Cate Blanchett in Balenciaga at the “Blue Jasmine” Premiere

Posted on July 23, 2013

Cate Blanchett floated down from heaven to the red carpet on the back of a unicorn, dismounted, turn toward the cameras, and calmly told everyone present that she doesn’t care a fig what they think of her dress.

 

Cate Blanchett attends the premiere of her latest movie “Blue Jasmine” in New York City in a dress and shoes by Balenciaga paired with Van Cleef & Arpels jewelry.

 

Well okay, then.

We’ll say that Cate is probably one of the few ladystars who would even attempt a dress like this and also probably one of an even smaller few who might be able to pull it off. Having said that, we don’t quite think she’s pulling it off. Oh, it’s a head-turner for sure. And it’s even beautiful in its own strange way. But we’re not sure why a woman who isn’t pregnant would want a dress that makes her look like she’s in her third trimester. And as much as we want to like that effect on the skirt, it looks like a craft project gone wild.

But what really makes us weep are the shoes, which are matchy, but slightly off from the shade of the dress, and which are causing serious toe cleavage. We could kindasorta explain everything about the dress, but once we got to the rookie-mistake shoes, we were forced to conclude that someone is holding Cate’s family hostage and forcing her to dress this way for some reason.

Oh please. Don’t even try and tell us Cate the Magnificent picked this awkward thing out voluntarily. No, there’s a dirty bomb hidden in New York somewhere, threatening to go off if she so much as removes an earring. Wouldn’t that make a great action movie? About a crazed stylist-terrorist? You’re welcome, Hollywood.

 

[Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images]

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