Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Jennifer Aniston in Christian Dior

Posted on August 15, 2013

It seems like we’ve spent years bitching at, whining to, pleading with and cajoling Miss Jennifer to embrace the idea of color, pattern, and  shape in her poledance costumes, because she constantly defaults to column-like neutral dresses. Oh, right. It has been years. It’s practically been our life’s work for the past half-decade.

So we don’t know if the following means we should take a victory lap or offer our most profound apologies.

 

Jennifer Aniston attends the European premiere of “We’re The Millers” at Odeon West End, London in a Christian Dior dress paired with Casadei sandals and Fred Leighton jewelry.

Casadei Pre-Fall 2013 Sandal

From tip to toe, everything here is a pretty radical departure for Miss Jen. Along with the personality-less dresses she favors, she also tends toward pin-straight flat hair and naked shoes which leave her entire foot uncovered except for one thin strip. She’s made some noise in relatively recent interviews that she knows she needs to break out of her style rut, so she’s being true to her word here and we really, really, really respect that.

But girl.

We don’t really hate it, but we think it’s completely wrong for her. Jen, honey. Embrace pattern. Embrace shapes. But embrace those versions that actually work for you, dear. This is a little girl’s dress. If you can be accused of having a personal style at all, then it’s something of a very grownup, California sophisticate kind of style. You can’t go from that to dressing in frilly pillowcases and sporting big hair. The little floral is not the kind of print we’d have picked for her. Big geometrics, dramatically large prints. That’s the way to go with Jen. We also think that neckline is absolutely horrible for her and she needs something lower to elongate her neck. We think a skirt shaped like this can definitely work for her, but not with the horribly twee double hem and not with the waist sitting so high on her.

Sweetie, box this up and send it off to Kiernan Shipka, who would probably know best what to do with it. Let’s go look at some Carolina Herrera or Oscar de la Renta for you, mkay?

 

[Photo Credit:INFphoto.com, farfetch.com]

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  • cindiaune

    That is nobodies dress. Yuck!

    • majorbedhead

      Sure it is. My 7 year old would look ADORABLE in that dress.

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        Once I got home from work, I showed this to my 5yr old. She loved it!! Wanted it for herself. That told me plenty.

    • marlie

      It would look great on someone like Kiernan Shipka.

      • drdarke

        No, @Marlie – even she couldn’t save that apronless dirndl. Also, Kiernan Shipka has more sense than to be caught dead in a dress like that…

        • marlie

          I’m guessing you don’t like the dress? ;)

          I think it would both fit KS better, and I think she has the right personality for it, unlike Ms. Aniston.

          • drdarke

            You read my mind, @disqus_zkPCxYvnya:disqus!

  • Jessica Freeman

    Oh this is not your dress. Send it to the under 20 crowd. I do love that her hair is not pin straight. I’ll give her that.

    • berkeleygirl

      The Rachel’s back – only longer!

      • teensmom99

        I actually wish she would cut off a whole bunch of the straggly-ended mess. The Rachel would be an improvement.

    • Sobaika

      Ugh god. It looks so terrible and crunchy!

  • Nancer

    Can we just take a moment to mention how cute those shoes are?

    • Jessica Freeman

      I really love the green ones too.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Totally love the shoes!

    • NBG

      Aren’t those the same shoes that everyone liked when she wore them with her last unflattering dress?

      • Nancer

        Yes, indeed! Good catch. :]

      • NoveltyRocker

        It’s cool to see them worn again as if they might be her own actual shoes. I wonder why celebs don’t mix and match a few pieces from the season in different appearances—that would showcase a whole other level of style skill and send that “STARS! They’re just like us!” message a lot of them try to telegraph.

    • SugarSnap108

      I can definitely pause to salute those shoes. I like her hair, too. The stuff in between, however ….

  • teensmom99

    Is that Christian Dior for Target Juniors?

  • NBG

    My daughter would love this dress…but she’s 11.

    • Lauren Lynch Fox

      Thought my 14 year old would look cute in it too. Just too young a dress for a grown up.

  • Karen Belgrad

    While I respect the non-flat hair… doesn’t it look a little bit like she just got busy in the limo?

    • Nancer

      Right, I thought the same thing. Or maybe she got her hair caught in a fan…. it’s a mess!

      • largishbearishAtlish

        The hair looks filthy… it looks smelly- I pity the paparazzi down wind of that..

  • Judy_S

    OK, it’s not her dress, but she does look pretty. I like the way it fits with her role in this picture. It kind of evokes Donna Reed.

  • http://thatswhatthemoneyisfor.wordpress.com/ lizlemonglasses

    C’mon! She’s trying.

    • Julie Parr

      Totally. I never thought I would feel bad for Jennifer Aniston but poor thing can’t catch a break with TLo! And, she’s so lovely. I’ve always admired that she knows what works for her and sticks with it.

  • HVM

    The combo of the skirt and back makes this looks like a maid’s uniform. Those shoes do also not go with the dress. On the plus side I think her hair and make-up looks pretty.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    This belongs on a 13 year old girl. A very twee 13 year old girl.

  • Emily Giovanni

    It seems like she is rocking a ridiculous engagement ring on each hand.

    • kimmeister

      I know, what’s up with that?

    • Vaniljekjeks

      It looks… cumbersome.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    I think she’s just fucking with us.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      I just keep scrolling back up…..I can’t figure out how she went from showing up places in a glorified bath towel to Laura Ingalls Gone Wilder in a single leap.

      • julnyes

        Laura Ingalls Gone Wilder

        BWA HAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

    • 3boysful

      First photo: “OK, TLO, are you guys happy now?”

  • Miranda

    that’s nobody’s dress.

  • Tatiana Luján

    The dress is terrible for her, but I love everything else. Her hair looks like it’s got life.

  • tignor

    This looks like something I made myself with old bedsheets. And it’s designer and cost more than a week’s pay for me. Oy.

  • TAGinMO

    As I was reading the intro, all I could see was the dress from the waist up, and I actually liked it. Then I had a scroll-down gay-gasp moment when I saw the skirt hem.

    Love the shoes. Would like the JBF hair with another ensemble, but it’s totally out of place with this one. I actually think something more up-do-ish would have worked here. But yeah, there’s just no fixing that skirt.

    • marlie

      The hem ruins this dress for her. It *might* have worked without it.

  • prismamars

    Oh dear… on the bright side, the hair and shoes have some personality!

  • Squareface

    Jenn, just say “eff it” and go to events in your yoga pants. You know you want to. She looks like she was forced into this.

  • Fordzo

    It makes her arms look like ham hocks, and we all KNOW she does not have ham-hock-arms.

    Hmmm…it doesn’t make her look pregnant, though. Unless she’s carrying the baby in her butt.

    I like those shoes. She wore them with that purple dress a couple weeks ago, and I really, really like them.

  • I used to be fashionble

    Bat mitzvah dress circa 1987.

  • Mary Carpenter

    Gunny Sax for the new millennium.

  • http://frockpaperscissors.blogspot.com/ kvlm

    She needs to embrace some Vivienne Westwood and some Gucci and rock that face off that body she has. She is playing this all wrong. Dear Jen, I am available for hire.

  • filmcricket

    I seem to recall the last time she wore a non-bathrobe cocktail dress that she went with something in this vein too, I’ll have to see if I can find it.

    I agree with all of TLo’s praise and criticism, although I think a sleek, high ponytail would have helped the whole thing immensely.

  • Jaeda Laurez

    She found a dress in the finest of JCPenny Couch fabrics.

  • AmeliaEve

    Which is more stiff, that dress or her smile?

  • Heather

    ‘Jennifer Aniston’ and ‘Christian Dior’ are not 2 people I think of together. It’s almost a Mad Lib.

    And.. that is some serious sex hair.

  • Ann VerWiebe

    I don’t think that neckline works for anyone! Just looking at it makes me feel like I’m choking.

  • Beardslee

    You are so right about that neckline! I love patterns and florals but this is so dowdy.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    It’s so sad because every time she does manage to deviate from her typical towel dress, she gets it wrong.

    Best accessory though? The diamond as big as her first knuckle. My God, that thing is humongous. EIGHT CARATS?!

  • ashtangajunkie

    It kind of reminds me of the Chanel dress she wore when she got her star on the Walk of Fame, crossed with the leather Dior she wore another time. Not a compliment. Cute shoes though!

  • MilaXX

    So wrong for her. She looks like a giant Honey Boo Boo. I’m surprised she doesn’t go for Victoria Beckham dresses. That would seem like a more logical step up from shiny towels & naked shoes.

  • Carla_Charlton

    Is she wearing a toe ring? Her left foot, middle toe?

    • AshBookworm

      Yes, it is. I’m ashamed that I know this, but she wears toe rings a lot. But then again, as T Lo pointed out recently, she always draws attention to her feet, due to her usual type of string sandals or bare in photoshoots.

      • Carla_Charlton

        She has really nice feet and ankles and as far as I can remember, always looks good in her shoes. I think the toe ring detracts from, rather than enhances, the look of her feet.

  • Guest

    Right. I was thinking Chloe Moretz or Kiernan Shipka.

  • kayleymaybe

    Does she have an engagement ring on each hand?

    • bellafigura1

      Seriously. Is she flaunting two engagement rings? Plus toe ring?

  • housefulofboys

    She would look ah-maz-ing in Carolina Herrera! Well, on a bright note, her makeup is nice, her skin is beautiful, her legs look great, and I love love love her shoes. Have we seen those recently on someone else, they look familiar? But this dress is very venu-inappropriate except on a tween/teen, or Jen could wear it to a beach party. That’s all I have.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    Why is it that I always want to sit her down and give her hair a serious deep conditioning? It just looks so fried!

    Dress: Little girl, exactly. I think Kiernan Shipka may be outgrowing it. It has a fake petticoat!

  • Lilithcat

    That schmatta is a Christian Dior? Seriously? Oy.

  • frannyprof

    Wow. This cuts her off at all the wrong places. Extremely unflattering and way too young.

  • Terri Terri

    It’s giving me Hee Haw honey.

  • theblondette

    I think she’s sick of people staring at her stomach and obsessing over whether she’s pregnant, so has covered it up…

  • A Shiny O’Connor

    She looks like the lead ’80s ‘Mean Girl’ at prom. Her hair is, like, totally rad.

  • largishbearishAtlish

    My aunt used to have that (horrible) fabric as drapes…when she lived in a mobile home…35 years ago…and the fringe? was there a remnants sale where the designer shops?

  • DamH

    I’m not sure which triggers my headache that for a while, i didn’t realize Jennifer’s sporting big hair and a little floral dress AT THE SAME TIME.

  • jkatkins

    Been saying for a while that she needs to do something different with that hair. But not this. Mea culpa.

  • filmcricket

    Guess my link got caught in moderation limbo, but the last time she broke out of her bath towel mode was when she was doing the hands and feet bit outside Grauman’s, and she wore something remarkably similar to this in both style and colour. This is her fallback position, clearly.

    Anyway, I think the whole thing would be elevated by a sleek, high ponytail, but yeah, I’d have gone with something else entirely given the choice. Love the shoes.

  • YoungSally

    Hausfrau

  • http://www.criminalmoviereviews.com/ Manon @ CMR

    She looks utterly confused.
    Well, the dress is shitty but at least the shoes are cute and the hair isn’t *that* bad either! Baby steps (just don’t take it so literal next time!)

  • carnush

    Awful.

  • KikiAvocado

    I like it because it is totally different for her- I think she actually looks young ( but not too young) and fresh. She is so dull normally – anything diff is good!

  • bertkeeter

    Another boring, unflatering Dior look! Belongs on a twelve year old.

  • Lesley

    that dress is not age appropriate whatsoever. and the just had sex hair? not working for her.

  • marlie

    This is SO juvenile on her. There’s nothing wrong with mixing up one’s style, and she gets an A for effort (well, maybe a B), but this isn’t the way to go. Though, I love the shoes. Also, that engagement ring is gaudy.

  • Monzerrat Ontiveros

    she needs to realize she’s not 20 anymore

  • Lilak

    Same kind of design/structure error Chloe Moretz often commits: going in the opposite direction from elongating effects they really benefit from.

  • Daisy Walker

    Did she lose a bet?

  • http://marshmallowjane.com/ marshmallowjane

    This is the best I’ve seen J.A. look in ages. This side part is a wonderful change. I’ve come to detest the middle part on anyone over the age of 30. Her hair looks pretty.

    It’s true that this dress looks a bit like one of the doll dresses I make, but I don’t think it’s too young for her. The dress is a nice change. The complementary fabric prints are different enough to make the dress a little bit funky.

  • SugarSnap108

    It’s cute that Christian Dior has started a pre-K line.

  • Shawn EH

    Is Chloe Moretz naked and locked in the loo?

  • Laylalola

    She’s in her 40s and she’s in Hollywood. I tend to think that this is really influencing her decisions right now (negatively — she wants to remain relevant in a youth-obsessed industry and city, and is making choices way too young while trying to do that).

  • Denise Alden

    Not a fan of her at all, but can I just say that her face looks absolutely lovely and real? I think I’ve seen too many photoshopped magazine covers of her, and I really don’t get it: look at her! She is beautiful with her little lines (no doubt caused in equal measure by her love of sun and cigs).

  • kipper

    Maybe season one or two for Miss Shipka, but not now – that is one twee dress…..Maybe a garden party with flats and a cardigan… but other wise, just no

  • http://www.lifeinspice.com/ rose88

    Is that anybody’s dress?

  • Randy Noak

    Hey Jen, Zoe Deschanel called. She said to tell you “bitch stole my look.”

  • mhleta

    Tell it, Uncles.

    • not_Bridget

      Definitely not a Vogue pattern….

  • ThaliaMenninger

    I actually kinda like it. Yeah, it’s too young for her and a rather jarring change of pace, but it’s so refreshing to see her in something that isn’t a monotone bath towel that I am willing to go with it.

  • Kate Andrews

    It’s Holly Hobby.

  • Nicole S.

    Looks like she pulled down the curtains and took the pillow shams from her quaint European hostel and whipped it into a dress. Sigh.

  • crash1212

    I love her hair here. This dress wouldn’t have been SO bad if the lighter hem fabric was taken away and maybe a belt? That really isn’t her neckline. Love the shoes.

  • formerlyAnon

    Do not blame yourselves. You didn’t tell her to go pick a dress she’s at least 15 years too old for. Cute dress, cute if wrecked hair, nice shoes.

  • Tess Danesi

    I cannot believe that is Dior. If you had said it was Gymboree I would just have nodded my head.

    • NBG

      I adore Gymboree but even they know their target ages out at 12.

      • Tess Danesi

        I do too! I was really sad when my daughter outgrew their line. Even, or especially, at 18, nothing would get her into this dress, not even a Dior label. Does Jen have a stylist? I can’t imagine she does.

  • LaSylphide

    Hair is awful. Dress is too juvenile for a woman in her forties who doesn’t know how to play with fashion.

  • Qitkat

    I think we all know how she got that hair ;-) ;-)
    And please, don’t send this to Kiernan Shipka; she’s far too sophisticated for this. I suggest my neighbor’s five year old granddaughter.

    LOVE the green color of the sandal image, but dear lordy, that forces the foot to be nearly vertical! Will designers not stop until some poor darlin’ topples over toddering down the carpet?

  • Ramon Figueroa

    It’s cute, but on her it looks like Nightmare in Hee Haw.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Oh, Jen… just no. Abigail Breslin doesn’t even want that dress, so, y’know. Burn that sucker.

  • Amy909

    ugh i just want to fix that one stray piece of hair!!!

  • Just Me

    Wow, that is SOOOOO BAD. Wow, I had to actually take a moment to just…wow, I can’t believe how BAD…she looks like Laura Ingalls Wilder and not in a good way, if that is possible in 2013…*speechless*

  • melanie0866

    I like the big hair. But I am a Texan, so there’s that.

    • kmk05

      I’m not a Texan and I think it’s phenomenal. It’s ‘artfully mussed’ (but I’d quibble about slightly too much product on the ends).

  • Lily-Rygh

    She looks like a cupcake liner.

  • Candigirl1968

    This looks like what you do when someone tells you to try something new, and you find the most ridiculous version to prove that it will be a failure.

    In other words, I question whether this was a legitimate effort at change or whether it was a not so subtle way to sabotage it.

  • MaggieMae

    I’ve resigned myself to the idea that Jen simply has poor taste in clothing. She must be seeing something different in the mirror than we are seeing.

    I feel safe saying this as I’ve been known to get some WTF looks with my own choices. Sometimes I fall for the idea of an outfit and cannot see the reality of said outfit on my person.

    Jen, I’m trying hard to understand, dear.

  • Lilyana_F

    I seriously hope this was not put together by a stylist… wrong everything.

  • Imasewsure

    That is Zooey’s dress or even La Soldana might be able to rock it but not our dear Jen… love the effort anyway though

  • Passionflora

    “Sweetie, box this up and send it off to Kiernan Shipka, who would probably know best what to do with it.”

    That was my first impression too.

    I’m no Jen fan, but after this latest failure, you might consider a six month hiatus writing about her.

  • Akemi

    That dress is horrendous, but I want those shoes!

  • CommentsByKatie

    Waist is way too high for her. That’s also what is giving it the Toddlers and Tiaras feel and silhouette. If the waist were 3 inches longer, it might feel a little more 1950′s chic. But still, that print is pretty bad – and I’m a defender of floral prints who doesn’t immediately scream COUCH or CURTAINS whenever anyone wears it. But this print? Ugh. This is the worst place a floral print can go. It looks like a bolt of quilting fabric at Jo-Anns.

    After listing all of my reservations I’ve come to only one conclusion – Just set it on fire and put on a sequinned bath towel.

  • random_poster

    Doesn’t she reserve this sort of change-up for her European premieres? I seem to remember her once being a pink satin-y gown in Germany or France a year or two ago.

  • http://fray.slate.com/discuss/forums/3945/ShowForum.aspx nancykelley

    Not a single spider vein on those legs? How can that be? Does she keep them encased in plastic in her down time?

    • unbornfawn

      Good genes, no pregnancies and she has always been thin. Bitch. ; )

  • Anniebet

    But Uncles, this is sooo CUTE… as in toothache inducing cute. The dress might look just right on one of our mini-divas, but it’s the whole mutton and lamb thing here (sry, Jen). I do appreciate the new hair and those shoes make me fan myself, they’re so gorgeous.

  • kmk05

    Okay, the dress is terrible. But the shoes! THE HAIR! While appearing slightly greasy (too much product, hair gays!) it is miles ahead of her usual style. It gives life to her face! Love everything here but the dress.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    This reminds me of when my daughter was a teenager. Whenever she encountered advice she didn’t like, she would take it in the most infuriatingly literal fashion so she could blink innocently at you and go, ‘what’?

    I get the feeling ‘I didn’t mean it like THAT’ is going to be equally useless here.

  • FionaTF

    If she put her hair in braids she’d totally be ready for a guest spot on Hee Haw.

  • cocohall

    This is a Taylor Swift dress. One, it is twee, and two, Taylor is so tall and willowy (as in baby giraffe), that the lines that are making Jennifer look shorter/chopped up would actually help Taylor out. But the shoes. Those are some terrific shoes. They make no sense with the dress, but they are fabulous.

  • colleenjanel

    The floral is far too “little girl sweet,” but other than that, I would take this look over a sparkly bathmat any day.

  • MzzPants

    Scroll-down WTF.

  • quiltrx

    Another of those T Lo moments…
    …When I pull the post up, I can only see the bodice. I’m reading, thinking “c’mon Uncles, this isn’t that ba….OH FUCK WHAT IS THAT SKIRT????”

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    Pack that dress up and send it to Quvenzhane Wallis. It needs a puppy purse.

  • amandafg

    She actually looks uncomfortable to be wearing so much fabric.

  • kathrineb

    It may not be cute but I am so impressed that Jennifer Aniston wore something that is not a neutral.

    She finally discovered that beige isn’t the only color and in that count I am impressed!

  • Mauricio González del Castillo

    I think she’d look nice in some of the new Valentino’s

  • tereliz

    She lost her luggage and Emma Roberts had a spare dress she could borrow…

  • guest2visits

    Everythingyousaid. x100

  • librarygrrl64

    Jesus, no. I’d rather see the sequined bath towel.

  • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

    i’m a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout……..

  • http://www.franticbutfabulous.com/ Heidi/FranticButFab

    Maybe it’s already been said elsewhere here, but I think she’d totally rock a vintage ’70s Halston pantsuit!