2013 CMA Awards Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on November 07, 2013

YeeHAW, kittens! It was the CMA Awards and the red carpet was a veritable tribute to blandness and conformity!

Hit it, color-free people! We’re fixin’ to judge ya!

 

 

 

Carrie Underwood in Ralph & Russo Couture

 Somehow, even when she tries to sexy it up, she comes across like a big pile of cotton candy.

 

Cassadee Pope

 The subway map effect gets a little overwhelming at parts.

 

 

Colbie Caillat

Beige sparkles. Nothing else need be said.

 

 

Danielle Bradbery in BCBG Max Azria

 It’s colorless, but at least it’s got some goofy-looking elements to give the eye something to do.

 

 

Faith Hill in Lanvin

Dull as dishwater. So characterless, she’s almost invisible. We don’t think white’s in her wheelhouse, but if she absolutely must, then she should pick a more striking garment than this to wear. Like a white suit, for instance.

 

 

Jana Kramer in Theia

Credit due: one of the more striking and memorable looks of the night. Of course, that’s not hard when everyone came dressed in the non-colors of Holiday Inn decor.

 

Jennifer Nettles in Naeem Khan

 We’re not in love with the way the skirt attaches, but we’d fall all over ourselves praising this dress if it was rendered in a rich color, the way God intended it.

 

Kacey Musgraves in Blumarine

Oh please. Dolly Parton thinks you’re lazy.

 

 

Kellie Pickler in Georges Chakra Couture

It all looks good, but it’s instantly forgettable.

 

 

Kimberly Perry in Johanna Johnson

 Winter wedding.

 

 

 

Kimberly Williams-Paisley in Monique Lhuillier

Generic.

 

 

Laura Bell Bundy

 Whorehouse curtains.

If you pull on her tail, a butler approaches you and asks if you need anything.

 

 

Lauren Alaina in ASOS

 Our eyes! They are blinded by the sudden, intense color!

Somehow, this looks like a prom dress for an 80-year-old.

 

 

Miranda Lambert in Roberto Cavalli

 COLOR + TITS = WIN OF THE NIGHT.

Praise Jesus. At least SOMEONE’S not afraid to put it all out there, country-style.

 

Sheryl Crow

 You know what? That’s a pretty hot look for her. We dig that she’s so polished. Sure, the dress is black, but the jewelry deployment is masterful.

 

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

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  • homofascist

    Sheryl Crow is giving us some Diane Lane realness. I guess everyone else is still over at the Miss Universe post…

    • Imasewsure

      Yes but that hair looks a lot better on Diane. Do like the dress here though

    • Kayceed

      I think she could be Jane Fonda’s daughter.

    • ccinnc

      Or a brunette-ish Sharon Stone.

  • Courtenay P

    so many white blonde ladies…oh country music.

    • vickilu

      Why do you think republican like it so much?

    • Sobaika

      They all sort of blend together, don’t they? That they’re all wearing lint-colored clothing doesn’t help.

      What I wouldn’t give for a rich forest green.

  • mmebam

    How… uninspiring…

  • Funkykatt

    They dress like country music sounds.

    • Rand Ortega

      All twang, no bang.

      • http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

        I dunno, Miranda Lambert’s tune “Mama’s Broken Heart” has some bang to it.

    • Introspective

      that about sums it up for me. though miranda looks hot, the rest sadly are not.

    • Heather

      Remember that country, like all genres, is not homogeneous … this is just its mainstream face. (I don’t listen to contemporary country myself, but Dolly Parton is one of my personal heroes.)

  • EverybodysStarling

    Actually I quite like Kimberly Perry’s dress – it would be a really beautiful wedding dress.

    • Adriana_Paula

      I would wear the hell out of that at my wedding.

    • mshesterp

      Me too–I thought she looked beautiful. Love the beading.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    Jana Kramer is completely unknown to me, but I love her dress. The rest are anywhere from slutty boring to hideous boring. Also, you can tell how many girls in the South get a few pageant years under their belts; just look at those poses and smiles!

    • http://skreened.com/bkcentral Sarah

      Like a pageant girl who was down on her luck and had to start working at the honkytonk you mean?

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        For the record, those are my favorite type of pageant girls.

    • hughman

      Weren’t you crowned Miss Cauliflower in 97?

      • formerlyAnon

        You are truly the best, best, BEST kind of friend. (And an asset to the rest of us as well.)

        Carry on.

  • Glam Dixie

    Faith, what have you done? That looks like it hurts. Also, I really hate that dress on you. Sheryl’s hair is silly looking. I see almost nothing I like here except for whoever Jana Kramer is.

    • Targettaste

      Faith’s hair is so tight, it hurts me! She is so beautiful but not like this.

    • Danielle

      Her hair was almost as tight as Tim’s pants.

  • http://skreened.com/bkcentral Sarah

    Is there some kind of rule that these country bitches have to have two tone hair? Because what the hell.

    • MilaXX

      I know! It’s like they are all wearing 2 wigs.

      • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

        If only.

  • Zaftiguana

    This all looks like a group of stylists got together and said “Hey, you know what would be hilarious? If we took an event attended pretty much exclusively by white people and put everyone in white people-colored dresses.”

    In other words, I choose to interpret this as highly subversive cultural commentary.

    • Anne At Large

      They also had bouncers outside to deny entrance to those in vermillion, magenta, and anyone else who might clash with the red carpet and keep people from napping.

    • EveEve

      Except Taylor Swift. She brought the color.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

        She probably had it in her rider that no one else was allowed saturated hues.

      • EveEve

        I get a down vote for that?! Tough audience!

  • decormaven

    “If you pull on her tail, a butler approaches you and asks if you need anything.” That’s classic!

    • http://skreened.com/bkcentral Sarah

      Whiskey? Condom? Hand Sanitizer?

      • Eric Stott

        breath mint?

      • Adriana_Paula

        Moist towelette?

    • MikeW_Vegas

      I snorted at “whorehouse curtains”

  • nannypoo

    Lauren Alaina is kind of an adorable little thing (yes I watch American Idol and yes I vote, so sue me) so I will support her here and say that I love the color and I think she looks great. I bet she’s wearing cowgirl boots under that skirt.

    • Vickiefantastico

      I loved seeing her here! I think she looks adorable. I also watched that season, and I didn’t know she was still relevant (I don’t pay much attention to country music, although my husband loves it), so it was a pleasant surprise to see her.

    • marlie

      I have no idea who she is, but she’s probably the best (or one of the best) looking in this bunch.

  • Eva_baby

    Casadee Pope looks like she wandered over to the wrong awards show.

    • kimmeister

      She doesn’t even do country music, as far as I’ve heard, nor do several of the ladies posted here.

      • fursa_saida

        She’s definitely just there because Blake Shelton was her coach on The Voice. Casadee Pope is in no way a country singer.

        • demidaemon

          Actually, she is now. Her first album is all country.

          • fursa_saida

            Oops! Well, it wouldn’t surprise me if that had a lot to do with the same reason, though.

          • demidaemon

            She says that it was all her own decision, at least from the interviews I have seen, and that she has always been interested in country.

          • fursa_saida

            Well, slap my face and call me Betsy. Never mind!

          • demidaemon

            *SLAP* Hello, Betsy!

            Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. ;)

  • hughman

    Grand Ol’ Flop-ry.

  • Trickytrisha

    Good grief, the singing competition shows are sure over represented here. If I’m counting right, 6 of these ladies had their start that way. Anyhoo, Jana Kramer takes the prize here for me. Dunno who she is, but she got it right.

    • Qitkat

      Well, I guess that explains who the hell all these gals are, except for the famous ones.

  • amian3

    Miranda Lambert has a history of not quite getting it so I think this is a personal best for her. Not inspired but flattering and pretty.

    • maggiehuck

      That hair tho — ALL forehead (make that tenhead)

  • ashtangajunkie

    I really wish Faith Hill had shown the rest of them how a country red carpet is done. Sheryl Crow looks amazing and I am loving Jana Kramer’s dress as well, even though she appears to be pissed off about it.

  • MilaXX

    What a bunch of dull. Only Miranda & Sheryl are even slightly interesting and honestly their looks aren’t that great.

  • Julie Parr

    Since when is pin-straight hair a country music thing? That shouldn’t be allowed. Their losing their brand identity.

  • MikeW_Vegas

    Used to be you could always count on the CMA’s to have some good old fashioned WTF’ery going on.. Now it’s as dull as dishwater (As my gramma used to say)

  • Bexxx

    What is happening atop Crow’s head? I love Miranda Lambert.

  • alyce1213

    I’m not sure who she is, but Jama Kramer wins. I want that dress so bad!
    Country music sure has a lot of really beautiful women.

  • colleenjanel

    You know, I was hoping for a CMA rundown (Thank you Uncles!) but now that I see it, I’m very disappointed. Where’s the requisite country crazy?!?!

    I mentioned in another post, but I think Robin Roberts should get props. She looked stunning. Her arms alone deserve a post of their own! ;-)

    • marlie

      The black jumpsuit? She looks FAB.

    • DuBey2

      I just want to say your avatar(?) is beautiful. Is that your cat?

      • colleenjanel

        No, not my cat. Just an image of a cranky snarky looking cat that spoke to me ;-)

  • Call me Bee

    Miranda Lambert FTW! Actual color and flash. Good for her!

  • marlie

    So many of these ladies are virtually indistinguishable from each other, in hair, styling and dresses. YAWN.

  • JauntyJohn

    For me it’s Jana Kramer FTW. Chic and different. She looks very polished to me.
    I have no idea who she is, how she sounds or what she does in the CM Pantheon, but I love her look.

  • GorgeousThings

    “It all looks good, but it’s instantly forgettable”

    Sums up the entire evening. Face it, the CMAs are forgettable from the minute the singles are released. The only reason Cheryl Crow stands out is because she’s spent enough time in the pop end of the world to learn how to present herself.

  • LadyLuck777

    Holy crap. Cassadee Pope looks like what Mayim Bialik would look like if she showed some skin.

  • quiltrx

    I really love Kimberly Perry’s dress. I wish it had just a LITTLE more color…still pastel, but something you can actually see from a distance. The design itself is really lovely.
    And…I can’t believe you guys passed over whatever hella crazy SHIT is going on with Faith Hill’s head! Pinhead, and her eyes look really distorted (much more in several other shots I’ve seen, but still visible here). I think someone’s been to the “spa”.

  • cakecakecake

    Is that Belly Bundy character really wearing red payless shoes?

  • snarkalicious

    Sheryl Crow looks like Sharon Stone’s younger sister here. Almost like she raided her closet and hairstyle and isn’t 100% confident that she’s pulling it off.

  • paginatrix

    I miss the good ol’ days, when the men wore their Manuel or Nudie suits and the women wore giant sparkling gingham monstrosities.

  • tixilyttik

    If the CMA gals can’t pull out some over the top crazy outfits, then all hope is lost. Lost.

  • webslice33

    sheryl looks fantastic!

  • DuBey2

    Personal best for Sheryl (or is it Cheryl??) Crow.

  • DuBey2

    Faith Hill — is usually so boring and ruffledy looking, but when I saw this (together w/rumors – and I hope they’re rumors only) about a split w/Tim, it seemed like she’s showing a harder “sexier” look, but that she went too far. a lot too far.

    Kelly Pickler – loved her ever since DWTS. She was incredible to watch and seems pretty real – a true country music song in every year of her personal history, you know?

    loved Jennifer Nettles in Naeem Khan though I confess I don’t know her. It did not seem too pale IMO. How was she to know that 98% of everyone else would be wearing blah-eige to the event?

  • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

    Good god. I wish Loretta and Dolly would show these bland bitches how it’s done.

  • DuBey2

    Miranda Lambert – looks Fab. Gorge. Has she lost a lot of weight since her appearance on Project Runway when some of them made horrendous outfits for her? Cause if she is the same weight, then she needs to hire that designer she’s wearing, FOR LIFE!! Made the most of her in every way.
    And maybe cut about 9 inches off her hair/extensions.

    • formerlyAnon

      Can’t say for sure, but probably. Her weight has always fluctuated.

  • kittentoes

    I hate everyone’s hair and makeup. Am I supposed to?

  • DeTrop

    Whatever you gentlemen earn it’s not enough. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I yearn for the old days with all the fringe, ruffles and full skirts. Now we’re talkin’ country. If you’re going to evolve, do some work and educate yourselves.

  • kmk05

    Sheryl Crow is perfect.

  • dashwoodstole

    I might adopt ‘Dolly Parton thinks you’re lazy’ as a general putdown.

  • Heather

    Plus, it’s the CMAs. Shouldn’t everyone be doing full-on Loretta Lynn? I want to see some big hair and ruffles, people!

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      That’s full-on “Loretty”, and the answer to that is YES!

    • MoHub

      I do miss the big hair, cowgirl outfits, and Western boots. I’d love to see one of these gals bring ‘em back!

  • Lanus

    Colbie Caillat came in costume as Jennifer Aniston.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Y’know what I find completely ironic? That all these boring ass dresses are in between two posts that we’ve been waiting all YEAR for! Like, these dresses couldn’t even compete on a regular day. But now they’re trying to grab our attention in between two of the Miss Universe posts? No, Country Girls, just go home!

  • Not applicable

    i think it would be fun to list these without their names and make it a match game. As I do not know who ANY of these people are- and they all look the same in their nude spangles. :)

  • Danielle

    Loved Jana Kramer’s dress. Someone should have given Kacey Musgraves some tequila for the salty look she gave Miranda Lambert during her acceptance speech.

  • paintedfish

    “If you pull on her tail, a butler approaches you and asks if you need anything.” oh damn, i nearly did a spit take.

  • MartyBellerMask

    Come on Faith Hill. I missed NASHVILLE for this; the least you could do is glam it up, Rayna James-style.

  • Little_Olive

    I feel there is three pictures(beige, black and blue) and we are looking at them over and over.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Well that was disappointing. I expect more sparkly, glittery sequined looks from the country music set. Time to go back to Miss Universe.

  • formerlyAnon

    My fave is Sheryl Crow. I am most impressed by Ms. Lambert. I did not think she had it in her. Kudos. If it’s a stylist she needs to maintain the relationship.

  • KirFla

    Ms. Lambert may want to consider some sort of bang. There I said it.

  • Ramon Figueroa

    Jana Kramer’s skirt looks like an old fashioned box of Kotex.

  • MaryMcClelland

    Most. Boring. Red. Carpet EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like 1992 tract home in a housing development: beige, beige, beige, CREAM, beige… Seriously I don’t remember a thing except Miranda Lambert’s face is looking very odd and Sheryl looks divine.

  • Jacob Bowen

    Cassadee Pope looks like a dominatrix….she definitely needs to put her hair UP in a softer look to make her look less like one.

  • Puckndc

    Yawn…

  • Akemi

    That is a whole lot of white on white on white.

  • valerie747

    The fabulous CMA awards – singlehandedly supporting the hair-extention industry!