Girl, That’s Not Your Skirt: Chloë Moretz in Dolce&Gabbana

Posted on July 30, 2013

Said with as much gayvuncular love as we can muster: Honey, NO.


Chloë Moretz makes an appearance on “The Today Show” to promote “Kick-Ass 2” wearing a Dolce&Gabbana skirt from the Spring 2013 collection paired with Jimmy Choo sandals, and a Delfina Delettrez bracelet.

Dolce&Gabbana Spring 2013 Collection/Model:Ava Smith

Miss Chloe’s always been admirable in her early adoption of fashion as a way of life, but one consistent issue she has with her dressing choices is essentially the same issue the vast majority of people, male and female, have when it comes to style: not knowing what does and doesn’t work for her body. She’s both short and short-waisted, so a skirt like this is right out of her wheelhouse. It’s too thick and stiff for her frame and the thick horizontal band right at her waist essentially obliterates her natural body shape.

Girl, pack that shit up and send it off to Zoe Saldana or someone like that. Let’s get you into something swingy and flirty.

In other news, both that top and those shoes are disappointments. We’re gonna call this whole look an outlier and hope she gets back to fine form with her next attempt.



[Photo Credit: Roger Wong/,]

Please review our Community Guidelines before posting a comment. Thank you!

  • I’m not sure Zoe or anyone needs a skirt with a sun (sunflower?) sticking its tongue out over that particular part of your anatomy.

    • Catiline

      THIS… I’m not sure even Queen Tilda could pull off a sadface over the crotch.

      • leahpapa

        “sadface over the crotch” – EXACTLY. The placement and expression look like the winning entry in a “Come up with an emoticon for a yeast infection” contest.

        • Judih1


        • conniemd

          OMG that literally made me laugh out loud, having been a victim of yeast infection too many times to count.

        • Ronica Skarphol Brownson

          I was going to go with “concerned vagina.”

      • kim bunchalastnames

        shhhhhh! THE SWINTON can do ANYTHING.

  • It looks like a cheap placemat from a vendor in Tiajuana

    • quiltrx

      I went coin purse, but I’m glad someone else sees it as a cheap souvenir!

  • Also, the shirt is a bit see through. I’ve seen other pics. Now, I usually defend her more mature choices, but I draw the line at visible bra and crotch emphasizing faces. Shine on a few more years young lady, you can be as salacious as you want as soon as you’re legal.

    • MilaXX

      That looks like one of those knits that in person isn’t sheer, but put a flash on it and Hello bra! I think most of us have an unfortunate picture like that.

  • SophiaPehawkins

    I don’t know, I think she looks cute in it. It’s a fun skirt.

    • teensmom99

      If it were a thrift shop find, maybe–but not at whatever crazy price it retails for.

    • kim bunchalastnames

      ya, you know? i can’t be hatin’. although i’m worried, because she looks a little … well. as if perhaps she has been in close contact with some sort of flammable organic inhalant. still, the skirt actually looks better on chloe than it does on the model, and that’s saying something. even if what it’s saying is that it should not be worn. lol.

  • Jessica Freeman

    I mean, if you’re going to wear a bright colored place mat as a skirt, then COMMIT. At least wear a better color on top and the shoes. Black was a very bad default choice here.

  • Jen

    Her crotch’s face says it all.

  • Lori

    I’m not convinced that’s anyone’s skirt. I just can’t get behind a woman running around with Mr Yuck looking out from her lady parts.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      Yes, without that stupid face this skirt might have worked on someone – who? I don’t know, but someone, maybe.

    • zenobar

      I remember Mr. Yuck! They were everywhere in the early-mid 80s (my Golden Age of Babysitting).

    • Catiline

      Mr. Yuck!!! That is so accurate. Thank you for my belly laugh of the day.

  • zenobar

    That is some shit rendition of traditional Ethiopian art and it’s making me twitch and I am not even a tiny bit Ethiopian.

  • kimmeister

    That shape of skirt belongs on someone long waisted like Olivia Wilde or Kaley Cuoco.

  • ashtangajunkie

    I don’t think that is anyone’s skirt, but if we sew the bottom closed and add a handle it might be somebody’s beach bag.

  • oatmealpie

    At least the bracelet is totally cute!

  • Nancer

    That’s one fugly skirt. It doesn’t belong on ANYONE.

  • msdamselfly

    I still really like the choice of skirt Looks almost Mexican

  • Beardslee

    I agree with all the comments but am particularly concerned that this very young girl is, seemingly, the focus of a scrum of people. That just can’t be good for her.

  • SugarSnap108

    Her hoo-ha is rather eloquently expressing my opinion of this skirt.

  • another_laura

    This is just bad. And I think she knows it.

  • Gloriana Reginata

    That poor skirt has an unhappy womb face on it. No skirt should have an unhappy womb face, ever.

  • MilaXX

    An emoji on your hoo-ha? I think not. This isn’t cute on the model and it’s not cute on Chloe. In fact, I don’t think this would be cute on anyone over 5 years old.

    • majorbedhead

      It wouldn’t be cute on anyone, period. Maybe reversed, as a diaper cover, but that’s it.

  • Imasewsure

    Sorry but I love the skirt… just for a taller lady-star

  • majorbedhead

    I’m trying really hard not to get my feminist rage on here, but who the fuck designs a skirt with a yuck face over the crotch? Send them over here. I’ve got some slapping to do.

    • conniemd

      Even worse on the model where the skirt barely tops the good china. It’s really freaky how often clothing points arrows at or puts designs right over the crotch.

  • marlie

    Girl looks tired. Let’s chalk this one up to her not getting her beauty sleep last night.

  • mellorcr

    Looks like her girly-parts are going “bleah”.

  • SublimatedRage

    Is it just me, or does this girl look just like Molly Webber — the nondescript shy girl that Marcia Brady helped transform into a knock-out so she could become the Senior Banquet Hostess, only to then turn around and stab Marcia in the back by being a total ingrate about it? All this for the attention of one dreamy Colonel Dick Whitfield?

  • Garcia Loca

    The sad/nauseous face embroidered onto her hoo-ha definitely throws me off.

  • Lady Orwellian

    That skirt says: “My period is here. Go away.”

  • teensmom99

    Gayvuncular is my new favorite word. And if this skirt were a $20 find from a head shop (they used to sell stuff like that from the Andes), then I’d be kind of forgiving and think she could have worn it with a t-shirt or peasant blouse. But I think this is from the Dolce & Gabbana spring “emperor’s new clothes” collection.

  • crash1212

    In her defense, ain’t nobody’s skirt.

  • nannypoo

    It’s also not her makeup. She looks like she just woke up. Maybe that’s why she needs so many handlers.

  • Kent Roby

    I promise you that Katy Perry would wear that skirt if the flowering crotch was either happy, or eating a hotdog.

  • Diego!

    This looks like tableclothes…. Girl, you look sad!

  • Shawn EH

    Dolce & Gabana need to stop designing kitschy folk-wear, and pay their taxes.

    • veleri

      amen to that!

      edit: I can’t stop laughing!

  • Anniebet

    Does not work. Whatsoever. And she looks like she realizes it.

  • MannahattaMamma

    No one needs any kind of face–smiley, unsmiley, tongue-sticky-outy–where the bits & parts reside. No one.

  • vitaminC

    Suncrotch. Not a girl’s best friend.

  • NOLA_gal

    Wow. I read that at first as GYNacular, and thought that truer words were never spoken!

  • olsonam

    It looks crocheted which means I could totally make one for myself.

  • Roza

    The man on her skirt look sad and sickly with his tongue hanging out!

  • quiltrx

    YIKES. I don’t think it’s ANYONE’S skirt. But, resized, it could be many people’s souvenir coin purse.

  • demidaemon

    I’m more concerned with the sad macrame sun over her vagina. What is she trying to tell us here?

  • SophieCollier

    Chloe, for what it’s worth, it looks stupid on the model too. It’s just fugly.