Heidi Klum in Marchesa at the 2013 American Music Awards

Posted on November 26, 2013

Y’know… under normal circumstances, we’d probably be all jazzed*  about Heidi in Marchesa. She’s just the kind of cartoon character who can make the sometimes over-the-top romanticism of the brand really sing and it would be a nice change from her look-at-me/I-still-got-it tendencies.

But of course she had to go and Heidi it all up.


*promised ourselves we’d use that word in a sentence this week.


Heidi Klum attends the 2013 American Music Awards held at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, California in a Marchesa dress paired with Brian Atwood heels, a Marchesa clutch and Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.

Marchesa Spring 2014 Collection

Marchesa Spring 2014 Clutch


Of course she was going to skip right past the princess fantasy gowns and head straight for the crotch fringe Never change, girl.






[Photo Credit: Jane West, Jennifer Graylock/INFphoto.comIMAXtree, marchesa.com]

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  • RussellH88

    Someone put Velma Kelly through a shredder.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      They should have just put the whole dress through the shredder…

      • they stopped half way and said, “wait, HEIDI will wear this.”

        • schadenfreudelicious

          Of course!

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          “STOP THE SHREDDER!! STOP THE SHREDDER! She has a red carpet event to get to!”

  • Karen Belgrad

    It reminds me of the 2000 Golden Globes dress that Courtney Love … the Galliano trash bag dress. Hmmph.

  • I like this on the model, but I think the bodice of the dress needs to be a few inches longer so it doesn’t give the illusion of a merkin gone wrong.

    • Ruth Sawyer

      I love you.

    • leahpapa

      Is there such a thing as a merkin gone right?

    • lifeisastory

      I hate the model’s flats.

    • Qitkat

      I knew I had heard that word before! but had to look it up. You might have heard the laugh/snort from here!

      • conniemd

        Yes. I had to look it up as well. What a fantabulous word to add to my vocabulary. Who knew?

    • ballerinawithagun

      Eeuwww!!! It is a large merkin isn’t it???

  • lobsterlen

    This will date me for sure but I thought Heidi as a saloon singer on Gunsmoke.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Miss Kitty will see you now.

    • Aurumgirl

      But everybody in Marchesa’s world is going out to play the saloon singer in Gunsmoke.

  • Kent Roby

    In Heidiworld, this is downright demure. Plus, I love the movement of long fringe, so I’m liking this on her.

    • kimmeister

      The shoes are particularly non-stripperish.

    • lifeisastory

      I like it too, although I’m surprised that she went so matchy-matchy with the clutch.

  • hughman

    If she stands on one leg, she’ll make a nice lamp for Christmas.

    • ana170

      Or a bordello.

      • StellaZafella

        There was a brawl in the bordello…Miss Kitty got plucked.

    • A major award!!

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        Damn, you beat me to it!

      • Danielle

        Yeah, mind power, Swede; mind power.

    • DebbieLovesShoes


    • Andrew Schroeder


      • slizzy

        Must be Italian!

    • And you can pull on one of her earrings to turn it on!

      • NYCGlamourpuss


  • AWFUL!!
    (love the nails)

    • alyce1213

      She always manages to have an impeccable manicure. She has the most beautiful hands.

      • decormaven

        I’m curious about the polish- is it a gold metallic base with a matte black top coat? Very intriguing.

        • Thinking it’s just standard Gunmetal. Maybe it’s more ornate, I’ll have to look on my phone later, it’s better resolution than this old work monitor.

      • Yep, always. I am in serious covet over those nails. I had grown mine out long enough to have that rounded point, but after breaking three, I cut them all back down. I hate the damage gels and acrylics reek on your nails, but I would love a nice long nail, like this, that is safe from day to day damage. I also like to change my color frequently, and you can’t do that with the fakies at home. Sighhhh. First world problems, amiright?

        • marlie

          My sister gets a mini where they only do the gel on the topcoat. Saves your nails from some of the damage, but they’re a teensy bit stronger, and the mani lasts longer.

    • kimmeister

      The nail polish color is awesome, isn’t it?

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        It really is.

  • MoHub

    I thought you boys would never get to this! Been waiting with bated breath, and you did not disappoint.

    Heidi, on the other hand—

    • sagecreek

      Full on props for using “bated” correctly 🙂

      • MoHub

        It’s as much as my job is worth; I’m a copyeditor.

        • alyce1213

          Reading articles and comments on the interwebz must make you twitch.

          • sagecreek

            I know! The whole “discreet/discrete” thing makes me absolutely insane. Don’t get me started, let’s just all give huzzahs to MoHub!

          • MoHub

            Thank you.

          • marlie

            I won’t get started, because I could go on ALL. DAY.

          • Sarah

            I went to Peru a few years ago with some friends, and we were joking about how we could hire ourselves out to the folks down there to proofread their poorly-spelled English signs for tours and whatnot – “Increase your business! Make your signs LEGIBLE!” – that kind of thing. Then my pal told me about how there are websites devoted to posting bad signage and typos and I nearly swooned. And immediately decided that I should not seek them out, lest I spend the rest of my life in Superior Grammar and Spelling Land.

          • alyce1213

            A mini-hobby of mine is collecting cell phone pictures of misspelled signage. Most recently in the produce section was a sign for Romaine Hearst, what I though would be a good name for the lovechild of William Randolph Hearst and Marion Davies.

          • Sarah

            Har! That’s a good one. My personal bugbear is the misuse of apostrophes and quotes. I got a used tire at “Mike’s Used Tire’s” which was “Open From 8 to 9” and preferred that you “Not Smoke on the Premise’s” a while back. Which, to me, suggested that all of these statements were in question, and that the tire and the premise owned something, but I wasn’t at all sure of what. Eeergh.

          • marlie

            How about this…

            Line Starts

            Please Stand


            It was just so WRONG.

          • kimmeister

            That gets me too. In what school do people learn to pluralize words with apostrophes?

          • Sarah

            The “I am not sure, so I’m just going to put one in case” school. That’s the same one where people learn that putting quotes means emphasis, apparently.

          • MoHub

            The groceries I shop in abound in “iceburg” lettuce.

          • kimmeister

            I’ve only collected one such picture. It was a ride at a county fair called the Oreint Express.

          • alyce1213

            Me and you both. (sorry)

          • MoHub

            It’s actually a very good discipline for me. Unless something is really dreadful or conveys an unintended meaning—or if it’s so badly punctuated that I can’t parse it—I’ve learned to stop talking to my monitor and resist the urge to post responses with all the corrections.

          • Sarah

            Me too, my friend. Therein lies MADNESS.

          • formerlyAnon

            You ARE zen.

          • MoHub

            Well, I do have one outlet. I invest in a lot of grammarwear and grammarware. I treasure my “apostrophes do not make plurals” sweatshirt and my Grammar Police coffee mug, among other grammar collectibles. They allow me to be smugly superior without having to say a word.

          • conniemd

            I believe any grammar police person like myself considers “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” to be one of the best and most hilarious books ever written.

        • Lordy, bless your heart. Fast typing, spelling challenged, grammar be damned people, like myself, must drive you batty!

        • formerlyAnon

          May the gentle blessings of heaven rain down on you.

          I am NOT a copy editor and make plenty of mistakes myself, but the list of misused homonyms and other frequently-seen errors on line are exquisitely annoying some days and force me to struggle not to be a carping pedant, if only in my head. You must be good at the calming breath.

      • boweryboy

        And spelling it correctly as well. “Baited” breath makes me think of a fish with a hook in it’s mouth.

  • Jessica Freeman

    I can’t because: Marchesa. It’s a pretty bad dress in the first place, but then add Heidi and her booms, ugly shoes and raccoon eyes and its just a full on train wreck.

    • calimon

      and the orange spray tan.

  • Jumpingjacks

    It’s like a Marchesa dress, which shrunk after they had washed it because it got stuck in an airplane engine.. Too bad afterwards it got mauled by a few mountain lions. I say it’s a miracle there is any dress left

  • homofascist

    That clutch sums up Marchesa in total more than any dress could.

    • Jumpingjacks

      get a dress-form (or other shape) and tack every loose bit of whatever you see in the studio on it? Use superglue if convenient

      • homofascist

        And when you are done, add a crystal! And some diamonds! And give the crystal a wedding band!

        • Jumpingjacks

          The crystal does really pull the whole thing together..

        • kimmeister

          Don’t forget the feathers!

        • sojourneryouth

          As a crystal hound, the quartz is the only part I like. Wish it were on a waaaay less tacky purse!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Somewhere a crow is cursing out Marchesa for plucking its feathers.

      • Sarah

        Several – several bald, shivering crows, plotting revenge against the Beautiful Georgina Chapman.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          I think we’ve got a winner here-“The Revenge of the Crows”

          • another_laura

            Not for nothing is a group of crows called a Murder….

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        I wonder when you open it up, if there’s a sound effect that goes “BAWK!”

      • sojourneryouth

        So now I have a mental picture of undead Brandon Lee in his emo-mime makeup spin-kicking Georgina in the face for plucking his minions bald. I have issues.

  • DebbieLovesShoes

    Those earrings: just no. Look at the model without ’em. BIG difference.

    • kimmeister

      I can’t imagine how annoying it would be to have your earrings tickle your clavicles.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        Oh jeez, you’re right.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Laughing clavicles, coming to a RC near you!

  • alyce1213

    This looks as if it were made from scraps, flotsam and jetsam from the mind of beautiful Georgina Chapman. Cheap and ugly, from Heidi’s bangs downward.

    • Qitkat

      So funny– flotsam and jetsam from the mind of the beautiful Georgina Chapman

      There never seem to be enough opportunities to use two of my favorite words;-)

  • Akemi

    Long claw-nails painted black look ridiculous.

  • bellafigura1

    I don’t know why with all this going on, but I find the shoes particularly irritating.

  • SewingSiren

    She looks like Taylor Swift.

  • Heidi-treatment or not, that fringe is AWFUL.

  • JauntyJohn

    It looks like she was attacked by a flock of birds while going from the limo to the RC.

  • decormaven

    The booms and earrings are too long, and that fringe is two inches away from hanging in a doorway. Too much, too much- but classic Heidi.

    • Qitkat

      I’d like to think that because of your avatar name that you have some experience with fringe hanging in a doorway! As in telling people, oh, nononono.

      • decormaven

        I’m a maven in my own mind. Decor is more of an interest/hobby.

  • Lesley

    i’m convinced she goes to her stylist “find me the ugliest, tackiest dress made possible and watch me where the shit out of it.” major FAIL, heidi for someone so pretty you look terrible.

  • Sarah

    Once I ordered a negligee from Europe that said it was XL. It turned out to be more like an M. I found that out when I tried it on, the cheap elastic broke, and I busted out all over. Tack some fringe on that, and you’ve got Heidi’s look.

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg


  • Amanda Welliver

    So tired of illusion netting and pasties as a fashion trend. There’s more to being dressed than covering nipples…

    • kimmeister

      Yes, “is it legal to wear in public?” should not be the sole criterion for getting dressed.

      • marlie

        Sometimes, I don’t even think people stop to ask that question.

  • tereliz

    Just not getting the flapper vibe from the styling this dress needs to work. The shoes are horrid with the length of that fringe skirt.

    It’s all very “Heidi” though, isn’t it? Big honking earrings, flashy clutch, blingy rings, legs for days…

    • alyce1213

      Of course.

  • crash1212

    That is a hideous dress. Full stop. I love her hair…that’s a perfect pony.

  • MarieLD

    It’s a negligee, not a dress.

  • frannyprof

    Did she and RiRi get into a catfight at the AMAs? Because i would LOVE to see that.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Although I think RiRi could hold her own for a while, I’d never bet against a tough Swabian.

  • Miss WKS

    tornado couture…

  • This is what the sexy victim lady would wear in a 1920’s silent film of “The Creature from the Black Lagoon”.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    I don’t care if it’s Marchesa-the long fringe makes it hookerific.

    • sagecreek

      I’ve never found those two things to be mutually exclusive 🙂

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Hmmm-there’s some truth to this!

  • Qitkat

    Aaaaannnd…TOCA* for this week goes to Miss Heidi Klum!

    * “The Of Course Award”

    • Qitkat

      And believe it or not, this doesn’t mean I don’t like this, because against all my better judgement, I think she looks pretty.

      • Sarah

        Qitkat, she ALWAYS looks pretty. It’s classy that’s the problem 😉

        • Qitkat


    • Tatiana Luján

      oooh, awarding the weekly OCA should be a TLo institution.

      • marlie

        Maybe we can introduce that in the lounge this week. 🙂

  • Tatiana Luján

    the dress looks like it is made out of dead moths.

  • She and Jordin Sparks should run for Princess Tacky, 2013

  • anyalama

    That clutch is awful. It reminds me of the episode of SatC where Jennifer Coolidge is trying to sell her awful handmade purses at her “purse party”.

  • suzq

    The only thing that outfit needs is some jazz hands.

  • marlie

    I’m usually a huge Marchesa apologist, but nope. This dress is hideous. There’s nothing flattering or pretty about it. It looks like cheap lingerie. BUT… I love Heidi’s hair and makeup, and those earrings are KILLA.

    • sagecreek

      Oh Marlie I love you so but those earrings are pure Claire’s from 1992 🙂

      • marlie

        They totally are, but they still look like fun! xo

    • BrooklynBomber

      Acknowledging you’re a “Marchesa apologist” is the first step to admitting you have a problem. Welcome, Marlie!

  • MilaXX

    of course

  • Kate4queen

    The fringe is hiddy

  • Sunraya

    I do like this on her. She is pretty covered. For Heidi.

  • KT

    Was this dress inspired by the “Feed the Birds” lady in Mary Poppins??

    • Fannie Wolston

      it’s just a tuppence a bag, birds tore this one to shreds.

    • BrooklynBomber

      The saints and apostles are definitely looking down as she sells her wares.

    • Kathy

      That or she was attacked in a scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

  • Qitkat

    Just once, I’d love to see the Beautiful Georgina in one of her nuttier inspiration dresses.

  • msdamselfly

    “Heidi it all up” LOL

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    I can’t. With all her money and access to designer clothing she shows up in this?! It looks like she took an Ambien, fell asleep in her lingerie then slept walked to the awards. And got run over by a bus and went through a car wash on her way there.

  • e jerry powell

    Did she have dirty shoulders?

    Those earrings are too much.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Just totally ridiculous looking!

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    It’s both tacky and beyond age inappropriate, so yeah, it’s a Heidi dress.

  • formerlyAnon

    Her head cracks me up on top of that. “Carpool mom with a thriving part time legal practice by day, Hootchie-coo dancer in the 1930’s circus side show-themed burlesque revue at night.”

    • BrooklynBomber


  • GorgeousThings

    Jeesus, those ankle straps are cutting off the circulation to her feet.

  • Nika E

    Sometimes I question Hedis’ taste level. *giving her the side eye*

    • Darcy H

      … only sometimes?

      • Nika E

        Well, there are times on Project Runway she looks really good. Its the red carpet (for me anyway) that she always looks a hot mess.

        • Darcy H

          Very true, she does manage to contain herself for PR most of the time!

  • Hideous dress.

  • bravobravp

    Whenever i see Heidi I do a check list in my head “Tight, Shiny, Short” taught by my favorite Uncles, TLo. She always has 2/3. It is quite remarkable.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    That dress looks like she was mauled by a wild tiger on her way to the RC. It’s only holding on by a thread. She looks ridiculous and fabulous all at the same time.

  • BrooklynBomber

    Die, Marchesa, die!!

  • allcapsERINN

    That clutch is kind of cool.

  • ojosazules

    The dress is a wreck and it does nothing for her amazing figure. She looks boxy and chunky in it! Really wretched. Maybe her boyfriend thought it was hot. I hope so.

  • VicksieDo

    That’s a nightgown.

  • Paula Pertile

    Old-timey whorehouse lampshade.

  • PeaceBang

    The top half of her body looks like the aftermath of a tragic blender accident with a murder of crows.

  • LeelaST

    Fredrick’s of Hollywood lingerie.

  • Tracy_Flick

    That clutch should be encased in concrete and tossed into the deepest part of the ocean. I’m afraid its hideousness is contagious.

  • martha

    Love the rings, everything else–Hideous!

  • Dagney

    What…is that…

  • I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I believe there’s a gravitational singularity forming over her abdomen.

  • quiltrx

    (channeling the grandpa from Christmas Vacation)–“It was an UGLY Marchesa, anyway.”

  • bertkeeter


  • d4divine

    That dress looks like it was made by a bunch of pissed off blackbirds.

  • hmb

    Actually, great dress. Not for her, and certainly not styled nicely. Too bad…

  • housefulofboys

    I saw the thumbnail and was really hopeful, her hair and makeup are pretty and not harsh. Then I opened the full post. Oh well. I will say her hands are just gorgeous, she could have been a hand model! And I love her nail polish and her rings. There, I said something nice.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    Consider this: What if she is trolling Georgina Chapman for taking the sloppy seconds that is PR All Stars.

    • DeTrop

      Dear, dear. Surely you meant she’s trolling THE BEAUTIFUL Georgina Chapman. How soon we forget!

  • Lola Channing

    she should make her acting debut in Irma La Klum. She has happy hooker with a heart of gold written all over that dress. And the nails. And the bag. And the ear junk.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    Such a shame her gown was attacked by ravens.

  • French_Swede

    In the icon picture on the main page, I swear I thought her earrings were braids. You know. Heidi.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    I just caught the repeat of Monday’s Fashion Police, and they described this confection as “Tinkerbell at Peter Pan’s funeral”.

  • Mona_Visa

    Widow bordello chic.

  • guest2visits

    Harsh, tacky. Kind of looks like an inexpensive naughty girl costume.

  • NOLA_gal

    OMG, this looks like it’s made from a lampshade and the skins of lingerie models. Blech.

  • Gatto Nero

    Marchesa = overwrought hideousness. This is no exception.

  • HM3

    That middle panel makes her midsection look SUPER broad in frontal photos….in a bad way.