One Direction at the “This Is Us” New York City Premiere

Posted on August 27, 2013

This may be a record for us. This is probably only the 4th or 5th time they’ve appeared on the site and we’re already disgusted by their lack of style.

 

Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, and Harry Styles of “One Direction” attend the premiere of “One Direction: This Is Us” in New York City.

Disgraceful. We fear for the youth of the world. Fear and pity them. Boy banders have a long history of being wholesome and all, but this is like looking at the world’s first Amish boy band. Jesus Christ , will one of you little shits wear a goddamn COLOR  every now and then? Did you all take Boy Band vows or something? Are you underwritten by the British Black Pants Association?

They are – almost literally – just a collection of haircuts. It’s like everything below their hair is meant to be as unobtrusive and unnoticeable as possible.

On the other hand, the (clearly) rigidly enforced dress code imposed on them means there’s a pretty good chance several of them will eventually snap and do something hilariously stupid on the style front. Keep your fingers crossed on that one. We’re hoping for a facial tattoo or something semi-permanent like that.

 

[Photo Credit: ACE/INFphoto.com, Jennifer Graylock/INFphoto.com]

    • Diego!

      Correction: Lack of style and stupid faces! Ugh I just can’t stand them!

    • thecitysleeps

      But they’re a boy band, they need to coordinate! Bawww I just think they’re cute I admit. I’ll go sit in a corner.

    • Glam Dixie

      This is all so incredibly bor…zzzzzzzzzzz

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/genevieve-koski,4300/ Genevieve Koski

      So, I recently reviewed a screening of their upcoming movie for work, and within the first 10 minutes of the film, they make a point to say that they’re not like other boy bands (ahem) because they make a conscious effort to not dress alike. (Also, they don’t dance, which, to my mind, is not a point of pride, but whatever.) That statement seems especially hilarious and disingenuous given their recent appearances on TLo, where they’re all wearing coordinated Bland-on-Bland.

      • kimmeister

        That’s the one directed by the Supersize Me guy, right?

        • Rand Ortega

          Morgan Spurlock, who spent his ‘documentary’ career vowing to suss out the hypocrisy & dangers of modern consumerism, is officially a whore.

        • Kent Roby

          Yes, they just did a big article on him and this movie last month in the United Airlines magazine; he tried every way possible to defend this project as not selling-out.

      • fabulousrobots

        The Wanted don’t dance either, which I learned from their terrible show on E! It’s so weird to watch them perform, they just awkwardly stand on the stage. I don’t know, I like my boybands to be dancers. Or at least try.

        • mshesterp

          I’m with you. Rew-atching the approximately 20 seconds NSYNC was on at the VMA’s (and Timberlake’s awesome set in general) made me appreciate (again) that boys with rhythm and dance moves (and catchy tunes) are way more fun to watch than I’m sure these dudes are. I’ll take my boy bands dancing, thanks.

          • Lime

            You should check K-Pop boy bands then.

        • queen b*tch

          Or at least try…

          Poor Gary Barlow in the early Take That years tried. He was a bit chubby, uncoordinated and had the worst bleach blonde hair ever! Subsequently, he was my favourite!

      • Jessica Freeman

        They don’t dance. Yes, this makes them completely original.

        • formerlyAnon

          Just like all the other young men, who can’t write endless hours practicing with professionals off as a business expense.

          I mean, I know they mean stage dancing, not what girlfriends want you to do at weddings. But it seems like an opportunity wasted.

      • KateShouldBeWorking

        Love your work, Genevieve!

      • Monzerrat Ontiveros

        That’s why I still love the Backstreet Boys!!! And can we talk about how Nsync sucked on the VMA?? It was awful!

      • ashtangajunkie

        They don’t dance? I just assumed they did. I always thought that the boy “band” recipe involved five parts dancing and zero parts musical instrument playing. Are they zero parts both dance and instruments? That seems lazy. Maybe they don’t like to sweat. Donnie Wahlberg used to get pretty sweaty in his ‘homeboy’ t-shirt, if I remember correctly.

        • demidaemon

          They “dance,” if you mean “epileptic flailing resembling someone playing Just Dance on the Wii horribly.”

          The above sentence is a horrendous offense to the English language, and I apologize.

        • Nicole C

          God, I loved those Wahlberg bad boys. Still do, and now my mom gets to swoon at Donnie on Blue Bloods. They know how to get them at every age!

      • Stacy Feng

        Hate them now, ’cause they don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they’re no friends of mine!

    • MarissaLG

      It’s August and 85 degrees! Silly kids.

      Also, “a collection of haircuts” ha!

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        Wait, wasn’t 85 Degrees another boy band? (Hee!)

    • sagecreek

      I’m way too old. They all just look generic to me.

      • teensmom99

        Generic is part of the appeal to Tweens & teens.

        • sagecreek

          I’m sure you’re right! As a stepmom to two 18-yr olds, I’m consistently baffled :)

      • mjude

        thats the word i was looking for “generic”!

    • kimmeister

      I kind of dig the tweed vest on #4.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      They honestly all look like they are injection molded out of plastic resin. I could get more excited by an actual Ken doll fashion show.

      • StellaZafella

        I’ve seen pictures on another site (where people are instagramming funny things using them)…and you can look it up if you want to bother…but they really do look exactly like their counterpart dolls. It’s kinda creepy.

    • teensmom99

      When your mentor is Simon Cowell . . .

      • Jessica Freeman

        Everything. Explained.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Motion to allow skipping the One Direction posts altogether. All in favor..?

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        AYE!

        Vote with your mouse clickers, people…

      • MilaXX

        I bet the page clicks from the fan girls who all have google alerts for every one of them are pretty epic.

        • HomeOfficeGirl

          Ah… Could be.

    • mmebam

      It appears that one direction describes their style, as well.

      • JDreesen

        ZING!

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        NICE!

      • Le_Sigh

        :applauds:

    • Jessica Freeman

      I miss *NSYNC so hard right now. Every outfit matched, but in a different color, it was always some crazy shit to look at. They bore me.

      • sugarkane105

        And I miss the Backstreet Boys! I know I’m not “hip” or “with it” anymore, but I swear these new dudes don’t have the same singing/dancing talent as boy bands in the 90′s did. And they seem to be much douchier (read: those GQ cover quotes).

        • mlle

          They take themselves more seriously, I think, because they want us to KNOW that they’re ARTISTS not just teen heartthrobs. I think 90s boy bands usually broke up when their members started talking like that.

          • Monzerrat Ontiveros

            It’s funny because their songs are bad, all of them sound the same!

        • Jessica Freeman

          It was a SHOW, that’s why we loved those boy bands. Not the ones who just stand there looking ‘hot’. Look dudes, you’re not The Rolling Stones either…but damn if Mick Jagger won’t bust a move…

      • fursa_saida

        Outfit-wise, to be fair, it was a very different fashion era. It was all batshit, but basically all the pop stars looked batshit (I saw a photo the other day of Christina Aguilera, Pink, and Lil Kim after some Lady Marmalade performance and HOLY SHIT). And the frosted hair, oh god.

    • Rand Ortega

      1 Direction. & that direction is white T-Shirts. & sneakers. & lack of style. &…

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Harry Styles is starting to channel a young Malcolm McDowell. Apologies to Mr. McDowell.

      • Rand Ortega

        Oh, no. I see it. I can’t unsee it. Dayum.

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        That kid has the most enormous forehead I’ve ever seen! It looks like you could store things in his noggin!

        • formerlyAnon

          One devoutly hopes that he does.
          (She says, shuffling off in her ratty house shoes to curate her collection of baggy cardigans.)

        • Glam Dixie

          It’s at Squidward proportions, ‘Shield me with your forehead!’

          • AC Simons

            Squid pro quo?

    • KateShouldBeWorking

      I notice, gents, that you have separate tags for each of these boys. I know you’re professionals and all but hats off to you if you can tell them apart.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      You know, I know nothing about them other than the one on the end is Taylor Swift’s latest ex-boyfriend (she’s always on the lookout for the next Ex-Mr. Swift!). I’ve never heard them sing, never seen them on TV – nothing. And yet, I can’t stand them. I can’t explain it – I don’t know if it’s overkill (not on your part, TLo, these little fuckers are everywhere, like ants at a picnic), or that I’m officially old, or what. It can’t be a *total* aversion to boy bands, because when I found out that I missed the *NSYNC reunion, I was genuinely disappointed (and I was even too old for them back when they were popular!). But these guys – I don’t know what it is. They just look like a pack of biscuit heads.

      • StellaZafella

        *snort* you said ‘biscuit heads’*snort*…
        what? it’s funny!

      • Rand Ortega

        “Biscuit Heads”
        HILAR.

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          God, “Biscuit Heads” dates back to high school, to be honest! And it wasn’t even mine – it was my best friend from HS’s little sister’s phrase! But we stole it anyway – and feel free, BKs, I love to share a funny!

          • Rand Ortega

            I love it. Should be the name of a band. “From the People who brought you A Flock Of Seagulls. Presenting Biscuit Heads!” Definitely stealing it. Thanx!

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      And since they were just on the VMAs, and *NSYNC was on there, that little faux-blonde one looks like he’s channeling Lance Bass, which – no! “I knew Lance Bass, Lance Bass was a friend of mine, and YOU SIR, are no Lance Bass!”

    • stephbellard

      One direction indeed.

    • StellaZafella

      So…if this is the state of Boy Bands…where are the GIRL GROUPS?
      God I never thought I’d miss The Spice Girls so much. Or En Vogue, Pointer Sisters…or the Supremes and the Ronnettes!!!

      • sockandaphone

        their UK girl equivalent, little mix, are actually p good in my modest opinion.

        • demidaemon

          I believe we also have The Saturdays (no kidding, this is their name), although they seem like a much more minor group who isn’t translating that well over here. Just goes to show you that an E! reality show can’t solve everything. Who knew!

          • sockandaphone

            or Girls Aloud or Sugababes….the UK has actually had some really great girl pop bands (It still saddens me tremendously Girls Aloud never cared or never tried to make it state side) it’s just they never caught on this side of the pond. Which sucks!
            also I was never a fan of the Saturdays but they have a couple of catchy songs. and yeah, the US is very stubborn about foreign girl pop bands….which is a shame!

      • mshesterp

        *sigh* En Vogue…damn, I miss them.

    • Blahblah

      The Zayn character looks like a puppet who’s about to puke. Seriously, does that boy never stand up straight?

      • marlie

        Never. And it’s really f-ing irritating, for some reason.

      • marlie

        And you said “character.” *snort*

    • MilaXX

      Well Harry already has that stupid butterfly tat

    • coffeeandshoes

      Every time I see an ad (still or, god forbid, video), I always think “THIS IS US” is a totally bland and stupid name for a movie. But if the (black or white) shoe fits…

    • another_laura

      so generic, so safe, so boy band. I’m really old.

    • formerlyAnon

      Y’all are so entertaining. (Which I am needing. Database maintenance.) They all look unusually gormless, even for them, in these photos. Haven’t hit the “sparkle for the camera” switches yet.

    • parfumpoise

      I understand that some of you may be bored by them on the style side of things, but can you all please calm down on the 1D hate? Some of you openly admit to knowing nothing about them, yet say you can’t stand them? They are a fun, pop band that has done nothing to earn your hatred. If any of you put in the effort to watch an interview you’d see that they are in fact very personable and charming! There is a reason a large portion of their fan base is above the age of 18….

    • Imasewsure

      I think when you naturally look about as manly as a bunch of little girls, your publicists make you wear black dude garb to try to redirect… it’s not working

    • Jacquelyn

      I get the feeling they sit down together beforehand and go, “Ok. THIS time generic blonde boy will wear the black shoes. And creepy stache guy will wear the WHITE shoes. No one will know what to think! Harry, you have enough hair product?”

    • Erica_Vuitton

      All I really have to say is Simon Cowell is a genius. He’s making money hand over fist off these kids. Hope they are getting their cut while they can.

    • sugarkane105

      I can’t get past the stupid looks on their faces. It’s as if each one has to slightly hunch over to one side, aim their smolder directly at one camera in particular and they expect to look super sexy. I feel like my grandmother – STAND UP STRAIGHT, YOUNG MAN.

    • abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxqyz

      Zayn looked like he is high on something..

    • abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxqyz

      can anyone predict how long this bunch will last?

      • mlle

        Well the Backstreet Boys still exist, so they could be around for a while, although hopefully with decreasing relevance.

    • mlle

      re that one all the way to the left: his hair is starting to look like my dog’s coat. And my dog is currently a shaggy mess due for a haircut.

    • sippiambrose

      Why bother?

    • marlie

      Like I said the last time this bunch of yahoos was featured… Zays always, ALWAYS, looks like he’s constipated.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      One Dimension.

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        Snap!!

    • Joanna

      “world’s first Amish boy band.” Gah! Hysterical!!!

    • Glammie

      Even my 12-year-old is bored by them.

    • Dawn Sinclair

      at least their style and talent are there in equal amounts

    • Terri Ellis

      Is it mandated that they always stand int he same order? Because otherwise we would get them mixed up?

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        “No, no, he’s not the second guy, he’s the third guy! What’s wrong with you?”

      • demidaemon

        Yes.

    • frannyprof

      Yawn. Please don’t ever ever ever include them in Sausage Friday. Ever.

    • sockandaphone

      they already have a collection of incredibly stupid tattoos (just google zayn or harry) so dont wish on that!

    • madscntst

      The kid at the end (what’s-his-name), what’s with the Oompa Loompa hairdo?

      • mshesterp

        Harry Styles’ hair is EASILY the most ridiculous thing in every 1D post. It’s just…huge. And he always looks so confused.

        • madscntst

          Now that you mention it, he does have that “who am I/where am I” look on his face.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      Harry wouldn’t have to look like that if his trousers fit properly. That intensity is all down to squashed testicles.

    • julnyes

      Is the one in the middle on soporifics?

    • KateK

      I was a child/teen during the previous phase of boy bands (NKOTB, Backstreet Boys, N*YSNC), and I remember thinking the boys were cute, cool, trendy and slightly more mature. Now that I’m in my early 30s, I find myself on the other side, looking at pictures of One Direction and thinking how gangly, bland, generic and young they look. So I’ve been curious for some perspective from those of you who were in your late 20s and older during the N*SYNC era: Were those boy bands from the early ’90s this dorky, too?

      • Erika Schultze

        Well, NKOTB were early 90s although I think their heyday was beginning to fade then. I was in college so I wasn’t into that. However, the early 90s were all about grunge. It devoured everything. Even the little girls were wearing flannel and squeeing over Eddie Vedder.

        New Edition was late 80s along with NKOTB. Honestly, by the end of high school… I had retreated from current music and had immersed myself in Classic Rock. I was all about the Stones back then. I had no use for New KIds at all and was thrilled when grunge took over the world for those years.

    • melanie0866

      Aw, they’re adorable. And at least they’re not biting off bat’s heads onstage or throwing up on their fans. If they were that cute AND had amazing fashion sense, it would be too much to take.

    • TigerLaverada

      Why do they all look stupid/stunned? Or is that their normal demeanor?

    • Nondescript

      Yup, they still look like 13-year-old lounge lizards.

    • Erika Schultze

      Looking at these boring little twats makes my love of Robbie Williams soar into the stratosphere.

      I will never apologize!!

      (It also makes me treasure my Duran Duran all the more.)

    • Kristin McNamara

      If they’re so boring, then why do you keep featuring them? You’ve made it known before that you fast forward through heaping mounds of Uninteresting every day to feature just the discuss-able outfits. So why not just fast forward by these boring twats and let it be?

      • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

        Because snark.

        • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

          Amen.

          • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

            Hallelloo and snark be with you.

            • NYCGlamourpuss

              We bow at the altar of snark. Gurl, really!

            • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

              Bitter kittens bow to nothing, but we give snaps up in deference. ;)

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

      Frosted tips always wear track jackets, huh?

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      I could go with every last one of them getting a buzz cut.

    • quiltrx

      I’ve decided the hairstyles are actually hats. They trade when no one is looking.
      Plus, they could have traded clothes between shots here, and no one would EVER have noticed.

    • siriuslover

      this whole post just made my evening. Thank you TLo, I needed that laugh out loud moment. Please get that book on the shelves (and come to OC to sign my copies please!) so I can sit by my bed and laugh my ass off every night. I need some good bedtime reading.

    • Nicole Walraven

      straight off the boy band assembly line. this way if one of them drops out, they can just stick his hair on the next droid and no one will be the wiser.

    • Louise Bryan

      They are a teeny-bopper boy band. Anything below the chin is irrelevant as long as it’s skinny.

    • bluefish

      Love you guys but Whoa on the Little Shits comments. No excuse for that kind of talk on your part. Style or not style … I tend to think they do have a style like it or not — No reason on earth to talk about these young men in that way. Really .. Don’t let success make you crazy.

      • bluefish

        Got got off because commenting on this much loved site has become impossible for reasons I’m too old to get at this moment. But really no. I don’t know who these hamsters are — I can find out when I get a moment — but it makes me sad for you gentleman that you would start going there with little shits stuff. And I like a good sailor cuss. Number one, they look fine and you seem to be picking on them with no real critique in mind and, yes, I have read all four of your critiques and whatever until you get to this stage of name calling. I could be one of their Mums and I just don’t like it. And I don’t dig that you appear to encourage other people to be nasty on the basis of what? Love you guys but just really don’t like this and hope you can hang back and get it together again. Fame is a nasty nasty bitch. Be careful.