Chloë Moretz for InStyle UK Magazine

Posted on July 08, 2013

Sometimes, when you’re a Professional Gay Uncle, you have to be the bad guy and crush someone’s style dreams. And sometimes, you kind of love it a little. But to be fair, this is not one of those times.

We’re being all serious and shit here! We promise, the buildup’s not quite worth the follow-through.

 

Chloë Moretz covers the August 2013 issue of InStyle UK magazine in a Christian Dior dress photographed by Sofia Sanchez & Mauro Mongiello and styled by Natalie Hartley.

Christian Dior Fall 2013 Collection/Model: Zuzanna Bijoch (NEXT)

Gucci Fall 2013 Collection/Model: Kasia Struss

Blumarine Fall 2013 Collection/Model: Vika Falileeva

 

What we’re trying to say is this: as much as we adore Chloe for her stylishness and risk-taking, especially at such a young age, we don’t think she can work the out-there stuff all that well; at least not yet. She looks pretty great in the Dior, but she’s struggling with the Gucci and she just looks silly in the Blumarine. Fashion may be youth-oriented to a fault, but generally one needs a few more years’ experience to be able to work the hard-to-work looks, if one is not a professional dress-wearer. Not that she shouldn’t keep trying. If we really were her uncles and she was just some teenager figuring out her style, we’d probably not say a word and let her figure it out on her own. But since she’s getting to wear the good stuff on the cover of a magazine, we can’t help but spew opinions in every direction. It’s just how we’re wired.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Sofia Sanchez & Mauro Mongiello for InStyle, style.com]

    • Ceur

      She’s giving a little bit of Cassie van den Dungen-face in the two first shots. The third is silly.

      • YoungSally

        I keep seeing Pia Zadora in the Blumarine shot.

        Speaking of Blumarine — want that coat!! Or at least the occasion to wear it.

    • MilaXX

      The cover photo is passable, the rest are just awful. They simply do not work for her.

      • marlie

        I think the cover photo is horrendous. Her hair looks dirty and dry at the same time.

        • Little_Olive

          It is indeed HIDEOUS. So much so, I misread “Fashion Secrets” as “Fashion Regrets” and thought “Maybe InStyle is trying to become less serious about it?” Not. That hair. OMG. Do you remember early chevron-curling irons? This is worse.

          The rest are just sad. She looks sad, anyway.

        • Emily

          And the makeup I can’t tolerate at all. Really? Blue eyeshadow?

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      I am typically a Chloe defender, at least for most of her red carpet moments, but this is just not working on any level. I hate the cover and the inside looks are bordering on the ridiculous. This disappoints me greatly.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      The styling too, leaves much to be desired. The Dior dress with the crocheted tea cozy over it, is hilarious. The Gucci dress, while technically awe inspiring is an overwrought, nearly unwearable misfire. And the Blumarine playsuit? Where exactly does one wear such an article?

      • Jaeda Laurez

        I believe the Gucci dress is only really suited for photoshoots, but they should have never put this on the rack for her.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          true facts. That dress is so editorial it would take a cosmic class dress wearing babe to pull it off.

          • H2olovngrl

            And a top notch stylist to put the whole look together properly. On Chloe, this may have worked better if only some of the dress was showing.

          • Little_Olive

            Totally. Otherwise it’s like the nuggets at mu high school lunch: not sure if it’s a sea or an air creature.

            This called for a more angular face, sleeked back hair, different lighting. I’m thinking Keira. Or JLo.

          • ankali

            Zoe Saldana (because she looks good in everything), Evan Rachel Wood maybe?

      • Lucía Gavello

        I agree, it doesn’t help that instead of “style secrets” I read “style regrets” on the cover.

        • Aurumgirl

          Ha ha. Sometimes dyslexia is really your friend.

      • ballerinawithagun

        In the cover shot I liked the Dior, thought it was just a heavy lace belt or peplum effect. Then I saw the whole dress??? Ruining a classic black and white dress with, yes, a crocheted tea cozy, is unforgivable!!! The Gucci looks like a re-cycled, junk2funk piece. Then a woolly romper/onesie???

        • marlie

          The Dior could have been SO nice as just a houndstooth dress, right?!

      • marlie

        A ladystar with a PhD in wearing fashion could have pulled off the Gucci. Chloe doesn’t quite have the “presence” for it.

    • Jaeda Laurez

      I LOVE that Gucci dress, but she’s not old enough to wear it. That dress needs fierce, not Pretty Baby.

    • Clueless_Jock

      Get thee into Miu Miu.

    • AlisonS

      I think that Gucci was made for JLo and JLo only…

    • Diego!

      She is rocking the cover but the rest… meh!

    • gabbilevy

      Somebody needs to send Natalie Hartley on a Don Draper-style forced vacation after this one.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      The hair and makeup fail the rest of the look for me. Those clothes need better, more deliberately styled hair than is presented here.

    • Jessica Freeman

      She’s not mature enough to pull off the sexy vibe these clothes typically require. She looks like a rich teen who got into mommies closet and did a photo shoot with her bestie.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Her eyes and pout usually give her all attitude she needs to pull off looking pretty f’ing fierce. She probably needs a little body language here, but honestly, I think she could have pulled this off with better styling. The hair and make up are a Disaster!! I can’t believe they used that cover shot… shameful.

      • marlie

        Her hair looks HORRIBLE in the cover shot.

    • Annarosa

      Chloe, how about a smile? Just sayin’.

      The Blumarine one is so Blake Lively.

      • Monzerrat Ontiveros

        she has amazing lips

        • Annarosa

          one reason more to smile

    • nannypoo

      She has a pretty face but she looks her best when she’s animated and doing something. These pictures do nothing for her.

    • Monzerrat Ontiveros

      I can’t stand Dior anymore!!!

      • Lori

        I confess that I really don’t get the crocheted dress cozy and I don’t feel like I ought to have to. If it looks like something you’re grandma made for no obvious good reason then it really shouldn’t be sent out the door as part of a Dior dress.

      • gurl boy

        Agree…

    • omg_dora

      The duckface makes me stabby.

      • MsOlympia

        I used to think that about her, but now I really think that’s how her lips are shaped.

        • omg_dora

          I’m pretty sure she’s pouting intentionally.

          I like her, I just don’t like this shoot.

          • poggi

            I find this kind of annoying too. Even if she isn’t intentionally exaggerating the pout, the finger to the lips in the cover shot and the sexy hair combined with the natural pout of her lips combine to make her look a little silly. In 10 years she’ll have the quirky, sexy Ellen Barkin going for her, but for now she shouldn’t try this hard.

            • j_anson

              Agreed. She’s so tiny and young-looking that there’s also a real Lolita vibe to it that just makes me uncomfortable. Your face is already sexy, girl! You don’t really need to sexify it more! I think she’d be a better model if she dialed it back a bit.

            • marlie

              THIS. I don’t have a problem with her, per se, but the way she’s so often styled, plus that pouty duck-face she often makes, is a little too Lolita-ish to me.

            • omg_dora

              Exactly.

      • veleri

        I can’t help but stare at those lips and ask myself if they are intentional or just natural

    • Ramon Figueroa

      The Gucci is wearing her. The Blumaire, with that head dress needs Eartha Kitt or Barbra in “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever.”

      • sekushinonyanko

        I feel like Kristen Stewart could make that Gucci dress work.

    • MsOlympia

      Maybe it’s just me, but I love the giant flower headdress. Possibly because her hair looks crunchy and poorly styled in the other pics.

    • ashtangajunkie

      What they’ve done to her hair for that cover shot is unforgivable. Good lord.

    • Aurumgirl

      I never expected to see a Dexter’s Dead Mom manicure presented as fashion. But life is full of surprises.

    • sekushinonyanko

      I feel like the sheer in the runway version of the Gucci dress works a lot better than filling it in with all of that thick looking sequined fabric. It might have been a lot of naked-looking-ness for a person her age, but that’s why it needs to be on someone older anyway. Making it a sequined turtleneck just made it look like a Santino piece that needed editing.

    • marlie

      Her hair looks truly horrible in that first (and second) picture. It looks dry and matted. Someone needs to be fired for that.

      • MartyBellerMask

        Worst hair I’ve seen on a magazine cover and pictorial.

    • j_anson

      Ugh, that Blumarine is looking silly without any help from Chloe. Also, I think they could have done a little more to help her out – apparently all they did was stand her in front of a garishly painted section of a cheap motel and say, “Stand there and look sexy!”

    • decormaven

      Too much heavy lifting for such a wee tot. Give it some time, girl.

    • silaria

      How many Muppets died for that Gucci?

    • snarkykitten

      That last outfit looks like pjs. Especially in the model pic, with that robe over top. That + the hat = Carmen Miranda woke up late & forgot to put on real clothes

    • judybrowni

      I find it difficult to believe that real people (even fabulously wealthy real people) wear that schmatta.

      Where in the world is the proper climate for a tweed strapless gown with a macrame overlay?

      Or a short short romper with long sleeves and fucking turtleneck?

      Or the molting Frankendress?

    • Rand Ortega

      Well, you’d look silly if someone tried to make a 1-800-Flowers ad out of YOUR head, too. But therein lies the rub. The styling of the entire shoot is ridick ( the overdone eyes, the underage girl in the tacky motel w/ couture clothes contrast– so horribly Terry Richardson circa too many times). If anyone’s style dreams should be crushed it’s not Chloe’s, it’s Sanchez, Mongiello & Hartley’s.

    • crash1212

      I was thinking the only one she was really working WAS the Gucci! I wouldn’t been totally on board with the Dior if they hadn’t ensconced it in that macrame dream catcher.

      • conniemd

        No kidding. Macrame and houndstooth check, whodathunk it? The macrame looks like a handmade quilt that hangs on the back of everyone’s aunt or great aunt’s sofa in their parlor.

    • Cz

      It looks a bit too much like she raided her older model sister’s closet and vanity and took selfies. (Which fits in really well with the “How to Succeed on Twitter” article.) Ps. How to Succeed on Twitter? WTF?

    • Dawn Sinclair

      Why? Why does she have beginners blue eye make-up? It gives me sads

    • PrunellaV

      I’ll be shocked if we don’t see Miley in the Blumarine at some point.

    • marlie

      I think the dress looks better on JLo, but what the hell did they do to JLo’s hair? They either put her in a terrible wig, or photoshoppesd on a different head of hair.

    • Dagney

      Jeeeeez, she is such a beautiful young women and they made her look weird. Ugh.

    • SewingSiren

      Lizard skin dresses, flower pot hats, and table cloth skirts… pretty much every thing that I love.

    • kim bunchalastnames

      i … actually think she looks pretty killer in the gucci.

    • flamingoNW

      Well, she might be able to work it if she had better stylists around. HORRIBLE make-up, bad hair, wrong picks for her.

    • demidaemon

      Who cares about the clothes? What’s up with the WTF eye make-up? It looks like someone frosted her eyes.

    • hac51

      Jesus, even the manicure is a horror show.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      I’m just shocked at how much I actually like the blue eye shadow on the cover.

    • http://kingderella.tumblr.com/ kingderella

      i actually like the blumarine shot. i though it was lana del rey for just a moment – not a bad thing in my book. but they probably should have photoshopped away her cock.

    • Erica_Vuitton

      I can’t even look at the clothes because WTF with the lips?? Bad plumper? How old is this girl?

      • somebody blonde

        Um… her lips have always looked like that.