Paula Patton at the 2013 GQ Gentlemen’s Ball

Posted on October 25, 2013

God, this girl.

Paula Patton attends the 2013 GQ Gentlemen’s Ball presented by BMW i, Movado, and Nautica at IAC Building in New York City.

We’re exhausted just looking at this. It’s all so awful that our synapses are overloading and we’re going to need a quick nap very soon, darlings. Like in the next 10 seconds. Ignoring the fact that nothing she’s wearing really goes with anything else she’s wearing; and also ignoring the fact that most of it’s kind of ugly, it’s the pathetic ribbon tied around her ankle that has us both collapsing to the fl





[Photo Credit: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images]

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  • mmebam

    Girl, burn it before Taylor Swift gets to it…

    • Honestly, I can’t see Taylor Swift wearing this dress. At all.

  • Jumpingjacks

    she’s about 40 years too old for this getup

  • antheapena

    Urg but…at least it’s not exposing flesh all over the place as usual (ie. slutty), does she actually have a stylist? if so, shame on you

  • Agatha Guilluame

    hahahahahahaha. You guys okay?

  • Maleficent

    Love the pit stains. Classy, really.

    • moppet

      Ooh yikes. Well, I don’t want to harsh on the girl for being a mammal like the rest of us. But really, she tries SOOOOO hard and I feel like it’s all because she’s really uncomfortable in some way. I wish I could relax her, tell her that she’s pretty and the camera loves her, and let her unclench a bit.

      And then I would throw away those shoes because no.

      • StephanieLovesTLo

        I don’t have an army of sycophants dressing me and yet I’m pretty sure I’ve never shown up at work with pit stains.

        • moppet

          I’m sure I have, actually. Sometimes it gets hot where I live.

          But in seriousness, is the biggest issue with her get up the fact that she’s having physiological reaction to stress and hot lights? I think not. 😉

        • raeb23

          it’s entirely possible that she didn’t show up with them either…who knows how long she’d been waiting to get her pics taken. i have no excuse for the shoes though!

        • You got some great sweat glands cause I’m pretty sure it’s normal to have pit stains once in a while. It’s an unfortunate ‘normal’, though. No one wants to be caught with pit stains.

      • MM4321

        Agree with you, she like so many actresses tries so hard that it make ME uncomfortable. She is truly gorgeous (aside from the jumbo teeth which is another common pet peeve of mine), and should just take a deep breath . . .and relax.

  • VioletFem

    Oh oh, someone check on T & Lo.

  • And then there’s the underarm sweat…

  • Doll face, you’re gorgeous. Stop fishing for compliments in the form of, “She’s so beautiful but her clothes are so tacky!”

  • Rhonda Shore


  • lunchcoma

    The dress isn’t so hideous alone, but those shoes…those earrings…

    The look is insanely juvenile given that she’s 37, a reasonably successful actress, and the mother of a toddler. Someone who presumably has a little bit of substance to her shouldn’t feel the need to mime a 16-year-old who’s just been given permission to wear heels and pick out her own clothes.

  • charlotte

    It’s good that you gave us Gaga first today. Nothing can be worse, not even this.

    • Glam Dixie

      I don’t know, Gaga does it on purpose, I think this lady is looking horrible by accident. She seems so pleased with herself, like she thinks she looks great. Bless her heart.

      • charlotte

        Well, but looking horrible by accident means you can still learn from your mistakes. Looking horrible on purpose though…

        • Glam Dixie

          I will kindly refer you to Anabelle Archer’s comment above…but I suppose you never know. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

          • charlotte

            I guess I haven’t lost my faith in fashion sense yet. Ask me again after the next Rashida Jones post.

      • BrooklynBomber

        “Looking Horrible By Accident” — should the title of . . . something.

        • Glam Dixie

          Perhaps Paula’s autobiography, with a ghost writer, of course.

  • Stella Zawistowski

    I know several five-year-olds who would DROOL over this outfit. So would Minnie Mouse.

  • Rand Ortega

    Valley Girl– 1987

  • hughman

    Those ankle ribbons look like part of some cheesy S&M kit you’d buy at Victoria’s Secret. “Spice up your love life in the boudoir!”

    • LittleMascara


    • bitchybitchybitchy

      From Victoria Secret’s “Pink” bondage collection, you’re right!

  • boweryboy

    Does she own a mirror? Please tell me she doesn’t own a mirror. That’s the only excuse I can come up with for this outfit.

  • alyce1213

    This is a cute get-up pulled together by a 3-year-old. She really doesn’t have a clue, does she?

  • Bitch is completely without taste or style. Completely.

    • random_poster

      Yes! It doesn’t help that she and her husband are starting to remind me of that Spiedi couple, and they don’t even present themselves as a package deal.

      • demidaemon

        In their defense, at least Robin Thicke and PP have day jobs. I would be hard pressed to come up with an occupation for either parts of the Speidi couple.

        These facts do not excuse PP’s horrid fashion sense, if she even has one.

      • Not a fair comparison considering Speidi ain’t go no job while Robin and Paula are successful in their respective fields…and steadily working.

  • MByars

    Just so awful.

  • MilaXX

    Scroll down fug for sure. I don’t mind the hair/makeup or dress. Everything from the thighs down is crazytown.

    • kirkyo

      Scroll down wtf.

  • KinoEye

    Oh Paula, don’t look so pleased with yourself. That just makes it all more irritating. Girl, you’re dressed like the cute first graders whose pictures I took this morning. And they were learning about fire safety. Not attending the freaking GQ Gentleman’s Ball. Yeesh.

  • sugarkane105

    This woman is so beautiful, WHY can’t she look decent on a red carpet?

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    “Hi honey. I’m a big, pink present. Wanna unwrap me? Tee-hee.”

  • bertkeeter

    HOW….HOW…HOW…does crap like this happen? Boggles my mind!

  • MoHub

    No, no, no
    From Top to toe.

  • carpediva

    She’s gets it so completely, tragically wrong every single time sometimes I wonder if she’s pranking us like Joaquin Phoenix.

  • nannypoo

    I don’t think I have ever seen her wear anything attractive or appropriate.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    If we put her dress and Dianna Agron’s dress from the previous post and put them in a blender, do you think we would get a decent outfit?

    • Ginny Ellsworth

      No. But let’s do it anyway!

      • mlle

        Best case scenario, they both get shredded.

  • frannyprof

    I think this is her attempt at being classy, which makes it even more sad.

  • NMMagpie

    I am not sure if it’s the Avon sale catalog sweater or the BLUE (!) shoes but this whole thing is just wrong. Slap-to-the-back-of-the-head wrong.

    • lunchcoma

      I hadn’t even noticed the shoes were blue. So she picked them out purely because the ribbon matched, even though they were a strange color for the dress. Then she tossed on those black tights because…

      I can’t even get inside her thought process when she was getting dressed for this event.

      • NMMagpie

        The thought was probably: “Who cares? I look good in anything I wear.” And as anyone knows who frequents these posts, that is so not the case. She needs a stylist STAT.

    • “Avon sale catalog sweater”

      We just love it when a kitten nails the bitchery like this. Perfect.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    “Look Mommy. I’m wearing ruffles and ribbons AND hooker shoes!”

    • conniemd

      When my daughter was 4-12 she loved ruffles and ribbons. After 13 it was bling, as in sequins and rhinestones. She still likes sequins and bling at 28

  • ojosazules

    She can’t be serious.

  • Blair Sylvester

    This look belongs on a 7 year old carrying a teddy bear purse . Such an odd choice

    • lunchcoma

      Hilariously, Quvenzhane’s dresses are considerably more flattering and dignified than what Paula is wearing here.

    • Imasewsure

      Bet she is kicking herself for leaving her purse in the limo (I was thinking Hello Kitty but any T-Bear purse would work as well)

      • Blair Sylvester

        I was thinking a riff on Miley’s vma performance . Her look just seems like such an odd decision

  • 3boysful

    Please tell me those shoes are not designer but some $29.99 pair.

    This “ensemble” could be in the running for among the worst of the year.

  • Glam Dixie

    I’m pouring some cold water on you Uncles, wake up! We need you to help us through this terrible time in fashion! My eyes!

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Boop boop be doop

  • NoveltyRocker

    This is so fucking terrible. This is the most terrible thing I’ve seen here.

  • Ginny Ellsworth

    The lack of fashion sense, it burns!

  • In_Stitches

    Is she on set for a 13 going on 30 remake where the little girl wakes up in an adult body and has fun playing dress up?

  • DTLAFamilies

    She’s like school on Saturday: no class (with thanks to Fat Albert)

  • jilly_d

    Jeezus. I see a year-end TLo Fashion Disaster list in her near future.

    • KinoEye

      Yes. Forget putting her on the top 10 worst dressed list — girl needs a list all to herself. She’s in her own league of badness.

  • Ginny Ellsworth

    That’s a long way to go not to have to shave your legs.

  • Trickytrisha

    Wholly expected.

  • KayEmWhy

    No No NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Put it away girl.

  • sagecreek

    Selling knives at Walmart.

  • “Everyone!! Look! I can fit into an 8th grader’s middle school formal dress!! It’s salmon colored! Doesn’t it go well with my Retro-Millenial gold hoops? Oh wait, it’s effing freezing in NYC – BLACK TIGHTS. They’re ALWAYS in. Ugh, now I gotta get some patent-navy blue pumps up in here to make my feet and awesome legs stand out, butOMGjustfoundthesepinkribbons. Cute overload, or what?! Excuse the pit stains, it’s not my fault that the weather was too cold to show myself off.

    P.S. Because I want people to know I don’t have my own stylist, I also added some Snooki-poof as good taste — I saw it on Jersey Shore, or whatever. I’ve made time for TV ever since Robin started fame-whoring with Miley, but honestly there isn’t room for two in our self-loving relationship. ”

    And that were the last hypothetical words of Paula Patton that killed the Uncles.

  • mlle

    This is egregious, and possibly an attempt to show us that she still fits into her prom dress.

  • BrooklynBomber

    I LOVE this whole get-up. For one reason: I really needed a laugh, and b/w TLo’s post and the commentariat’s comments, I got it!

  • It looks like her tunic is having an allergic reaction to the rest of the outfit.

  • Daisy Walker

    Tacky, tacky, tacky.

  • Shawn EH

    Scrolldown shrug? I don’t get it.

  • KEYRIST, that’s hideous. Also? DRESS SHIELDS. Do we have to tell this girl everything?

  • jen

    In the words of Kenny Powers, “Honey, I love you. I think you’re a terrific girl. But you have clothes like a fucking dickhead.”

  • Adrianna Grężak

    This really looks like a dress your mom would make you wear when you were five years old.

    • the_elle_word

      I have a five year old, and she wouldn’t be caught dead in that dress!

  • Tanya Wade

    Damn. That is some shoe fuckery from hell.

  • marlie

    Hahahaha!! It wasn’t quite so bad until I got to the scrolldown fug/needle scratch that was the tights and then the shoes. Girlfriend is always going to wear what she wants, and there’s nothing we can tell her to change her mind.

  • lobsterlen

    She is soooo proud of those shoes. I sort of frightened by her enthusiasm. I really want to know who designed those shoes. I may write the designer a letter and ask, “WTF were you thinking.”

  • ashtangajunkie

    Oh my gentle Jesus.

  • BPlease

    Not that this isn’t true of most of the thirsty attention whores posing on a step and repeat, but Patton always looks so smug and like she’s a second away from rubbing up against a lens to amp up her sex appeal. She is so pretty, why – why?? (And more ‘why’ for the shoes…)

  • KT

    Well at least you’re not being dramatic about it!

  • Heather

    This is, however, more tasteful than most of her husband’s behavior.

  • Sabin

    Now *that’s* a Tonya Harding outfit.

  • It’s the outfit equivalent of Ribbons Down My Back in Hello Dolly, in all its cheese.

  • demidaemon

    You know, I saw this briefly on television earlier from the waist up, and I didn’t think it was that bad for her.

    I was very, very wrong. I don’t know where to start with this one. “One” could be either her or the outfit. Holy shit its so bad.

  • Miranda

    Her stylist should be flogged.

    • demidaemon

      That’s assuming there is one.

  • neeBarbero

    Why is she photo worthy? Who is she aside from the Thicke boy’s wife?

  • Laura Renee

    Lol. Somehow, though, I think she’s rocking it. She looks so confident! The smile makes it for me.

  • myristica_fragrans

    like she even knows where she is.

  • Fred Vaughn

    She’s talented as hell, but stylewise she needs help – maybe her husband’s stylist MIGHT not be the best for her.

  • pop_top

    I like to imagine the unfinished sentence is due to TLo being unable to take anymore.

  • Jacob Bowen

    Black leggings with BLUE shoes?!?!?!! Isn’t that a crime punishable by jail???

    • sagecreek

      Don’t worry. It will be when I am Queen.

  • Sassygalsassy

    I don’t care about the style or look. I applaud her in her effort to support the cause, Breast Cancer Awareness. This is the month for it. what are you biddies doing? Have you made a monetary donation or volunteered some where?

  • quiltrx

    She’s a big pile of try-too-hard for me. And I HATE the way she poses.

  • Eleanor

    Pit stains

  • ItsDicey

    And she’s orange.

  • cocohall

    This may be another case of DWI (Dressing While Intoxicated). Because she looks so very very happy. But then she would have to be intoxicated A LOT, because she almost always wears clothes that redefine tacky and inappropriate. Apparently when the genetic gods were handing out prizes, she won “body” and “face,” but was beaten out by nearly everyone for “sense of style.”

  • thecitysleeps

    Well, look who she’s married to. She obviously has issues.

  • This outfit is a cry for help. Is there a good stylist in the house?

    • ashtangajunkie

      Well, not in her house. That much we know for certain.

  • CarrieBaby

    She doesn’t look too confident in the look either

  • Alloy Jane

    Awww, this is super funny but not exactly loli-worthy. I chuckled. But why? I don’t understand why she wears much of what she does. She’s very beautiful, you would think stylists would be tripping over themselves to get their mitts on her. Is she anti stylist?

  • MannahattaMamma

    Why do we see this woman everywhere & why are we supposed to care?

  • GTrain

    Amen. Why she is so famous I will never understand.

  • Tashina Savage

    Its like she fell in love with those awful shoes, and is trying to dress around them. And its all COMPLETELY wrong.

  • dschubba

    She looks like the Barbie I got for Christmas back in 1989.

  • She’s such a beauty. I wish she’d get it right. She has everything going for herself, including a nice speaking voice. She can place very serious roles in movies and on TV. She played an assistant D.A. on Law and Order SVU. She has gorgeous coloring. Thick dark hair and eyes. Great body. She’s in love with someone cool who loves her back. I feel a bit weird criticizing someone who has it together on so many levels. I wish I could style her. (I’d have to be a stylist first; lol.) I’d know what would look good on her.

  • bellafigura1

    She looks cock-eyed.

  • stubbornthoughts

    She’s so pretty but everything she wears is so ugly.

    Also, sweat stains make me sad. 🙁

  • lonepear

    Oh, Paula. Please give that dress to a cute little tween pop star who wants to look “sophisticated”, and go get yourself a grownup outfit.