Miley Cyrus in London

Posted on July 25, 2013

We’re all for a good hi-lo mix when it comes to fashion, but as with so many things, Miley takes it so far that it pretty much lands in self-parody.

 

Miley Cyrus out and about at The Box Club in London.

Alexander McQueen Trompe L’Oeil Shirt Jumper. Levi’s Vintage Shorts. Versace Signature Booties with Platform. Vintage Chanel Rhinestone Choker. Cartier Juste un Clou Bracelet. Céline Classic Box Bag.

Behold the daughter Edina Monsoon always wished she’d had.

Now go click on the links and do a quick tally of the cost of these lovely items Miley is wearing and never paid for. You and I call that “shoplifting,” but in the world of the celebrity, it’s merely called style. Have you finished adding it all up? Good. Then you’re primed to rip this ridiculous outfit to shreds.

We think what pisses us off here is that she’s ruining a damn cool McQueen top. There are so many awesome things you can do with that top. Pairing them with your washing-the-car shorts never even makes the list. Also: the amount and style of jewelry she’s sporting is tacky in the extreme, but we do love that outrageously priced Cartier bracelet.

 

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews.com, alexandermcqueen.com, vintagetrends.com, versace.com, depuis1924.com, cartier.com, celine.com]

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  • Just Me

    I’m mad at hell and I’m not going to take it anymore! Miley, I quit you! *but, ummm, before I do, hand over the bracelet…and the bag*

  • Karen Belgrad

    (In Edina voice) Sweetie darling…. Mummy thinks you need more color. Less built-in napkins around your waist. More color. Now go pour Mummy a drink.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    This is the Crown Princess of Absurdistania, leaving her limo.

    • Just Me

      If she is the Crown Princess, pray tell…who are the King and Queen, (assuming they are not the same person, of course;-)?

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Sounds like a question best left open to the Bitter Kittens. Ladies and Gents? Who’s got a vote on this one?

        • Stella Zawistowski

          I’d say the Biebs for king if it weren’t a chronological impossibility with Miley as crown princess (or do we not care about that?).

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            Oh I don’t think we need concern ourselves with quibbles like that. Blebs is a great option for King.

        • Just Me

          Yeah! now I had something to really look forward to when I come back from running errands in a bit. Bitter Kittens, rev your engines!

        • Jessica Freeman

          Ke$ha has to be in the running, for sure.

        • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

          Chloe Sevigny for Queen!

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            Consideringall her personae, she is really the entire female population, and some of the male, as well.

        • rh33

          Biebs for prince, Lindsay Lohan could be a Princess Consort, Johnny Depp, King. I concur: Chloe Sevigny for Quenn. Heidi Klum could represent the German side of the royal family.

        • drdarke

          I’d say her RL parents qualify nicely, @disqus_OAXKxOiIhs:disqus !

          Billy Ray Cyrus must take responsibility for his ticky-tacky spawn – and given some of the crappy ways he looks, I’m sure I’m right….

      • Karen Belgrad

        Well, if we’re solely basing it on wardrobe choices and age requirements… Helena Bonham Carter and Robert Downey Jr.

        • Little_Olive

          To me they are still in the quirky side of things… not absurd yet. Conversely, I wouldn’t count Gaga in the mix, because her fashion is more of a (albeit contrived) performance.

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        I think Biebs would be Prince to Miley’s Princess. Johnny Depp could take the King’s spot. He is absurd in his addiction to frippery. Queen is such a tough call…there are so many attention whores who battle for the title…I’m going to go in a different direction…maybe Halle Berry? I know she is no extremest, yet she is undeniably stuck in A Look time warp and it’s always “look at my lady lumps” in some way. Also, I like the thought of King and Queen having some age to them.

        • marlie

          Agree with Beiber and Depp. Queen would have to go with someone with a slightly flashier “style.” Gaga? Nicki Minaj? RiRi?

          • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

            I’m stumped for someone older but with the preferred stylings of those you mentioned.

          • MilaXX

            Cyndi Lauper?

          • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

            A contender. Though, is she as absurd as she is wacky? Much like HBC? Tests are hard.

          • MoHub

            Neither Cyndi nor HBC looks as if she is trying too hard; the wackiness seems to come naturally. Not sure who the “see how nuts I am!” Queen might be.

          • MilaXX

            no, Cyndi is authentic. mmmm Grace Jones?

          • understateddiva

            Sharon Stone?

          • MoHub

            What about JLo?

          • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

            That feels good…..she is The Queen of Desperation AND I Smell Onions facial posing. She never met a sheer mesh body suit she could say no to….I think she could be Queen.

          • marlie

            JLo is a good call.

        • Little_Olive

          Depp, brilliant!! And considering we’ve thrown the age consideration out the window, may I suggest Laura Linney for Dowager Queen?

        • NOLA_gal

          C’mon, it’s got to be Mickey Rourke for the win! King of Absurdistania, broken down, formerly beautiful, wearing shiny suits and pinkie rings. It’s the role of a lifetime.

      • mmebam

        Well, she always wants to be like Rihanna, and Rihanna has certainly worn absurd things.

    • drdarke

      @kiltdntiltd:disqus – can the Tsarina of Fuckingfantastica conquer her, please? Now – ?

      Ewww – sorry. I wouldn’t wish that on an actress I don’t like, let alone Dame Helen….

  • Kathy_Marlow

    Trade out those shorts for skinny jeans in a dark wash and she’d have something here. Leave the bracelet, take off the necklace…and give it to me.

    • MoHub

      I was actually thinking black leggings, and that is normally not something I ever consider.

    • Rhonda Shore

      that’s precisely what i was thinking…well, i was thinking black skinny jeans but prefer your idea…dark wash.

    • MK03

      I’m afraid we will have to roshambo for the necklace.

  • Meg0GayGuys6

    In that first picture, I thought that blue and orange were her earrings.

    Is there really anything to say fashion-wise? I mean, it’s pretty ridiculous. Top half reminds me of Clueless and bottom half just boggles my mind. It looks like those shorts are like 10″ from waistband to “hem”, yet we are smidgen away from her gentlemen greeter. I get high-waisted, but damn.

    • Spicytomato1

      I thought the exact same thing about the earrings! And then I’d wondered where they’d gone in the other shots. As for her entire getup, I have no words. Which is I feel about her in general these days.

    • twocee

      Me too! And I admit, I was sorta disappointed when I realized they weren’t.

  • SewingSiren

    She looks cute, regardless of the cost. it looks as though she has taken a page from the Gaga play book and is using her body guard as a crutch.

  • MarieLD

    I’ll take that top and bracelet. Never mind that the bracelet costs more than most starting salaries for a public librarian. It’s fine. Librarians need nice jewelry too.

  • mhleta

    Agreed it’s a crime the way she’s wearing these garments. (I could die in that top.) She has some killer stems and knows it, but she needs to learn how to show them off without looking like a $30 whore.

  • prettybigkitty

    One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn’t belong. Oh Miley.

  • majorbedhead

    She’s not much older than my daughter and if my daughter left the house looking like that, I’d kill her.

    • NOLA_gal

      Amen, sister Bedhead! Let this be a lesson to us mothers of daughters – instill self respect and common sense into them NOW, before it’s too late!

    • Lanus

      In that first photo, I swear I can see labia. And, I don’t want to see her labia. I really, REALLY actively want NOT to see her labia.

      Sigh.

      • Kristin McNamara

        You absolutely can see the inside of her asscheek, which, yes, would mean labia I suppose. Awful.

  • majorbedhead

    Stand back, I’m gonna get caps-lock-ragey: THAT BRACELET COSTS $36,500. IT’S ONLY GOLD. NO DIAMONDS, NO PLATINUM, NOTHING BUT GOLD. That absolutely disgusts me. I don’t know why this was my tipping point, but it was. I have tipped.

    • calimon

      and to think I was going to post that I won’t event bother looking at the prices.

    • Just Me

      You are mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore!!! The rest of us are over here by the bar. Come join us!

      • http://myriameron.blogspot.com/ Heron

        OH MY GOD That woman in the last photo needs to join us by the bar, too. I laughed out loud in my office.

        • queen b*tch

          I had to scroll back up – her face is priceless!

        • insertcleverbit

          That woman is the best! I think she thought “Oh shit there is Miley’s lady bits.”

    • Jessica Freeman

      I can’t even click, I know I will be rationally outraged. She already irks me enough.

  • Jessica Freeman

    You have a fucking Hemsworth. GO HOME.

    • Just Me

      Thank you! THIS made me laugh so hard. Her outfits are starting to make me wonder what the hell is wrong with him. Does he not see how she leaves the house?

      • Jessica Freeman

        I have a feeling the break up is imminent. Last photo op he looked less than impressed to be anywhere near her. One cannot blame him.

        • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

          I think he did her a solid and stayed for her record release. Conversely, she’ll do him a solid and let them break up for his upcoming premier.

  • MilaXX

    It’s looks like this that make folks say she’s trying to hack Riri’s style. Nothing works here and the effect is that she’s trying too hard.

  • Funkykatt

    I think, with her weird outfits, she desperately wants to be your next
    Chloë Sevigny

  • GillianHolroyd

    Blender dressing. Throw everything in and wear whatever is flung out first. This is not style.

    It’s also ridiculously unflattering. The top looks like a dress with a waistband hiked up underneath her boobs like old men’s pants. Her proportions are all outta whack.

  • LipstickForPigs

    I’m just happy she toned down her lip. That red she has been favoring takes over her face. The face she has on here is actually really pretty. The rest of it? Feh.

  • lehen

    no kidding, with a little improvising i reached a grand total of $44,314.

    • Adrianna Grężak

      The cost of one year of college tuition for me! (NYU, no room/board included)

  • Adrianna Grężak

    I agree, she is ruining that great blouse. I’m kind of over this “let’s dress ironically” trend. Just put on some leggings and call it a day

  • WittyCism

    The other woman’s mortified expression in the last picture says it all.

  • paintedfish

    ooooh. i love the top and simply must ransack my closet with the scissors now.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    “Behold the daughter Edina Monsoon always wished she’d had.” You two absolutely kill me.

    As for Ms. Molly up there? You can take the girl out of the holler….

  • Cathy S

    What did that poor top ever do to her? That’s just sad.

  • bassfemme

    Love the top so much that this ensemble pisses me off. Just like when you see the student council president dating a Jackass-wannabe.

  • desi_girl

    And yes, those shoes would require the wearer to clutch a man’s and hang on to it for dear life!

  • Rand Ortega

    She looks like she’s dressed for her 1st day of school. Too bad Mommy didn’t make her change before she left the house.

  • Emily Giovanni

    My level of distress at the way she deployed that awesome top is all out of proportion. But seriously, it’s shameful.

  • marlie

    I just hate the gyno-shorts. They’re almost as short as Russian Freddy Mercury’s offering on Project Runway last week.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      Speaking of shorts! Did you see Piper What’s Her Boo in those leather Monistat required monstrosities?

      • alyce1213

        I don’t even comprehend why those those shorts exist, much less why anyone would wear them in the summer.

      • marlie

        GAWD. Those were awful. Painted-on tight, AND the make her look heavier than she is. FUG.

    • kimmeister

      Exactly, we almost needed a floating vulva box.

  • VeryClaire

    I can see her denim underwear!

  • Erica_Vuitton

    Thank you for not putting up the pics where she actually does “lip slip”. Come on girl that kind of behavior in a $45k outfit isn’t cute at all that’s just straight up trashy and disrespectful.

  • Number12LooksJustLikeMe

    You mean the daughter of Edina Monsoon and Tobias Funke, yes?

    • jtabz

      Well played!

    • MoHub

      Tobias would never show that much skin.

  • Heather B.

    Wait. THIRTY SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS???

    • demidaemon

      WHAT?

  • Lori

    What is going on with the platform on those idiotic booties? That thing on the side looks like the catch of a secret compartment or something. If they have a secret compartment I’ll slightly revise my opinion of them, because that would be sort of cool.

    • kimmeister

      That’s where you store the ace bandages you’ll need when you twist your ankle and sprain your knee.

  • MoHub

    I’m still queasy.

  • Miss wks

    Doing that to a McQueen is an affront to artistry and style.

  • http://blog.missourimel.com/ melissa

    I could live off the retail value of that outfit for a year +/-.

    • MoHub

      or longer.

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      Just stick it all in the bank and live off the interest.

  • Poeta Paz

    Can we see her private parts in the first picture? If not, it’s pretty close. I don’t get the shorts, why???

  • MoHub

    Is it the camera angle, or does she really have lollipop head? She seems to be approaching Giada di Laurentiis territory.

  • bertkeeter

    Her makeup is balnd and tired! Agree…way too many doo-dads!

  • Judy_J

    I’m getting a yeast infection just thinking about the crotch on those shorts. Ouch!

  • Andrea Jane

    When you can see your ass cheeks from the front your shorts are too short.

  • clairellis

    God, how I loathe her. She was cute as Hannah Montana but now she pisses me off. Is she still engaged to Liam? If so, he should ask her to stop dressing like a troll and wear shoes that don’t require her bodyguard to hold her hand.

    • snarkykitten

      methinks she’s holding his hand because she’s too pissed to walk in those shoes

  • janierainie

    She’s wearing 2 times the cost of our first house. It’s a fallen world.

  • flamingoNW

    There is exactly nothing I like about this outfit.

  • Beardslee

    Young lady. Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

  • queen b*tch

    Without the chanel choker or the celine bag, I make it shy of $40,000. That is more than I earn in a year. And she looks like crap. I feel sick

    • snarkykitten

      That’s roughly 2.5 years worth of pay for me. Yeah, I want to punch her right now (and the designer tbh)

  • Aurumgirl

    That outfit has left me in tears. That bag, however, would be an excellent consolation for my pain.

  • Darva Sutra

    “You little bitch-troll!” – Patsy

    “Sweetie-Dahling, you wore the Lacroix!” – Eddie

    (couldn’t resist)

  • ErmengardeGreen

    Just the right shorts length for the Box Club.

  • CeeQ

    Also: duck lips. Why is it always duck lips?

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

    I just threw up in my mouth a little. But I’m in an especially cranky mood today because of bar stuff.

  • Diego!

    There was some serious camel toes showing in other pics taken the very same day… I just can’t comment anything without being mean hahaha She looks like a streethooker

  • YoungSally

    She wants to buy her shorts from the Russian contestant (what ever Freddie Mercury’s real name is) on PR.

  • TSkot

    skanky

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    Is she sleepwalking?

  • OrigamiRose

    Is she asleep?

  • JP

    That top is gorgeous. I weep for the way it’s being abused here.

  • silaria

    I really liked her when she was a sweet starlet going to school in Philly and finding her rebel grrl side, but lately everything she’s done is so crass. Not even sexy, just tasteless and kind of gross. Like this outfit.

    I really, really hate cut-offs with visible pockets. If you’re cutting them that short, cut the pockets, too! It’s not like you’re going to use them, they’d mess up the line of your denim granny panties.

  • thesevenendless

    I love that top!

  • formerlyAnon

    Those boots are ugly AND tacky (well, to me. I view 99.9999% of logo-embellished anything as tacky, to some degree). Do you know how HARD it is for me to find non-fetish, expensive black leather boots that I don’t like? Well, it’s hard. And she found ‘em.

    The shorts are beyond ridiculous in that ensemble. Not that I haven’t worn worse, especially on laundry day or when stuck* at a friend’s house for too many days without access to my own clothing, back when I was her age. [*stuck = no working transportation OR having too much fun OR everyone's just too lazy (and possibly altered) to get organized, not abandoned or held hostage or anything]

    Which leads me feel that while the fault is hers, I doubt I’d care or do better if I were her, either.

  • Lesley

    miley, why?? there’s something about you i like and try so hard to stick up for you when you rock some crazy rihanna getups but then you have to go and ruin a magnificent McQueen shirt?..sorry you lost me.

  • d4divine

    That Cartier bracelet is ALL that…

  • d4divine

    The look on the female photobomber’s face says it all. LOL

  • Cz

    All these freebies and such and no one thinks to give this girl some underwear?

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    All the bad taste money can buy.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    I don’t have much to say about this travesty, but I may have to accessory shopping at that vintage site.

  • stubbornthoughts

    I cannot stand the look of pockets being larger than shorts. Miley is having one helluva an early 20s phase, ain’t she?

  • alyce1213

    Ome has to wonder why she bothered wearing to shorts at all.

  • largishbearishAtlish

    you can’t buy taste. nuf said.

  • Silly Grrl

    Fuck. That bracelet cost twice as much as my car.

  • Anniebet

    Look ma! My hooha is hanging out! Holy potato cakes, this young woman creeps me out big time, with the hoochy clothes and the ugly hair and the trailer trash attitude. And she’s rolling in money. Blech.

    At least she could learn to look up when she’s prancing around for the photogs instead of giving that smirky, self conscious, eyes-down face. Oh dear, my snark meter just went up a few levels.

  • PhillyDeb

    This girl. I do not understand her. I cannot get why she is a star. And this entire getup is ridiculous. I thought she had turned a corner in her fashion choices last week. I resent this.

  • quiltrx

    LOL–MSN has an article on their main page tonight about “Miley and other stars who don’t wear pants.” I snorted Code Red halfway up my nose.

  • guest2visits

    It’s been said before (by a Bitter Kitten I’m sure) – but the mullet runs deep in this one.
    I liked the top once too. Now it needs to be burned.

  • Stacy Feng

    That top would look so good paired with some skinny jeans, the cut-offs just ruin it. Sigh.

  • DTLAFamilies

    I’m surprised so many people like that top. It looks like something you’d buy at Century 21.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    Those ugly shoes and that ugly..um…top…both cost more than my monthly rent… Honey, no. Maybe you’d understand if you had ever had to be truly responsible for anything rather than always having people to do everything for you. But this, this is a no.

  • annrr

    I’ve been coveting that bracelet for some time now.

  • MzzPants

    There’s ass cheek showing. Go home and put some pants on.

  • DilettanteDeconstructed

    Ugh, I adore that McQueen top. If she had just paired it with some skinny black pants or tights, I could get behind the whole look. Has she become a never-nude?

  • kim bunchalastnames

    first photo: ass goiter at oh-6.30.

  • demidaemon

    This is dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB.

  • Sara Hottman

    I wonder what in the manufacturing process warrants a $36,500 price tag. Did it start out as a car they had to compress down into a bracelet? Seriously though… they’re probably making $36K off each bracelet. *and hedge fund managers everywhere bow in respect*