Project Runway: Product Runway

Posted on August 16, 2013

“Designers, I want you to meet John Lastname, from Yoplait! No, wait…GoBank! Don’t tell me… Brother sewing machines? HP? Belk? LEXUS! It is Lexus, right? What day is today?”

 

“Make a dress out of this! You have three hours.”

 

Or something. It was a little confusing.

 

It seems like after shooting their wads on the whole all-team-challenges conceit of season 11, the producers were toying with an all-unconventional-materials season this time and then waffled on it at some point. We are split down the middle on this one. As Lorenzo said last night on twitter, Miuccia Prada never claimed to be inspired by a placemat and no one’s ever quite duplicated the creative success of Austin Scarlett’s cornhusk dress in the first U/M challenge. But Tom notes that the unconventional materials challenges have always been consistently the most popular challenges of each season, yielding the most creative results.

 

The problem as we see it with last night’s challenge was that it was so scatterbrained. Be inspired by a car and then go to a food store and a wallpaper store to get materials? That’s like three challenges right there. The wallpaper one alone would have been more interesting.

 

Please. Once again, we believed nothing that came out of his mouth. It’s all a gigantic act. We kinda love how none of the designers really gave a shit. “Well. THAT happened.”

 

And this little bitch needs to get the hell over herself.

 

Granted, we wouldn’t want to be stuck on a team with a doormat like Twisted Sister, who seems to have no discernible technical skills except the ones she makes up in her head. Nor would we want to be on a team with stealth bitch Alex, who seems to have a tendency to keep her mouth shut until she’s standing in front of judges, whereupon a fleet of buses pull up on the runway, ready to have someone thrown under them.  But he was a nasty bitch from the very first second of the challenge and let’s face it; he was going to be a nasty bitch no matter who his teammates were. And in the end, as Nina right pointed out, there was virtually no difference – either in creativity or technical skill displayed – among their three garments. Bitch all you want, but if you can’t deliver, then you’re just a bitch.

 

Jeremy

 So congrats, Gay Daddy! We are charmed by your tendency to utter every sentence with twinkling eyes and a little smile, even when you’re trashing someone else’s garment. We don’t think this should have won, though. Not by a mile. But it was Gay Daddy’s turn because they yelled at him last week. That’s the way the story is told on Project Runway, a place where a judge can gush about the beauty of a model’s cleavage even when she clearly has no discernible cleavage. They make their own reality over there.

Here in this world we can see that the bust on this thing is awful.

 

Karen

 The judges gushed way too much over this one, too.

 

Kate

And this one, for that matter. Basically, it was Jeremy’s turn to win and everyone had to pretend like this team made the prettiest outfits. We’ll give them credit for materials usage, but Bradon’s team did just as well on that front.

 

 

Sue

And it’s Auf Wiedersehen to Sue. As nasty as Ken was to her, we have absolutely no problem with her elimination. We have no sympathy for anyone who gets on this show thinking they can wing it with their lack of technical skill. Anyone who says, in the 12th season of a reality competition, “I didn’t know it was going to be this hard” gets no tears from us.

This isn’t a terrible design and, like Nina, we liked the cutout in the back, but the fact that the model had to go in the bathroom and sew herself into modesty is reason enough to send Twisted Sister home.

Ken

Absolutely no better.

Alexandria

Slightly better. At least the skirt is.

We wouldn’t have minded if Ken got sent home for being a bitch-ass bitch with a shitty dress, but we didn’t need to see a double elimination. He’ll get thrown out eventually. We can be patient.

 

 

Justin

Dull and unflattering, although we appreciated the skill in making those pants. They’re not perfect, but for wallpaper, they’re pretty good.

 

 

Dom

 The spikey things are interesting but that’s about it.

 

 

Helen

Interesting.

That’s about all we have to say, really. It was a pretty dull team all around. Afterschool Special does have some interesting ideas, we admit.

 

 

Alexander

 Drag Brows needs to stop making drag clown clothes. We’re surprised he hasn’t been called out yet. He keeps skating on by.

Miranda

The fit in the bust isn’t great, but this is the best thing she’s walked down that runway. She doesn’t seem to have a lot of range, though.

Bradon

It’s cute how the judges pretended this wasn’t the clear and obvious winner, head and shoulders above anything else on that runway, wasn’t it? We’d rage against the injustice, but we’re pretty sure Bradon has this competition locked up. At least going into the finals. He’d have to epically fuck it up now to get eliminated before getting a chance to show his runway collection on TV.

[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke for Lifetime – Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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