Sandra Bullock in Antonio Berardi at Hand and Footprint Ceremony

Posted on September 26, 2013

God, maybe we should just give up on the whole shoe issue. We’re banging our heads against a stone wall and pissing in the wind at the same time and darlings? That hurts.

 

Sandra Bullock attends Hand and Footprint Ceremony at TCL Chinese Theatre Celebrating the Release of “Gravity” in Hollywood, California in an Antonio Berardi dress paired with Jimmy Choo shoes and Martin Katz jewelry.

 

Look, let’s settle this right now because our take on red carpet footwear is the one thing that our readers most consistently take personally, probably because most of y’all aren’t wearing couture gowns during your workday. We will repeat the mantra that should be cross-stitched and hung in the hallowed, marble  halls of T Lo International: DARLING, IT IS SO NOT ABOUT YOU.

The red carpet world – and the life of a celebrity generally – is so far removed from the real world and its issues, concerns, and practices, that we honestly don’t believe the two can be compared in any meaningful way. Take a good look at Sandy there for a second. We always tell people this when they ask us about the red carpet in order to put it in some perspective: This outfit is roughly about as planned and at least as expensive as the average bridezilla’s look on her wedding day. Chances are, she had her hair and makeup professionally done and her dress, shoes, and jewelry (which is likely to collectively cost as much as a car) professionally put together for her; all in service to the idea of looking like the best person in the room and looking her absolute best for pictures. It is exactly the same as a wedding day; the only area of the real world that comes close to the day-to-day style and image practices of the average celebrity. But most brides plan that day for years and save money for at least as long. For the vast majority of women, their wedding day is the day they got the most dressed up, spent the most money on themselves, and had the most attention paid to them. That’s what every public appearance is like for a celebrity, except unlike your trousseau, all the elements of her outfit were pretty much handed to her for free, by people who claim to be experts on putting outfits together.

Now do you see why we’re such bitches? Antonio Berardi/Jimmy Choo/Martin Katz jewelry. That’s your wedding outfit times ten. That’s your prom outfit times about a thousand. That’s the most dressed up most people ever get – and then some. And that’s just for sticking her hands in some wet cement. When you get to things like major film premieres and awards shows, the only weddings you could reasonably compare it to tend to revolve around European royalty or oil sheiks.

Our point is, when we rail against matchy shoes, for instance, that’s because we’re looking at insanely high-end items being worn for a photographed public appearance. We honestly don’t even notice when, say, a lady passes us on the street in matchy shoes. She’s not making a public appearance. She’s not a celebrity. No one cares how her shoes look in pictures. We sure don’t. If she likes her outfit and the way she’s accessorized it, good for her.

So yeah. This is a very chatty and long-winded way of saying those matchy purple shoes just look silly to us in these pictures. Too focus-pulling. And besides, if we were really bound to the idea of matching the shoes to the dress, we would have picked a pair to pull the chartreuse out, rather than the purple.

Great dress, though. Her flat iron needs a vacation.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PRPhotos]

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