Gabrielle Union in Marc Bouwer at the 2013 ESPY Awards

Posted on July 18, 2013

We’re all for showing off the goods at an event like the ESPYs, but this isn’t doing her many favors:


Gabrielle Union attends the 2103 ESPY Awards at Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles in a Marc Bouwer dress paired with EF Collection earrings and Graziela Gems ring.

Marc Bouwer Fall 2012 Collection

It’s just so … thick.

And her hair queen clearly did not coordinate with her fashion queen, because a black dress with a weird neck/yoke/shoulder should not be paired with a black, over the shoulder thick braid. It actually took us a few minutes to figure out what was going on there.

We’re just gonna say it: it’s an awful look. Which is a shame, because “Gabrielle Union showing off the goods at the ESPYs” should be just about the easiest style directive anyone could be handed.



[Photo Credit: WMTV/,]

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  • Jaeda Laurez

    So they made a dress out of bike tires. Hunh. And the Pinterest braid was the wrong choice.

    • drdarke

      I thought “carpet”, @jaedalaurez:disqus – but otherwise, yeah. Exactly.

      • majorbedhead

        And I was thinking 70s disco-fabulous macrame plant holders. But yeah.

        • drdarke

          That works too, @majorbedhead:disqus .

          But we all agree – whatever it is ::A-OK sign!:: IT STINKS!

    • Lady Orwellian

      I honestly couldn’t tell her braid and the dress apart from some angles. Bike tires? Hilar!

  • Heavy dress. Heavy braid. It all looks so,….heavy. And it isn’t doing her ladyfronts any favors, either.

    • boldprint

      I will now use “ladyfronts” in a sentence today. Thank you!

  • MilaXX

    It looks bad on the model as well. They should have left that mess on the runway. On the other hand, her new show has potential. Loved the 2 hour sneak peek/movie.

  • filmcricket

    It’s making her look very broad-shouldered, which is contributing to the impression that those are pecs instead of boobs.

    On the other hand, this bitch does not age. I am impressed with whomever installed the Fountain of Youth in her backyard.

    • kimmeister

      It does the same thing to the waif-like model! It’s just a bad design, period.

    • whirligig7

      She looks like she’s had some work to me… a bit stretched and puffy…

  • Julie

    Oy, she should’ve picked just one feature to show off. You can’t just put it all out there.

  • LadyCelia

    It looks very original Star Trek.

    • kimmeister

      Ha, I was totally thinking Romulan.

      • imspinningaround


    • I should have known to scroll the comments when getting to a post late. I said nearly the same.

    • Rand Ortega

      I was thinking “Mudd’s Women”.

      • MilaXX

        What was the name, Harcout Fenton Mudd?

        • Rand Ortega

          OK. I’ve got the sibling adoption papers prepared. All you have to do is sign.
          (teeny quibble– there’s 2 R’s in Harcourt)

          • MilaXX

            I should have googled the name.

    • quiltrx

      LOL you guys, I love finding out kindred spirits in one way also are in another!
      I was thinking Borg dress, myself.

  • Diego!

    AfricanAmerican Geisha. I agree guys! This is not flattering AT ALL. It looks as if the dress was made out of carton.

  • decormaven

    That braid is so heavy, it could be used as a lethal weapon. This is unflattering, tip to toe.

  • Imasewsure

    Maybe KStew could make this work (Gwen or even Pink for sure) but no one else should even try and definitely not our lovely Gabrielle… Yuck

  • Ginny Ellsworth

    Just because you have seat belts doesn’t mean you should Etsy them into a dress.

  • Catiline

    The shoulders of that dress are positively Romulan.

    • kimmeister

      Oops, I should have read more comments before I posted the same thing above!

  • veleri

    It looks as thick as a doormat.

  • Meg0GayGuys6

    This looks just like one of the outfits from that episode of PR when they made pieces out of car parts!

  • Richard Banger

    I saw this on TV last night. She looked stunning in motion.

  • julnyes

    You are dragging us down Gabby!

  • rumcg66

    It looks like a Romulun uniform. No.

  • JP

    It’s very Intergalactic Space Hooker.

  • imspinningaround

    Romulan club-wear.

  • Rand Ortega

    I’m shocked she didn’t break through the RC rather than walk it. What’s next? An anvil necklace? GU is the shizz, but this look head to toe weighs her completely down.

  • Cocktail waitress on the Starship Enterprise.

    • drdarke

      Respectfully, @bad2f739247872121fe4dcfad04173f6:disqus ? Cocktail Waitresses in Ten-Forward dress a lot better than this!

      Yes, of course I’m a SF geek….

  • marlie

    That dress is ugly. And her hair is all wrong. Plus, she could have used a bolder lip, and a pair of silver heels/sandals.

  • Little_Olive

    … by Firestone?

  • MoHub

    This is not for the chestally endowed. And she appears to have forgotten her pants.

  • SpillinTea

    She needs to hire Korto at a stylist/designer and call it a day.

  • Just Me

    Pick one, honey. Boobs or legs. You know your Momma raised you better…

  • H2olovngrl

    This must really pain you guys, too. I know she is one of your girl crushes.

  • demidaemon

    You know, I didn’t even see her hair until TLo pointed it out. Terrible all around.

  • Danielle L

    Hard to tell where that braid ended and the neck piece began.

  • Trisha26

    Dress is gorgeous on the model who has zero body fat, no boobs and no hips. Just not Gabrielle’s dress.

  • Claudia

    It seems crazy that even she can have an off day!