True Blood Boys

Posted on June 14, 2013

Darlings, it was HBO’s True Blood Season 6 premiere! And since we’re kicking off another Sausage Friday, let’s focus on the Boys of Blood.

Brace yourselves. There’s a lot of cute XY on display, but there’s also quite a bit of WTFery. The theme of the evening was apparently weird, ill-fitting suits.

 

Alexander Skarsgard in Calvin Klein

This is fine. Boring, but fine. The jacket’s too small on him, but that’s no surprise since he’s like seven feet tall or something.

 

 

Joe Manganiello in John Varvatos

Interesting jacket. We don’t love it, but he’s working the look and it suits him.

 

Michael McMillian

Gay financial advisor in the Hamptons.

 

Robert Kazinsky

Guys, seriously. YOU’RE NOT JOHNNY CASH. Enough with the all-black ensembles. They just look ridiculous to us now. Also: that jacket is enormous.

 

Ryan Kwanten in Hugo Boss

He looks like a maître d’ who just got off a shift.

 

 

Sam Trammell

Other gay financial advisor in the Hamptons.

 

Stephen Moyer in Salvatore Ferragamo

Missie Moyer and her CVS salesbin haircolor-in-a-box strikes again.

Nice suit, though.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans, Emiley Schweich, Izumi Hasegawa/PR Photos]

    • MannahattaMamma

      The only solution to such ill-fitting suits is simple: take them off. Nude. It’s the new black.

      • http://twitter.com/kendallbrunson SassyMcFrench

        Brilliant suggestion!

        • drdarke

          Hey! If I said that about ladystars, I’d catch bloody Hell for it!

          Besides, good-looking men in ill-fitting suits is a survival tactic for us non-hardbodied straight guys….

      • Introspective

        mmm hmmm. especially Joe.

        ETA: Ive never seen an ep of True Blood by the way. TLo has introduced me to Joe and all his beefy goodness. and Im *so* excited now for any post where he might just appear. Thanks guys for making my sausage Friday…

        • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

          Beefy goodness, yes! I don’t watch it either. His screen time in Magic Mike is fairly minimal, but he makes every second count. YUM.

          • Synnae

            TB is actually a lot of campy bad telly fun with some great male eye candy. I recommend marathoning it though, it works a lot better that way, especially if you add a few bottle of wines and some gay boys to play FMK. (Joe/Alex/Sales bin haircolour)

            • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

              I thought the books were campy, easy read fun. I was at a friend’s one night, she’s a TB watcher, I could not get past how awful I thought the show looked. That and fundamental plot changes irritate me. I get my hot guy TV fix with Justified and Sons of Anarchy.

            • Synnae

              I hated the final book but I liked the rest of them as fun summer reads. I think the series really upped the camp level though.

              I get your point, I started watching the series before I read the books, and I probably would have gone major WTF too if it had been the other way around.

              SoA- oh yeah, that’s major eye candy too, and actual decent story lines ;-)

            • isapaiva

              Exactly! I read the books first, and when the show started I was on board, especially for Skarsgard (yum!), but i couldn’t get further than season 2 (the first one was fairly close to the book). The change I couldn’t deal with wasn’t exactly plot-related: Sookie in the book is really badass, while in the show she’s every feminist’s nightmare.

            • FloridaLlamaLover

              You are so right. I read the Sookie books before TB was created. My cuz recommended TB, finally watched it. Season two elevated a very minor plotline into, well, an entire season plot. Books > TB.

        • ConnieBV

          Yep. JM is just ice cream for the eyes.

        • MartyBellerMask

          You’ve probably seen him and didn’t realize. He played Marshall’s law school bud Brad in several episodes of “How I Met Your Mother”.

        • Lisa McKissack

          I came for JM, I’m leaving satisfied.

        • GenieinTX

          I hear that Joe is going to be naked in the premier on Sunday. Rowr.

        • Tânia

          Joe does nothing for me, but Alex… I ovulate just looking at him

      • Carrie

        I approve of this solution.

    • http://twitter.com/kendallbrunson SassyMcFrench

      What’s up with the hair? Are there no hair stylists left in LA? Come on!

      • ailujailuj

        Not only that – but these guys making bucks – to not have a suit that fits in the basic sense of the word is lazy and insulting. But Alex, we can work out a forgiveness program.

        • http://twitter.com/kendallbrunson SassyMcFrench

          My husband had better fitting suits when he was a broke law clerk because he understood the importance of looking good and dressing impeccably. They even have assistants who can take care of this for them! Shameful.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      The only fair answer is to get every one of them out of their suits, right away.

      • majorbedhead

        Indeed. I much prefer them with far less clothing on.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          In a true charitable spirit, I will, me, personally, volunteer to divest them of their ill fitting togs, and, (eventually) find them something more suitable.

          I’m a giver like that.

          • majorbedhead

            That’s fine. I’ll just sit here on the chaise and admire from afar. Somebody peel me a grape.

            • Domo_Konnichiwa

              “Your peeled grapes, m’Lord.” Fans you continuously.

          • formerlyAnon

            Your self-sacrifice for the common good never ceases to amaze.
            But you needn’t hurry. As long as it takes . . .

            • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

              One does attempt to do one’s best.

    • MoHub

      I dunno. I’m just not feeling the new jacket length that hits at the hip joint. The jackets just look to be a size too small, even when they are otherwise well tailored.

      On the other hand, I’d love to see jackets that hit at the waist with a v-dip in the front, which I think would be a new and different and more flattering line.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Interesting idea about jacket shape. Hmmmmmmm I’m going to have to work on this notion a bit. I’ve been feeling a new jacket coming on anyhow. (grin)

        • MoHub

          Yep. My only concern is that, in the wrong color, it might make the wearer look more like a waiter, but I’d love to see the shape in a neat plaid or a bright solid (but not red).

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            I’m thinking of something that starts with a strong shoulder line, nips in at the waist gently, and carrys back out over the hipline a bit, with the front dip low point hitting a bit below crotch depth.

            • MoHub

              I like the sound of that!

            • formerlyAnon

              sketches? photos? (I know, this isn’t really the venue for that. Just being greedy)

            • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

              Maybe I will just have to post a sketch or two on Facebook when I get them done.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

        Like a Prince Charlie jacket?

        • MoHub

          Yes. Maybe it’s also time to revive the cutaway coat-and-long vest combo. Orchestra conductors always look so sharp.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      tgisf

    • lexilexi

      Except for the gay financial advisor, facial scruff was the order of the day. Not complaining.

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      I can’t help but giggle every time I see Joe Manganiello. He’s just so… manly.

      My ovaries just skipped a beat.

      • NOLA_gal

        Never watched the show or seen the gentleman before, but all I can say is… ROWR.

    • mjude

      “Missie Moyer and her CVS salesbin haircolor-in-a-box strikes again.”…..LMFAO!

    • Billie_Dawn

      I don’t know much about men’s suits, so someone answer me this: why does Joe Mangiello’s jacket look so unusual? The cut just makes him look different somehow. Is it supposed to slim him down? He looks a lot smaller than usual. (Argue among yourself whether that’s a good or bad thing.)

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        It appears to be…black on black damask…maybe….?…
        He is such a monster sized man, fit may be so difficult. This ^ look has grown on me the more I linger on it.

        • Synnae

          The fabric helps but the jacket evens out his (pretty insane) V-shape because he hasn’t closed it making him look wider in the waist. I’m pretty sure that if he closed it he’d look bigger. That jacket is also fitting very tightly on his shoulders and arms. It makes him look smaller but I wouldn’t flex my biceps if I were Joe ;-) And stay away from the hair products – I can feel the grease here…

          Speaking of fits, how the hell can Skarsgard who has a contract with Calvin Klein, not get CK to tailor to his size? My brother is Alex’s height and size and he can find good suits, usually without even needing tailoring.

          And very happy for the return of gay salesman in the Hamptons (roflmao) Michael McMillon – bring on the Steve Newlin campiness.

    • carnush

      “Gay financial advisor in the Hamptons” is exactly right. A bit sleazy, too. Alexander and Joe look delicious though.

    • conniemd

      So many black ties. Whatever happened to having ties that caught the eye with pattern and color. Makes the guys look so drab.

      • MilaXX

        Right? Ties used to be the one place a male star could go nuts

      • formerlyAnon

        Okay, you said “ties” first. Let the record show that before I commence my annoying mini rant:

        How hard is it to find an assistant, friend, spouse, – hell, random fangirl or the guy doing the valet parking – who can put a proper knot in a tie??!!!!???? Ryan Kwanten would take easily 1/3 of the “just got off shift” off his look if his tie were knotted properly. And Ryan ain’t alone in his under-acheiving.

    • 3boysful

      I appreciate a little style, but that high-cut, double-breasted suit on Ryan Kwanten looks like a chauffeur to me. All he needs is the driving cap.

      • julnyes

        considering the wtfuckery that is Kwanten on the RC normally, this look is astonishingly okay.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ foodycatAlicia

      Michael McMillian wants to be cast as the Lost Campbell Brother challenging mother’s will on Mad Men.

    • ailujailuj

      I can’t move much past Alexander. How did god do all that?

    • Jessica Freeman

      It’s not much worth scrolling past Alexander and Joe. Gimme, gimme, gimme!

    • stephbellard

      I love Joe obscenely, but he really needs to trim the beard and get a haircut. It’s getting out of control.

    • ailujailuj

      and the pant falling hostage to the shoe tongue… there are more appropriate uses for a tongue.

    • EdithP

      Joe Manjello (tm Michael K) looks lovely here, except that suit jacket is a bit too small and I think it might be a ladies’ jacket. I demand he strip down immediately!

      • sekushinonyanko

        I’m kind of into the jacket, and really he’s a statue. They don’t even make human clothes in his size. Same with ASkars. So I forgive them both for tiny jackets on the occasions they are forced into mortal formal wear.

    • Killer Bees

      So what’s the learning here? Need suit, go Italian?

    • ConnieBV

      That is the best face Moyer has given in quite a while.

    • LipstickForPigs

      Moyers needs someone to tint his brows to match that hair.

    • bingo

      gay financial advisor(s) in the Hamptons is so spot-on! perfect, T&L!

      • Shawn EH

        Let’s just hope they don’t try to kill Emily or Victoria!

    • Monzerrat Ontiveros

      Stephen Moyer blue steeling, lol!

      • MilaXX

        That was my first impression as well

    • formerlyAnon

      Stephen Moyer would be So Damn Fine if he could just get his hair right. At this point I’ve got to conclude it mysteriously photographs worse than anyone else’s hair color in the world, because surely to god SOMEbody would have intervened. He’s a successful actor, he is regularly attended to by hair & makeup people.

      • girliecue

        He was HAWT in The Starter Wife with Debra Messing when his hair was a lighter, sun-streaked brown. It almost makes me sad to see him now.

    • MilaXX

      Bless them all. They got the pants right, but nearly everyone’s jacket is either too big or too small.

    • julnyes

      One of the best things about the campy silliness of True Blood is their impressive dedication to keeping their male stars in as little clothing as possible.

    • Puckndc

      For the most part, they all look like guys that were forced to wear suits to their sisters wedding or something..

    • girliecue

      Those adorably silly TB boys! Haven’t they learned they just don’t have the bodies for wearing clothes? Why do they keep making that fundamental mistake over and over again?? Give up the clothes, darlings – it’s not what nature intended.

    • marlie

      Hm. I’m a little disappointed with the gents on the red carpet so far.

    • Shawn EH

      Missie Moyer is going for January Jones level bitchface.

    • Emily

      What on earth is wrong with these guys? Why are their jacket sleeves all different lengths? And I just can’t with Moyer.

    • MartyBellerMask

      Who is this Sam Trammell fellow?? I want to know MORE.

      And Joe is getting to be a Sausage Frday staple, isn’t he?

    • Lori

      Ryan Kwanten’s jacket made me think of Rolph from The Sound of Music. That seems like a problem since I’m pretty sure that “Nazi who broke Liesl’s heart” isn’t the look he was going for.

    • MK03

      You know there’s a problem when Stephen Moyer is the most pulled-together man on the RC.

      • sekushinonyanko

        I wish he’d at least have his brows either dyed or filled in to match if he MUST have this damn hair color.

    • TerryMarie

      I am SO over the five o’clock shadow/neck beard look. Give me a real beard or a clean-shaven man any day over this “I just got up after going to bed drunk” look that all the cool boys are sporting these days.

      • Supernumerary

        I’m a stubble fan, personally — though it definitely doesn’t work for everyone — but the neck-beard schtick is a pass. Clean that stuff up, lads.

    • Danielle L

      Look, ASkars, lets just strip down and start all over.

    • e jerry powell

      Trammell has me more in the mind of an unkempt Alabama tent revivalist in mid-August.

      I’m not insisting on a change here, but: Joe Manganiello is eight years younger than I and he’s showing full gray in the beard.

      At least this group of men doesn’t look like they’re all wearing their pants straight off the rack.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      I kind of want to ban gray suits, black shirts and enforce mandatory ties on the RC for a season, just to see what happens. And while I’m at it, I want to see what Joe looks like underneath all that fur.

    • BayTampaBay

      TLo Stated regarding Alexander Skarsgard: This is fine. Boring, but fine. The jacket’s too small on him, but that’s no surprise since he’s like seven feet tall or something.

      Alexander Skarsgard is 6′ 4″. However, Joe Manganiello is 6′ 5″.

      I would have no problem with either on of them! LOL! LOL!

    • housefulofboys

      Oh, Alex, it is hard to find clothes to fit when you’re a freaking VIKING! Also, I’m not sure what it says about this middle-aged mom that I like both of the gay financial advisors in the Hamptons the best…?

      • calbear97

        This gave me a laugh!

      • ImTheNana

        It’s the ‘middle-aged’ part, I think. I didn’t think the suits themselves were that bad.

    • PrunellaV

      With that hair and grooming, Manganiello so often looks like a wild man who was wrestled into his suit. Not that I’m complaining.

    • joything

      Hm, Ryan K and Joe M both have double-breasted suits, with only the top button buttoned. Is this a new thing?

      • ImTheNana

        The bottom shouldn’t be buttoned. Joe Manganiello is doing his right, but Ryan Kwanten should have buttoned the middle instead of, or with, the top one. With a 6×2, like 3×1, the buttoning from top to bottom should be ‘sometimes, always, never’.

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Must we BKs gather a collection to get Moyer’s hair professionally colored? Otherwise, he looks great. The fit on Kazinsky’s jacket is abysmal. Doesn’t he have gays, straights, someone with a mirror?

    • quiltrx

      Joe FTW here. Not like anyone else is trying that hard.
      And Trammell…is…MATLOCK!

    • Damien W

      The second I saw Joe, I thought of that 70s KISS album cover where they were all dressed in suits.

      Some men just shouldn’t wear them.

    • ImTheNana

      Ryan Kwanten’s jacket is a bit too short, but the overall look is nice.

    • Stacy Feng

      “Gay financial advisor in the Hamptons” is the most apt descriptor, EVER.