Serena Williams Style Double Shot

Posted on August 23, 2013

Wow.  Weird moment of synchronicity. We came across these Serena pics early this morning and figured we’d give them the T Lo treatment. Little-known T Lo fact: the Number One post on this site, with the greatest number of hits by far, is this Serena post. It got linked to by a bunch of big-time sports sites and, in a moment of grand irony, an enormous flood of horny straight guys wound up delivering us the largest single audience of any single post in our seven-year history.

Don’t worry, our Number-Two-With-a Bullet post is the massive Bob Benson breakdown from this past season of Mad Men, which is – no shit – now being included in college syllabi as a great reference for pre-Stonewall gay history. It’s likely to overtake the Serena post within the next couple of months and the Number One Spot will once again be Very Gay, to our delight.

Anyway, the weird part is that when we went to get the link to the earlier Serena post, we found out it was exactly a year ago to the day. Spooky, right? It’s like our straight-guy sense is tingling! Or like we have highly precise internal must-feature-Serena-Williams-in-a-tight-dress clocks!

 

Serena Williams at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City for an appearance on the “Late Show With David Letterman” in a Narciso Rodriguez leather v-neck dress.

But we’re sorry Serena (and any other potential lady-oriented horny types who wound up here), there is such a thing as a too-tight dress. The easiest rule is, if we can see your belly button and you’re not wearing a sheer, then you need to go up a size. If we can see your bellybutton through leather, then we question the judgment of everyone involved in the outfit. Also, those shoes are far too busy and distracting, and frankly, not very flattering.

 

Serena Williams at the 14th Annual BNP Paribas Taste of Tennis event in New York City.

Call us hopelessly conformist if you must, but we like this look much better because it softens her considerably. A ridiculously skin-tight leather dress and scary shoes are not the best choices for Serena, as far as we’re concerned. This blue looks amazing on her. It’s still too tight, but the fact that we can’t see her belly button puts this in the win column. Much better shoes, hair and makeup with this one, too. In fact, we wonder if she even used the same people for both looks, they’re so far apart in quality.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Kristin Callahan/ACE/INFphoto.com, Marco Sagliocco/PRPhotos.com]

    • homofascist

      It is US Open time! Which is awesome for us fashion fans who are also tennis fans.

    • PastryGoddess

      Is it me or does she need a stronger lip in general. That’s not her natural lip color is it? The top half of her face looks amazing, but the space from the nose down just disappears.

      That blue dress is amazing on her. Who makes it?

      • jen_vasm

        She needs some color on the lip. I really am not feeling this trend for women of color to have odd white-pigmented pale lipcolor. Serena’s choice is not as bad as many, but that color is doing her no favors.

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Everything’s better in the second look. Hair, dress, shoes, everything.

    • http://www.djplaw.com/ Tadiana

      It’s interesting how just one thing – the belly button showing in the the first outfit – instantly pushes the entire look from the questionable into the trashy category. But man, for that insanely gorgeous hair in the second look I will forgive her everything.

      • ballerinawithagun

        I couldn’t stop staring at it!

    • http://heartprintandstyle.com/ Vivi N

      The makeup is killin’ me softly. Like, my heart is silently weeping.

      • Tatiana Luján

        In both looks.

      • Golfkat

        Me too. I was wondering if she’d even done something permanent to her beautiful face, but I hope it’s just makeup.

        • murt

          It’s definitely just makeup – she’s got really heavy Kardashian-style contouring and highlighting in both looks…. If it looks this strong in the pictures, I can’t imagine what it would have looked like in real life – probably like a mask.

    • Jaeda Laurez

      The shoes on the top look are ugly, and the dress is crazy tight- I have no idea how she sat in that, but I think leather could be amazing on her. She looks ridiculous when she’s wearing those soft, chiffon-y dresses. She needs to dress powerfully; I think leather, as a texture, plays into that- no need to “soften,” just streamline.

      The second dress is lovely. Pretty color, clean lines, “sexy tight” without being overly so, and her weave is looking right. I think she always looks better with curly hair.

    • Jen

      Shoes that give superstar athletes kankles should be burned.

    • purpleprose78

      That light blue is fantastic on her. Looks sooo good!

    • unbornfawn

      Agreed. The second look is much better. Still pulls too tight across the hips.

    • BeeBeauNYC

      Crazy gorgeous in the blue dress. Serena in the leather dress should become the new international sign for NO.

    • formerlyAnon

      Her arms are just stunning.

      She is an amazing athlete.

      (I prefer the second look.)

    • crash1212

      Second look is SO much better than the first – in every way. Although, both pairs of shoes are not great and the first pair should be burned. Her hair in the second look is giving me life.

    • alyce1213

      Visible Spanx or underwear lines are never good thing. The second outfit is better than the leather, but it’s way too tight. She’s richer than Croesus and has a fabulous body — how hard could it be for this woman to have clothes fitted and lined?

    • Evan

      Actually, I watched her on Letterman last night and I thought she looked amazing in the leather dress (you couldn’t see her bellybutton without the harsh lights), although it was obvious the dress was too tight. She looked super slim in it though. It did wonders for her figure.

    • Lizzyisi

      I love the leather dress–too tight though it may be.

      What I really love about the leather dress is how NORMAL it makes this unbelievably EXTRAORDINARY woman seem. Clearly, she wanted to wear this leather dress. But the smaller size was just a hair too tight while the next size up was never going to work. Nothing is worse than baggy leather. You can’t have it tailored–you have to have it cut and made for you and who has time to wait for that? So she sucked her awesome self into the too tight one and wore the slammin’ leather dress she wanted to wear.

      Also, I love her hair.

      • WendyD

        AMEN! I think she looks spectacular in the first dress with her “hair” like that. Bad ass and beautiful!

    • barbarienne

      Though the black leather dress makes me wish she were an actor and had been cast as Ororo/Storm instead of Halle Berry.

    • Coco Cornejo

      That first pair of shoes could work without the orange shoelaces.

      Am I crazy or does Serena look like she’s bulked up since last year? She’s always had big guns, but those calves are decidedly more muscular. Watch out for those protein shakes.

      I wonder if Serena will rise to the top of your traffic list without a booty shot. That’s definitely what put her over the top last year.

    • Nancer

      I agree on the black dress, but I TOTALLY want all of the jewelry she’s wearing with it! She can keep the dress and the shoes, just hand over the bracelets…..

    • ashtangajunkie

      I really do love the leather dress. I just wish it fit properly. The shoes paired with it look like a good kindling substitute. She’s got such a killer bod – I’d be tempted to pour myself into skin-tight dresses too. But I wouldn’t because I also like to eat and breathe and sit down sometimes. Love the blue on her.

    • Candigirl1968

      I suspect that because she has a 12 pack of steel, it’s got to be hard to fit things through the middle. She needs to go up and have things tailored.

      The second look is definitely much better – it’s softer and a lot less busy. I do wish Serena would tame the weave a bit. The top one is a little too long and the second one is a bit too big.

    • SugarSnap108

      When your dress is being sucked into the vortex of your belly button: Too tight.

      Not loving the second dress. It looks like a tennis dress with a tight skirt. But the color is great on her.

    • Emily Smith

      Wait I want more information on the college syllabi your bob benson breakdown is being included in.

    • marlie

      The first dress could have been salvaged if the fit was better, but those shoes looked like torture devices. The second dress fits her much better, and is a more flattering color. Though the shoes are a little grandma-ish. Her hair and makeup look pretty in both, though.

    • Guest

      If I can make out your bellybutton, the dress is too tight. This is a rule to live by.

    • shorty j

      GIRL. YOUR LEGS ARE AMAZING. GO UP A SIZE SO *THAT’S* ALL WE SEE. /capslock angst

    • sleepycat

      Congrats guys on the syllabus mention, I can only hope to have that happen to me.

      • formerlyAnon

        I bet they’re in a number of syllabi, we just don’t know it.

    • e jerry powell

      The leather dress and those shoulders. She looks like something out of Kinky Boots in that number. And I love me both Serena and drag queens, just not in one photo.

      • e jerry powell

        For those of you who downvoted: please go back and look at that very first picture again, and don’t squint this time.

    • mmebam

      I preferred the hair and make up in the first look, actually. The second hair, while fabulous, completely overwhelms her head.

      Also, the lip color in the second look maker lips look… ashy, for lack of a better word. Something along the lines of an amber or a brandy or a cognac would have helped.

    • Qitkat

      I don’t like either dress, especially the bellybutton dent, except for the color of the second, which matches exactly my bedroom walls. But the best part of this is the commentary. We bitter kittens love having the backstory and insight tidbit morsels our uncles occasionally toss to us. Thanks guys!

    • mini_d

      That little boy in the last leather dress picture looks terrified!

    • JaCory Deon

      Why does she insist on dressing like a drag queen? You can be a beautiful, muscular woman and not look ridiculous. Take it down a notch girl.

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      After Letterman drooled all over her last time, she probably wore the tight, tight leather dress just to fuck with him even more, which is brilliant.

      • Evan

        He’s such a creep. I only watched to see her. I don’t think he should have ever gotten away with that scandal, esp. because he’s always terrible around women.

    • cellarxdoor

      I don’t know if it’s the flashes or what, but I think that the blue dress washes her out. Her skin looks grey in those pictures.

    • lobsterlen

      Those two little boys look like they are doing a school project.

    • Golfkat

      I feel like this doesn’t explain anything at all. I’m still confused.

    • d4divine

      Serena needs a better stylist..there iis usually a lack of sophistication somewhere in her outfits….if it’s not the hair/makeup, then it’s the clothes and vice versa. I don’t get it.

    • Jacquelyn

      I actually like her hair better in the first set of pictures, though the rest of the outfit screams CHEAP.

    • CatherineRhodes

      TLO, your Bob Benson post was truly amazing. What were the other most popular? For the record, my favorite was when you did the “If We Were Her Gays” on Jennifer Aniston. The last shot was a Viktor Rolf cracktastic wedding gown. Perfect.

      • OffToSeeHim

        My all-time favorite was the “Tim Gun Has HAD It With Your Shit” post from that awful, awful season on PR. That was just so freaking hysterical, I read it again two months later, and then two months after that, and howled out loud both times. I don’t know how many hits it got, but it was BRILLIANT. For YEARS afterward I would point at my dog and say, “You. Lesbian. What’s this?” and crack up.

    • MilaXX

      That first look. When she walked out last night I was ready to jump ship and start playing for the other team. Still I can’t sign off on it because of the visible belly button. However, that face look GREAT!!
      Second look is good, and a nice switch up to an attempt to go softer.

    • Florence Whytingale

      Did she take a dip in a vat of body shimmer before popping on the blue dress? The overall look is lovely but she looks freakishly painted.

    • AnnaleighBelle

      Horney straight guys have made the internet what it is.

      • formerlyAnon

        Ain’t THAT the truth.

    • par3182

      One wig? Two wigs? A hard working hair stylist? I’m confused…

    • Louise Bryan

      I cannot imagine how tight a leather dress would have to be in order to allow the belly button to show. The blue dress is pretty. She likes sheathes, no?

    • Goldie

      Thank you! There was a character on Days of Our Lives a couple of days ago that was wearing a dress so tight that, not only could I see her bellybutton, but it made her hips lumpy. This is a THIN girl! It was pretty distracting, especially since DOOL’s costume department is pretty good.

    • jangma

      I thought it was just the makeup at first, but I don’t think that blue is her color either.

    • MaggieMae

      I’m a straight girl, and even I remember that sizzling hot post of Serena from last year!

      Do you think she is buying off the rack? I’d think she would need a lot of her clothes altered, in order to have them fit her awesome curvs. Call Oprah’s tailor.

      • formerlyAnon

        She’s muscular in places that would make it very hard for off-the-rack to fit her without alteration.

        • MaggieMae

          Right, and if that’s the case, that she cannot buy off the rack without alteration, why don’t her clothes fit her better? Unless she digs that pulling and stretching super tight fit?

          • formerlyAnon

            One of the mysteries, like why even wealthy celebs wear loaner shoes that don’t fit and PR contestants come on the show unable to use an industrial sewing machine!

    • OffToSeeHim

      Love Serena, of course, but I do want to congratulate you on the Rob Benson post. I’ve learned so much gay history on this site, and I’ve always respected the way you guys know it cold. To have been able to apply it in such a relatable way, and have it recognized and recommended on college syllabi, seems to me to be an awesome accomplishment. I don’t mean to be offensive by calling it relatable – what I mean is, I’ve never cared about it before, and you guys make me want to go out and read the books you’re referencing in that post. It made me actually care about it and want to know about it.

    • smallgirlsaretrouble

      The seaming on the bottom part of the first dress is giving the impression of a giant vajayjay… and that is not good

    • Golfkat

      Ah I see :) I couldn’t tell what I was looking at! It makes sense to bring in parts of the online discussions about the show during classes, with all the thought that’s put into them :)

    • AnnPopovic

      I think you can see her bellybutton because the girl has got RIDICULOUS abs. And, that’s a weird reflection in the first one. And frankly, if that bod was mine, I’d walk around stark nekkid in nuthin’ but some well-placed doilies, because the amount of work that goes IN to making a body into a machine like that is enough to make me cry … and head for chocolate. I LOVE the first look, it’s feminine but dangerous and if there’s ANYONE on that planet that fits that bill it’s Serena. You GO girl, MAKE that leather dress cry for joy at the honor of being worn by your bad a$$!

    • lilyvonschtupp

      Oh! I’m so excited about the classroom curriculum. TLo, can we have a general Mad Men gabfest throughout the year?:o)

    • guest2visits

      I like the blue dress on Serena – very flattering. Not liking the shoes, or the giant ball bracelet, though.
      Agree, the leather dress is so tight I can see her b.button and the type of undies she’s wearing, I think. TMI.

    • julnyes

      The second look is leagues better than the first, but Serena is fierce so I can forgive much.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1180174329 Elizabeth Phillips

      Has she done something to her face? Or is she just doing her makeup differently? Because she usually looks like a very muscular beautiful woman, but some of these shots make her look like a very muscular beautiful drag queen.

    • shelley514

      Yes, the leather dress is dang tight!!!! And Serena most certainly MUST stay away from ankle straps altogether. But she still looks hot though. I’m not caring for her light blue look that much – it makes her skin look ashy and she looks way to conservative and dare I say a bit frumpy.

    • quiltrx

      Whoever’s doing her makeup (especially in the second look) needs to LAY OFF the highlighter. On such an athletically-built woman (who sometimes has wiggy-looking hair), it comes across very “drag queen” to me.