Catherine Zeta-Jones in Michael Kors at the “Red 2” Premiere

Posted on July 17, 2013

Oh, honey. We can see you’re trying here…


Catherine Zeta-Jones attends the premiere of “Red 2” at MOMA in New York City in a Michael Kors dress paired with Maiyet shoes and Neil Lane earrings.

We’ll start with this: we actually like the dress. We very much dislike the to-the-thigh slit, but just about everything else in the design appeals to us. It has a modern feel she desperately needs in her style. Or it would have, if it wasn’t slit to the damn thigh. Lady, if the number one style message you want to send is “I still got it,” then you’re only planting the question of whether you still got it automatically in people’s heads every time they see you. It’s just not a good idea to make it your primary goal, hon. Better to dress with the assumption one still has it and proceed from there, rather than starting with the idea that one has to prove it. Also, you tend toward too heavy shoes, dear. Those are fabulous shoes, but they’re fighting with the dress a little. Still we’d take them if you just stitched up a good eight inches of that slit. The whole look would improve immeasurably. Also: think about moving away from constant blacks.

Then maybe we can start talking about freshening up the hair, sweetie. Baby steps, we know. Don’t worry. We’re patient bitches. We’ve imaginary-helped many a ladystar correct her style mistakes.



[Photo Credit: ACE, Jennifer Graylock/]

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  • halleygee

    She looks great from the knees down.

  • YoungSally

    Did something happen to her face? It just doesn’t look the same…I know that medication changes can wreak havoc with one’s body but I can’t tell if she looks sunken or puffy or a little of each….or if it is just two bad photoshoots in a row.

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      I wonder if it’s not the brushed back hair. Her eyes looked off to me, but when I really looked, it was the hair that threw me off. I’m used to volume where she’s concerned.

      • EdithP

        She would look great with some bangs.

        • queen b*tch

          Exactly my thoughts

    • EdithP

      I think it’s the stress and strain of being ill. Poor woman looks to be on edge.

    • AnaRoW

      I think she’d had some work done a while ago because for a while she didn’t look remotely like herself. Add stress, aging, and medications to that.

    • kimmeister

      She’s definitely had eyelid surgery, because she had heavy lids before (not a bad thing) and she doesn’t now.

    • Sunraya

      I wonder the same thing every time I see her. She and Christie Brinkley both have that weird eye thing going on. How I wish these gorgeous women wouldn’t mess around with their faces! I can’t even see the clothes past what she did to her face. 🙁

    • ccinnc

      Saw one of these pictures on Fug Girls and had no idea who she was.

    • jabes

      Looks like some botox, possibly.

      • anneland

        I’m agreeing — botox. They get that weirdness around the mouth when trying to smile but the cheeks won’t move.

    • I think it’s just because she’s lost a lot of weight.

  • 1. Loose the X across her chest.
    2. Take the length above the knee or down to the ankle. Either way, get it out of no man’s land.
    3. Swap out shoe for something metallic.
    4. Do absolutely ANYthing else with that hair.

    • demidaemon

      Sew up the slit as well. Or just save yourself the effort and start over with a different dress.

    • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

      Totally with you on the length. And yes, her hair is her glory. But I want to see something done with it!

    • MoHub

      I was definitely thinking the dress would be a winner if it were full length, and the slit stopped just above the knee.

  • crash1212

    She needs to update the hair. Seriously…update the hair. Everything else here is working for me.

  • Clueless_Jock

    She is still ravishing but the styling looks dated.

  • It is a great dress. I’m not convinced that it is really the right one for CZJ; even without the slit.

  • appliquer

    I think she looks fabulous. I do agree that the slit in the dress needs to be about 8″ shorter. I’m glad she’s not showing us cocker spaniel hair or mermaid hair!

  • nyazgirl

    Is it just me or do her hands look white as feck?

    • rajf

      The left one looks like she might have been wearing a golf glove, and the self-tanner to correct the difference isn’t quite dark enough or has washed off/faded. Can’t really see the right hand.

      • nyazgirl

        oooh, great detective skills, Dex! 🙂

        • rajf


  • unbornfawn

    Everything stinks of trying too hard. She’s an attractive woman. Relax a little, Not everything needs to be hanging out. She is way past due for a hair make-over. Great dress on someone else.

  • carnush

    She needs a cut and a blowout, lighter makeup and maybe a Victoria Beckham dress and pumps. I like this dress but the shoes are wrong and the hair is just bad.

    • Rand Ortega

      Brilliant. Beck’s mix of bodycon & proper lady is the perfect style for CZJ.

    • zenobar

      Exactly what I was thinking. VB’s dresses would look so gorgeous on her…she has the body, God knows. Check those guns!!!

  • Rand Ortega

    Hate. The. Dress. It’s looks like some horrid Native American pastiche circa Cher in her pseudo “Half Breed” glam persona. Everything looks dated, old hat. My sister had those exact earrings in 1989 & they sucked then. CZJ is such a goddess, but she’s ruining what could be the best period of her style life be harkening back to what I call her “bouffant years”. Stuck in the long past time when you thought you looked your hottest. TLo, please use your magical powers & summon Joe Zee to CZJ’s ailing style aid. To paraphrase Princess Leia, “You’re her only hope”.

    • decormaven

      Truly. The clock is ticking, and frankly, she’s one black dress away from being a one-note.

  • eowyn_of_rohan

    The metallic panel on the dress looks way too much like tire skidmarks. Nobody wants to see a movie star look like roadkill.

  • AlisonS

    Mary-Louise & Helen “The Queen” are making her look like fashion roadkill during these press junkets.

  • hughman

    With all the “Rich Ladies Who Eat Fashion For Lunch” dresses Kors churns out, THIS is the one she (or one of her lackeys) picked?

  • Anniebet

    Shoe envy! Those are great! Not so sure about the rest of the look, since the dress is rather odd, especially in the bodice. The hair isn’t doing her any favors.

  • MilaXX

    Close the slit, shorten dress to just at the knee & the hair gets a pass this time.

  • SugarSnap108

    Totally agree about the slit on the dress — though I’d also get rid of the X that’s strangling her. But as with her last look, I really think it’s the hair and makeup that are aging her.

  • bertkeeter

    Agree on the slit…boring. What’s with her face…looks so thin?

  • ErmengardeGreen

    This makes me miss that TLo feature that involved imaginarily making over a star by picking a bunch of stuff from the runway shows.

  • ashtangajunkie

    If not for the slit and the hair, I wouldn’t mind this look so much for her. I could forgive the weird hem length if the other two things were changed.

  • Cloveradams

    At first glance – Deco dress, miles of leg – I thought she was back to playing Velma Kelly. And the lushness of her beauty seems to have been tampered with.

  • CPK1

    She just doesn’t look fresh. And it’s not a question of age. Helen Mirren is significantly older and she always looks fresh and lovely.

  • Catiline

    I really dig the dress. If she had a cute hairstyle, this look would improve enough that I could probably look past everything else.

  • Imasewsure

    Love the shoes. Hate everything else. Glad I got a chance to age away from the spotlight (ok, under a hole but whatever). Hate to see the ladystars feel they have to try so hard

  • mshesterp

    I was immediately distracted by the titscrepancy. It looks like her right side is being inflated…what’s going on there, CZJ?

    I agree it’s better, but the slit is distracting. So apparently I’m distracted up high and down low. I guess I’m fine with the middle of the dress?

  • formerlyAnon

    Without the slit (or with a modest 4″ slit, or better yet a kick pleat in the back if the hem needed some ease for walking) this could have been a good dress on her. She needs to err on the “regal” end of the spectrum.

  • quiltrx

    Dear CZJ, You are a beautiful, classy lady. You even have one of those medals from the Queen (I’m dashed if I can think of what it’s called right now) to prove how awesome you are. Please, honey, stop trying so hard. Some of your outfits practically shriek, “I’m fine!! Everything’s fine!!!” You don’t have anything to prove. Just relax, and be yourself, and find some fun clothes you enjoy wearing.

  • NoveltyRocker

    Subtly-textured long bob, no bangs. That’s what I’m willing her towards. Her hair looks better here back off her face but then there’s all that unnecessary length hanging back there. I know sultry, long hair is romantic in brief moments—like blowing in a breeze or tousled after sex—but if you aren’t going to have it styled effectively for every appearance, it’s more of a nuisance. A nuisance that ages and dates you. I need a haircut so badly.

  • kimmeister

    Reminds me of the dress Demi Moore wore in “Indecent Proposal.” That’s probably not the vibe CZJ should emulate.

  • I dislike the dress for several reasons: It reminds me of the dress Demi Moore wore in that movie with Robert Redford. I know it’s different, but any black dress with diagonal straps that fit well bring that other dress to mind. The panel down the front is just silly. It is distracting. Too stiff. I don’t mind the slit so much since her chest is mostly covered. It wouldn’t hurt her to push her other boob up so that the two look even. Her legs look great. Her feet look nice.

    I haven’t paid close attention to her fashion like you two have. I appreciate women who have the confidence to cover themselves up. In this last year I saw both Scarlet Johansen and Jessica Biel on Kelly and Michael (on separate occasions) wearing a plain long-sleeved buttoned down blouse tucked into a simple skirt or pants. No cleavage or legs or butt cheek outlines, etc. Simply two different confident women who don’t have to draw attention to their bodies. Granted, they are younger than CZJ, but there are plenty of women their age with the constant need to prove they’re hot. It’s tiring and boring to me, but then I’m female.

  • KayEmWhy

    If she didn’t have that slit so high she wouldn’t be able to walk. I think the sent her the wrong size. She has no waistline here.

  • Noelle

    I’m not crazy about this dress. It seems to really be “columnizing” her and erasing her naturally lovely figure. I also HATE that giant X strap thing in the middle of her chest.

  • Gwyndall

    If she’s trying to show off her figure, this dress was a poor choice. There are some optical illusions going on that do her no favors!

  • colleenjanel

    Honey, just because you have a slit, that does not mean that you should stand like you’re trying to show off the goods. Stand like a lady, lady!

  • Lola Channing

    this is what the hookers wear to the bar at the Sanderson. They’re usually around 26 years old. And hey, they look like awesome hookers. Ms. Jones looks like a sad older hooker who doesn’t want to give up her turf without a fight.

  • Tracy_Flick

    She used to always look so effortless, but recently she seems stiff and uncomfortable. The hair/makeup/dress would have been wonderful on old Catherine, the flaws barely noticeable. I wonder what happened.

  • E. D.

    I don’t even mind the hair, but that slit is no good.

  • PrunellaV

    You guys are right — CZJ desperately needs a makeover.

  • girliecue

    Love the dress and shoes on her and she looks like she’s enjoying wearing the outfit. Her hair was so cute in Oceans Twelve – short bob flipped back on the sides and up in the back with soft, sideswept bangs – that I keep wishing she’d wear it like that again.

  • MannahattaMamma

    Someone send her for a weekend (okay, maybe a week. maybe a month?) with La Belle Mirren for lessons in how to dress your age & still blow everyone else out of the water with your hotness. Of course it helps to have gobs of talent. Hmm.

  • pookiesmom

    I actually really hate the dress. It is made worse by styling choices, though.

  • frannyprof

    She so needs a new stylist.

  • ItsDicey

    She used to to be so damned pretty. What happened? I disagree with the shoes, as I think they’re fine. Everything else is just “meh”.

  • queen b*tch

    Nope, it’s a mess. She needs to sharpen up and close her legs when she’s posing.

    Perhaps, get a hair cut… I think a fringe would do wonders

  • Diego!

    I hate to say this, but I have to… she is getting too old for this kind of dresses. I’m sorry Catherine! I love you, but you have to wear something more appropiate for your age. Leave this to Vanessa Hudgens or Selena Gomez.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    She is in desperate need of a waist and a hair stylist.

  • marlie

    I like the dress, but it makes her top half look a little broad, no? I think it’s the effect of the slit.

  • putacorkinit

    Is she wearing some kind of ultra-modern, ultra-tech wig? The hairline across her brow almost looks like plugs. Whatever’s going on, above the forehead has a creepy John Travolta vibe.

    I once had supper with her.

  • Airkisses

    “Better to dress with the assumption one still has it and proceed from
    there, rather than starting with the idea that one has to prove it.” Case in point: Hellen Mirren! THAT BODY at THAT AGE is insane.

  • Tuneful54

    I didn’t recognize her. Clearly she has messed with her face.

  • ailujailuj

    She is unbelievably svelte in person but this dress is weird. And why would you want to wear something choking you.