2013 Emmy Awards Red Carpet Rundown, Part 1

Posted on September 24, 2013





Not by a goddamn long shot, kittens. We’re mainlining coffee and we suggest you do it too. Judgment is exhausting. We don’t know how God does it. Yesterday was a record day for the site on several fronts (yay) but Daddy and Papa are not looking very pretty this morning. Still, we’re committed. Or will be.




Alfre Woodard in Tadashi Shoji

This is the third dress we’ve seen her in this week and that’s probably more Alfre Woodard dresses than we’ve seen in the last several years. We’ll give her a lot of credit for wearing dresses that fit and flatter her and, for the most part, she looks comfortable wearing. But she has, we’re sorry to say, very dowdy tastes in textiles. Hair, makeup, and bod all look pretty great. There’s no reason to be wearing such a grandma fabric.



Alyson Hannigan in Marchesa

Pretty old school, bordering on dated. Great color, though.



Amanda Peet in Erdem

Answering the question, “What would it be like to have x-ray vision in 1875?”



Amy Poehler in Basler

Her impromptu Carrie Underwood interview on the red carpet – after yanking the mike away from the out-of-his-league Ryan Seacrest – was several seconds of improv comedy heaven. “HELLO CARRIE UNDERWOOD. LET’S TALK ABOUT RELIGION, GUNS AND SWEAR WORDS. WHO ARE YOU WEARING?”

Therefore, we have no criticisms. Okay, maybe one: An accentuated shoulder could be her best friend. She never quite got that. Just saying.


Anna Faris in Monique Lhuillier

Horrible color for a pale blonde. Kind of a boring dress, to boot.



Ariel Winter in Lorena Sarbu

Also boring, if a little pretty. She’s way too young to be dressing this conservatively.



Betsy Brandt in Alice + Olivia

Against all reason, we couldn’t take our eyes off this dress, either on the red carpet or on the stage. There’s a lot here we shouldn’t like – and truth be told, don’t like – but she somehow made this gigantic metallic thing work for her.



Brooke Anderson in A Pea in the Pod

The dress is fine, but the Easter basket shoes are an abomination.



Carrie Underwood in Romona Keveza

Standard, pretty, and probably the best choice for her. Forcing America to listen to her yodel her way through a Beatles song is cause for public stoning.



Derek Hough in Brooks Brothers

He needs a pants hemming, but he’s cleaned up and put together. Never really thought much of him either way, but his acceptance speech was kind of charming.



Emily Deschanel in Houghton

Sometimes we wonder if she figures one of the Deschanels better dress like a grownup if they’re both going to be at the same event. Zooey always skews a bit young, but Emily skews a bit old.

Honestly, we’re sorry to keep using this lately, but how does this not look like the quintessential Mother of the Bride dress? Like, so much so that honest-to-God MOBs on a dress-shopping jaunt would look at that and go, “Ew, no. I don’t want to be a cliche.”



Heidi Klum in Atelier Versace

We’re digging the color, the sparkle, and the all-around slinkiness, but that neck piece really does nothing but distract.



James Wolk in Emporio Armani

Find a pair of pants that fit, wear a brand-new pair of shoes for the occasion, and put a dab of pomade in your hair. Now go.



Jane Krakowski in Zac Posen

Standard. Nice color. Can’t stand the jewelry choices, though. Very distracting and unbalanced.



Jane Lynch in Badgley Mischka

The shoes are kind of tragically boring – not the shape, but the color and lack of oomph – but this might be a personal best.


Jesse Tyler Ferguson in Brooks Brothers

Not your cut of suit, JT.



Jessica Lange in Escada

Oh god. We love her too much. You guys tell her.



Jessica Pare in Oscar de la Renta

This pains us, because we think Oscar de la Renta should be on more red carpets, but this was the disaster of the night, as far as we’re concerned. Personal worst.



Kaley Cuoco in Vera Wang

Don’t love the eye makeup, but the dress looks really great on her.



Kate Mara in J. Mendel

It’s eye-catching, that’s for sure. We can’t really sign off on it as being pretty or chic, but we give her credit for trying to do something interesting.



Lily Rabe in Vionnet

We refuse to be as open-minded for Lily. You’d have to be blind to not see how bad this looks.



Mayim Bialik in Oliver Tolentino

The color’s pretty and the general design is fine, but all that ticky-tacky trim is just horrifying. And someone really needs to tell her to stop matching her accessories so exactly all the time.



Rose Byrne in Calvin Klein Collection

Stunning. One of the best looks of the night, honestly. She needs to stay away from the tricky Frankendresses she sometimes favors and take a dip in the minimalist pool more often. It’s totally her kind of look.



Sarah Paulson in Carolina Herrera

It’s not a bad dress, but it’s too severe-looking on her.



Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang

The very definition of “expected.”



Taylor Schilling in Thakoon

We liked it more in theory than in practice. In our heads, it’s an icy cool, soignee gown in a ’30s Hollywood style, rather than something that looks good, but could’ve been fitted just a bit better than this. Not loving the shoes. Combined with the slit, they ensure that everyone’s going to be focused on her desperately gripping toes all night.



Will Arnett in Calvin Klein Collection

Cute, but ill-fitted.

Zachary Quinto in Givenchy

We’re surprised at how much we like this since we generally don’t like the all-black look on men. The grey touches really help to define the look. Half-inch off the bottom of the pants, please.


[Photo Credit: Carlos Diaz, Jennifer Graylock/INFphoto.com]

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  • marlie

    Alyson Hannigan was one of my favorites. A redhead in that shade of purple is always gorgeous (yay, Willow!). Betsy Brandt: the dress isn’t perfect, but I loved the fabric/print. Elily Deschanel’s dress looked cheap. Heidi is… Heidi. The dress is gorgeous on her, though. Jessica Lange… I think she looks rather fierce (and, I’m scared of her). Jessica Pare’s dress was terrible. Lily Rabe looked like she was literally wearing a bedsheet.

    As for the guys, Zachary Quinto was HAWT. Will Arnett needs to lay off the self-tanner. He looked *orange* on screen.

  • e jerry powell

    I liked the Houghton better when it was drawing-room wallpaper.

  • marlie

    Cate is the exception to all the rules. And Tilda.

  • marlie

    Posture won’t save a really bad dress, but it can certainly help a so-so one.

  • marlie

    But Melissa Leo (much to my chagrin) didn’t seem to have made a red carpet appearance. 😉

  • marlie

    It’s another “mother of the bride” gown, but the color was pretty, and the dress was suitable and appropriate. Alfre (like Meryl) is never going to try to “wow” people with their red carpet appearances, as Helen Mirren, Jessica Lange, or Jane Fonda do.

  • marlie

    I kind of loved it.

  • marlie

    The color on Mayim was stunning, and the fit was great. Just for those reasons alone, I’m willing to forgive the fooferall.

  • marlie

    The color is so awesome on her that I’m willing to forgive the mermaid dress.

  • marlie

    Good for her! She needs all the positive reinforcement she can get. Plus, she really did look gorgeous.

  • marlie

    “Dropkick her mama down a flight of stairs…” HAHAHAHA!! Thank you; I needed a good belly laugh.

  • marlie

    I’m not convinced that it’s not a wig. Because that HAIR.

  • marlie

    I think she meant that this a remake OF the musical, not of the movie.

    It’s still going to suck, though.

  • marlie

    I think the confusion lies in that the movie IS a musical, but she’s talking about the STAGE version. I think. Who knows; like I said before, it’s still going to suck.

  • marlie

    I think TLo mentioned in a previous post that Atelier Versace was made for Heidi. She’s one of the few ladystars who can do the line justice without coming off too cheap or tacky.

    And yes, I love Heidi in this.

  • marlie

    It just seems… messy. Sloppy. The bust is droopy and the fit is weird. But yes, the color is gorgeous.

    • demidaemon

      I agree with you marlie. However, color can blind some people to shape and silhouette. And this silhouette is not working, to put it as nicely as possible.

  • marlie

    I muted it.

    • demidaemon

      I didn’t watch it at all. So, thankfully, I read recaps and was spared the ear atrocity.

  • marlie

    Hannigan for the win!

  • Elizabeth Szubert

    Re: Jessica Lange – I’ll do it.

    “Why yes, Jane Fonda wore it better than you in the Newsroom. Goodbye.”

    Too blunt? 🙂

  • marlie

    For a lot of these gowns, the designers only make one, and they loan them out; they don’t sell them. So if a ladystar wants to be seen in a “big name” designer’s clothes (which they do), they borrow them, meaning that they can’t do too much to modify them for fit. Similar with the shoes. The stylist may say “I want {this} pair of shoes for my client in {this} size,” but the shoe designer says “{this} is the size we have on hand; take it or leave it.” Most of the time, they take it, with no regard to how well the show actually fits.

  • Lanus

    I just try to avoid thinking about all those upskirt photos that show us that many of these ladies are going commando….and they are SITTING in those dresses for HOURS.

    Maybe the dresses are actually sold to Pervs for a fortune after the event?

  • marlie

    She’s always sported that really light blonde hair, and it’s never seemed to look right on her, though it fits her “persona.”

  • marlie


  • Call me Bee

    Random thoughts:
    Just because a dress is lace does not mean it’s a MOB dress. I think the lace dresses were all lovely, especially Emily Deschannel. I think, gentlemen, you have a little bias against lace.
    Amanda Peete’s dress was awful, bu she looked stunning. Relaxed and happy.
    I’ll tell Jessica Lange that her dress is ugly. She’s done much better than this.
    I’m surprized you didn’t mention that Jessie Tyler’s jacket was…lace.

    All in all, I was happy to see all the different looks on the RC this time. Thanks, celebs.

  • Call me Bee

    But, but…Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme had the best Christmas album ever….

    • I believe they were quite a bit more Reform than Mayim.

    • MoHub

      Neil Diamond did one as well, as did Kenny G, but I don’t think any of them were Orthodox as Mayim is.

  • Plus – JTF’s suit is lace! Or the jacket is, anyway.

    • mhleta

      I’m glad you told me that. I really have to squint to see that.

  • Call me Bee

    Yes–and singing one of the most insipid songs the Beatles ever recorded….ugh it was painful…

    • Call me Bee

      Yesterday. Ugh.

  • Alfre’s gown is the definition of dowdy, particularly from the nipples up. The shape of the neck and cap sleeves are just not modern enough to elevate that pink floral. A slight shoulder pad would have done wonders.

  • NoveltyRocker

    Jessica Pare’s shoes and Rose Byrne’s look are my favorite appearances out of everything. And those hip pieces on Amy Poehler’s dress look like glued on patches. I really don’t get any hip only embellishments on dresses at all.

  • Call me Bee

    Ahahahaha love your Catherine O’Hara comment!

    • Shawn EH

      She’s a genius!

  • My criteria: Pant hems and can you see a little shirt cuff below the jacket sleeve? I also don’t want to see shirt below the jacket button.

    In my mind, Jimmy Kimmel, of all people, is the most consistently well-tailored celebrity male on TV. He’s dressed conservatively, per Disney rules, but his clothes always fit him perfectly.

  • decormaven

    Good call!

  • berlinmama

    “mainline- God-judgment- stoning Carrie: I love you guys!

  • roche

    Agree with most of your rundowns here TLo — EXCEPT — for the two Jessicas:
    Jessica Lange and Jessica Pare. I thought they both looked stunning.

  • dancho

    Jane Lynch’s “personal best!” LOL. Loved the H/T to “Where’s Mariel Hemingway when you need her?”

  • Laura Renee

    But those are some of the most tortured-looking feet I’ve seen.

  • Rose Byrne!!!!!! YES!!!

  • demidaemon

    On Sofia, it mat be expected but it was far from a disaster. She knows what works for her, and, for fashion bitches, it’s certainly not exciting but it’s never going to be bad. Also, she sells that shit like crazy.

  • demidaemon

    Of course. And it was definitely the right choice. The only other contender was Mary from Downton Abbey, in my opinion.

  • kolokOlchik

    Jessica Lange has a hairy chest (and elbows)

  • kolokOlchik

    agreed. I also thought it was stunning, save for a few minor details

  • Alloy Jane

    There’s very little here that I feel strongly about, but Jessica Pare’s dress is so sad. It’s like “Today, I hate my boobs and will smash them into oblivion. Also, would you like to see my hideous shoes?” But then you have Kaley “Penny” Cuoco’s dress which is SLAMMIN.

    I’m happy to see Mayim looking so lovely and so very (albeit relatively) fashionable. Considering she’s admittedly clueless, I’m willing to give a pass for the St. Patrick’s Day trim. And I think it’s funny how gramma Emily’s dress is.

  • jmorino08

    Brooke Anderson in A Pea in the Pod?

    Way to hit the mall for your Emmy’s dress Brooke!

  • JP

    I’ve been wondering this for a while, but why do so many ladystars look like they’re little girls dressing up in their mother’s shoes? Can’t they get shoes that fit?

  • DuBey2

    Yes, I think Anna would be sooo beautiful with a different haircolor. “Girl, that’s not your color”

  • Vanderboom

    I totally agree with all of this, except I think Sofia Vergara passed into “Of Course” territory a long time ago. While *I* tend to pick a style that suits me and stick to it, SHE is gorgeous, with many more fashion choices ar her disposal. She could definitely shake it up a bit.

  • fursa_saida

    I think Michelle Williams’ Oscar dress a few years back, which was also a strong yellow, looked fabulous on her, but if I remember right it was a few shades darker–a bit more golden, less neon. Makes a world of difference.

  • livesarah

    Although, I once saw photos of her at a friend’s wedding. She looked just as sad and wan as she does on the red carpet. I can’t remember if she was bridesmaid or what, but it just doesn’t look right to be bearing such a mournful expression at your friend’s wedding. Maybe she feels it’s her most photogenic look, but I don’t believe that could be true- she is so pretty. Her constant sadface has really got to me ever since those wedding photos!

  • livesarah

    It’s just the colour, which looks so amazing on her that it simply magnifies what a waste of an opportunity that bad dress was.