Tyra Banks at the CW, CBS and Showtime 2013 Summer TCA Party

Posted on July 31, 2013

Tyra Banks is a scary tit-witch who will steal your soul and bake your children into pies.

 

Tyra Banks attends the CW, CBS and Showtime 2013 Summer TCA Party in Beverly Hills, California in a black lace dress paired with Walter Steiger pumps.

Walter Steiger Spring 2013 ‘Theo’ Pumps

Are we wrong here? You were all thinking it, weren’t you? Girl, when your earrings are just barely brushing the tops of your boobs, YOU’VE MADE A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE ON THE STYLE MAP.

Scary tit-witch. Because it deserves to be said a second time.

 

[Photo Credit: ACE/INFphoto.com, hirshleifers.com]

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  • Danielle L

    Shine on, you crazy diamond.

    • Joyce VG

      I like what you have to say better than what I was going to say!

      • NYCGlamourpuss

        (Danielle L. drops the mic and walks off stage)

  • roverrun

    New Game; Tyra Banks is a scary tit-witch who will…steal your dog Toto

    • MoHub

      But she can’t ride a bicycle in that skirt.

      • mlle

        She can ride side-broomstick, though.

  • Carleenml

    the cra-cra. it burns. I was going to just say the cra-cra eyes. but then the cra-cra hair. the cra-cra earrings…

    • marlie

      All sorts of cray cray.

    • Kristin McNamara

      She’s now really just a caricature of her former self.

  • PeaceBang

    Yes. Very Scary Tit Witch Who Will Give You Nightmares. The anime eyes!! Those shoes, though. Those shoes are wicked in the best possible way.

    • ballerinawithagun

      Fabulous shoes!

  • Karen Belgrad

    Poor Hansel and Gretel, they only wanted some milk… But the scary tit witch had other ideas…

  • elemspbee

    what’s with the eyes? not smize. She looks like an anime of herself.

    • Emily Giovanni

      That’s what I thought too. She is not smizing, she is giving crazy eyes.

      • TAGinMO

        Smazy.

        • elemspbee

          smazy. bril!!!

      • Valdri8

        Her eyes look like those new stick on eyeballs that you attach to you eyelids so you can sleep at work and your boss will think that you are awake

    • StellaZafella

      She’s sayin’ “Bitch, does THIS look FAT ta you?!?”

      • kimmeister

        Yes, that’s definitely a “I have a point to prove” type of dress.

        • barbarienne

          And it backfired. The face is thin. The legs are thin. The too-tight dress with the busy pattern makes her look larger than I would expect with that face and those legs. Maybe it’s the babyheads.

    • alyce1213

      It’s not smizing, it paralyzing.

      • zenobar

        It’s not smizing, it’s terrorizing.

        • alyce1213

          Even better! Good one.

  • SewingSiren

    They are bigger than her head.

    • Little_Olive

      The boobs?

      • StellaZafella

        Not both…just one.

        • NYCGlamourpuss

          I thought so too. They took up my whole screen!

    • vitaminC

      Grownupheads: the category beyond babyheads.

      • Little_Olive

        You mean the Howie Mandels?

        • YoungSally

          Heisenbergs and or Hindenburgs

  • ChelseaNH

    Are we positive that’s Tyra herself and not an impersonator? Although of late I have often suspected Tyra of impersonating herself.

    • demidaemon

      Last sentence : totally true and what makes her so entertaining (in that crazy but don’t come near me kind of way).

  • Jaeda Laurez

    Lacefront askew, pastie tassels on her ears, boobs mushed to high heaven because she’s wearing the wrong size on top of all that, “nude”-ish lining under lace…it’s all bad. The only good thing are those shoes.

    • Targettaste

      I covet the shoes, and I’m usually a Converse girl.

      • twocee

        Me too. They’re so interesting for otherwise plain black heels.

  • http://heartprintandstyle.com/ Vivi N

    Just a no all around.

  • Rhonda Shore

    The earrings are the least of it.

  • hughman

    “Are you a good tit-witch or a bad tit-witch?”

    “Child, please. I just dropped a house on Janice Dickinson. Werq. Now where is this Wizard? I want to score some new shoes.”

    • Introspective

      Im crowning you winner of this post. cause i snorted out some lunch onto my ipad just now.

      oh and tyra’s bugging the fuck out right now. girl bye.

    • Just Me

      *slow clap of life* Bowing down to this post.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      We are truly not worthy!

  • Maryanne525

    Are you wrong? Hell NO! I’m not even scared of the boobs as much as I’m terrified of the face, makeup and earrings! She’s looking a fright!

    • MoHub

      Had we not been told it was Tyra, I don’t think I’d have identified her.

  • lehen

    A little too much smize there, Tyra.

    • YoungSally

      It’s like a totally new smize….and one I hope never to see again.

  • Chuck Barthelme

    Look, it’s zombie Diana Ross!

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    The Janice Dickinson-ing of Tyra Banks..horrid.

  • nycloy

    I’ll take the scary tit-witch over the Malibu Barbie any day – the latter is thousand times scarier.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Gurl looks completely Kah Ray Zee.

    • StellaZafella

      That’s HER drag name.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Ooooooh, I LIKE that!

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        BRAVO!

  • Jessica Freeman

    Not every event is a smizing competition. ANTM has gone to her head.

  • Little_Olive

    I preferred the smizing

  • StellaZafella

    “OOOOOOoooooo! Witchay woman, you got the moon in yer eyyyyes!”

  • schadenfreudelicious

    Back away slowly, avert your eyes and she might not eat your brains….

  • mmebam

    Y U NO SMIZE???

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    THIS may have turned my shitbag of a day around. Well, this and the Thai lunch I have en route. Thank you.

    • mlle

      Mmm Thai food.

    • marlie

      You’re in Philly, right? Where do you go for Thai?

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        No sweetie, I’m an ATL girl. Today I went with whatever place in my office zip code that could deliver on this rainy, not fit for public appearances, kind of day.

        • marlie

          Bummer! No in-person TLounges, then. I do get down to Atlanta to visit family every once in a while, though.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Is that “smizing” in the first photo? Because that is not what I thought that meant at all.

  • teensmom99

    I love the shoes! (staying positive)

  • HVM

    I want to be the Scary Tit Witch for Halloween.

  • Heather

    I want to be a Scary Tit Witch for Halloween.

    • HVM

      Great minds :)

    • Just Me

      I thought this was her Halloween costume, brought out a few months early for a test run. This mess will scare the children.

  • quiltrx

    She just got out ALL her cray-cray and rolled around in it this time, didn’t she?
    You’ve hit the nail on the (baby) head. I was trying to come up with a phrase…I had ‘scary’, but “scary tit-witch” is even better than anywhere I might have ended up.
    I notice no designer claims this abomination of a dress. Cheap lace, looks poorly constructed–and WTF with the DAMNED LINING hanging out everywhere? Miss Tyra must have eschewed mirrors this day, top to bottom.
    (I like the shoes if they didn’t have those stupid look-like-they’re-breaking heels.)

  • Eric Stott

    Earrings that shout “I bonked a couple of High School Seniors on Graduation Day & got these as souvenirs”

    I don’t hate the shoes though

    • ccinnc

      L’ing MAO throughout these comments, esp. at yours.

  • Insidiously

    Girl, you cray. This is some Elphaba realness. That hair is fricking insane.

  • MilaXX

    Can we continue the Dynasty remake theme? I think we just found out new Diahann Carroll aka Dominique Deveraux

  • AlexisPayne

    I thought this was a drag queen

    • Eric Stott

      and are you wrong?

  • AmeliaEve

    Anime eyes? Honey, those are heroin eyes.

  • mlle

    Please tell me she didn’t pay someone to do that to her hair.

  • Glam Dixie

    That is NOT Tyra Banks, that is The Other Tyra, with her breast plate firmly in place.

    • Eric Stott

      I LOVE you for that.

  • halleygee

    What happened to her? She looks terrible all around. Love the shoes though.

  • crash1212

    Best first sentence….EVER.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    She’s forgotten about smizing. Evil does not smize.

  • MK03

    Dial it back with the smizing. You’re starting to look like the crazy homeless lady in the park who mutters to herself and collects used tissues.

  • wisenhar

    Are those baby heads new? I don’t recall Tyra being quite so… big.

  • jenno1013

    The dress would be marginally less crappy looking if the lining matched her skin tone; as it is, it’s purely distracting. Significantly less crappy looking if it neatly covered an appropriately supportive bra instead of squishing like a stripper sports bra. Shoes are fantastic. Makeup/botox/plastic surgery…I don’t even know what to say.

    • Supernumerary

      Yeah, the bra thing is all I can really focus on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a properly-fitted bra instead of the kind which hikes your breasts up to your chin.

  • dashransome

    Yow – this is the person who teaches young models how to pose. I hope she sees these pictures.

    • marlie

      She’s become a caricature of herself and of a model.

      • Kristin McNamara

        Whoops! Posted basically the same thing up above before reading through all these comments! Great minds :)

  • marlie

    What the holy hell?!?! Why is she doing that with her eyes?! Her weave looks like she rode in the car with the window down. And the boobs aside, that dress is just fugly. But I do like the shoes, so there’s that…

  • alyce1213

    Just insane. Amazing shoes, though.

  • Dan_In_NYC

    The good news is she has still very much got it. The bad news is that all the “it” was deployed in the wrong ways.

    Well, the other (maybe) good news, if they were to recast Hocus Pocus for it’s 20th anniversary, Tyra might have a shot at the SJP role.

  • estella_nyc

    And also (and I really hate to say this but I do think it needs to be pointed out) – I think she needs to have her mustache waxed.

  • majorbedhead

    A very surprised, scary tit-witch.

    Although, I am coveting those shoes.

  • Stella Zawistowski

    That’s some Alexis Mateo-level cleave there.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I do love you for that.

  • prettybigkitty

    Wrong turn at Crazy Town. And a speed bump. Yikes.

  • jackie cohen

    She got dressed at Paula Patton’s house.

  • Shawn EH

    She’s Sandro’s ideal client, and she’s not even Russian!

  • Imasewsure

    Lock her in a room with RuPaul… only Ru can teach Tyra to age with grace (and the drag diva realness that she clearly covets)… “Tit-witch”… perfect!

  • altalinda

    Gone insane from dieting

  • Erica_Vuitton

    Holy comb-over Batman!

    • RebeccaKW

      Exactly what I was thinking. That’s not a deep side part, that is comb-over. Or maybe she has her wig on sideways.

  • Tatiana Luján

    She beats Heidi to the throne of tackyness.
    Oh dear, what has she done to her face! Does she still have hair? That’s gotta be a wig. Why would you choose to wear that wig?

  • Rebecca Jay

    She’s gotta be doing this crazy-look shit on purpose, right? The hair, the eyes, the boobs….

  • KikiAvocado

    she is smizing so hard I can almost see smoke coming out of her ears…. or somehow smizing that hard makes ones boobs inflate and nearly explode?

  • http://www.dogsdotcom.blogspot.com/ Plink

    Whew, time for some cold cream on that make up job. Wipe it off and start over.

  • sweet_potato

    I hope she’s okay, she looks like she’s maybe not.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    “Tit-witch”?

    *scrolls*

    TIT-WITCH.

  • GiveEmTheOldRazzleDazzle

    If her mouth looked like this :-o I would think they sent a Tyra blow-up doll onto the red carpet.

    Now I’m writing the fairy tale in my head…..the scary tit-witch lives deep in the woods in a scary tit-house with her little tit-mouse.

  • Blair Sylvester

    How did Tyra intercept HBC’s package ?

  • http://piblet.tumblr.com/ Anastasia

    Hocus pocus meets Nicki Minaj.

  • e jerry powell

    Witches be crazy.

  • Rand Ortega

    When did TB become a crackazoid? I haven’t seen that much black eye makeup since “Hocus Pocus”. & that was on 3 different women. She used to be soooo gorgeous. What happened?

  • MzzPants

    She’s a contestant on RuPaul. It’s the only explanation.

  • Anniebet

    I’m scared, and possibly scarred.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    This is tacky and terrifying and disturbing. I love it unreservedly.

  • decormaven

    “Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    The shoes ARE fabulous, true. They’re also terrified to be on the feet of a crazy woman.

  • Lizzy

    A comb over???????

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    Oh, god…. I can’t wait till The Fashion Police sink their hooks into her on Friday night. This will be brutal!

  • formerlyAnon

    It’s happening. Whatever struck down Janice Dickinson has come for Tyra.

  • embers618

    The first few pictures read like a story: She is surprised at the sudden deployment of the remote push-up that morphs her previously baby-head-ish cleavage into full fledged man-heads. After a brief moment pondering whether to work-it or unleash some diva rage on the person holding the remote, she decides to go with it. She does shoot some meaningful looks to the guilty party, letting them know they are NOT OFF THE HOOK.

    • conniemd

      Ha Ha. Man heads. There’s titscrepancy, which are usually real in a bad fitting dress, then there is the too perfectly rounded and matched man heads which could only be silicone jobs.

  • LipstickForPigs

    Have her tits always been that big?

  • Call me Bee

    Ahahahahaha…..Hhhhheh…..I had to read that first sentance to The Hubs, it was so funny. And….we both agree.

  • lillyvonschtupp

    Latrice Royale, give this guy some makeup tips!!!

  • TropiCarla

    The BKs have outdone themselves in these comments. I’ve been giggling steadily for the last 5 minutes.

  • myristica_fragrans

    what the hell happened to her?

  • ThaliaMenninger

    This is going on the short list for Worst of the Year, right? I can’t tell if she schmizing or schmutzing or schvizzing, but it’s hideous. The eye makeup alone would get her kicked out of the running to be America’s next top anything.

  • pookiesmom

    YIKES.

  • Fordzo

    Has she had breast augmentation? I don’t remember her breasteses being this large, even in her “heavy” days.

  • http://marshmallowjane.com/ marshmallowjane

    I don’t care what fashion experts think. Long earrings only look good with either super long and straight hair or with super short hair….or hair that is up. Shoulder-length hair shouldn’t be getting tangled with the earrings. I don’t want to criticize Tyra for looking bad if she’s just aging like everybody else. I think that hair is awful. It’s too dark and matted. I think she may be too thin now. But if her weight is out of her control, I don’t want to criticize. I’m just trying to figure out why hear appearance is different from the last times I’ve seen her.

    • boweryboy

      She’s SMIZING like her life depends on it.

  • boweryboy

    SMIZING!!!!!!!

  • Kate

    These poses are more amateur than the cast of ANTM season 55

  • MannahattaMamma

    That is NOT Tyra Banks, that must be some also-ran from the RuPaul drag queen show, with apologies to all the RuPaul drag queen contestants

  • Samantha

    Gonna take this opportunity to say I’m actually excited about this season of ANTM because my friend (and Philly native!) Cory is a contestant!

  • Gwyndall

    She just wants to be HBC.

  • DCSheehan

    She’s a mess.

  • http://missbethg.wordpress.com Beth Ann

    I like her shoes, but everything else in those photos–her facial expressions, her dress, make-up, and her hair–make her look like she’s lost it!

  • Monday1900

    “Tyra Banks is a scary tit-witch” has rocketed to 3rd place on my “t-shirts I wish I could buy from TLo” list. 1st is “imagine everyone wants to be you or f^^^ you” (paraphrased ’cause I don’t have time to look up the actual quote) with #2 as “Johnny Depp is a gay wind chime”.

  • http://frederickvegetarian.wordpress.com sixgables

    God DAMN. That woman is a national treasure. She should be on our money.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    Because it deserves to be said several more times: Scary tit-witch, scary tit-witch, scary tit-witch.

  • Town

    Nice nail polish. That’s all I got.

  • stubbornthoughts

    Bellatrix Lestrange in a cocktail dress. Having miraculously survived Mrs. Weasley’s curse during the Battle of Hogwarts, Bellatrix has opted to earn money the only way she can, by starring in her first porno called, “The Wand Flicking Tit-Witch.” Pre-order now!

  • amanda lynn

    Terrifying.

  • Beverly Kozma

    She looks like she wants to kill somebody. I don’t get it – I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tyra look bad before.

  • Frank

    She looks like Raja on Snatch Game!

  • mickiemonkey

    She clearly just sucked the brains out of two high school seniors and only left their cap and gown.

  • pop_top

    “Scary tit-witch.”

    I knew that you would up with something perfect if you covered this look.

  • AnniNoone

    Scary tit witch who is SMOWNING.