Justin Theroux in NYC

Posted on June 28, 2013

We applaud Justin’s commitment both to safety and to fitness.



Justin Theroux leaves his local gym on his new Ducati Streetfighter 1098 in New York City.

All we want to do is whack him on the head with a giant cartoon mallet. It’s astonishing how strong that urge is. He should be careful where he wears that helmet.

We’re talkingtalkingtalking here but we know the score, ladies. It’s a nicely built man in tight jeans on a motorcycle. You’re not listening to a word we’re saying. Go ahead. Indulge your “Pissing off Daddy by dating Bad Boys” fantasies. That what Sausage Friday is all about.

That, and calling boystars douches. Take your pick.


[Photo Credit: INFphoto.com]

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  • FlyoverFi

    The first drone strike on American soil is going to be aimed at that ridiculous helmet.

    • stephbellard

      AWE-FUCKING-SOME comment!

  • hughman

    Ooooooo!! Did T-Lo call me a “lady”?


    • I have never thought of you as anything else, Dear.

  • Jessica Freeman

    Douche. For the helmet alone.

    • marlie

      And everything else.

      • drdarke

        Okay, why is Justin Theroux a “douche”, @marlie ?

        Not trolling – don’t know jack shit about him except this look on him is…unfortunate.

        I’d love to know if I’m just being unreasonable, or if he deserves my bubbling feelings of “ewyuck!”….

        • marlie

          From the little that I know about him, he seems to have a really bad attitude all the time. Also, rumor has it that he dumped his long-time girlfriend for Aniston. All rumor and speculation, but he just seems like a jerk to me.

        • anyalama

          I may not have the best gay-dar but my douche-dar is top of the line and he is constantly setting it off.

    • CrazyAuntie


  • Meredith

    The helmet is just. too. lame!

  • marlie

    I’m going with the “douche” label for this one.

  • Karen Belgrad

    He is taking douche to the level of douchenozzle.

  • sewchick

    Mmmmmmmmmm, I’d do him.

    • Just Me

      Rosie, is that you?

      • sewchick

        Who’s Rosie?

        • Just Me

          Rosie Perez. In the movie Untamed Heart she partially ad-libbed the following: “It’s too bad though. I’d do him, if he wasn’t so dumb!”

          • sewchick

            Ahhh, that Rosie. I don’t even mind dumb if they’re pretty enough. It’s not like you have to keep them.

          • demidaemon

            That’s the point, isn’t it? Although an episode of Rizzoli and Isles proves that, sometimes, even the dumb ones are too dumb to sleep with.

  • alyce1213

    That helmet is a really bad choice. He will regret it.

    • Just Me

      Pretty much as soon as he see these pictures.

  • He does seem to be trying rather TOO hard to look all hip, and cool, and macho, and shit.


    • Heather

      and shit….

  • shirab

    OF COURSE he’s parked right in front of the main entrance.

  • ailujailuj

    seriously. WHEN are we going to get the personal rocket backpacks that were promised years ago.

  • YoungSally

    Here he comes – here comes Speed Racer – he’s a demon on wheels……

  • MilaXX

    I was hoping these were the freeballing jogging pictures.

    • Kristin McNamara

      The whatawhatawhat now?

      • MilaXX

        It’s just like any Jon Hamm out and about picture. Apparently Justin dresses to the left.

        • Kristin McNamara


    • Fordzo

      The one where he’s wearing gray sweats? It was like he had a tumor growing in his crotch.

      • MilaXX

        Yes! That’s the one.

      • marlie

        Just… Wow. Now I can’t UNsee that.

  • Synnae

    What f-in idiot rides a (gorgeous) Ducati in an eggshell for a helmet, bare arms and not a trace of a back protector? I do not understand why somebody thinks it is cool to ride without wearing bike riding gear and an integral helmet. Do you know what you’ll like on the tarmac after you’ve gone done even going as slow as 35 miles an hour? Twat.

    • Donna Tabor

      That’s why they call motorcyclists “organ donors” in the ER.

    • therealkuri

      Whenever I see someone getting on a bike without gear, I wonder if they ever took a riding course or can even ride. 9 times out of 10, you see them duck-walking their bike out of the parking lot because they cannot maintain slow speed control.

    • muzan-e

      It’s a magnificent bike with a sterling heritage. The whole idea of a bike like that is you live up to it.

      Unless it’s just a prop. Which I’d guess is what, for this guy, it’s all about.

  • Just Me

    Eyebrows down: a nice way to spend a Saturday night without the bother of exchanging last names. Eyebrows up: no thank you. I’d rather watch a rom com montage while eating ice cream straight from the carton. Cuz, yeah, I have standards.

  • rajf

    On the plus side, his boot laces are tied.

    ETA: That is, in addition to the physique-related plus (plus, plus).

    • They’re tied, but I am so in the camp that CUFFS one’s tight jeans rather than pulling them over one’s high boots so one gets velociraptor-ankle.

  • random_poster

    Helmet is ridic, but I’d do him.

  • Nonmercisansfacon

    We have all one douche in our lives that, to our biggest shame, we manage to find attractive even if the douche is Luke Skywalker-strong in him. For Katy Perry, it’s John Mayer, for me, Justin Theroux (and Vincent Cassel). I’d really hit that in a heartbeat.

    • filmcricket

      Is Vincent Cassel a douche? I thought of him more as a rogue.

      • ankali

        Yeah. Self-aware Eurotrash at worst.

        • marlie

          That makes me sad, for some reason.

      • Nonmercisansfacon

        He is a devilish rogue, no doubt about it. But he can also be a douche, european-style.

    • demidaemon

      I think Katy Perry is way beyond the single douche limit. Unfortunately, she flies to them.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Douche in an asshat.

    • Mrs. Julien

      Congratulations! You have won the internet for today!

      • Jacqueline Wessel


    • LuisaNL


  • BeeBeauNYC

    I’m not listening to a word either – hubba hubba hubba!!! And I LOVE the helmet – that is awesome!!

  • Donna Tabor

    Yes! Cartoon mallet applied to giant, tempting target.

    Also: le sigh.

  • Fordzo

    I would like to propose that we stop calling people “douches” and use the less mysogynistic term “enemas”, since we all have colons (well most of us), and it doesn’t imply that one set of sex organs (and the process used to cleanse said organs) is less appealing than another.

    • I will consider your proposal.

      • Fordzo

        Thank you for your gracious consideration.

    • I like douche because when I think of a douche, I think of “something that is bad for the vagina.”

      • tereliz

        LOL, this!

      • Mrs. Julien

        This explanation almost makes the term palatable. Almost.

      • ailujailuj

        …except that… when it originated – in the slang sense (15-20 yrs ago?), douching was promoted as normal, healthy feminine hygiene (albeit a bit neurotic some would suggest). So, using it to connote something negative, disparaging was considered misogynist slang.

        however… *putting on my psychiatrist glasses* is it possible that it’s come back in a more current form as a reference to something that isn’t “cool” anymore, as is douching? perhaps (DOUBT IT).

        ok – I’m done harping. martinis all around!

        • rajf

          Ha, as a sex educator, I applaud your hopeful assessment of the current use of the term ‘douche’, but I am not any more hopeful than you are (since I don’t think that douching is as out of favor as it ought to be).

          Going back to my mojito now.

        • I don’t think most people even really think about “douche” in context of vaginas, not unlike how people use “bastard” today generally without consideration of paternity. But since douches are now known to be generally not good for vaginal health, I like the connotation, personally. But 15-20 years ago I was too young to use it, so I wasn’t really aware of it being a feminizing misogynistic term. Today it certainly doesn’t have the same “weak/effeminate=bad” connotation as using pussy as an insult, a use I don’t appreciate.

          • ailujailuj

            oh – I totally agree that most people – certainly TLo crowd – are not intentionally being misogynistic or even insensitive. We all say things by habit. I just wish the term had stayed “gone”. 😉

      • marlie

        That’s hilarious!

    • ailujailuj

      I am so glad you posted this. I have wondered why that term has all of a sudden come back into our lexicon with a vengeance. it actually means “shower”.
      but hey… you bitches all do yo thang.

      • Fordzo

        I guess saying, “Look at that guy with the popped collar and spray tan! He’s such a shower!” doesn’t have the same effect.

        • ailujailuj

          heh… whoever thought up “PC” is such an asshole. we’re entitled to our fun.

          • Fordzo

            Does your PC stand for popped collar or politically correct? I want to applaud you, but I’m not sure what I’m clapping for.

          • ailujailuj

            LOL political correctness…

          • Fordzo

            I was thinking that the person who invented popped collars on polo shirts was an enema.

          • ailujailuj

            that might work… for my frens and me – the epitome of “popped collar assholes” (PCA?) was Steff. Such an asshole they didn’t even give him a last name…

    • TheAmericaness

      But don’t men use douches too?

      • Fordzo

        An enema by any other name…

      • ailujailuj

        I know i’m being a joykill… but I’ve never heard “douche” in a gender-neutral context. It is historically all about vag fun, which is why someone started using it as a derogatory term for other men – like pussy. so, there you have it.

        • TheAmericaness

          Oh no! no you’re not! I’ve always have heard men referred to as douches, and an actual douche was just a fancy french word to me growing up – I wasn’t even sure what it meant and didn’t dare ask (my dad thinks “fart” is a vulgar and bad word). So, while it may only be used towards men, I didn’t associate it in the same way like pussy. So for me it’s not misogynistic at all, but I see your point.

    • alyce1213

      Isn’t “douche” a shortened form of douchebag?

    • alyce1213

      Isn’t “douche” a shortened form of douchebag?

  • Shawn EH

    Take this, Joel McHale’s arms! And how does he still have nips through two layers of t-shirt?

    • Fordzo

      Remember how all the girls on Friends had constantly hard nipples? There has to be some connection.

      • Kristin McNamara

        YES. Hahahaha Jennifer Aniston must be the common denominator here!

      • filmcricket


  • Kathleen Stoughton-Trahan

    Oh I tried that pissing off daddy and it did not work. My bad boy and dad sat around all afternoon talking motorcycles.

  • therealkuri

    That helmet does not *at all* reflect a commitment to safety. If he cared about safety, he’d be wearing a full face helmet and a proper jacket, preferably armoured. This silly dude is what real riders refer to as a “squid”.

    • Yeah, that helmet seems to say “I want to be paparazzi’d.”

  • I don’t know much about him, but he strikes me as someone who has zero since of humor shit himself. Great body, but I suspect I’ll never get past the Eau De Douche wafting off of him.

  • tereliz


  • judybrowni

    One good thing: the drones will know where to strike.

  • SWOON.
    But the helmet is totes dorky. In an endearing way, but still would be the first thing I’d toss when he arrived wherever he was going.

  • sk8tfan

    We are DEVO

  • His legs are so tiny! Why do men always build up their top half and forget about their poor little chicken legs?

  • kittenwithaquip

    Before I even scrolled own my only thought was, “Douche!”

  • shaziz

    I’m sorry what? I was looking at his arms.

  • fauxhawk

    Look, it’s a douche target.

  • Carrieanno

    So we’re not going to see the pictures where he pulled “a Hamm”?

  • My god that helmet is hilarrible. If it’s a joke, well played but I’m afraid it’s not.

  • majorbedhead

    Poser. That helmet is asinine. And don’t ride a fucking Ducati without a bit more protection on the (extremely well-toned) body, you moron.

    • Fordzo

      He only zoomed around the corner and and then jumped in a cab. Probably didn’t get it out of first gear.

    • Fordzo

      What are those two, little, rectangle things at the (inside) end of the mirrors? They LOOK like tiny Ziploc containers full of applesauce or dip, but they can’t be.

      • DilettanteDeconstructed

        I believe they are adorable wee tupperware jars full of… well, wee.

        • LambeeBaby

          He eats out of them like a hummingbird

    • ailujailuj

      …well, there’s a sbux on every other corner of the city. but he looked very cool tooling around for 20 min. looking for a place to park.

  • boweryboy

    It’s a bit much, no?

  • j_anson

    I see no reason to choose. I live in a world of “and,” not “or.”

    • demidaemon

      Also, “both.”

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    That the stupidest looking helmet I’ve ever seen. What the hell?

  • filmcricket

    He looks disturbingly like Jason Schwartzman from the neck up in this get-up. I actually dig the helmet, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for a motorcycle; if he was pedaling a 10-speed it’d be fine. I also seriously dislike sports bikes. Chopper or nothing for me.

  • DilettanteDeconstructed

    If you block out his head on every picture, he looks really good though. True story. I checked, just to make sure.

  • JasmineAM

    I like nice guys with tattoos and motorcycles. They exist! I’ve never found him that much attractive, but I love him here.

  • Perditax

    All I see is a man ready to be fired out of a canon!

  • Anathema_Device

    Sorry, that helmet undoes all the “hot guy in tight pants on motorcycle” business.

  • MzzPants

    His shoes are tied. I’ll do him.

    • formerlyAnon

      Hahaha. Be careful where you set that bar, MzzPants. 😉

      • MzzPants

        Good point! I was desperate after all that untied douch-baggery.

  • I dunno…does anyone get bothered when you see someone trying SO HARD for a look that they overshoot and become a parody of themselves?
    I mean…you’re leaving the gym, how about one (1) t-shirt, a pair of shorts, and flip-flops. Oh, and a ball cap is cool – you are a celebrity, after all.
    Be a normal for a day, you’ll still be photographed.

    • formerlyAnon


  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    i know actor-celebrities supplement their salaries with endorsement gigs, but surely being a google maps photographer can’t pay all that well.

  • ShaoLinKitten

    It’s a target so the birds can aim first.

  • dashransome

    he looks like he’s about to be shot out of a cannon.

  • JauntyJohn

    oh my god, bfd on the helmet you guys, that man is smokin’.

  • quiltrx

    I kind of adore him, but that helmet is upping him on the douche scale, I’m afraid. I’ll just enjoy his pecs and guns instead, m’kay?
    And at least he doesn’t have that tacky piece of arm-candy with him. 🙂

  • Nicola Anna Molly Page

    All I can see is ARMS!!

    Seriously; I know what he is – who he is, and can see his silly clothing choices. I care not. ARMS!

    • merciblahblah

      That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Good Gawd Almighty, espesh in that last photo.

  • gubblebumm

    He has been with jennifer so long he forgot how to think…DUMP HER!!!

  • Imasewsure

    I think the helmet is hilarious so I like it but I do want to go all Roger Rabbit on him for sure

  • Adrianna Grężak

    The helmet is silly, but those jeans fit perfectly IMO!

  • formerlyAnon

    To me, he’s the male “trying too hard.” Except with cartoonish headgear.

  • Sigh, I miss the days when Justin was a cute DC punk rock boy who loved dogs. Teenage dreams, so hard to beat…

  • wayout46

    Say what you want, he is living proof that people over 40 CAN wear skinny jeans and look good in them.

  • Cathy S

    Why does he have a target on his head?

  • Daktari100

    That stupid bull’s eye helmet made waste of an otherwise hot guy on a motorcycle, which, in my book, is almost criminal!

  • Danielle L

    I can’t see anything other than that helmet.

  • Lilithcat

    I don’t care who he is. He shouldn’t park his motorcycle on the sidewalk.

  • Scott Fitler

    Is it wrong that I want him to do me… in that helmet?

    • Kimberlini

      Do you always like bee costumes? If so, then OK.

  • Kimberlini

    This guy is a douchey poseur. He deserves a target on his head.

    ETA: Just read the other comments. I am not alone.