Jennifer Aniston in Vivienne Westwood at the Life of Crime Premiere

Posted on September 16, 2013

Jen. You make things so very hard for us, girl. We say, “Ditch the sequined bathtowels! Wear something with a little shape to it!” “Go for color!” “Wear shoes that cover most of your foot, just to shake things up a bit!” And what do you do? EVERYTHING WE ASKED FOR. And what are we about to do in response? BITCH.

 

Jennifer Aniston attends the premiere of “Life of Crime” during the 2013 Toronto International Film Festival in a Vivienne Westwood dress paired with Vivienne Westwood shoes and Pandora Jewelry.

Oh dear.

Honestly, the more we look at the dress, the more we like it for her. The problem is with the hem and with the somewhat stiff and uncomfortable way she’s standing because she’s clearly not used to wearing a dress with a little infrastructure to it. Get that thing hemmed and learn to pose in it and it could be a winner. Granted, we wouldn’t have chosen that eye-matchy blue, mainly because she has a history of wearing outfits that match her skin and hair. It’s like she’s desperate to avoid any color not already found on her body. Personally, we’d love to see her try a deep red or purple sometime.

The shoes are tragic. Too big and clunky for a dress that’s already got enough going on, shape-wise. A more delicate pump in a less Jennifer Aniston’s-skin kinda color (even black or metallic would’ve worked better) would be our advice.

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Dara Kushner/INFphoto.com]

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  • NBG

    Great googly moogly, those shoes are awful! I mean, they’re so awful that you have to wonder if she’s just messing with people. They’re ironic, right? Hipster pumps?

    Please be ironic. The alternative is just too sad.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      Hipster pumps = coffee almost out of my nose.

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      Hipster pumps! ha, ha, ha!!!! Love it.

    • d4divine

      Hipster irony applies to those under 30 only….Jen is just wrong. Lol

    • alyce1213

      Not feeling the hipster connection. To me these look like “fresh out of law school to wear with all my new suits” shoes.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

        I was thinking “successful real estate agent”.

        • alyce1213

          That works too.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Oh Jenn, Jenn, Jenn.
    Not feeling this one, other than the color, which looks good against her skin. She just doesn’t have the moxie to wear Westwood.

    • TerryMH

      Totally agree -Its like putting her in AP Calculus when she really belongs in pre-algebra (sorry, my kids just started school again). Vivienne Westwood just doesn’t work with California beach hair.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        And the less said about those shoes, *shudders a bit* the better.

      • alyce1213

        I think she can wear some of the simpler Westwood looks, she’s got that great body and plenty of spunk. The Problem for me is that she refuses to break from the 20 yr old California beach girl look to which she so desperately clings, like she’s afraid of looking mature or different. She needs a serious makeover, starting with the hair. She always looks better with less makeup.

        • d4divine

          EXACTLY!

        • jen_vasm

          It seems that Westwood works for women who are undeniably curvy, have a touch of cheek (or at least whimsy) to their overall personality, or in the best cases, both. Jen is neither. Other than the great color, this dress just looks like it makes her uncomfortable. Pack this up & send to ScarJo, but take the color swatch over to Roland Mouret.

      • demidaemon

        That’s a perfectly apt analogy!

    • NBG

      THIS. Helena Bonham Carter she is NOT.

    • formerlyAnon

      Maybe. But I wonder if it’s also not fitted correctly. We don’t generally SEE Helena Bonham Carter’s corsetry in her Westwood. (granted HBC has never appeared in anything baby blue and soft and slinky, but still.)

      • NBG

        Makes no sense to me either.

    • tereliz

      Nope. Send this dress to ScarJo.

  • largishbearishAtlish

    Wow, love the dress, the way it moves (but what is up with the weird hem?)
    Def a move up Ms Aniston- Brava!

    (and WHO is Norman?? look at the 6th picture)

    • julesj

      Norman is her dog that died.

  • teensmom99

    This dress is the wrong color &the fit is weird. And what has shed one to her hair? No one looking at these pictures would think that this woman ever had a hairstyle that other people wanted.

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      “And what has shed one to her hair?”

      This may be our favorite typo. We actually spent a second trying to figure out what obscure reference you were making that we didn’t get. “Send her to Shed One with THAT hair!”

      • MoHub

        Took me a couple too. And I’m the queen of the misplaced space.

        • teensmom99

          I wish my subconscious were so brilliant but I think it’s the damn ipad’s autocorrect.

        • conniemd

          Me too. It comes from typing really fast and light. It’s more of a problem on my laptop than a regular keyboard, as the laptop seems to want the keys to be struck harder. Such is life.

  • kayleymaybe

    Every time I look at the front this dress, I just see the belly pooch/saggy skin thing that women get after having several babies (not that I would know…ahem). Does no justice to Jennifer’s amazing body and I’m sure perfect abs.

    • Little_Olive

      My eyes were also fixated on that atrocious belly hammock. And it does not seem unintentional on the dressmaker part. Tsk.

      • Heather

        I was distracted by the boob shelf.

        • kimmeister

          A boob shelf that goes up so high under her armpits, she has no choice but to pose with arms akimbo.

  • Jacquelyn

    The posing is not helping. Those shoes! UGH.

  • Karen Belgrad

    Wearing a colored dress doesn’t require ten extra pounds of eye make-up!

    • Mismarker

      Agreed. The eye liner all ’round her eyes is unnecessarily distracting and makes her eyes look smaller than peas.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000088447181 Sam Smith

    I like the color, I think it looks lovely with her eyes.

  • boweryboy

    Am I suppose the see the stomacher structure thing through the dress? It’s so distracting.

    • Donna Tabor

      I hate that, when the boning shows. It’s sheer laziness on the part of the manufacturer.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

        You can see it in a lot of the Westwood dresses with this style bodice, so I thought it was a deliberate decision.

        • formerlyAnon

          I bow to your superior knowledge of Westwood. I was theorizing that it wasn’t fitted correctly, because in people who wear Westwood triumphantly (HBC, of course, is the prime example) I don’t remember seeing the understructure like that.

          • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

            Nigella Lawson has a couple with a very similar structure and even though they are velvet you can really clearly see it.

  • alyce1213

    Looks like her hem got caught in knee-high hose (or very long Spanx).

  • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

    That’s a great dress – I like it on her, but good lord those shoes are hideous.

  • Synnae

    Totally agree with TLo- those were my first thoughts too. Other shoes, metalics and a bracelet. Have to applaud the dress though.
    And how come I only noted today Jen has a tattoo? Has she had that for a long time or is new?

    • alyce1213

      It’s the name of her deceased doggie, Norman — a few years.

  • Cautiously Pessimistic

    That hem is a crime against nature.

  • Alice

    I see your points about the awkwardness and the shoes, but the color of the dress is gorgeous, and I think she looks fabulous in it.

    • Judy_S

      I vote yes on it too. Maybe she is doing things wrong but she looks like a movie star to me, which I think is the point.

  • Laurie Landry

    Oh Honey. Under eyeliner is not allowed on anyone over 40. Your hair is all over the place. The baby heads are askew and the shoes are tragic. Go home and try again some other time.

  • putacorkinit

    Who’s Norman?

    • Fordzo

      Her (dead) dog.

      • putacorkinit

        My god, what a lonely madwoman she must be.

        • Heather

          Disagree – I find it touching.

  • carolie_king

    I’m not digging the drape at her waist – from the front it makes her look like she has a pooch, and goodness knows Jen doesn’t have an extra millimeter of abs, and from the side in the last picture it looks like a big pocket.

  • nannypoo

    Few women benefit from a drape of fabric across their gut. Jen proves my point.

  • elemspbee

    yet another miss. this is the most color she could muster, and the farthest away from a bath towel? And non-naked shoes? its like she took T’Lo’s do these advice and made fun of it with every single item she’s wearing. Its quite genius.

  • Jaeda Laurez

    The length is wrong for the top- if that were a full length gown, the structure on top would make more sense. Otherwise she needs to hand it over to Helena Bonham Carter so she can add some Victorian-style combat boots, dead flowers in her hair, and a crazy bag, and really make it into something.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    OH God. It’s so bad. Who stuffed her into that steel structure with some curtains draped around it? What dance class dumpster did she find those shoes in? And why has she been hosed down in terracotta?

  • Patrick Cleary

    It’s just such a nothing dress. No real shape, not a great color, nothing interesting. She’d be dynamite if she pulled up her hair and wore a bright jewel tone, but she seems determined to look like she’s just phoning it in.

  • chylde

    The make up is at a Tammy Faye level. Girl, go have a chat with Michelle Pfeiffer about growing old gracefully.

  • bhl_1123

    Jenn strikes me as the type of celebrity who thinks, “I’m pretty, the clothes they give me are pretty. Who needs a stylist?”. You, honey, you do!

  • Poeta Paz

    Is still looks like a bathtowel…and she looks pregnant.

  • Carol Nijbroek

    it looks like a Project Runway attempt …. :)

  • cocohall

    Those shoes are screaming out for a pair of trousers to cover them. They look like they should be found on the feet of someone working in a law office, not on Mis Jen on the red carpet in VIVIENNE WESTWOOD. Major style disconnect. As for the Norman tattoo, he was possibly one of the cutest dogs ever. Some sort of mix that, I believed involved corgi and terrier. Her absolute devotion to that dog has always been a point in her favor for me. As for the droopy tummy panel on that dress, I am so pleased that my post childbirth physique (twins) is considered a fashionable silhouette. Head held high from now on!

  • Krysta

    Does her foot tattoo really say “Norman”? And what am I missing that makes that make sense?

    • Fordzo

      That was her dog, who she had for years and years. He died a few years ago. ETA: He was 15 when he died.

      • Krysta

        AHA. My first thought was Spiny Norman, but that didn’t seem right. . .

  • Miranda

    What did you do Jen? Your stylist did this outta spite. Don’t know what for, but this was intentional spite.

    • demidaemon

      Probably for never listening to him/her about dressing better, so when it finally happened, the stylist did it to teach her a lesson.

      Or its a BK on a bender.

  • http://frockpaperscissors.blogspot.com/ kvlm

    Oh dear is right. I’ve been praying she would invest in some VW, her image certainly needed some vavavoom. But someone should have taught her how to handle that dress first. It feels like the coresting is just pulling her over. And what snoozefest colors to pick for such a kick ass style. Lose the shoes, go with black accessories, maybe a wonder woman don’t fuck with me cuff, and wayyyy less pastel mall makeup, and then we would have had something. G-d I would give anything to take her shopping.

  • crash1212

    Silver pumps with a bit of a point to them would’ve been perfect – other than that, I think she looks great. I love this color on her.

  • bellafigura1

    Those are daytime shoes. And yes, the hem is ruining it. Maybe she actually knows more than we do — the bath towel thing is spot on for her. It just looks like this is too much dress for her.

  • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

    My god her hair and skin is just too over-the-top perfect. I am staring at her. What a little money will do right? And good genes. Anyhoo, the fashion, yes…the dress is pretty but the top doesn’t fit right and the bottom is an atrocity. The shoes…let us not discuss the shoes for they are unacceptable.

  • Ms_Flyover

    I like that she’s trying the Westwood, but would anyone else love to see her camp over at DVF for awhile? I think the prints and shapes would do amazing things for her.

    • conniemd

      Yes, Diane would work as would Carolina Herrera or another designer who makes pretty feminine clothes for women. She needs to put her hair up and dress in a bright pretty dress.

  • A Shiny O’Connor

    I have to give her snaps for that bodice, and the colour.

  • ashtangajunkie

    I can’t get past my hatred for her eye makeup to really consider the dress. I weep for the shoes that could have been.

  • Janet B

    The draping isn’t all that nice on her, but the color is fantastic.

  • BKagainwiththesweatpants

    Why oh why is she wearing Sarah Jessica Parker’s eye makeup, and also how? Isn’t the world out of kohl once she’s done applying? I kid because I love (SJP, not JA).

  • Fordzo

    I feel like her boyfriend is dressing her. This is the type of dress that my fashion un-savy husband would choose, because “it matches your eyes”. He would think that was a good thing. Also, my husband (and, I think, a lot of guys) would think that the structured bodice and sleeveless top were SeXy. I’ll even blame the shoes on him. He probably was overwhelmed by the choices and said “just wear these”, thinking that no one will be looking at her SHOES when there are BOOBIES to be looked at!

    • formerlyAnon

      That all makes so much sense. Tragic sense, but sense nonetheless.

      (I chose a long hair style at about 20 after surveying about 15 guy friends/relatives/boyfriends. In mid-life, my hair having lost much of its volume, I knew I needed to go shorter. EVERY straight male with whom the subject came up preferred the longer style that my hair was blatantly too thin for.)

  • Jeannie Shmina Greenwald

    The shoes just look cheap.

    • valerie747

      What the heck does the foot tattoo say?

      • alyce1213

        Norman, her doggie who died a few years ago.

        • valerie747

          Oh. My. Goodness. No kids = doggie tattoo.

          • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

            How does the first thing equal the second thing?

          • Fannie Wolston

            it’s a leap in logic, but i kinda followed it, spinster devoted to pets,

          • valerie747

            If I were to tattoo my deceased beloved pets who have blessed us during our marriage, it would look like: Scampi (cat), Hobbes (cat), Jewel (rescued crow), Cloudy (cat), Buffy (dog), Tiger (cat), Cecil (desert tortoise). And, I might need to reserve skin space for our current living pets, Simba Jones, Gypsy Rose Lee, Beany (Cecil’s companion tortoise), and Baby (cat we inherited when we moved into this house). When a woman has a bunch of kids, there is a high probability of a series of pets. I’m convinced Norman was of upmost importance and a very high priority in Jennifer’s life. Having kids changes priorities. It’s a theory, and my opinion. I’m open to any opposing views that do not include insults. People with kids usually have different priorities.

          • valerie747

            PS: I did not include the series of bunnies we loved. Tattoos of our beloved bunnies would be seriously crazy. One litter alone was 13 kits (baby rabbits). I suppose I could tattoo “Bugsy, et al.”

          • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

            Still not quite getting it. So if she had kids, she wouldn’t get tattoos? Or she wouldn’t care so much about her dead pets? Or she’d have so many dead pets that she wouldn’t be able to tattoo all their names on her?

          • valerie747

            Women with kids do get tattoos. Angelina Jolie. A woman with kids loves her pets and grieves her deceased pets like anyone else. A woman with children might tattoo her deceased pet’s name on her foot, but I don’t think it would happen as often because (like I said) kids demand a shift in priorities. Just as an example: Gwyneth Paltrow is more likely to tattoo “Apple” on her foot than “Fluffy”. I was anticipating that “Norman” would be a male relative of Jennifer A. Perhaps her Dad, or brother. I was surprised about it being her dog. But, in my mind, it seems more likely to happen since she does not have kids. Yes, kids take priority. Or, they should. That does not make a woman with kids better, just different.

          • valerie747

            Yes. My “own framing” is 100% correct. (you deleted your comment?)

          • alyce1213

            That’s cold. And kind of ignorant.

        • Fannie Wolston

          is that the foot she kicked him with?

          • alyce1213

            Really now.

          • Fannie Wolston

            it was a cheap shot, sorry ’bout that.. but i did hear she named her new dog Bates!

  • d4divine

    Jennifer! Give that Rockette her shoes back!!

  • marlie

    I like the dress, but I hate how she’s posing in it – she definitely looks uncomfortable. And whoever decided that those were the right shoes to go with this dress should be fired.

  • mhleta

    That’s a great color and I love the fabric. My biggest complaint is the draping over the abdomen. It looks like post-baby belly sag. Not pretty. I also really don’t like the way the hem is rolled up on one side. It looks like a last minute, half-assed attempt to make the dress length a little less conservative. Pick a different dress if the hem doesn’t suit. Or as Ron Swanson would say, “Why half-ass it when you can whole ass it?”

  • Sunraya

    You know, I just looked at the Cate Blanchett photos, and it is so hard to be fair to someone bland and boring like Aniston, who really is a pretend actor. And who seems incredibly vacuous. It just isn’t fair to judge her right now. So I won’t.

  • LaSylphide

    Who’s “Norman”?

  • Jen

    Looks like the left side of the hem is stuck in her skibbies. Which would mean she’s wearing spanx. I like how humanizing that is…

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      No, that’s the actual hem of the dress.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        Yeah, but it does look like an accidental hem catch, which is distracting. I just want to reach out and pull it down for her…

      • Jen

        Sigh. Of course it is, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t need spanx.

  • Laylalola

    The infrastructure part is really distracting to me — I don’t think you’re supposed to so clearly see the outlines of the boning going straight down to her pelvis like that.

  • mrspeel2

    Anyone know who/what “Norman” is? (the tat on the right, inner-side of her foot.)

  • unbornfawn

    Loose the shoes. Some jewelry please, and do something with the hair and maybe she’d have something.

  • filmcricket

    I like the colour on her, and I even don’t mind the drapery across the abdomen. But she’s clearly uncomfortable, and I LOATHE that VW hem, on anyone, not just her. Those shoes are tragic. And you can’t wear Westwood, even one as simple as this, and not do something with your hair. Still, points for trying.

  • http://www.luxperdiem.com/ Paige @ LPD

    That dress gives her a fumpa. :/

  • dashransome

    With some of the things she wears I question whether she is trying to promote those pregnancy rumors.

  • Sara__B

    No clutch needed with that dress. Just stash your essentials in the handy built-in pouch.

  • Imasewsure

    Way to dress down an ugly dress with an even uglier, casual shoe… is there a category for “Cousin of the Bride” ??? Not good!!

  • Getoverit

    Again, love the top of the dress but not the bottom. I think the color looks great on her. Those have to be the ugliest shoes I have ever seen.

  • decormaven

    Whoops! Someone let the toddler ride the bicycle. Get the Big Wheels out and don’t let that happen again.

  • ShaoLinKitten

    Her skin matches those shoes… but methinks that was not what God intended. Is that spray tan or bad foundation or what? It’s so distracting.

  • formerlyAnon

    Shoes, ick. Dress, well, you’re probably mostly right but . . . one shouldn’t be able to SEE the infrastructure of the dress, so I’m not entirely sure it’s all on her posing. Every damn thing Helena Bonham Carter wears has corsetry built into it, just about, but we don’t SEE it. And they’re BOTH wearing Westwood, so it is comparing apples to apples.

  • frannyprof

    This is so wrong.

  • PastryGoddess

    She’s just fucking with us now.

  • Erica_Vuitton

    Those may be the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen.

  • MilaXX

    Where on earth did she get those shoes?! They are uglier than ny cheap Payless shoes. They look like dollar store shoes. Then you have that dress with the weird hem hitting her at the ores length possible. This is awful.

  • CT14

    Her hair is too blonde (probably to hide grey) and while that’s a lovely blue, together with the hair she looks washed out.

    I just can’t with the British mascara. Circling eyes with black makes them look teensy! Only the very young can get away with it.

    I’ve learned it’s just something I have to tolerate fom the Brits, like their love for odd hats, but I really hate the black eyeliner everywhere.

    • CT14

      Oh, and the shoes! I don’t want to tell her to back to sparkly bath towels, but can’t somebody help her?!

  • Kate4queen

    I think you have to pose like you own a VW dress and she’s not doing that.

  • lobsterlen

    Bridesmaid dress. My first thought. What makes it worse than a bridesmaid dress is those tragic shoes. The most evil bridedzilla wouldn’t make her bridesmaids wear that horrible footwear. However, the dress is a lovely shade of blue.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    She’s beginning to look like a caricature of herself and that’s really unfortunate.

  • Spicytomato1

    I don’t hate the dress but wow, she really made a misstep with that eye makeup. It looks almost clownlike. It seems as though she tried to shake things up by going more dramatic but it’s really not flattering.

  • E. D.

    Love the dress but those shoes are a giant WTF.

  • steeg of their own

    The top half of that dress is some really terrible corsetry. It looks like she’s wearing a metal plate under the dress. Yeah, the shoes are bad, but I’m distracted by how the top of the dress makes her look like she could step into a phone booth and come out in a Wonder Woman costume.

  • Danielle

    I burst out laughing at this.

  • Trickytrisha

    Not sure how she could have done it any worse. Head to toe awkward and badly done with the worst shoes of the decade. The belly drape is just plain silly – she’s either preggers or not, but there ain’t no call to highlight it each time you step in front of the cameras, honey.

  • jw_ny

    I’d feel sorry for her boobs if I cared at all for her…

  • demidaemon

    Clearly, she cannot choose shoes to save her life. these ones are particularly hideous. I think everyone should strive to avoid any clothing or footwear that completely matches your skin tone. Aniston needs to be taught this lesson, stat.

  • bertkeeter

    If only it was plaid? With that angled hem would be perfect for BELKS SOUTHERN WOMAN!

    • steeg of their own

      Okay, I laughed.

  • http://marshmallowjane.com/ marshmallowjane

    The hem shape detracts from the rest of the design.

  • quiltrx

    Are we not going to talk about her brassy hair and horrible makeup? Gah, I hate her, I can’t be objective.

  • Tatiana Luján

    The dress is ugly, not everything Viviene Westwood does is good.

  • gubblebumm

    why is she relevent? she is dull as dishwater, and oddly, paris hilton has done more with her life

  • Elleachaudaucul

    Matronly.