessie B apparently loved the tassels & tie-backs of her new drapes that she plopped ’em on her dress.

  • She’s wearing the shiny nude lip color that sends me into stabby rage. I love the under eye shadow. I love the shoes more.

    • marlie

      I’m right with you on the lip color. I’ve just gotten to the point when I’ve stopped talking about it.

      • I’ve been on this crusade since 2006. The high of hating nude colored make up and shoes will never wear thin.

  • judybrowni

    I don’t get the Swamp Thing necklace, but the girl gives good butt.

  • Lorelei_D

    Um… is nobody else alarmed that Chanel made a mullet skirt?!

  • here’s what i like: the way the dress calls our attention to the fact that she has one fine and ample ass. and the way the gold chains are dripping off her strong yet luscious shoulders. what i don’t like is that complicated hemline and the superfluous pockets.

  • kim bunchalastnames

    if she’s going to wear an epaulette necklace thingy — which is pretty much the statement in this piece — then she should make sure it’s sitting properly. i just want to go up to her and straighten the chains out on her right shoulder. and then maybe smack her for making me do it.

    • marlie

      That’s what irks me the most, too. That thing should be PERFECT.

  • melanie0866

    I just wish my butt looked like that.

  • The teal eyeliner photographs beautifully from a distance, but doesn’t quite work close up.

  • Qitkat

    You know, I like this. She looks terrific in white. She’s standing tall and proud, no slouching. The gold pumps are the right choice here. LOVE the minaudiere. But I wish the chain shoulder jewelry thing (that must have a name, oughtn’t it? because it is so very specific an item) was staying on straight.

  • ItAin’tMe

    I don’t understand the pockets.

  • quiltrx

    If I got to wear a Chanel dress with a fancy chain foofaraw on my shoulders, you could be damned well sure that I would spend at least 15 minutes straightening the damned thing before I got out of the car! It’s such a fun bit, and she half-assed it.

  • Imasewsure

    I think this would have worked with either a long flowy hemline or without the necklace/shoulder thing. Individually it’s interesting and even chic (for her) but together it’s a bit of a mish-mash. I like her hair like this though

  • calimon

    The eyeshadow is a w-In for me, because it adds just a touch of color needed to an otherwise washout look.

  • Why doesn’t she just get Prince’s neon-yellow-lace jumpsuit from the VMAs and wear it to everything. We all know what she’s proudest of.

  • Trickytrisha

    Honey, your shoulder thingy is slipping. Otherwise you look surprisingly good. And you wore metallic shoes for TLo.

  • Tracy_Flick

    Those are the five most awesome back-handed compliments I’ve heard since my in-laws’ last visit.

  • Danielle


  • Lauren Dorsee Dillon

    I hate her hair. I want her ass (I suppose I should specify; I want my ass to look like hers). Change the bag (minaudiere), choose one hem length, and do something with that boring ass hair. I said ass three, now four, times. I think that makes a small herd.

  • Joyce VG


  • For some unknown reason, I often find myself defending Jessica’s style, but I can’t here. This doesn’t work on any level, from the hair, to the craft project shoulder thingy to the bathrobe skirt. To be put together so poorly seems against nature; she’s a gorgeous woman with a killer bod. On the plus side, I learned a new word: minaudiere. Thanks, Uncles.

  • CT14

    She’s gotten rid of those hideous bangs, so I can forgive most anything from her.

  • Nicole Little

    She’s still got the best body in Hollywood.

  • Tashina Savage

    I rarely like anything she wears, but I think she is pulling this off too. Gotta agree with the others, dat ass just helps sell the look.

  • CatherineRhodes

    Absolutely hate that thing around her shoulders. What the hell is that, anyway?

  • Jumpingjacks

    the whole outfit has as much personality and impact as she has… which is none.
    Think classic Chanel works better for her than any other more modern brand.. she shouldn’t try too hard

  • HK4Seven

    The BOOMS are gone! I call that a win.

  • mdcoon127


  • Pterodactyl111

    I LOVE the shoulder treatment. It’s just great. If the hem was even all around and she had picked a better lip color, then I would be 100% on board.

  • Jane

    The blue looks great on the model because its edgy it doesn’t look good on her because she was going for a more soft look especially with her hair.

  • Mona_Visa

    I wonder how many times that thing snagged her hair.