Madonna Opens Hard Candy Fitness Club in Rome

Posted on August 22, 2013

Madonna… we don’t even know what to say anymore. Except that you’re looking more and more like a 21stC Baby Jane Hudson.


Madonna attends the grand opening of her new Hard Candy Fitness Club in Rome, Italy.

How on earth does this look … good to you? How do you go from being a worldwide style icon, influencing major designers for decades, to … this: crazy old lady who doesn’t own a mirror? What part of this getup is pretty? Why do you think racing gloves will make everyone forget you have the hands of a woman past 50 when in fact, all it does is highlight how you’re trying to hide your 50+ hands, which only makes you look vain and silly? Way to tell the world that 50-year-old lady hands are something to be ashamed of, girl.

Don’t even get us started on the grill. What is this, 2003? Honey, that trend ship has sailed and this is only one more thing to make you look out of touch and desperate.

And the irony of it is, physically, she looks pretty great here. She’s in fantastic shape and her facial work has settled down. There’s not a reason in the world she can’t rock chic gorgeousness a la Sharon Stone, who’s the same age as her. Piling on the gloves and the jewelry and the gimmicks in order to distract everyone from your aging only draws attention to it in a negative way. How Madge, of all people, doesn’t know this by now puzzles the hell out of us.

Also: those shoes are hideous.



[Photo Credit: SGP/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Kika Press/,]

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  • RussellH88

    That 4th picture is the stuff of nightmares. That’s some James Bond Jaws Realness.

    • MoHub

      But it worked on Richard Kiel.

    • GillianHolroyd

      Pics 3 and 4 would make a great animated gif. Yikes.

    • Rachel Sawyer

      That picture literally made me jump.

      • majorbedhead

        Me, too. And say “ew!”

      • I recoiled in horror and said “Blehh!” Good thing no one else was in the same room as me.

        • ccinnc

          Likewise, I actually gasped Oh My God.

        • Terri Ellis

          Same here! And you can tell they don’t really fit well- she looks like she as a bunch of marbles in her mouth. And if you must with the gloves, let’s bring back opera gloves or the like!

    • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

      I remember her as a snotty 18=year old Dance Captain at her high school. Glad to know some things don’t change.

      • KikiAvocado

        did u go to school with her…my half brother did too.

        • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

          We were in the same county and my HS Dance Team competed against hers a couple times.

    • Emily Smith

      Yeah that is terrifying.

    • Mary Carpenter

      I literally jumped away from my computer screen when I saw that grill.

    • CakesOnAPlane

      I have a question that will belie the fact that I have been living under the rock of academia my entire young adult life: how is that look….achieved? I mean, I can’t imagine it is permanent, so, basically, what the hell is going on??

      This is, of course, secondary to the much more significant question of WHY GOD WHY.

      • Kimbolina

        I guess they’re sort of like bedazzled retainers?

        • AnneElliot

          That’s too funny!!!

      • AnneElliot

        My first thought exactly (well, after WTF) Why, why, WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD would you do that to your mouth??? And how do you get it off?

        (And I love your screen name, BTW. Brilliant!!!!)

    • Ozski


  • MoHub

    The grille kills me. I remember so many teens back in the day who couldn’t wait until their teeth were straight so they could lose the metal mouth. I don’t think anyone back then though a metallic smile was sexy.

    • Eric Stott

      Maybe she wants to pull the focus from the rest of her face.

  • John TheFame Woody

    Oh dear…. Maybe she likes hot topic?

    • Kate Andrews

      I’m feeling that too.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      Sadly, I think you’re right.

    • CakesOnAPlane

      The belt chain brings me back to my bored-high-school-bumming-around-the-mall days.

  • Darcy H

    I really want to just give her a hug and assure her that people will care just as much (if not more) about her if she just embraced the fact that she has in fact aged.

    Also, there is literally nothing here that is working in her favor. Nothing.

    • I don’t want to give her a hug. I’m afraid she’d bit me with that grill-thing if I got too close.

      • Darcy H

        An excellent point.

    • This is why it might be better that certain stars died young. Can you imagine Elvis or Marilyn trying to deal with the aging process? Not everyone can be a Helen Mirren.

      • AnneElliot

        Yes!!!! She needs to study someone with class like Helen.

    • AnneElliot

      Sadly, I can’t imagine her aging elegantly like Tilda Swinton or Emma Thompson. It’s too bad — with her money and influence, she could get amazing, edgy clothes. I know she’s short but surely there must be some alternative?

  • MoHub

    I’m 8 years older and don’t feel nearly as desperate.

    • meowing

      Me, too. While I bemoan (loudly) my extra 5 pounds, at least I don’t need hot, sweaty gloves in the August heat. Kinda sad.

  • Diana Giese

    I LOVE her. But this…this is just…no words….

  • Tanya Wade

    Sweet Christ on a cracker. You covered everything. I was fine until the grill pic – WTF, is this her homage to Ryan Lochte? I think it’s time for a more natural haircolor, too. Those roots are brown hunty, not grey. You can get by with some lowlights. Where or where is the Madonna I fell in love with?

    • MaggieMae


    • Rhonda Shore

      That’s just it…without the grill, the shoes, gloves, other hideous accessories — and with diff hair — she’d look great. [The gloves remind me of the Jo van Fleet character in “East of Eden” – she was really ashamed of her hands and wouldn’t be seen without them. In Madge’s case, i don’t think the hands are about age, they’re what hands look like when you have zero percent body fat.] The outfit itself, without all the stuff, is fine.

      • RussellH88

        Yeah, I think the hands issue isn’t an age thing at all, I think it’s just from being too thin. My mother is in her 50’s and she doesn’t have Gollum hands. I’m not trying to crack on Madonna’s age, but I think that she can look pretty severe at times because she looks like skin stretched over muscle and bone without much in the way of padding.

        • Rhonda Shore

          one needs a bit of body fat!

          • 3boysful

            I concur. The good thing about a little extra weight–a tendency to not look as old as the extremely thin folks.

    • DTLAFamilies

      The rumor is she dyes her roots brown so people think her natural color isn’t grey.

      • Tanya Wade

        hahahahahahaha – thank you for that tidbit!

      • Lola Channing

        she does. It’s not a rumor.

  • majorbedhead

    Good lord. I can’t even form words. Just lots of ughs and ews.

  • Jessica Freeman

    I gasped when I saw her teeth…for real thought she was having some dental issues…it’s all bad. so very bad.

  • I cannot anymore with her. It saddens me too much.

    • StellaZafella

      Madge really is looking quite la Davis in the third shot…It makes me mash up the line from Now Voyager: “Oh, Elliott, why wish for the stars…when I can moon you?”

  • Jaeda Laurez

    She’s doing the least with the absolute most. She could look fabulous IF she stops doing things to her face right HERE, and stops wearing “I’m still young” clothes. The shirt and the grill and the shoes are embarrassing.

    • Those little pooches on either side of her mouth are the sign that you’ve had one face lift too many. Definitely time to stop.

    • Aurumgirl

      They’re not “I’m still young” clothes. They’re just expensive versions of old, last millennium clothes that were “in”, once, when she was young. The sad kind of vintage. And I do think she’s finally fixing her teeth but also wants to hide that fact from us as well.

  • Funkykatt

    Nice to know she wears underwires. Didn’t the bra thing go out years ago?

    • 3boysful

      I was just about to write a positive: well, at least she’s sporting undergarments. Then in the grille photo, I noticed that the shirt makes it look like her boobs don’t start until two inches in from each side.

  • I wonder what Lourdes thinks of her? I’m pretty sure aggravation and mortification must cross her mind at times. This is just pathetic, and it almost makes me feel bad *for* her. But then I come to my senses. And laugh.

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      I was thinking the same thing. I imagine the whole teenager, “mahhhhhm, just drop me off at the corner, I’ll walk the rest of the way” thing is big here. Shit, I made my mom do that and she was NOTHING like this mess!

    • Rhonda Shore

      When you’re an heiress whose mom has made millions, and it affords you all kinds of opportunities, you might be willing to overlook a few things.

    • StellaZafella

      It would be kind of a royal switch on the classic Mother to daughter exchange:
      Lourdes: “You’re wearing that?” (Exasperated Eye Roll)
      Madonnadge: “You don’t understand, I HAVE to! I JUST HAVE TO!””

      • I bet Madge is always raiding her closet and stealing her clothes.

      • H3ff


      • formerlyAnon

        In my head, Lourdes is a slightly more fashion conscious Saffy Monsoon in their home.

  • Chipster

    This is the material girl? Wha happened?

  • Laurie Landry

    It was all so desperate and then she flashed the Grill and we were off to Crazy Town.

  • MzzPants

    Sealed lips don’t lie. She knows the grill is ridiculous.

    • Betsy

      I KNOW! In all of the other photos, she’s doing that 14-year-old “don’t let my braces show” smirk. Then she smiles open-mouthed! WOWZA!! Nothing attractive there, Maddy!

  • Lesley

    i hate to say this bc i love madonna but she needs to realize she’s not 21 anymore and start dressing age appropriate she’s a beautiful woman with an amazing body, work it right!

  • Latin Buddy

    I was hoping you guys would say something about Lola. Although it is probably all an act or just good PR, but she is turning out to be really normal/pretty.

  • Do you guys have any idea what an experience it can be to look at the top of your first photo and then scroll down? Usually the men in suit jackets aren’t much of a surprise, but we never know what the bottom of a woman’s dress/pants will look like. When I first saw Madonna’s photo, I noticed her neck–mostly because I’m self-conscious of my neck–but then I noticed how pretty her skin looked. Her hands and jewelry aren’t my taste. I could ignore all that until I got to the grill. WTHeck? She looks damn silly.

    As we age, we often envy younger women, and we still want them to know that we’re cool. Madonna is dressing for people who are younger than she is, and she’s (subconsciously) ignoring those of us with good taste.

    YUCK. That grill is one of the goofiest things I’ve ever seen. Is she dressing for her daughter’s friends?

    • Rhonda Shore

      The kids aren’t wearing grills these days…

      • DTLAFamilies

        Miley is. So Madonna is copying Miley. Oh, the shame…

        • Rhonda Shore

          ah, i missed that…i was thinking of the kids at my son’s high school, which is actually quite diverse.

        • decormaven

          This is a woman who STARTED trends. Now she’s copying a pretender. That is beyond sad.

      • I didn’t mean that kids are wearing grills. I merely wonder whom she’s trying to impress. I’m baffled. I think she knew she missed the mark. She’s keeping her mouth closed. Madonna doesn’t have her own peer group. She has created fads in the past. Who will follow her current efforts?

    • matthewrettenmund

      I have to point this out, since people have no shame in attempting to rake Madonna over the coals like she is a non-entity, but without even addressing you physically, you do NOT have good taste, based on your self-photo. Period. You just don’t. You’re welcome to your opinion about how Madonna should dress, but you’ve got brass balls acting as if you are in a special group of people with good taste.

  • hmariec19

    That picture with the grill is one of the most horrifying things I’ve seen in a long time.

  • gabbilevy

    Trailer park won the lottery.

  • Diego!

    Her FACE… UUUGGGHHHH Her teeth UGGHHHH!!! She should be taken into Arkham Asylum ASAP! It’s for her own good!

  • MilaXX

    Sad. She looks so desperate here. The plastic face, the gloves, the clothes 20 years to young & the grill. She’s too talented to think she needs all that crap.

  • Julia

    This is the first time ever that she really looks truly old to me.

  • mhleta


  • Patrick Cleary

    In a world where Sharon Stone and Helen Mirren are rocking their ages, Madonna just seems so out-of-touch and desperate.

    • LuisaNL

      Absolutely, she looks downright scary.

  • Janet B

    The bracelets, rings, nail polish and gloves are just begging for me to look at her hands.

  • MaggieMae

    For whatever reason, this summer I was paying particular notice to the women older me, in the 60-65 year old range.
    I’d think, okay, my neck is going to do that in about ten years. My arms are going to look like that in about 15 years.

    I was so heartened by seeing women who have aging bodies, something that is definitely not conventionally beautiful in our culture, dressing well but not hiding their aging legs, aging arms, etc. I would smile at the sleeveless tanks, scoop neck tees, and skirts (not pants), and think YOU GO GIRL, DON’T HIDE!

    So, of course, these pictures give me a sad.

  • ashtangajunkie

    This makes me too sad to comment.

  • You won me at “21stC Baby Jane Hudson.” Although, I doubt Madonna would have written a letter to daddy with that grill on.

  • crash1212

    I wasn’t hating any of this – I mean…it’s Madonna and she does what she does – until she opened her mouth. WTF?

  • Cynica

    She dressed so much better when she was pretending to be British.

    • Stacy Feng

      Now I’m imagining her divorce with Guy Ritchie being over his trying to edit her fashion choices.

  • mjude

    i am a huge madonna fan & this looks makes me sad. she doesnt need the gimmicks. as for the grills, why are they still around, she is not the only one sporting one these days. hate them.

    come on girl, you know better than this.

  • Rand Ortega

    In the grill pic, she’s a dead ringer for Bette Davis. This is just…agonizing.

  • GorgeousThings

    Jesus, all the filler she pumped into her cheeks over the last few years is migrating down toward her jowls.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      YES! I mean, I thought I was seeing things, but we can’t both be having the same hallucination.

      • mlle

        I’m seeing it too.

    • filmcricket

      I sort of wonder if that’s not partly being caused by her clamping her lips so tightly around that ridiculous mouth ornament.

    • RussellH88

      I wonder if she catches herself in her peripheral vision.

    • rajf

      Yes! Thank you. I couldn’t understand the ‘facial work is settling down’ from TLo…unless they actually meant it was settling doowwwnn.

    • RussellH88

      In picture 5, it looks like she has this weird patch of skin that’s a different color from her face. What is that?

      • rajf

        It’s light and shadow bouncing off of a lumpy bunch of filler that’s been implanted/injected in her cheek and has likely started to ‘drift’. Or else she’s working her facial muscles too much and this is what happens when she clenches her jaw and light and shadow bounce off the over-developed face muscle (is this even possible?) .

  • Chuck Barthelme

    It’s sad when ladystars undermine their natural beauty with stupid attire. Nothing about any of this works for her anymore, if it ever really did. If she dressed for a woman her age, she’d be on fire. And I’m speaking as a younger guy who is generally attracted more to older women than younger.

  • Lilyana_F

    A grill? Really? A YELLOW grill?! Is she loosing her marbles? I am concerned.. does she not have any people around her that would tell her she looks ridiculous?

    • filmcricket

      You don’t tell Madonna she looks ridiculous. You are summarily replaced if you even try. The only folks who might reasonably do so are her kids, I suppose.

      • Lilyana_F

        You’re right, I guess. Sad.

  • formerlyAnon

    I’m hereby done my flailing & mourning over her apparent desperate reluctance to own her age and rock it that I’ve indulged in repeatedly over the last year or two. She’s let down every gullible young woman (um, me) who rejoiced in her 30+ years ago as a less than perfectly cookie cutter Barbie-pretty girl, with no better than average musical ability, who created pop star, sexy, mainstream success by owning and using what she had.

    Hope you make peace with what’s in your head, Ms. Ciccone, because judging by the outside it’s not a happy place right now. (Oh, and if your kids don’t want to be seen with you . . . it’s not JUST the typical phases of growing up.)

  • Ashley Ellen Wilson

    The very definition of “Trying too hard”

  • Monzerrat Ontiveros

    Somewhere in NY Lola is crying, because her badass wardrobe has disappeared…

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Oh, yikes! It really pains me to mock her, because I love her. But this is no good. And TLo, I know you said her facial work looks a little better, but I gotta disagree – it was one of the things I found really distracting. It looks like she has jowls on the SIDES of her cheeks, like right under the cheekbones.

    Plus, as you rightfully pointed out, it’s the grill (really, Madge?), it’s the accessories, it’s the racing gloves, etc., etc. She still has a slammin’ body – she could do slinky and chic like nobody’s business if she wasn’t so desperate to look 22. She looks like she hit the accessories rack at Forever 21 and called it a day.

    It’s funny, one of the sidebar links this post is taking me to is your 2011 post for her look in Vionnet – I mean, that’s what I mean. She looked chic, surprising, cool, and age appropriate but still younger and fresh. It looked effortless. She needs to permanently hire whoever styled her for that.

    • mlle

      Seriously. The excessive accessorizing in this look draws attention to all the things she’s trying to camouflage, all while her outfit (in part because it photographs poorly, I think) is hiding how awesome her body still is.

  • Jacquelyn

    I don’t know what is worse: those really terrible shoes or the smile grill that actually startled me.

  • Poeta Paz

    She’s loosing it!

  • Barb Ray

    The grille, dear god, the grille. . .

  • wonderdivaEtsy

    Everything that everyone has said, plus, she’s opening a health club, not a nightclub. If she’d shown up wearing something by Michael Kors, wearing non-ridiculous shoes and no gloves, she would have looked great.

    And, her plastic surgery has settled down, but it’s made her resemble Kate Winslet’s whacky older aunt.

  • marlie

    What the actual fuck is going on in her mouth. I can’t even think of the rest of the outfit with that mess.

  • mlle

    Literally nothing here is working. How does Madge, who has decades of getting dressed, and more square footage just in closet than I do in my entire apartment (and a commensurately large wardrobe, plus stylists to help pick through it), manage to walk out of the house wearing something I would have deemed edgy when I was 15?

  • Dagney

    NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! God no.

    I could deal with the outfit until I saw the grill. just, no. never. ugh.

  • tereliz

    HIDEOUS! Just had to say that again. The silver shoes worn over black tights just makes it worse. I can’t even comment on the gold grill. *SMH*

    • OrigamiRose

      Ugh, the tights/shoes were the worst element (of a very very bad lot from which to choose). It’s August. Even forgetting the shoes, why is anyone wearing black tights in August? *sighs*

      • Lori

        Those tights scream “ashamed of my 50+ legs” the same way the idiotic gloves scream “ashamed of my 50+ hands”. It’s depressing. I never expected her to age gracefully, but I didn’t think it was going to be this bad.

  • TweeAsFuck

    Sigh. This makes me sad.

  • gubblebumm

    whats that movie with the two crazy southern sisters, one in a wheelchair? well, this reminds me of that

    • bellafigura1

      That’s what TLo was referencing above, Baby Jane Hudson.

    • Kelly

      “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” (though iirc, they aren’t southern) Joan Crawford as former movie star Blanche, Bette Davis as former child star Baby Jane Hudson. A cult/camp classic. Remember the fricasseed rat?

  • SugarSnap108

    When in Rome … slap on a grille, apparently.

  • Sonja Brisson

    Just think. She has unlimited resources to buy the ultimate in custom couture and she decides to buy from…Forever 21. Waste.

  • Katesymae

    In other shots of her with the grill online, she looks like that stupid Ermahgerd meme. Terrifying.

  • jen

    Oh Madge. No, girl, no. You are too good for this.

  • stubbornthoughts


    Is it weird to ask a 50+ yr old woman to grow up?

    • bellafigura1

      As long as it’s not me! I refuse! But I’m not scaring people … I don’t think.

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        Right! I’m almost there, but I always take a very careful look in the mirror before I leave every day. And before I purchase ANYTHING, be it garment or accessory, I think to myself, “Is this going to make me look like I’m trying too hard?” It sucks having to be honest with yourself, but we have to.

  • Ozski

    I know you are a proud, confident woman and you don’t want to have ANYONE give you advice, obviously, but Madge, if you could just leave your face alone and stop subjecting yourself to the whims of ridiculous trends, you could STILL be an age-appropriate knock-out. Look to Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jamie Lee-Curtis & Michelle Pfeiffer for cues. All born within a year or two of you. Thank you.

  • YoungSally

    Give Uncle Karl back his gloves.

  • Dan_In_NYC

    I love it simply for being so far out of touch and so far wrong.

  • lehen

    she is the antithesis of aging gracefully.

  • greathill

    thank you. from someone who will be 56 in two weeks I really need a good style icon that doesn’t look like Nancy Reagan and she just looks ridiculous. you put into words what I am thinking. I just want someone who isn’t trying to look 20 or even 30 years younger than she is. Sharon Stone – nope. Goldie Hawn – never. Meryl Streep – she isn’t really a lady of style but she always looks great and doesn’t seem desparate.

    • MaggieMae

      I thought of some good famous style icons, but when I Googled, I discovered they were actually in their late 40s or just 50, maybe 51, tops!

      But you’re right, it would be lovely to have more style icons past 52 years of age who weren’t desperate plastic surgery victims clinging to their youth.

      I’ll grant you that the pressure in the Industry to remain ever youthful must be fierce.

      • DTLAFamilies

        Jane Fonda, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench. But they’re a lot older. 40s-50s seems to be kind of a bad place for a lot of actresses.

        • Dan_In_NYC

          Julianne Moore is 52. She’s not consistent with her style but sometimes nails it. Annette Bening (55), Ande MacDowell (55). Susan Sarandon also came to mind (66).

  • AC Simons

    The grill, the shoes, the nails, the over-muscled arms – truly WTF and off into Baby Jane territory. It would be great to see Madonna soften up and look less freaky. Her eyebrows look nice.

  • AnnaleighBelle

    I’ve always loved this broad, but I never thought she’d be this person as she got older. I would have sworn she would be more comfortable with herself.

    • Judy_J

      I know, right? I thought she would set new standards for her peers, not retreat into Norma Desmond territory.

  • amanda lynn

    Fifth photo down – interesting photo – double hands!

  • sagecreek

    The grill…I’m just speechless.

  • kimmeister

    I don’t think anyone’s even mentioned the hip chain or the Pinterest nails. To be fair, those are the least of her issues . . .

  • Judy_J

    These photos just make me sad.

  • Kappyapp

    TLo hit the nail on the head with the glove comment. That’s what makes me 🙁 I grew up with Madonna as the kick-ass woman who was confident and embraced who she was. The fact that she’s trying to hide her aging hands (which as they point out, only brings attention to them) indicates she’s self-conscious and trying to hide. I would have hoped & imagined her the kind of woman who would embrace growing older and thus could continue to be an inspiration for women. sigh.

  • Garcia Loca

    The difference between Sharon Stone and Madge is that Sharon Stone comes across as someone who actually doesn’t give a fuq, and that’s hot!

  • SewingSiren

    Gold grill with silver jewelry ? tut-tut,

    PS I also remember having a friend who used to put tinfoil on her teeth and insist that she had braces. This kind of reminds me of that. Of course we ware 12 and had no money.

    • kimmeister

      Aw, did she want to fit in with all the other brace-faced girls?

      • SewingSiren

        It’s actually a little sad , but she wanted to look middle class. Braces weren’t common in our crowd.

  • matthewrettenmund

    The only thing wrong here is the gold teeth.

  • Eric Stott


  • Clydette Wantland


  • Imasewsure

    The outfit is actually workable although maybe a bit too Betsy Johnson (minus the tutu). The “styling” kills it of course – and as we say to most of the celebs over 40 – a hair style upgrade is long overduet!

  • Not applicable

    i really really really wish she would just accept and age gracefully. As she is fierce– in amazing shape and she could be an inspiration.

    Instead, she’s going the scary filler nip tuck route– cloaked in crazy clothes and white nails?? And the grill? come on! really Madge?! stop it just stop.

  • Terry

    The grill is bad, but combined with whatever is going on with her mascara it looks like she’s an evil robot.

  • sfsilver

    The grill is the only thing I object to. I wish that Madonna would continue her humanitarian work by helping to end the practice of wearing grills. Maybe she actually is? Maybe this was a purposeful attempt to show everyone how completely friggin stupid grills look?

  • bertkeeter

    OKAY…MADONNA has just turned into a freak!

  • Kristobel

    Wow, she is absolutely terrified of getting older. It’s sad.

  • ConnieBV

    That’s not even a great bra. It’s like you went out of your way to show me you nylon Maidenform.

  • Victoria Anzalone

    I’m…I’m scared.

  • Lilithcat

    I guess the plastic surgeons have all her money, because she obviously doesn’t have enough to pay a hairdresser to touch up those roots.

    • brad jensen

      She DYES her roots black to appear “younger”, like she doesn’t have gray hair. Hahaha. To me, that’s the most pathetic of all.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    Picture four needs a NSFL tag. Isn’t there some sort of rule about matching your grill to your earrings? When she hits 65 those eyebrows are going to be vertical.

  • BeeBeauNYC

    Her gays have left her!

  • getouttadodge

    picture one: “okay, weird”.
    picture two: “I see she’s still wearing those little gloves again” *yawn*
    picture three: “that looks painful”
    picture four: “OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

    That is terrifying. Why why why the gold teeth?

  • tinyredlocks

    Is she… Is that a… No. Wait… Is that a grill?!?! I just can’t…

  • vitaminC

    Who’s–that grill?!
    When you see her, say a prayer and kiss your ass goodbye.

  • Lola Channing

    where are the cats?

    • decormaven

      Freaked out in the corner from the light flashing off those grills.

  • WintryMix


  • guest2visits

    Ok. I can do this. After I take my head out of my hands…..and after I have to agree with TLo on this one.
    Lets say this outfit may be acceptable because it’s the opening of a gym – the grill is still beyond disgusting. And because she can do infinitely better… this is such a huge letdown. This just does not convey the joy, the fun, the feminine perspective, or the wisdom that Madonna is capable of. I want to say she should have all the confidence and power it takes to age; but maybe she’s just as scared as the rest of us. The world continues to be unforgiving to people who grow old. But this holding onto boudoir looks outside of the bedroom is just tasteless. And she has the knack to market herself better. And yes, I guess as a fan – I’d like to see her in a better place.
    I’d leave her the corset top but give her some black pants with volume and killer black heels. No tights. Lose the grips/gloves. Or even a pencil skirt, at the right length with boots. A smoother more polished ‘do. The jewelry isn’t working either. I miss some of the dresses she wore for book tour, several yrs back.

  • CeeQ

    I fainted at the sight of those grills and have only just come to. What did I miss?

    • formerlyAnon

      Shock, censure, and pained resignation, mostly.

  • Carla_Charlton

    Geez, Louise…truly awful. But I’ve loved reading the comments!

  • I really hate that there are so few examples of how to grow older and still look fashionable. We can’t all be Helen Mirren, and it’s incredibly discouraging when one of the most privileged women on the entire planet projects nothing but fear and loathing of looking anywhere near her age.

    Oh, Madonna. I am disappoint.

  • BrooklynBomber

    It’s gotta be hard when your entire career was built on brash youthful rebelliousness. But the teeth thingies! And the shoes — with black tights! WTF, Louise? The woman who was a master of reinvention needs to reinvent as une femme d’un certain age.

  • JaCory Deon

    My god, when is she going to stop trying to deny the clock. That’s not to say she should wear shawls and such, but the gloves, the grill, the jewelry, it’s all too, too much. Let’s not even clock the face which is quite mask-like. It’s a shame she still feels the need to give you all this luvin’ because she could do something edgy, fashion forward, and AGE APPROPRIATE. Shame. (Credit where it’s due though: the body is still something crazy.)

  • Lilak

    Thank you TLo and fellow kittens for supplying all the words, because I have none … my brain is a blur.

  • E. D.

    Dude, WTF is this?

  • Morales Mike

    It’s like what I think it was the Fug Girls said about Madonna a few years back: If 1985 Madonna met 21st Century Madonna she would rip her apart. The jeweled grill and gloves are especially disturbing. It’s so sad really. Makes you wonder if she really has kind of lost it by being so famous for so long with no one to tell her she’s looking kinda nutty ala Michael Jackson.

  • oh come on you guys, this is not that GAAAAH SHE HAS GOLDEN FUNGUS BETWEEN HER TEETH!!!!

  • Florence Whytingale

    Her decolletage is unbelievable for a woman her age. Everything else = terrifying.

  • JauntyJohn

    After gleefully shrugging off public criticism and outrage over the course of a 30+ year career — and often being proven either visionary or right, after the fact, we should remember — it must be incredibly difficult to shift down the tonal scale and hear the loving entreaty of the gestalt crying: “Turn the page. We salute you, we respect what you did, we treasure our memories of dancing to your music… but turn the effing page!”

    Perhaps now her sole job, like mothers everywhere, is to cause her daughter to wail, “MoOOoom!” turning that one syllable word into the yodel of teenage embarrassment which is the universal language of teens everywhere, when dealing with parents.

    Or, the short version:
    Ugh. No.

  • hellkell

    DID I SEE A GRILL? ON MADONNA? I mean, if a grill is your thing, OK, but there’s definitely an age limit on it.

    And what’s with the old lady open toed shoes and hose? That makes me twitch.

  • Anniebet

    She’s become a caricature of her former self. Even the face looks like someone modeled it from a 20 year old picture and didn’t get it right. She tries so hard, too bad it doesn’t work.

  • Laughingworld

    Before I saw the grill, I thought “what is wrong with her teeth? Before, she looked like she had a Class 3 malocclusion and now she looks like she has a Class 2.” (My father was an orthodontist).

  • Trisha26

    The outfit/gloves don’t bother me, but the tights/shoe situation is horrible. Then she opened her mouth. I don’t care if grills were/are/will be a trend, they need to stop now.

  • DTLAFamilies

    Question: How come Cher dresses completely inappropriately and it’s funny and awesome and cool but when Madonna does it we recoil? What is Cher bringing to it that Madonna isn’t?

    • Jane Dough

      The difference is that Cher seems like she’s just having fun with it, while Madonna seems grimly desperate to appear young and edgy.

    • Susan Bigler

      I think Cher looks ridiculous too. They both seem slightly pathetic with their refusal to accept aging gracefully.

  • Michelle Wilson

    I was going to post that she seems to have decided on take the Michael Jackson path, but then concluded that no one ever really DECIDES to take that path, they just get lost and end up there.

  • Louise Bryan

    Grilz? *cringe* I hope they are removable.

  • PeaceBang

    Somewhere, in an alternative universe, a hip-hop Wayland Flowers is missing a sad hip hop puppet.

  • quiltrx

    Yikes…that grille picture looks like she just said “ERMAHGERD!”
    And Uncles FTW…I gigglesnorted at “21st century Baby Jane Hudson.”

    • Fannie Wolston

      me too, and with cafe’ in the nasal passages, lord they do nail it don’t they?! lol

  • Involuntary response at the grille picture: “Oh my god!”

  • littlemac8

    You think her face has “settled” – settled into a mask. She looks horrifying and pathetic. I guess no one can tell her.

  • Jacob Bowen

    Those shorts look like Catholic School Uniform standard issue. I think she got mine from Good Will.

  • mickiemonkey

    Someone explain the grill to me. Does they go on like braces and are bracketed onto her teeth, as in, she sat in a dentist/ortho chair for hours for that? Or do they slip on like a retainer? But she still had to get impressions made. I cannot wrap my mind around the possibility that this took time and attention. Also, her boobs are moving onto her clavicle. Not found in nature.

    • Donna Tabor

      It’s all a little horrifying, isn’t it? And the very idea that she blew what must have been a spectacular amount of cash on those nasty-looking diamonds just makes it even worse.

  • AllegraS

    I know this sounds crazy, but I swear I am telling the truth. I was looking at the photos when the phone rings and of course I answered. Five minutes later I turn my head back to the laptop and picture seven stares back at me. I screamed ” God, is Ivana Trump!” I need a drink.

  • fuchaforeva

    Vanity creates a blind spot.

  • Fannie Wolston

    It’s all explained in her ’13’ necklace…arrested development.

  • Donna Tabor

    This is the very epitome of a Frankenoutfit, isn’t it? The rap dude grill, the 70’s bra/accessories, the old lady stockings and shoe combo, plus her actually age-appropriate hair. The whole thing gives a girl whiplash.

  • kimiakay

    Madonna has been many things throughout her career–style icon indeed, and she can even sing. But she has never had class, in my opinion. Of course, I don’t think she ever wanted to have class, she was anti-establishment. This outfit with accompanying accessories seems to illustrate this perfectly. Not only is she trying too hard to forget she is 50+, she is trying to remain a “hip” and very cool 50+. The older you get the sadder that can be, and the harder it is to pull off. Plastic surgery + grill = OMG.

  • demidaemon

    Once I saw the teeth, my eyes started bleeding.

  • adnama79

    It seems not only like denying aging, but denying what year it is entirely. Denying change. The opposite off the rest of her career.

  • ItsDicey


  • Contralto

    a grill? A GRILL?!!!! No, she didn’t. Really? Honestly, this is just pathetic.

  • aprilglaspie


  • RedRaven617

    No one could have said it better. She looks sad. And it looks like she has cankels. Just makes me feel my age, which is the same as Madge.

  • librarygrrl64

    I literally pushed my chair back from my desk when I scrolled down and saw the grill. Horrifying.

  • BrightsideSusan

    Having never been a fan – I can say “of course.”

  • shelley514

    This is what happens when you refuse to embrace your age. Madonna has been battling her body’s natural maturation, via working out way too dang much and getting cut, injected, and peeled all up and through the face. So she now just seems silly and like she’s trying to be her daughter. Her and Momma Tina Knowles must have each other on speed dial.