Kristen Stewart at the Zuhair Murad Fall 2013 Show

Posted on July 08, 2013

Darlings, we’re BACK! Tanned, ready, and well-rested! Itching to tear into some celebrity fashion after our long trek through the wilderness of the July 4th holiday.

Unfortunately, all the celebs pretty much took the weekend off along with us, so pickings are slim this fine morning. Thank Jesus for Miss Kristen, who never fails to generate conversation whenever she steps out the door.


Kristen Stewart attends the Zuahir Murad Fall 2013 couture show at Hotel de Montmorency in Paris.

Zuhair Murad Fall 2012 Couture Collection

Oh, shit. We think we just pissed off Jesus. He wants nothing to do with this one.

Kristen, you are a Special Gift. A Special Gift with a Magical Crotch. And bound breasts. And Payless shoes. Thank you, Kristen, for kicking off our week so magnificently. We think we speak for everyone here when we say your ankle-length panties are just the style shot in the arm the world needed to bring it out of its Monday malaise. You’ve done us all a wonderful service.

Now go home. You’re drunk.


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  • Rhonda Shore

    Five cents for a ten cent dance..

  • AmeliaEve

    The thing is, her legs look great. It’s the granny panty effect that is so off putting. If that bustier had a little skirt or even just a peplum, I’d love this look.

    • conniemd

      Agree. My eyes were immediately drawn to the granny panties. Showing “underwear is just cheap looking. If there had been a peplum or even very short skirt it would have looked so much better. I know that would make the “pants” look like tights, but the fact is that without a covering it looks like she is wearing lace tights over black silk undies.

  • That couldn’t look much more “cheap” if it tried. And her hair looks a burnt mess.

    • It’s reminding me of Medusa, all ugly snakes. You’re up early, k’n’t.

      • Always. I’m up before sunrise every day. (sheepish look)

      • demidaemon

        Medusa has pretty, well-groomed snakes. Don’t insult her! 😉

    • Emily

      Seriously. What is up with her hair? Someone needs to be fired for this. It’s been a consistent thing with her and it’s terribly unflattering.

      • CT14

        But it’s not greasy looking! She washed it!

        No conditioning or brushing, but shampoo was applied earlier the same day!

        Baby steps.

        • Emily

          Fair enough, but still. It’s been a while. Clean is wonderful but when you pay people to do this stuff for you (which I’m assuming she does, but I could be wrong), it’s harder to accept.

      • flamingoNW

        I think she fires people if they try to do something sane with her hair.

      • demidaemon

        It’s hard to fire someone if they don’t exist.

        • Emily

          Good point. I’ve never understood her appeal. And the hair has never helped her cause!

    • drdarke

      Wait – The Eighties Madonna look is making a comeback?

      Guess I’ll have to start wearing loafers with no socks, white linen suits over message T-shirts, sunglasses at night – and stop shaving again!

  • Diego!

    I love it! She looks as if she doesn’t even give a F… for anything. Way to go Ms. K! 😀

    • I love it too! I’d totally wear it, if for nothing else than to make a spectacle of myself.

      • Diego!

        hahahahaa xD You made me laugh! 😛

  • decormaven

    The jacket, dear. It was shown with the look for a reason. And welcome back, uncles! You were missed.

  • This outfit really needs the jacket to come close to working

    • MoHub

      And even then it doesn’t help.

  • Welcome back, and thank you for this eye opening display. She is a hot mess from head to toe and is making me feel much better about my own sorry Monday morning.

  • carnush

    Bless her. Keeping it interesting. (Welcome back, guys!)

  • veleri


    (we already said NO to the Stella McCartney’s red jumpsuit… remember?)

  • Jessica Freeman

    Her make up is actually really lovely. I’m done with the sex hair. Lace pants, scares the hell out of me.

    • Annarosa

      agreed. And I like the shoes but I’d rip off those hair from her head.

  • ChaquitaPhilly

    Ewwww! My legs itch.

  • Targettaste

    The mom in me is screaming, “Brush your hair, young lady, before you leave this house.”

    • I think her hair is brushed….sorta. It needs to be trimmed and shaped.

    • Just Me

      Unfortunately, I think the hair is the least of her problems.

  • The horror of the hair is unspeakable. And the saddest part of this outfit is the fact that it is a re-tread, in a different color. It’s not even “original” shitty.

    • MilaXX

      I think they were going for beachy waves. Since she has the side braided, I am assuming a hair stylist did this intentionally.

      • As always, her make up is fantastic. I still love her face and it aggravates me to no end that her hair people drop the ball so very often.

        • alyce1213

          I think the problem is that the hair stylists think it’s cool. Can’t you just visualize the spraying, the crunching, the fabrication of snarl? “Honey, it’s perfect, you’re ready to go.”

          • formerlyAnon

            That’s exactly how I picture it.

      • formerlyAnon

        You are being diplomatic. Which makes you a better person than I, this morning.

        [stop reading here to avoid self-indulgent rant which is not, actually, aimed at either you, MilaXX or the original poster] Of course the hair style is intentional. Perhaps misguided, but intentional. I am no fan, but I am beyond irritated that her/her styilsts’ use of product and hours of work are so often called “unwashed” and “uncombed.” It’s not as if she’s the only one on the red carpet who spends boatloads of money to look poorly groomed.

        [apologies for inserting this into a thread in which the original poster did NOT call her hair dirty or in need of a hairbrush]

        • marlie

          You make a very good point. Everything about this look, from the clothes, the jewelry,and the shoes to the hair and makeup is planned out. There’s no “the hairdresser screwed up my look and this is what I’m stuck with” or “I didn’t have time to do anything better with my hair” when you’re a celeb of her caliber.

          ETA: I can’t for the life of me figure out (nor do I want to) why her “people” want her to look like she fell asleep with wet hair and then just walked out the door in the morning.

          • demidaemon

            I still find it hard to believe that a hairdresser had anything to do with this. If they did, they should immediately be stripped of their license, verbally berated, and sent to do something unaesthetic, such as construction work.

        • Qitkat

          She, and others, get nailed for this hair every time. The only ones who *get away with it* are those with stunning features. She has beautiful eyes, a lovely-shaped mouth, flawless skin, and great bone structure. The top of her hair is obviously clean too. I too don’t understand the spending of boatloads to look poorly groomed. But I would kill to have this much hair, although I guess I could ‘buy’ it; maybe she does too.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Yes! I was just going to say the “so shocking” peek-a-boo-leg-and/or-butt panels” is getting to be a thing for her. Add the signature dirty hair, dirty eyes, and soulless stare and you’ve got today’s hottest star of the screen!! All those girls who TRY so hard are pissed.

  • marlie

    What in the holy hell? I haven’t had enough coffee for this yet. Would it kill the girl to use a hairbrush every once in a while?

    • CurbGirl

      Is there enough coffee???

  • I like the jacket and the shoes on the runway model. :-/

  • Coolekat

    I’ll be happy when this granny panty thing has run its course. Doesn’t look good on anyone.

    • formerlyAnon

      I’m giving up hope. I fear it is becoming the same as the male perma-stubble look: once a trend, now a permanent style option.

  • MilaXX

    I wonder if she was trying to recreate the look she had with the black lace jumpsuit she wore to the last premiere of the Twilight series. Either way this is a swing and a miss. I appreciate that she put in effort, but this is awful

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    She and her stylist obviously enjoy some herbal refreshment before choosing her ensembles. Her hairdresser must be partaking as well.

  • Just Me

    Why stop at Jesus? This outfit pretty much takes care of the entire Judeo-Christian-Islamic pantheon. Neither chosen people, saints nor prophets of the Lord can get behind this look.

  • TLJezebel

    Hefty Bag Bodice.

  • Am I stupid for thinking this MIGHT work if only she had done something with her hair? Like wash/style it?

    • mhleta

      Hair and shoes MIGHT have saved this, or at least pulled it out of the basement.

    • formerlyAnon

      Let’s be fair. That’s hundreds of dollars worth of hair stylist’s work there. Maybe thousands if her hair person travels to/with her.

      Which doesn’t really change anyone’s opinion of the hairstyle, nor should it.

      • marlie

        Yes. This is her hair “done.” It’s awful.

  • SewingSiren

    Come to the Circus, The Greatest Show on Earth! Come to the Circus, we’re the Circus………

  • Janet B

    She could use a haircut, a serious haircut.

  • Elena Sophoula

    i kind of love this!

  • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

    She’s really going through a Teletubbie phase, it seems.

  • majorbedhead

    Her legs look like they’re growing moss. I don’t even want to discuss the rest of this mess.

  • I preferred the last iteration of this that she did.

  • Miss WKS

    What, no mention of the the lopsided hair don’t?

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    I kind of like this. Yes, it looks on the cheap side and she should have kept the jacket, but she can really get away with these kinds of looks. And her skin is flawless and beautiful, I am so envious.

  • Garcia Loca

    It takes skill to make both Miss Kristen and Miss Professional Runway Model to look thick and lumpy below the waist.

  • Viviennne

    Perhaps the addition of Cher’s kilt panels would compliment this Baroque look….

  • mhleta

    The thought process as she’s thumbing through her closet goes something like this: “Let’s see, I want something that make my legs look thick and shapeless as an Edwardian piano, and my breasts look like deflated inner-tubes. Ah yes, here it is! Now if I can just get my hair to look like it was caught in the flaming motor of a blowdryer…”

  • YourLibrarian

    Well, I love her makeup — her face looks gorgeous.

  • joanna dash

    I don’t mind the outfit, it’s the hair. It’s always the hair.

    Who is the owner of the instagrammed banana shorts-clad legs?? Wowie. *wolf whistle*

  • TheAmericaness

    Baby Jesus is crying too as well as pissing off big Jesus. All the Jesus’ are pissed or are pissing. It’s not good.

  • Nan

    I swear I’ve seen her in this eleventy times. Would it kill her to try something else?

  • sekushinonyanko

    Gotta love that now that Twilight is over she dresses like a vampire.

  • Sadie-Ann

    She’s wearing tights over a swimsuit. What has the world come to?

  • formerlyAnon

    Like her makeup?

    Ah well. It’s Paris. We can pretend things are just that different, there.

  • poggi

    There is just so much to dislike in this one ensemble. If only her makeup were as aggressively bad as the hair and the outfit, she would at least have the honor of looking uniformly and unabashedly awful.

  • random_poster

    There is nothing redeeming in this entire look.

  • susan6

    Genuine scrolldown fug. The make up is flawless; the braid/hurricane hair….is somebody trying to be artsy, the bodice is interesting if not necessarily flattering….
    ….and everything below the waist….IS KAPUT!!!!

  • Tracy_Flick

    We hate you right back, Kristen.

  • Shawn EH

    Sometimes the Payless shoes are the best part! What can I say, this look is so her it deserves an “of course!”

  • snarkykitten

    her “over it” face reflects my feelings about her

  • judybrowni

    Depressed Circus Aerialist.

  • Sara__B

    Ankle-length panties. I love you guys.

  • Terry

    I wish someone would talk her into changing her eye make up. The eyeliner all the way around her eyes isn’t doing her any favors.

  • frannyprof

    Almost makes up for the absent Paz de la Huerta. Almost.

  • JauntyJohn

    It needs the jacket. The bodice is very interesting as an underlayer but doesn’t work for me as much on its own.
    As for the rest… well, at this point this is not a young woman “finding” her style. This is all a very deliberate choice. And it is moving away from the “fuck you I’m so angry I’m rich and famous” vibe into something else, so for that alone, I’m grateful.
    “Be who you are” and “have a look you yourself like” are not bad points on the fashion map to live between. Not my cup of tea but it feels like it’s hers.

    • I wish I could agree that this is who she is, or that she likes this. It is crystal clear from the amount of images available out there on the interwebs, Kristen Stewart hates wearing high heels. In fact in this instance she was wearing completely different flat shoes when she got out of the car and she put on the heels afterwards.

      What annoys me, irritates me, and makes me really mad.. where is the rule that says she has to wear high heels? There are so many incredible flat shoes out there, why not make that her thing? Why bother with the swapping shoes – is it because a stylist or fashion designer demands it?

      She could be the poster girl for flat shoes. Not ugly dirty sneakers, but beautifully designed ballet flats, maybe from time to time a kitten heel. Michelle Obama does this beautifully. There is no law or rule saying that celebs cannot do the same.

      If she is going to make a deliberate choice, why can’t it be no high heels because I do not like them or feel comfortable in them, and if you want to be my stylist get with this program, and if you as a designer want me to wear your outfit, give me some awesome flats to go with it, or I will wear something else.

  • beebee10


  • cowper

    She can have the “I am edgier than THOU” award, I don’t want it.

  • LaSylphide

    Love the bodice (although i’m not sure it fits); HATE the rest.

  • pugluv

    Who in the world thought this outfit was a good idea? Those sheer lacy pants are just awful and make this tiny girl look chunky from the waist down. Her make up is ok but absolutely no effort on the hair, those little braids look ridiculous. This look is dead in the water.

  • CT14

    She washed her hair!

    She didn’t brush it, but it’s clean! That’s almost a WERQ for her.

  • PrunellaV

    Her hair looks like my cat’s fur after he’s curled up in the wet sink.

  • Judy_J

    “Let’s see… there anything I’ve forgotten? Oh, yeah… skirt!”

  • kim bunchalastnames

    she’d look better waisted. ha. swidt?

  • Georgia A. Priester

    Lets see….What are we wearing? Hmmmm…She’s a Muse of Murad. No matter what, she would look good in a paper sack.

  • flamingoNW

    Are her stylists afraid of her? Crikey…. Ankle length panties LOL

  • renad

    Best looking pair of Depends I ever saw.

  • demidaemon

    I think being drunk is the least of her problems, as she seems to have some new sort of venereal disease. One that sprouts a black fungus from the crotchal region that has grown down the entirety of her legs. Ew.

  • ankali

    Yes, honey, fuck you too. /said with love

  • stacey

    ha ha ha ha ha!

  • MemHey

    Welcome back! Missed you!

  • Joey Melliza

    skanky smelly granny panties

  • Town

    This girl always looks dirty to me. Like she smells of lunchmeat and earwax.