Cover Boys: One Direction for GQ UK Magazine

Posted on August 02, 2013

SHRIEEEEEEK!!!!!!

OMG, you guys! It’s a contest to see which member of One Direction has the DOUCHIEST cover quote! Are you ready? LET’S GO!

 

Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, and Zayn Malik from One Direction cover the September 2013 issue of GQ UK magazine photographed by Platon.

 

SO HARD TO CHOOSE, YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

Is it us, or have these kids’ faces slowly been … uh… morphing the longer they’ve been in the public eye?

 

 

[Photo Credit: Platon for GQ UK Magazine]

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  • Akemi

    Ugh.

  • marlie

    I want to punch each and every one of them. UGH. So glad I wasn’t into the boy bands when I was a tween/teen girl.

    • conniemd

      I was crazy for the Monkees when I was in junior high. My daughter loved New Kids on the Block, but thankfully that morphed into Orlando Bloom after she saw Fellowship of the Ring. She had an Orlando Bloom pillowcase from Pirates.

      • marlie

        Yeah, as I replied to another poster, I did love the Monkees. Largely because they were so goofy and campy, and didn’t take themselves seriously. And the music was super catchy.

        • kim bunchalastnames

          now i want to take the last train to clarksville. no, really. i have cousins there.

      • Historiana

        I love The Monkees, and I was born in 1980! Peter Tork was my first celebrity crush. I don’t know if my five-year-old brain fully understood that he didn’t look in 1986 as he did in 1966.

        • chubby ballerina

          I still have a crush on 1966 Peter Tork.

      • Stacy Feng

        I loved the Monkees when I was 12, and I was born in 1986. Monkees are waaaaaaaaay superior to boy bands who sell music based on their Prettiness. At least the Monkees made us all believers.

  • Knightley

    God, I need a drink.

  • Glam Dixie

    I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.

  • abfidy

    You know, when I saw Harry’s I thought there wouldn’t be any competition. But wow.

    • RebeccaKW

      I’m thinking Zayn might be the winner. Or loser. Whatever. “Statues?” Boy, please.

      • Slanted & Enchanted

        It’s like a less ambitious version of John Lennon’s “more popular than Jesus” quote. In that context, I deem it the least douchey quote because at least he knows his place. Statues aren’t that exciting. Plus, let’s be real, I’m sure there are already statues of them, hidden away in their fans’ basements and closets, made out of like, gum and used tissues they bought on eBay.

        • RebeccaKW

          I guess you could consider dolls to be statues. I did have New Kids on the Block dolls (like a Barbie doll). I imagine something similar has been made for them.

          I was thinking statues, like monuments. Again, you could be right. In the back of some 11 year old’s closet.

          • tereliz

            THEY’RE NOT DOLLS, THEY’RE ACTION FIGURES!

      • jangma

        Well, they might get wax figures. That’s something!

        • demidaemon

          I think they may already have them.

      • wontons

        If Zayn had any hand in the spelling of his name, that puts him over the finish line first.

      • Cordelia_Gray

        I do hope someone builds statues of these boys. Pigeons need to poop somewhere.

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    I’ll take this over Bieber.

    • marlie

      I’d take ALL of the boy bands together over the asshat that is Bieber.

      • Glam Dixie

        Amen

      • demidaemon

        At least they know how to properly wear pants.

  • carpediva

    I am officially an old. For this, I give thanks.

    • Cz

      Amen.

      • quiltwombat

        Double Amen.

  • carlaaxtman

    Where’s Mordor when you need it. These hobbits suck.

    • Rand Ortega

      LOL!

  • Just Me

    Sadly, while I have heard of the group just because I live on planet Earth, until this moment, I had no idea what they looked like. And yet, my life still felt complete. I’ll take a pass and let the baby girls and guys go at this one. I like men.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    Pretty sure it’s “They’ll build statues of us.” (Wait, that was a sarcastic, rhetorical instruction, wasn’t it?)
    Wow, in all my years, even at the right age for it, I’ve never been into Boy Bands. Each time one takes a meteoric rise, I am left wondering why.

    • StellaZafella

      The only Boy Band (since the Beatles broke up) I’ve ever cared about was the Monkees…and then only because they were in on their own joke and raised dorkness to an art form.

      • marlie

        OK, I did love the Monkees. LOVE.

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          Do the Monkey Walk!

    • Kimbolina

      God, I hope he was joking with that quote. Cause if not, he wins for sure.

  • hughman

    Throw on a Sarah McLachlan song, paste this pics on a milk carton and let’s never buy milk again.

    • Just Me

      Oh, bless you!! *patting my chest and shaking my head with love*

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Zayn FTW. (Although if they build a statue of him, maybe birds will decorate it.)

    • amanda siegelson

      i’m TOTALLY with you on that. way to be modest, kid who will be nothing in five years.

  • hexiadetrix

    “What really happens when you have your prostate removed” .. oh wait, it’s not that one.

    • marlie

      Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    • MemHey

      ftw!

  • Sara

    I am so thankful that I would not be able to name more than one of these guys.

    • RebeccaKW

      I knew there was a Harry and Niall, but I couldn’t tell you who as who.

      A couple of these look like they could be stills from an old World War II movie.

      • Kristin McNamara

        Yea, I knew there was a Harry (I teach high school) but wouldn’t have known any of these faces were members of the group if they’d come right up to me on the street and sang one of their songs (pretty sure I only know one of those too, come to think of it). Fine by me.

  • MoHub

    May I puke now?

  • Denise Alden

    Christ.

  • Rand Ortega

    I love their fans. Their meltdown over the GQ interview was HILAR (GQ’s response was EPIC). Never have I seen so many bomb threats, ignorance & pimples in 1 fandom in my life. & I’m a Trekker.

    • MilaXX

      I think social medi has made the fans batshittier.

      • RebeccaKW

        I don’t know, I was a ‘New Kids’ fan at the height of their popularity. (I was 11). I was a fan, but not a crazed fan. Unless you watched a special on MTV, you didn’t know how whacked out some of these fans got. I don’t think social media has made them worse, I think it just makes everyone else aware of how crazed they are.

        • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

          I agree. I think it just comes with the territory. The combination of hormones and rabid pack mentality. It’s a tale as old as The Beatles and whatever band I should have been able to name before them.

          • RebeccaKW

            I remember Tiffany got death threats from New Kids fans, when it was rumored she was dating Jonathan.
            (yes, I remember all their names and probably all the song lyrics. Don’t judge me.)

          • MartyBellerMask

            Hahahahahahaha… that’s kind of funny in retrospect.

            I was a mega NKOTB fan, you and I are probably around the same age. I was in L-O-V-E with Joey McIntyre- my walls were plastered but even I thought dolls were overkill.

          • RebeccaKW

            I only had the Jonathan doll b/c SQUEEEEE JONATHAN!! He sat on a shelf with some framed (yes, framed) photos I cut out of Tiger Beat.

          • marlie

            Weren’t the Beatles were the first “boy band” as we define them now?

          • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

            I assumed as such. But I qualified just in case.

          • http://www.GiftedCollector.com/ The Gifted Collector

            My memory (or what’s left of it) is that before The Beatles, the most screaming was for Frank Sinatra and Elvis. The only actual singing band I can think of is The Beachboys. All the others sang in front of a band and did not play instruments.

        • MilaXX

          My best friend gave a girl a concussion climbing over chairs to get on stage with Enrique Iglesias. I know crazy. It’s just with social media they are more organized, bold & plain old crazy now.

      • Rand Ortega

        I knew a girl who tried to mail herself to William Shatner in 1978.

        • MilaXX

          Yeah but that called Tuesday know a days. These kids are doing that and more on the regular.

          • Rand Ortega

            Very true. & they’re way more violent in their rhetoric. When did fandom become Al Qaeda?

        • Imasewsure

          Wow that’s pretty much “TJ Hooker” not Captain Kirk…Hope your friend got the help she needed (and so glad you got that story to tell)

    • random_poster

      You have me curious. Time for me to search this one out.

  • flamingoNW

    Who are these people and why are they on my lawn?

  • MilaXX

    morphing into what?
    I guess I like the hairy one.

  • f_yeah_marie

    1D is my guilty pleasure…their songs are catchy and fun. But I don’t find any of them attractive.

  • Glam Dixie

    If you actually put these quotes in context of the questions asked and the entire response, (I just did a little digging out of curiosity) it seems like GQ went out of their way to make the quotes as douchey as possible because they actually aren’t and I’m no fan of these boys.

    • Kimbolina

      Yeah, I just read the little blurb on the GQ site, not nearly as douchey as the cover quotes.

      • random_poster

        Same here. If that blurb is an indication, then GQ is just going the normal sensationalizing route of selling magazines.

  • MartyBellerMask

    Snore.

  • http://heartprintandstyle.com/ Vivi N

    Who, who, who, who and who?

    • formerlyAnon

      Hah. Don’t hang much with middle school girls, do you?

  • Tanya Wade

    Noel Gallagher, the ball is in your court sir.

    • MartyBellerMask

      I’m sure he gives 2 shits LOL ;)

  • https://twitter.com/athoughtfultree Robin Yé Chen

    As Peter Griffin once said:

    OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL CARES

    (about this stupid hype generation)

    • merrigator

      FTW!

  • jelenawoehr

    And yet, they STILL sound like a masculine function enhancing drug.

    WonderEction, for those special times when more is more!

  • chrissybee

    My 12 YO went to a slumber party last night and she said that all the girls talked about was One Direction, and it was “SO lame”. (Whew! for now.)

  • http://mollyfrances.typepad.com/ Molly Porter

    For me, it was a tie between Liam and Zayn … but the guy’s name is ZAYN so I choose him as the douchiest.

  • Ashleigh

    it’s all about Zayn – and, is this a Fall issue? What’s with all the get-up?

  • formerlyAnon

    I thought it’d be hard to choose, but based solely on the quotes: Zayn.

    If my daughter’s half-sister weren’t a huge fan (it’s age-appropriate, for her) I wouldn’t even know who these boys were. Signs I’m slipping quietly out of touch.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Is there a planet that we could ship them off to?

  • padma sallah

    This is the first time I have been able to identify each one of them separately. Thank GQ for helpfully stating their names on the covers.

  • http://angrynerdgirl.net/ Jessi03

    I thought it would be Louis as soon as I read that, but nope! Zayn, you win.
    God, why do my nieces love these people so much? The only I recognize is Harry Styles and that’s just b/c of his dating life.

    • alyce1213

      I only recognize his hair, because it’s the biggest.

  • tereliz

    I was undecided right up until “They will build statues of us.” *shake my head*

    Proud to say I couldn’t pick any of them—or any of their songs—out of a line up.

  • carnush

    Like, ew, gross.

  • haightcolevalley

    Did Duran Duran count as a boy band? Because I was totally into them. (John!!!!)

    • random_poster

      Sadly, in my youth I would have fought you for him.

    • majorbedhead

      Duran Duran had talent and some of their stuff held up really well (Save A Prayer, Come Undone, Ordinary World, etc.) . I doubt these guys will be around as long. Thank fuck.

      • haightcolevalley

        And Rio! (what an awesome song) Yes, they had talent and actually wrote their own music.

      • cowper

        Let us not forget “New Moon on Monday”!

    • marlie

      There’s a very fine line between “boy band” and “band that is made up of guys,” I think the key distinction being that boy bands are usually made up of teenage-ish boys and/or specifically target tween/teen girls as their fans. Fortunately, bands like Duran Duran didn’t quite meet those criteria.

  • Nonmercisansfacon

    A little context would have been appreciated with those quotes GQ (because I have no doubt they have chosen those quotes to generate as much contreversy as possible). Controversy sells and what sells more than douche these days?

  • hellkell

    Zayn wins.

    • librarygrrl64

      For the name alone.

  • alyce1213

    THEY WILL BUILD STATUES OF US ???? STATUES???
    That one (Zayn) needs a swift kick in the butt.

  • Imasewsure

    OHMIGAWD You GUYS… like DONNY is my favorite of course… oh wait, there’s no DONNY??????? Shit

    • Jessica Freeman

      OMG!!! No Jordan either!! Shit!!!

  • conniemd

    Kinda a toss-up between Harry’s wanting to score and Niall’s objectification of the fans as screaming faces. I think I’ll go with Niall.

  • parfumpoise

    As a fairly large fan of theirs it saddens to see all the negative comments. As someone who actually READ the article, all of these quotes were taken COMPLETELY out of context. These are some of the least douchy celebrities out there who constantly go out of their way to meet/interact with fans and are obviously humbled by their stardom. Before you go out and classify them as another self-centered and arrogant boy band I wish some of you would recognize what awesome people they are.

  • Jessica Freeman

    Zayn FTW….eerie how much Louis looks like JC Chasez…

    • marlie

      I’m tempted to say that it’s because they grow boy band clones in petrie dishes nowadays, but I fear incurring the wrath of 1D fans.

      • madscntst

        What are they going to do? Ask their mommies to drive them over to your house so they can toilet paper your car?

  • SRQkitten

    Had the option for free OD tix last year (in a skybox no less), which I passed up as I am decades too old to have any kind of appreciation for this even as a psycho/social happening. The tweens whose parents I passed the tix along to were transported with delight. I’m still wondering why I don’t get those kind of offers for a show I’d like to see.

    • SRQkitten

      I think I did somewhat annoy the victims of my generosity by being completely unable to remember the bands name,,, One Dimension was what kept coming out of my mouth.

      • cowper

        I love that! I’m going to start calling them “One Dimension” too!

  • ChelseaNH

    “Noel Gallagher is not supposed to like our music.” That’s actually not a stupid point. Also, slagging Noel Gallagher, who so frequently deserves it.

    Hate all the pictures. Boy bands are supposed to be fun. Where’s the fun?

    • Historiana

      For him to use the phrase, “our music” is like me throwing the contents of my cupboard on a plate and calling it cuisine just because it’s made of food. Simply because it’s backed by melody does not make it music. Noel may be jerkish but he writes music beyond these fools’ capabilities and I won’t even start on his guitarmanship (not a word, I know). All these nimbots do is bounce around the stage because they can’t even be arsed to learn a dance step.

      • demidaemon

        Hope you are prepared for them, because they have a big screen documentary coming out.

        • Historiana

          One Infection does? Gah! What’s to document? Two hours of stage bouncing?

  • snarkykitten

    Who are these people?

  • CeeQ

    this is the first time I’ve actually seen these people’s actual names =)
    yes: lots of douche

  • Kate

    I cannot handle these tag lines. Too funny.

    • Fordzo

      Seriously. “They will build statues of us.”

      For the pleasure of watching birds poop on their heads.

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    Oh my god, I’m old. I don’t even know who these baby-douches are.

    • Fordzo

      I only know because I have an 8 year old niece who is in LOVE with one of them. I don’t know which one, but she goes on and on and on….

  • Beecreature

    I have to admit that I’m so uncool I have Pinterest boards, and popping up here and there is a whole community of “Directioners” posting stories of imaginary encounters with these twits. (Just thought of another reason not to admit to pinning things)

  • Fordzo

    On the main page, the thumbnail was of Louis’ cover, and I thought it was Sean Hayes – and that he’d had a lot of really good plastic surgery. (NOT that I think Sean Hayes needs plastic surgery – but that the surgery had actually made him look 20 years younger and not like Bruce-Jenner-after-plastic-surgery.)

  • Ann VerWiebe

    Niall, as usual, is the only one that doesn’t come off as a total tool. Not that I care – but I’ve been forced into a number of Justice stores.

  • Anniebet

    Meh. Not worthy of our bitterness. At least they appear to be slightly classier than the Biebster, although that isn’t saying much.

  • Sophia Vaccaro

    I’m pretty sure they just took the comments that would look the douchiest out of context.

  • mmebam

    I’ll take swagger for $100, Alex.

  • Haley Buchanan

    And yet they’re all still better than the Armie Hammer cover.

  • Louise Bryan

    *yawn*

  • ghopping

    I just realized that Louis has a striking resemblance to Jack on Will & Grace.

  • kerryev

    Whoever Louis is, he’s probably got a point.

  • cat

    Louis is serving up JC Chasez realness.

  • DCSheehan

    If there are statues of them at them at least I’ll have something to throw poop at. You know, for those times I can’t throw poop at the real them.

  • YoungSally

    I thought Louis was an overly botoxed Sean Hayes….after a Tequila bender.

  • quiltwombat

    Just shows how ‘old’ I am . . . never heard of these guys . . . don’t care. Oh, and Zayn’s remark is definitely the most tasteless.

  • amanda lynn

    the missing punctuation after “cooler” on liam’s is making me twitch.

  • Fordzo

    The comment I made yesterday about mistaking Louis for Sean Hayes has disappeared. I hope I didn’t offend someone?

  • FancyPhilly

    The Louis one should really have a quote that says: “Just Jack!” Because it looks like a still from Will & Grace.

    • Vitantonio Bino D’Ambrosio

      THIS! You took the words right out of my mouth!

  • stubbornthoughts

    I don’t mind these boys, they seem to be having a ton of fun, which is exactly what a bunch of young fellas should be doing with this type of thing. Lord knows they probably won’t have it much longer. Unless they actually, really like each other, like New Kids or BSB. Otherwise, they’ll be another NSYNC.

    For some reason, their music just brings me such joy, it’s sooooo poppy and fun. I would sport one of their shirts, for the irony of a 28-year old wearing a teenybopper shirt – in hopes that the young girls would suddenly stop. the screaming. because an “old” person likes OD, too.

    All that being said, these pictures are alright, but the quotes are plain bad.

  • Srw27

    I bet $!00 that none of the boys said ANY of these quotes, especially Harry. All of them came from their management (who suck royally)

  • Srw27

    Also, I think they all look like different versions of Jean Valjean

  • Sadie-Ann

    Why does Louis look like ‘Just Jack’?

  • Crystal

    They will build statues of us?????

  • macwell

    They’re the flavor of the moment and that moment is getting way stale.