Zach McGowan at the Starz Sleep No More Event

Posted on October 11, 2013

And now for something completely different.


“Black Sails”  and “Shameless” star Zach McGowan attends the Starz Sleep No More Event in New York City.


He’s pretty much the very opposite of our type, but he’s still hot and we know plenty of the boy-oriented kittens in our readership appreciate this particular strain of the species, so we’re being all equal opportunity and shit here.

Having seen him with both short and long hair, he definitely looks better with it long, but all that product is making it look pretty gross. We’re trying pretty hard not to roll our eyes at the clothes, but we’re losing the battle. The vest is not a bad starting point, but he needs to ditch that douchey jacket. Probably the douchey boots too. We’ll let him keep the douchey skull belt buckle and the chain. You gotta expect a little jewelry from the long-haired prettyboys. They can’t really help themselves, the dears.

Seriously, though. Wash that hair. It’s gross.




[Photo Credit: Jemal Countess/Getty Images]

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  • ChaCha_70

    Eww, no. Douchetastic.

    • Lucía Gavello

      Ew is right.

      • putacorkinit

        Yes, it takes a lot of time and money to douche yourself up to this level.

    • H2olovngrl

      Ha. I was coming on down to the comments section to type in Ew. NO. Gross.

      • Constant Reader

        Me too!

    • DominoEstella


  • Kate Andrews

    The hair is so peculiar.

    • Not applicable

      if by peculiar you mean greasy and disgusting, then yes. totally. 😉

      • formerlyAnon

        Except it’s WORSE than greasy because it’s brand spanking new product of some kind that probably costs a fortune and was may well have been applied onto pristine, clean hair by a professional hair styiist hired for the occasion.

        • Not applicable

          totally! He probably smells lovely!

          • Little_Olive

            Doesn’t look like it though.

            I cannot believe I’m sorta defending him, but… Johnny Depp does it better.

          • Not applicable

            maybe Johnny just has more practice… 🙂

  • Funkykatt

    I am one of those strain of which you refer. I truly wish I wasn’t but at age 53, I feel I am stuck this way forever. Poor me.

    • Imasewsure

      Me too…. against my better judgment (but in keeping with my entire pre-kids dating history), this guy would have me in a second (and throw me away in two!!). NO REGRETS

      • Funkykatt

        yeah, that type is all the same. I stay clear of romance now anyway. All I want to do these days is watch TV, play CandyCrush and read TLo. I think my heart is safer this way.

        • Fifi LaRoux

          You and me Katt, you and me. I would however have one torrid one night stand with him before retreating to my monkness.

        • formerlyAnon

          I have an ever lengthening list of “Reasons Why I Will Probably Die Alone and Find It Less Annoying than the Company of Another Human.”

          But I’m not, quite, yet, positive that I mean it.

      • formerlyAnon

        Yeah. My ex-husband had long hair for less than two of the 17 years we were together, but those were the years in which he landed me.

    • formerlyAnon

      We are very close in age. I blame this preference, which my straight female self shares, on the fact that when our tastes were formed, long hair was in style. Nothing sexier.

      One of the minor tragedies of my life is that by the time I was old enough to have the confidence to aggressively pursue a guy, short hair was firmly in fashion again. Ah well. I tell myself it was just practice for the fact that men of an age to be in my actual dating pool who can or who should be wearing long hair are scarcer than hen’s teeth.

  • Karen Belgrad

    He’s a very blue-eyed extra from Mad Max, right?

  • Funkykatt

    On another note, though, I prefer it clean.

    • Snailstsichr

      I wouldn’t want that head on one of my pillowcases.

      • MartyBellerMask

        That’s what the floor is for.

  • Danielle

    It’s like Jack Sparrow manifested himself in the year 2013.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I would like to think that Jack would have presented himself better.

      • formerlyAnon

        Whatever one says about his hygiene (and really, with all that ocean to accidentally knock someone into, ’tis a quibble), Jack Sparrow had a nice hand with the eyeliner.

        Of course, that’s only my opinion. (Though guyliner is one of those things I secretly believe I am objectively correct about, no matter how hard I try to be fair and let others hold their foolishly mistaken opinions in peace.)

    • formerlyAnon

      misplaced comment

  • marlie

    I just… can’t. Nope, sorry.

  • hughman

    “Hey, aren’t you in my woodwind making class? Maybe you can come hear my band – Artisanal Brie. We do covers of really old Counting Crows songs.”

    • tereliz

      He looks like he wants to buy himself a gray guitar…

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      “my band-Artisanal Brie”-brilliant-I bow to you!

    • Not applicable

      he plays those covers when he isn’t busy checking in. Note he seems to have dueling phones… Totally has to keep one in each pocket so he knows which is which, dude. One’s for work, one’s…. personal.

  • Sigh. I love scruff. I love long hair. I don’t mind unnecessary male frippery, in smaller doses, I like motorcycle boots. But this guy is just not getting it done. His hair is awful. Awful, awful. The idea is to cause people to want to run their hands through it, or at least give it a good, passionate pull. I wouldn’t touch his hair with surgical gloves on. He could lose the jacket and tie the hair back, and possibly improve this situation, but I suspect it is a lost cause all together.

    • Danielle


      • Bexxx

        That’s actually the name of my new album.

    • ShaoLinKitten

      Just think about how hot he would look with clean hair, a nice fitting blazer over that vest, and non-ridiculous shoes. It’s a shame, really.

    • Funkykatt

      Yep clean him and his clothes up and swoon.

    • formerlyAnon

      It’s as if some of these folks lose all will and common sense when the stylist pulls out the product. “Oh yes. I’ll pay you to wash and maybe even trim my hair. And now I’d love you to make it look filthy and untouchable before you blow dry it!” And he doesn’t even have the excuse of some that they are, indeed, trying to make their hair defy gravity and so some significant spackle may be required.

    • H2olovngrl

      I read this as, “I love song hair”. That seemed about right somehow.

  • tereliz

    He’s hilarious on what the fuck ever that Showtime show with the Gallagher family that’s actually a BBC ripoff is called.

    He’s nightmarish in these pics. Sleep no more sounds like good advice after seeing his hair. It will haunt my bad dreams like weekend, I just know it.

    • sekushinonyanko


  • skitzfiggitous

    This is the guy you dated in 2003 who, when his picture occasionally pops up on Facebook, causes you to feel the actual physical sensations of shame. I’m actually feeling them right now. Ew.

    • LipstickForPigs

      On the nosey. Shame is wafting over me as well.

    • marlie

      OMG, you’re right. {shudder}

    • ShaoLinKitten

      Except for me, it was 1993. Funny how the template for these guys doesn’t change.

      • H2olovngrl

        Ahh yes, the grunge years…I knew them well.

      • Heather

        I dated him in 1995, 1999, and again in 2002.

    • formerlyAnon

      Reader, I married him.

      Also: no shame. Probably would do it again, even though it eventually didn’t end well.

      [Technically, mine didn’t look like this by the time of the wedding and was ethnically too dissimilar to ever look really close to this. But these are differences without distinction.}

  • joancarol

    His proportions are off. And he looks like the kid who pumps my gas.

  • terpsichory

    I usually roll my eyes when, at the slightest bit of shine on the hair, the comments explode, decrying the “dirty” hair and calling for showers, but this… yeah… I would not want to touch that.

    To the manly men here: is two-tone facial hair a thing? Is this a trick of the light? Revenge of the follicles? I don’t get it.

    • hughman

      The “manly men” here? Honey, do you actually know what website you’re on? 😉

      • terpsichory

        Shoot. I forgot that even made-up web addresses get comments eaten.

        It was a nice joke about paisley lumberjacks…

        Anyway, my point was that the multi-coloured Mitchell Pritchetts of the comment section should speak up or anyone who shears their bicoloured bristles.

        • indigospade

          Yah it’s a thing. My facial hair is naturally a different color depending on where you look. Blackish brown along the sideburns, copper on the jaw line, and blonde right below the lips. It looks interesting, but if you don’t shape it right it will look really weird, especially if it doesn’t blend on its own. McScruff the Crimedog up there could do with a trim to separate his goatee from his sideburns and maybe darken his eyebrows.

  • dustinrhodes

    Prehistoric man.

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      “jitters! jitters! He never has jitters!
      No repression, he just believes in free self expression…
      I LOVE self expression!”
      [tap break]

  • Imasewsure

    Oh yeah and this is the guy I would have dumped my prom date, sweet sincere and reliable James Marsden for. as we rode off on his Harley…. smart women… foolish (and kind of stinky?) choices

    • H2olovngrl

      Oh, poor James Marsden, did your prom date leave you behind? Come on over here, Mommy will make it ALL better.

  • Rand Ortega

    Really? This is this guys actual look?

    • And that grin on his face shows that he has NO IDEA what a greasy goob he looks like. CLUEless.

      • formerlyAnon

        Baby, he pulls all he wants.* Why would he think he’s doing anything wrong?

        *Excepting of course for the universal human tendency to want what we cannot have, and so he is in reality probably fixated on some preppy miss who won’t take him seriously and breaks up every time there is an occasion at which she might have to introduce him to her parents.

        But still. He’s gettin’ it if he wants it.

      • Rand Ortega

        “Greasy goob” just made my week.

    • Imasewsure

      It can’t be…. unless he is really really high all the time…

    • H2olovngrl


  • Vest is too tight, giving him moobs.

  • mjude

    I don’t think so,…

  • AshBookworm

    I have no idea who he is or what he does but he should’ve been cast, as The Beast, in the current ‘Beauty and the Beast’. And I mean that as a compliment. Dirty hair aside, he is really… fit!

  • Beth

    What on earth is happening here? The Uncles are pranking us with this, right? *looks around suspiciously*

  • another_laura


  • alyce1213

    Eeeuw, and why are his pants so tiny?

    • tixilyttik

      I HATE tiny clothes! Why do the stylists all dress these men in clothing that is one or two sizes too small?

  • lobsterlen

    The hair is not just greasy but HENNAED?!?!? No, No, No! This is not fulfilling our sausage Friday needs in the least little bit. Tilda in lipstick must have really thrown you off.

    • MilaXX

      It’s hard to tell since you can’t see where the fur on the jacket ends and his hair egis.

  • MilaXX

    I don’t mind long hair on a dude, but can we give this one the full silk wood before he makes
    another appearance? He looks like he smells of patchouli and BO.

    • mjude

      thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu

    • boweryboy

      With the added bonus attraction of lice and crabs.

  • Corsetmaker

    Nah. I like long haired, tight jeaned scruffs. But not when it has the distinct whiff of ‘pose’!

  • MilaXX

    Just noticed the intro. Now that I do, I get the joke ’cause he looks exactly like the guy who said , “it’s” at the opening of The Month Python show.

    • snarkykitten


  • snarkykitten

    He looks like Saber Tooth’s [even more] douchey younger brother.

  • Brad Pitt

    This guy is HILARIOUS on Shameless. Love him.

    • TAGinMO

      And also full-frontal. Let’s not forget that.

  • boweryboy

    What am I looking at here? And why do I have the simultaneous need to shower and to lock all my doors and arm myself?

  • Not applicable

    GAH! Grizzley Adams son has found his way out of the forest! send him back! send him back!!!

  • luluransom

    Reminds me of a young John Corbett, circa Northern Exposure. Wait, am I dating myself?

    • Best. Show. Ever.

    • formerlyAnon

      Yeah, I thought there was a resemblance too. But I couldn’t remember his name, just the face & show.

    • random_poster

      John always looked like he showered, though. I love that show.

  • madscntst

    The very definition of “trying too hard.” Also, please take your phone out of your pocket.

  • Beth513

    Dear Zach,
    You have pretty eyes and nice bone structure. Ditch everything else and start over, and start with a shower. I can smell you through my laptop.

  • poggi

    Greasy is one thing. Greasy to the point of being able to use his hair to put on my lipstick is another thing entirely.

  • snarkalicious

    I’m sorry, but these photos made me burst out laughing. Ridiculous.

  • I can see that he has gorgeous eyes and beautiful bone structure under all that gross hair.

  • ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

    Nope. I feel like I’d start laughing if I encountered such a display.

  • Miss B.

    I smell patchouli, BO and weed….

  • funwithpurses

    Love child of Gary Oldman and Celine Dion (shudder)

  • cocohall

    Boy is taking Pitting to a new level. And that is so not a good thing.

  • The “yuck” factor is just off the scale here. He doesn’t need a shower, he needs fumigating.

  • formerlyAnon

    I am such a sucker for this type that I won’t even quibble over the beard, and I discriminate hard against the bearded.

    However. Vest OR that jacket. Don’t work together.

    And, please god, why do you fancy red carpet people persist in spending a fortune on grotty looking product with which to ruin your squeaky clean hair? YOU, young man, don’t even have the excuse of some elaborate head of curls, or an up do which you are trying to preserve.

  • quiltrx

    I’m one of those gals who fall for this type…or at least did back in the day (which for me was roughly 89 to 91 or so). The hair is a freaking tragedy…between that and the too-small-looking jacket he’s giving off a caveman vibe.
    I went to IMDb and still don’t know who he is…but I have to say, I find that scar in the eyebrow all kinds of sexy!

  • tixilyttik

    The hair blending with the jacket lining does not work and too much gunk on his hair! They are going to have to dry clean that jacket!
    I have NO idea who he is but he’s scruffy hot.

  • i usually go for him in a big way, ever since northern exposure’s chris in the morning. but here he looks scary, like something you might hallucinate at the window at night. like “bob” in twin peaks.

    • formerlyAnon

      Don’t feel badly. I thought he looked eerily like John Corbett except I couldn’t remember Corbett’s name. Which is worse than mistaking one for the other, or at least no better.

    • ItAin’tMe

      John Corbett’s much prettier. My favorite NE epi was the one where Chris’s pheromones turned out real loud one spring and every woman in town wanted his nearness, some in only the most chaste of ways, and Chris made a chivalrous attempt to give every lady what she wanted.

  • allcapsERINN

    hipster Sasquatch

  • manina

    I pass. NO from greasy hair to ugly boot. Needs to be soaked in clorox.

  • paginatrix

    Handsome face. Everything else is just nasty.

  • tixilyttik

    I googled him and saw everything, and I do mean everything.
    All I can say is that it’s really sad day for fashion when it can make a magnificent creature like this look silly.

  • Therese Bohn

    Yes, please wash your hair, grease is for Don Draper, not long hairs.

  • seelebrennt

    this screams DOUCHE!!!!!!!!!!!! who the hell is this guy? (yeah, i know i can google, but don’t care _that_ much)

  • 1carmelita


  • JynxTheCat

    I’ll shampoo it. No problem