Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Nicole Kidman in Prada

Posted on October 08, 2013

Well, this is all suddenly very depressing and anxiety-inducing. We are practically collapsing under the weight of all the questions we have.


Nicole Kidman (pictured with Jackie Chan) at the opening ceremony of the 2013 Huading Awards in Macao in a Prada gown.

Why does Nicole Kidman look like Lindsay Lohan all of a sudden? What apocalyptic, earth-off-its-axis catastrophe has occurred that resulted in this shocking turn of events? And when did she start dating Jackie Chan? Are we on some bizarro-earth? Some alternate timeline? Who’s the president here? Do you all take zeppelins to work?

Seriously, girl. That is the absolute worst look we’ve seen from you in ages. The very definition of Not Your Dress. Box this up, along with your lipstick and the person who did your hair, and send it all off to Miss Lindsay. It would be an improvement for you both.



[Photo Credit: Lam Yik Fei/Getty Images, ImagineChina/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES]

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  • fiddlecub

    *whispers* I actually love the look, minus the hair. Don’t hurt me!

    • mshesterp

      Ya know–I don’t mind it that much either, considering the Uncles’ vitriol. Well, the lipstick and eye liner have to go, and I think she probably doesn’t need to show that much skin, but considering that it’s full-length satin-y material? Not bad at all, Nicole.

      • Eric Stott

        I think they’re just jealous today

    • lobsterlen

      And the lipstick shade. It is clashing with the skirt/shawl or whatever that is. Its not a WERQ but interesting. Her hair looks fried.

    • bellafigura1

      Me too, I think she looks lovely.

    • J D

      Agreed. I’m kind of loving it.

    • Clueless_Jock

      I love it too. She looks great.

    • Chantry Banks

      I’m with you. I really, really love it.

    • 3boysful

      I like it, too, except for the hair and I am unsure if it is harsh makeup or if Nic visited her Botox dealer before jetting off to Macao. Digging what I can see of the shawl-y thing.

      • MoHub

        Definitely better from the neck down than from the neck up. Hair is bad and makeup is way too harsh.

    • Cz

      I’m just impressed at the tightness of her core. By impressed I mean I’m jealous.

    • NC_Meg

      I don’t have a problem with the dress either. The hair and makeup are shameful, though. I thought you were back to being a redhead, Nicole. Why are you doing this to me?

    • sekushinonyanko

      I like the dress, even on her. It’s showing a lot of bellyskin, but there’s no underboob or side boob, so it doesn’t look like an accident waiting to happen or like someone forgot dresses are supposed to have bodices. I like the lipcolor on her, when paired with this dress. Would I love her hair to be a bit warmer and/or darker in color? Yes. Would I love it being in something that is an actual hairstyle? Yes also. But I like this and think it’s totally her dress. Since when is a dramatic, long, sexy, tight dress not Nicole Kidman’s dress?

    • crash1212

      I don’t hate it either. I’m not crazy about what’s going on from the neck up, but the dress looks great on her! I wonder if Uncles will send us to our rooms?

    • SouthernGirlRena

      I really like it too. I think if the skirt were not quite so tight and the lip color was toned down a bit, I would love it. I don’t even hate the lip color, it is just that her skin and hair color are so pale, it is too jarring.

    • Rhonda Shore

      me too! i think she looks good!

    • HM3

      Ditto. The dress is well-fitted, and the orange floral fabric is a love-it-or-leave-it statement. Perhaps the torso cut-out is a little awkward, but from the neck-down, she is pulling it off.

      Also–call me a poorly-trained kitten, but I see NO reference to Lohan here, except maybe the hair.

  • xmixiex

    i… wait… what?

    • BrooklynBomber

      made me laugh out loud!

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Agreed!! What the hell is going on here?? Add – Why is she posing like a Barbie?
    That is seriously the ugliest dress I’ve seen in a long time. I thought the flower thing was just a scarf/wrap – but it’s actually like forearm covers or something?? SO many questions, uncles….

    • Ginny Ellsworth

      I think the bodice drapes to the back and then is connected to the fabric handcuffs. I can only hope I am wrong.

      • alyce1213

        Oysh. I believe you’re right. It’s even worse than I thought.

        • Ginny Ellsworth

          50 Shades of Dyed Blonde, Black and Orange?

          • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

            Then orange really is the new black.

      • kimmeister

        So awkward, she has to keep her arms up the whole time, or else those wrist shawls will fall off. Well, I guess it’s a good arm workout.

  • boweryboy

    Prada strikes again.

    Don’t get me wrong. I lurve me some Prada, but it seems lately the ladystars are picking Prada dresses that are either wholly unflattering to their body or don’t translate very well to the red carpet

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Or Prada has been churning out some really ugly dresses.

      • boweryboy

        I’ll give you that.

      • demidaemon

        I think you hit the nail on the head, although the ladystars and their stylists do share some of the blame.

  • veriance

    She’s Chans date for Chinese version of Oscars. I like the dress from the midriff up, but the lip color is all wrong and the skirt fabric, OY! Dont get me started.

    I was thinking Rooney Mara would work the dress better.

    • Emily Smith

      Damn, how did he snag her as his date?

      • Lori

        Exactly. Why is she Jackie Chan’s date for the Chinese version of the Oscars?

        • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

          Maybe they were presenting together?

  • marlie

    I rather love the dress, EXCEPT for the weird wrist attachment parts. I HATE, however, her hair, and how it’s looking fried and lackluster.

    • mshesterp

      Oh man, I didn’t realize they were attached to the dress. DRAMA. I can’t tell if I like it even more, or think it’s completely ridiculous. Agreed about the hair, tho.

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        If those wrist things are attached, how is she supposed to go to the bathroom?

        • marlie

          SOMEONE has to think of the practicality of this. 😉

    • Angela_the_Librarian

      Oh how I wish she would let her hair go back to natural. She always looks best with red hair.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    It’s Macao Barbie!

  • Angela_the_Librarian

    That dress is all sorts of fugly (don’t understand the weird scarf things hanging off her hips), but this is a far cry from Lohan. Am I crazy, or would she look awesome in Jackie Chan’s jacket with the long black skirt (minus scarves)?

  • She’s cracking up. I’m tellin’ y’all, she can’t handle another flop and this Princess Grace pic is going to be an epic one. There is going to be a series of random “Stars they’re just like us” photo ops paired with cracktastic red carpets up until this stinker premiers. After that? Hiatus to “focus on the girls.”

  • Ginny Ellsworth

    I hope it wasn’t a dinner date. Those wrist warmers would be a disaster.

  • Lori

    She has an enviable figure, but that cut out is a big old “no”. She is so stiff and so obviously sucking it in that it hurts to look at her. I honestly have no idea what’s going on with those things on her arms. Are they attached to the dress or is that a really odd shawl or what? I’m very confused. Throw Jackie Chan into the mix and you’ve got a complete head-scratcher. Do people take zeppelins to work in this world?

    • shorty j

      “She is so stiff and so obviously sucking it in that it hurts to look at her” EXACTLY. I feel like if she looked relaxed and was giving us regal bitchface (and didn’t have that awful hair), I would love this.

  • Judy_J

    What on earth has happened to her hair? It doesn’t even look like real hair….it looks like old doll hair, frizzy and fuzzy and thin. That dress is seriously ugly, too. And don’t even get me started on her lipstick. This is possibly the worst I’ve ever seen Ms Kidman look. Bad, bad, bad.

    • marlie

      Yes – old doll hair. That’s what I was trying to think of what her hair looked like.

    • tween00

      She looks like a Fembot! Plastic skin, doll hair… her boobs are really guns — WATCH OUT!!

    • makeityourself

      Her natural hair color now is grey to white. She’s a little overdue for color, thus the faded appearance.. You can see her roots in a few pics, if you want to spend time looking. And because it’s grey, the texture is more like frizzy doll hair. And because her hair is also colored and straightened and styled 20 different ways til Sunday every month, it’s extra tortured. So that’s the tale of Nicole’s hair. The auburn ringlets of her youth are long gone.

  • Emily Smith

    D’aw I love Jackie Chan! He is adorable.

    • Let it out

      Me too, me too! I am sad over what he’s wearing. And are he and Nicole dating? Why isn’t it meeeeeeeeee?????

  • jilly_d

    If it didn’t have all that orange frippery, this would be IN for me. But y’all are right, that hair is whack.

  • hughman

    Those water wings will never save her.

    • Ginny Ellsworth

      Madwoman of Chaillot?

      • hughman

        If she sinks, she’s Bewitched.

        • Ginny Ellsworth

          But her hair looks Dead Calm.

        • Renaissance_Man_ATL

          ROFL!!! You clever minx!

  • oklund

    b-but – I love this! Yes, she’s usually the prim princess, but this is also the woman who starred in Eyes Wide Shut, after all.

  • MilaXX

    I am not loving this underboob/upperbelly cut out phase designers seem to be having. In most cases it makes even the smallest of women look like they have a gut. Even worse I have no idea what is going on with her hair and makeup. I know Jackie Chan is a bit of a rock star in his native country, but this really feels like some weird version of mystery date. Not a pairing I would ever have dreamed up.

    • Re the cut out: It doesn’t work in black, or white, with hardware or without, with youth or experience. It’s just bad and tacky and it needs to stop.

      • marlie

        “Not in a house. Not in a box. Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.”

  • Joanna

    I don’t hate it. I actually appreciate that she can wear a dress like this without side-boob or under-boob action, unlike a lot of ladies lately. The hair, however, is a problem.

  • PastryGoddess

    The fact that she would never wear something like this to an event in Europe or the US tells me all I need to know.

    Nicole honey, if you want their money, the least you can do is show a bit of respect.

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    That’s as good as that dress was ever going to look. The same cannot be said about her head, unfortunately.

  • Jacquelyn

    It took me a second to realize that the orange flower sleeve thing wasn’t some sort of jacket she holding. Not liking any of this especially the hair.

  • Nazzzy

    Nicole, darling, leave that face alone!

  • Janet B

    The orange fabric is part of the dress, I thought it was a scarf.

  • Kate4queen

    What is going on here with the orange bits? I’m perplexed…

  • another_laura

    That dress could be fab on somebody else.

    Just because it’s Prada doesn’t mean you oughtta. It’s the best I can do.

    • Imasewsure

      Good one… Mine is not as clever but equally accurate: “Even though it’s free, let it be.”

  • AmeliaEve

    I guess she really likes short men.

  • appliquer

    Poor hair – why?

  • LipstickForPigs


  • GillianHolroyd

    The dress–without the sequin orange frou-frou–is stunning on her but man, cotton candy hair! harsh eye makeup! Woe.

  • mjude

    oh nichole, i just don’t know about this. but boys this post was genius….bizzaro-earth!

  • YoungSally

    When did Jackie Chan begin dressing like a character in “the Good Earth”?

    • decormaven

      That detail has confused me as well.

      • demidaemon

        My mother just looked at this post and she said,”Why does Jackie Chan look so gay?” Take that however you will.

  • Imasewsure

    Yes she looks awful but more importantly when did Jackie Chan morph in to Kim Jong Il ???

  • mrsdalgliesh

    Was that a Fringe reference?? If so, :::smooch:::

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    I agree, this is Not Your Dress.

  • NMMagpie

    This is clearly an “I AM STILL YOUNG, DAMMIT” moment. It too, shall pass.

    • Magatha

      I agree. It ends up being an inconsistent look, because her body IS strong, toned, and remarkably young-looking…but what she’s done to her face (make-up as well as Botox etc.) and hair makes her remarkably old-looking, older than she actually is. So then there’s a monumental face and body clash that didn’t even have to happen.

  • E2_Remote

    The dress is bad, but girl (sucks air in past teeth), that is not your hair. What on earth has she done to it? It’s starting to get that weird, thin, sorta fuzzy look, like Marion Cotillard’s Edith Piaf hair looked toward the end of the singer’s life in La Vie en Rose.

  • kimmeister

    The hair looks like a powdered wig for judges.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I know. While I realize this is not her dress, the hair needs the most help. And a deep conditioner.

      • decormaven

        Bless her. Maybe she’s having thyroid issues. Whatever, that hair needs emergency treatment, stat.

    • murt

      i think she’s got some of that ‘spray on hair’ in it – to hide thinning – that might be causing that dull, powdery look.

  • BrooklynBomber

    Jackie Chan!
    That’s all I’ve got.

  • SugarSnap108

    Girl, that is not your hair, makeup or forehead. The dress is the least of her problems, to me.

  • Adrianna Grężak

    She looks like a wax statue =

  • SoAustentatious

    I’m impressed that there are no sitting creases in that gown. Did she stand all the way to the ceremony?

  • You have GOT to be kidding me.

  • luluransom

    I’m just…so very confused? Colors are so pretty, but what’s connected to what? Are those wrist warmers?? One thing I’m sure of, that is some seriously bad hair.

  • A Shiny O’Connor

    That’s my hair after dancing drunkenly at a wedding ’til 4am.

  • bertkeeter

    Woah…Miruccia WTF? ORANGE vomit for Hallowen? Love the open halter part. Thought that orange crap was a stole or coat which she could have ditched. Didn’t realize was part of gown! NASTY!

  • Chase

    Why does her hair look like a powdered wig?

  • crash1212

    I like Jackie’s jammies.

  • sagecreek

    I’ve never been an NK fan but even I thought she was above this sort of thing.

  • MiriamMc75

    Never have I disagreed with TLo more. Well, maybe when they once said they couldn’t stand Russ Tamblyn… That broke my heart a little cuz up till then I pretty much agreed to some degree with every word out of their keyboard. I think she looks great. (Except for the hair of course – goes without saying. It looks so crispy and ruined beyond repair that I think she needs to shave her head and start all over.) I’ll take this any day over boring – or that prim crap she sometimes pulls. It’s bold and interesting and striking and pretty sexy. Go for it, Nic!

  • LaSylphide

    Maybe it would be acceptable as a simple sheath with the sleeve(s), cape, or whatever is going on. That unfortunate top detracts from anything that could work about this look.

  • Qitkat

    I think Jackie Chan’s phases-of-the-moon jacket is adorable, if slightly too large for him.

  • jw_ny

    mid life crisis?

  • joything

    I would break out my so-last-season Invisibility Cloak to sit in on Nicole’s date with Jackie Chan.

    • formerlyAnon

      Bet they talk about vacation spots, preferred airlines and accountants.

  • Adibug

    I thought is was a nice black dress (maybe cut a little 20something for Nicole) til I realised the orange bits were part of the dress.


  • Lola

    Her hair does NOT have to look like this. It is too damn hard to keep her hair straight and well-moisturized, so why not just stop it? Have luscious curls. Bernadette Peters has glossy ringlets and she is like 20 years older. And she needs a reddish hued haircolor. I am a natural blond who colors red and I put in the work to maintain it…and I’m just a pleeb. This is inexcusable.

  • E. D.

    I actually like the dress, but she has to go back to a darker red and hit the oil treatments.

  • demidaemon

    That is one ugly dress. What is up with all that orange crap on it? Are they celebrating Halloween early in Asia? And where the hell did Jackie Chan crawl out of and what the hell is he wearing? He looks like the Asian version of my grandmother, and he is distracting me from Nicole Kidman, which is some feat. I feel like these pictures are some Twilight Zone version of celebrity appearances.

  • mrspotts66

    i like it! the dress AND the lipstick. the hair needs something.
    but it’s too adult for lohan.

    • conniemd

      I agree, it’s really an adult dress that is surprisingly suggestively sexy without being overtly sexy, because it doesn’t really reveal any tit or ass. It suggests what’s underneath and says, yes, I am still a sexy woman. I really love it, too, like many other readers.

  • Renaissance_Man_ATL

    NO to sending this dress to LiLO! Her saggy tits would be slipping/hanging below the wrap top. No one wants to see all that freckly ickiness!

  • cocohall

    i actually thought at first these were pictures from some Madame Tussauds outpost where the museum staff said how fun – let’s put Nicole Kidman and Jackie Chan together! I’m sure if you kept panning the room you’d get to Fat Elvis and Charo eventually. Just weird.

  • Paula Pertile

    I actually kind of love it (where’d I put that crack pipe?) and how cute is Jackie omg?

  • poggi

    With the amount of skin showing you think it would look sexier. It doesn’t do anything for her.

  • TropiCarla

    All the tears for Fringe.


  • Alexis Peñafuerte Wenceslao

    I think she looks pretty damn good.

  • Jeanettesca

    All I can see is the stomach pooch. That tight, shiny fabric is definitely not helping.

  • a_liking

    it’s an ugly dress and the faux-“Oriental”-ish wrap thing really upsets me. nothing about this is good.
    (other than Jackie – he gets a pass :))

  • Diego!

    Her hair and make up are also dreadful too!!!

  • MannahattaMamma

    WAIT. More importantly, when did Jackie Chan turn into Edna Mode from “The Incredibles?”

  • carnush

    I actually don’t hate it either. But she looks like a robot in the second shot.

  • I don’t think it’s fair to bring up Lindsay out of the blue when she can garnish enough bad press on her own. Just sayin’.

    Nicole looks awful here. Her makeup is bad. I wish women would quit putting eyeliner in the pink part of their eyes. It makes the eyes look so small. Her hair is a wreck but the shadow behind her head exaggerates her funny hair shape.

    The dress is nice actually.

  • Cathy S

    Can we talk about Jackie Chan instead? He looks adorable.

  • broke&fashionable

    I have read the line ” And when did she start dating Jackie Chan? ” three times and have broken out into a fit of giggles at my desk every time.

  • formerlyAnon

    I love the skirt panel/scarf thing and the voluminous wrist/sleeve things, and the dress sort of almost works with them. She is of less interest to me. With a different bodice, and a lot more panache on the part of the wearer, this coulda been a contender.

  • tereliz

    God, that hair. It looks like an Aquanet ad.

  • mightbewrong

    I’m far more interested in Jackie Chan’s getup.

  • az67

    I also thought this dress was fab–until I saw the weird orange growths coming out of her side and wrists…

  • MaggieMae

    Her hair is not only fried, but it’s the wrong color. She needs to go deep auburn. Something about the hair color, plus the lip color, plus her pale skin accentuates her red eyes. I am not offended by her body in that dress, but it’s all wrong from the neck up.

  • Jacob Bowen

    She should DEFINITELY not wear black if she is planning on showing SO much skin. It makes her look so washed out and ghostly, not a pretty look. I feel like she wore this thinking she was 25. That hair and make-up is also SO wrong with this look. (Don’t get me started on the trail of flames…)

  • MaryAtRealityTea

    Her hair looks like cotton candy floss. Actually I bought some maple cotton candy at the farmers market that looked EXACTLY like what’s on Nicole’s head. Other than that her botox just… no. The dress is also horrible on her because it just looks so un-Nicole, but I don’t mind it. It’s everything north of the shoulders that’s doing her in. Poor thing…

  • Gatto Nero

    Initially I thought the flowing orange-and-black thing was some kind of wrap. Now I see that it’s stitched into the dress like some kind of flamenco accent.
    Without that puzzling detail, the shape of the dress isn’t bad on her at all — in fact, so few people could pull it off that she should get a couple of points for that. (The boobs are gravity defying.) But maybe black isn’t her color.
    Her hair looks completely fried, though. Time to give the bleach a rest.

  • irksome51

    She makes everything look good, or nothing….:)

  • St. Ace

    Jackie Chan is WERQing.