2013 MTV VMAs Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on August 27, 2013

Let’s DO this, bitches! Here’s to all the D-Listers and boring A-to-C-listers who didn’t rate much of our time or loving attention! You might want to duck. There’s some serious drive-by bitchery about to be committed.

Hit it, attention whores!

 

2 Chainz

Well. It’s a look. You can’t fault him for lack of effort. Personally, we would have counseled him to observe Coco Chanel’s famous dictum about taking one item off before leaving the house. We’re sure he would have agreed with us on this once it was pointed out to him.

 

 

30 Seconds To Mars, with Jared Leto

Ladies, cover your vaginas with something and run. Run far away.

 

 

Ashanti

And speaking of covering your vagina with something, let’s all give Ashanti a hand for managing that task.

 

 

Austin Mahone

The hand coming in from off-screen confirms what we’ve long suspected: The endless succession of twinks and tween princesses that this industry churns out are mostly animatronic devices or puppets of some sort. That’s why they’re disposable and yet so indistinguishable. They just switch up the heads every now and then.

 

 

Big Sean and Naya Rivera

We’re not lovig his vest at all and she’s serving up Morticia at the Adult Video Awards.

 

 

Coco Rocha

Whatever. Her posing schtick is so over-rated. The outfit’s nice, though.

 

 

Crystal Reed

Has she never heard of the VMAs?

 

 

Daft Punk

It’s a look. A perfectly tailored and fitted look, it must be said.

 

 

Darren Criss

Honestly? We want to like this but it looks like a high school production of “Guys and Dolls.”

 

 

Deena Cortese

Should we tell her she’s being slowly sucked into two black holes?

Let’s not.

 

 

Drake

It’s a look. They’re not our style but we like the boots.

 

 

Ellie Goulding

Definitely not a hugger.

 

 

Erin Wasson

She’s got the body for it and it was probably one of the most discussed and photographed looks of the night. We can’t really fault her choice. It’s the VMAs, after all. You gotta work to make that splash. But the head scarf was an odd topper.

Iggy Azalea

Why would anyone want a dress that made you look like you were naked AND being attacked by a flock of eagles?

Jenni Farley

David’s Bridal clearance rack fire sale.

 

 

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

It’s fine. He looks good, but it’s not notable in any way.

 

 

Lil Kim

Wow. Batgirl’s had some work done.

 

 

Machine Gun Kelly

We actually love this look.

 

 

Nicole Polizzi

Banquet hall drapes.

 

 

One Direction

These kids are so boring. Harry hasn’t changed those pants in weeks.

 

 

Rebecca Marie Gomez

Believe it or not, we like the bottom half of this look. It’s adorable. Everything above the waist is tragic, however.

 

 

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton

That’s his look; that’s her look. We can pick it all apart, but it works for them and for the venue, we suppose.

Fuck that, they look tacky.

 

 

Will Smith

We like the jacket, but the combo of navy blue, black and dark green makes us wonder if Will isn’t depressed at the moment.

[Photo Credit: PRPhotos.com, INFPhoto.com, PacificCoastNews.com]

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