Jennifer Lopez in Christian Dior

Posted on June 21, 2013

Just look at this magnificent bitch, giving us all Joan Crawford realness in 2013.  

Jennifer Lopez honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Hollywood, California in a Christian Dior dress paired with Brian Atwood heels and H. Stern earrings.

Christian Dior Pre-Fall 2013 Collection

Or at least, trying like hell to. It’s not that we like the outfit – or even think she looks all that good. It’s that she’s serving up THEATER and DRAMA and NARCISSISM the way only a true superstar can. It’s just so drag and over-the-top. A sidewalk “ceremony” requires a simple day dress and a pair of sunglasses from the honoree, but Miss Jennifer just couldn’t see herself doing this on the small.  It’s so old-school Hollywood that we can’t help but love it to bits. The top is a big ol’ nothing, though. That kind of surprises us. Then again, this is her attempt at high/low and to no one’s surprise, she’s no good at it. J Lo honey, stick to “high.” You don’t do “low.”

And really, darling. You should have worn your diamond-studded cat-eye sunglasses here to complete the look. Even Bette Davis would have understood that.  

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR Photos, style.com]

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  • MilaXX

    She’s such a Diva. I can’t help but love her for it.

    • Jaeda Laurez

      Me too- she’s going to give you “Yes, I’m famous, with my boo’d up toddler, and my fancy gown” and we all just have to deal.

    • Sobaika

      Same! At some point you have to laugh and embrace the wacky.

    • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

      Although I think the dress is wrong even for a diva moment, I’m going to give her this one — one doesn’t get many stars on Hollywood Boulevard in one’s life. And if, years hence when she’s living in one of those big dilapidated mansions on Sunset, she wants to swan around getting ready for her close-up, look at pictures of this event and remember what she looked like when she was the greatest star of them all, well … who can really blame her?

  • Chuck Barthelme

    Absolute diva. Though I hate the way that shirt looks like a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.

    • d4divine

      Channeling Sharon Stone’s Oscar GAP t shirt moment.

      • Little_Olive

        Sharon did it better.

        • d4divine

          Agreed!

    • maretha2

      You can fault Christian Dior for that — this is a dress, not a shirt + skirt.

      • Chuck Barthelme

        Humph. Thanks for nothing Christian Dior!

    • MoHub

      Larry the Cable Guy wants his tee back.

  • Anathema_Device

    It is like she started trying to go casual with the hair, but lost it by the time she got to the skirt. Is it wrong to suggest she not trot out the man candy on such an occasion? Makes it feel like a prom photo or something.

    ETA: We need a screen cap for him in that last photo, though. Hilarious. “You are the ripe canteloupe at the end of my brunch…”

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Oh yes – so right!!

      • Jessica Freeman

        HE: But baby what’s wrong?
        She: Get the fuck out of my picture.

    • vitaminC

      As a photographer, I have to applaud. The hair shades her face, thus softening the light on her and becoming exponentially more flattering than direct, harsh sunlight. Likewise, the white top acts as a reflector, filling in any shadows cast by eyes, nose, etc–in short smoothing out the light on her face even more. I have never seen anyone look so good in direct harsh daylight. Bravo J-Lo!

      • kaysarasara

        Nice analysis!

        • vitaminC

          :^) Thanks.

  • Clueless_Jock

    The skirt clashes with the carpet.

  • desi_girl

    Isn’t this look better suited for the evening? Actually, the top half of this dress is all for daytime, but that skirt screams evening to me. Thoughts?

    • d4divine

      They were out all night…she threw the t shirt on to make herself look fresh…or she looks like a new money gal overdressed at an old money party.

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      I can’t help but think of Bianca’s prom skirt from 10 Things I Hate About You.

      So, yea, night, if that night was Prom night in 1999.

  • halleygee

    She looks like a crazy mess – but appropriately JLo. Agree about the sunglasses.

    • bxbourgie

      Her hair looks a crazy mess. She does look fierce as hell tho, I can’t lie. I’m here for this look.

  • random_poster

    That parted-lip look is very diva. That’s too bad, because when she smiles JLo delivers some humility. I know that’s not her shtick, but it’s almost endearing. That satin skirt is ridiculous.

  • kim bunchalastnames

    i’ve only just realized that, with hair, junior looks like daddy marc.

    • nannypoo

      I apologize if I’m not understanding your comment, but are you thinking that the kid in these pictures is her son? Because he’s not. Although he does look like Marc.

      • formerlyAnon

        We all have a type. (Well, some have two.)

        • kittenwithaquip

          And her type is pocket-sized. I guess that way when they piss her off she can shove them in her Louis Vuitton travel trunk as punishment.

      • kim bunchalastnames

        no, although he could be? lol. no, i only just realized that he looks like marc on steroids.

  • JanW

    Someone at least was thinking about having to get down on the ground. A tight/short skirt wouldn’t have cut it.

    • marlie

      But a poufy satin skirt, where you can see each and every wrinkle after she gets up?

  • Democracy Diva

    I LOVE THIS. You’re right, it’s not perfect, and it’s downright weird and probably wouldn’t work on anyone else, but to see her in anything besides a skintight animal print/metallic lace long-sleeved body-hugging gown is SUCH A FREAKING JOY AND RELIEF. Can she always wear shit like this? Please?

  • Rand Ortega

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh, Miss Lopez, don’t EVER change!

  • Alexandra Pimenta

    Is this kid her boyfriend? Well, apparently, they got feisty in the car, based on the state of her skirt.

  • FlyoverFi

    When I get my star on Hollywood Boulevard, I’m not going to show up with yesterday’s up-do.

  • Guest

    You know what’s funniest about the poses celebs do? The face they make is the face they feel is their sexiest. That cracks me up. Mouth agape, eyes kinda squinty. Just funny. Maybe smile? That works.

  • Frank_821

    Actually I can’t help but give a huge standing ovation for this. It’s so bloody over the top and she’s so deadpan serious. This is so much more fun then her Americon Idol stint where she was coming across very fake.

    this is just glorious piece of show boating. Joan Crawford (or even Zsa Zsa) realness indeed

  • flamingoNW

    Surprisingly messy sloppy hair for a Diva.

  • StellaZafella

    “It’s not you I’m mad at…
    It’s this dirty sidewalk!”

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      There aren’t enough likes in the world…

  • Monzerrat Ontiveros

    JLo: please share some of your self tanner with your hubby he looks like a ghost.

    • demidaemon

      That’s why he’s named Casper!

  • TonyGo

    How can Dior end up looking like a cheap polyester Halloween costume? The horror….

  • muelonil

    The second picture made me think for a second that instead of an updo, she had this short, edgy, spiky sort of haircut going on that I was kind of excited about. But then…no, it was not to be, and probably never will.

  • Caitlin O’Brien

    I’m sorry but it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, to what venue/event, or what time of year it is. She is always WERQing her looks and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of a diva. Z snaps for giving zero fucks. She will NEVER pull a Jolie.

    • marlie

      She always looks diva-crack-tastic, but I agree – it’s her look, and she’s committing to it.

  • aglorios

    What was the award for? Will someone fill me in on what JLo’s been up to?

    • TheAmericaness

      Looks like the Hollywood Walk of Fame – she’s getting a star on the…

    • Gwyndall

      Basically, someone had a petition signed and paid some money for her to “receive” a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. One of the most meaningless “honors” in Hollywood.

  • ballerinawithagun

    Sharon Stone did a much better job pulling off this sort of look years ago. I love the skirt. A tank would have looked much better than the cap sleeve T. Cap sleeves are rarely good for women with real arms. J Lo’s are perfectly toned but they aren’t sticks. Thank goodness. A tank would have really shown off her assets.

  • Latin Buddy

    I love this. She is always “on” and her man still looks like a cater-waiter

  • Matt Bailer

    BoyToy’s face seems to get smaller on his head with each passing day. She’s gonna have to exchange him for a newer model in a few weeks when he and Marc Anthony have matching hairlines. Bless.

  • MoHub

    I was surprised at the turnaround. Expected to see the back of the top cut down to the waist or lower and was shocked to see the modest v-neck in the back instead. Perhaps this is Stepford J-Lo.

  • Wendy

    the Diva and the dirt ball… she does low, alright…..

  • BeeBeauNYC

    White is not her color, and her boyfriend looks like he cut his hair by using a bowl on his head??

    • Lori

      It kind of goes with her “styled with pruning sheeas and an egg beater” hair.

  • hughman

    “Oh Cinderella, let’s magically get you ready for the ball!!

    Eh, fuck it. I’m exhausted. Just go.”

  • Erin Baran

    i cant with her ‘beau’

  • JeWawa

    She never looks happy ur at peace.

    • filmcricket

      Right? You’d think she’d be beaming, but she looks really unhappy in most of these photos. Maybe she and the boytoy had a fight before they left the house.

  • l_c_ann

    But, but, but, where is Eric Cartman’s left hand?

    OnT: note the difference in the way the ‘runway’ version was hemmed versus her version. Is she that short?

    • Glam Dixie

      OMG taco flavored kisses, taco taco!

  • Glam Dixie

    She’s so over the top and ridiculous that all I can do is roll my eyes at her. I can’t wait for her to go away, but like the Kardashians, I’m pretty sure my wish is futile.

    • marlie

      The difference is that JLo is actually talented. She may be an attention-seeking fame whore, but she has serious skills to back it up. And this coming from someone who isn’t actually a fan of her.

      • Glam Dixie

        Let’s just agree that we have different definitions of ‘talented’.

        • marlie

          Yes, talent is subjective. I meant that, compared to the Kardashians, who have absolutely NO discernible talent whatsoever,

        • marlie

          I just meant that – compared to the Kardashians, none of whom have any discernible talent whatsoever (unless you consider a home-made sex tape to be “talent”) – JLo has skills. She (used to be) a great dancer, and is really popular as a pop singer. Granted, her music isn’t my cup of tea, but at least there’s a *reason* for her to be in the spotlight.

          • Glam Dixie

            That’s all very true, I just think she’s a poor actress, an ok dancer and a really only so so singer (and I hate her music), but compared to the Kardashians, she is a wealth of talent.

  • Jessica Freeman

    I hate that the top looks like a cheap white t-shirt. I’m loving the skirt.

  • TheAmericaness

    “Joan Crawford realness”? I’ve seen “Mommie Dearest”. I see what you’re getting at….. ;p

  • formerlyAnon

    Elaborate sunglasses would have been perfect.

    I *like* this for the occasion, and not just because it’s over-the-top. It also lets her swan about far more comfortably without having to worry about a too short hem or too low cut neckline allowing an . . . unfortunate shot, or a too tight skirt bunching up unattractively.

    I do hope she gets on well with the youngling and that it’s lovely for as long as she can stand having him about.

  • Katerina

    Look at her…what nonsense! I’m torn between loving it and thinking about how sweaty she must be.

  • joanna dash

    She cracks me up. Always always always entertaining.

  • CeeRich

    I love her. At least she puts thought into every look, love it or hate it. Most times, she brings the glam and yes, over the top sunglasses were entirely called for.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    The Mommie Dearest realness is in full effect when you see the pics with the kids. Priceless.

  • omg_dora

    The skirt looks shiny and cheap in daylight, like the polyester satin of children’s costumes. With the shiny face, messy hair and douchey kid boyfriend, none of this looks glam to me, just strange.

  • d4divine

    She’s giving her patent mouth pose, but her eyes look dead…she is way overdressed and the boy toy…well…

  • OrigamiRose

    I like it (well, except for that tattooed Chia pet by her side), and I’m so glad she freed her hair from its customary doorknob.

  • Amy909

    I really like this in theory and get the look she’s going for! but the dress is wrinkled, hair frizzy, giving her a more disheveled appearance than anything.

  • decormaven

    What a hoot! That fifth shot, she’s channeling Yvette Mimieux in the face.

  • Annarosa

    JLo, next time brush your hair.

  • carnush

    WHAT is that hair? It looks like birds’ nest. Yuck.

  • Ashleigh

    this is RIDICULOUS on so many levels.

  • Edwina3

    Would have looked better with a black top, Rita Hayworth waves and yes, cat-eyed sunglasses. The boyfriend does not complete the look but she seems smitten with him.

  • SportifLateBoomer

    I think her best accessory is the boy toy. Rock on with your bad self girl.

  • Not applicable

    we all know that you buy this award, right? You apply for it, you need a couple of famous people to ‘second’ the application and then you shell out something like $25,000 and voila! you get a ‘star’ for being ‘famous’ and ‘stuff’

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1180174329 Elizabeth Phillips

      $30,000 at this point.

    • OrigamiRose

      I kid you not, Katy Perry is on the list to get one. She just has to pony up the dough and make the ceremony arrangements within five years (only the dead get a pass on showing up).

    • DuBey2

      Um, no, I did NOT know. Never really cared all that much, but I thank you for telling us. So now, ANYONE who’s infamous and Some kind of celebrity can get a star? Makes sense, I guess. In their world.

      • Not applicable

        Well… They do have to apply and get someone to support the application… So, yea, it’s tough!! ( insert snark) ;)

  • marlie

    I could love this on the red carpet, but for an event where she’s sitting on the ground… it ruins the skirt, and the volume is what makes the skirt amazing. Plus, she looks like she’s about to pass out from heat stroke.

  • http://marshmallowjane.com/ marshmallowjane

    No flaunting of the assets here. She is confident enough to cover her legs and her rear end. That’s what is impressing me.

    No matter how much she includes Casper in important festivities, I think he looks like a dweeb. I don’t see what she sees at all.

    • demidaemon

      Obviously, it’s the pre-event nookie.

  • TLJezebel

    Bitch, get over yourself.

  • crash1212

    I love here hair like that. Looks like it was WAY hot…can’t they put some sort of awning up to protect those precious stars?

  • l_c_ann

    The first photo needs to have a bubble over her head that reads

    Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

    Won’t some nice young man hep (sic) me?

  • Poeta Paz

    I love La Lopez! I don’t like it that much standing up, but it’s definitely the best way to go for a floor shot.

    Her hair looks really dry. I like it up and casual, but she needs conditioner.

  • GorgeousThings

    She’s got boob sweat in the closeups. Satin will do that to you in the LA sun.

    • Qitkat

      lol. I thought you wrote *Satan*! Perhaps it was hotter than hades though.

  • bgrayduck

    JEN HAS AN OILY T-ZONE!!!!! I HAVE AN OILY T-ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      Aye LOVER, but how many muchachos bailarín juguetes have you? Eh? I DID NOT THINK SO!

      • formerlyAnon

        I’m still laughing.

      • ailujailuj

        >gasp<

  • stubbornthoughts

    That top part is really too bad.

    In other news, the last 3 pics are incredibly laughable and ridiculous.

  • MartyBellerMask

    Vinyl party tablecloth.

    • Qitkat

      Well, damn, I just came to the party and almost posted the same thing. Dior is jerking us around, right?

  • PrunellaV

    I am shocked that she allowed the Sun to light her that way.

  • snarkykitten

    Hair is messy, skirt is wrinkled. Not working for me

  • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

    it must be hot in l.a., she’s really “glowing” (it’s what ladystars do when us mere mortals are sweating like pigs.) is that her latest boy toy? looks like her son. or her pool boy.

    • marlie

      Her backup dancer.

  • JP

    It looks great in the seated shots, but when she’s standing? Not so much. And THIS would have been a good time for a nude shoe, if she was going to go the platform pump route.

  • ailujailuj

    -gasp- I love this. I really really do. WTF she didn’t get it hemmed appropriately I’ll never know (she’s too short for it) – but her hair is styled brilliantly – I even like that it’s a little frizzy and hay-mess in the front. Her makeup is nicely understated – but the cat-glasses and punch of lip color would have been outrageous.

  • stephbellard

    Magbitch?

  • GTrain

    it was working for me until her boy-toy got in the picture. His round-tha-way look doesn’t work with glama.

  • macwell

    Her hair though….

  • kimiakay

    I love this. The color looks great on her. Too bad the twink is in the picture. It’s hard to imagine him having any redeeming qualities. The star is for her, dweeb!

  • Karen Dickerson

    In the words of the Fug Girls, “HOLA, LOVERS.”

  • ankali

    Hair is bad, bad, bad. Re: the dress, I like it (I am a Dior apologist always), and I think it looks great when she’s sitting. Too much volume for her wee standing figure, though.

  • mhleta

    The question here really is, WHY? Why did JLo get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Is she a renowned film actress? Can she even act, really? She sings, she dances, she judges and she’s been in a handful of forgettable films. Is she really Walk of Fame material?

    • bellafigura1

      Out of Sight and Enough. That’s why!

      • mhleta

        1998 and 2002? I can’t pretend to know the politics of these things. She seems famous for being famous, not so much very her actual contributions to the film world. Color me cynical.

        • bellafigura1

          My answer was tongue in cheek, since all her flicks are kind of stinkers (with the exception of Out of Sight). But seriously, she’s starred in a dozen movies more, was famously a Fly Girl on in Living Color, has a healthy recording career and hosted AI for a couple years. She’s no Kim Kardashian, she works!

          Also, those two movies are perfect rainy-Sunday choices. She can have a sidewalk star from me.

    • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

      She deserves it for her turn in Selena alone.

  • bellafigura1

    It ain’t the clothes or hair, it’s the pained expression she’s got in every shot, don’t even get me started on Mr. Smart.

  • merciblahblah

    I actually like this, but the underboob sweat is distracting me so much that it’s all I can focus on.

  • SophieCollier

    She looks so frightened to be sweating in public in some of those photos.

  • Sonja Brisson

    The boyfriend and shoes don’t match the rest of the diva-ness she is attempting to present.

  • ho_bimba

    The skirt needs ironing. Her son should have stayed home with a nanny.

  • patticake1601

    Does she have sweaty underboob?

  • http://kittysdrawings.com Esz

    Wow – that day looks like a scorcher. I can feel the heat baking off the pavement all the way over here in freezing Melbourne.

  • I_Heart_TLo

    Why is she having a physical altercation with the parking attendant?

  • DuBey2

    I love it. The dress is almost not a “dreaded Mullet-dress” on her petite frame, so that makes it a win for me. I love the look and, yes, her old Hollywood sprawl on the sidewalk. Only thing I dislike here is the Friendly ghost.

  • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

    Does anyone remember that Barbie that had a dress like this? Giant peach satin skirt that doubled as a bag? I think you were supposed to stick treasures in it or something.

    • veleri

      yes! barbie peaches ‘n cream. I had that doll. try and google it out, the dress is quite the same. welcome to 1984.

  • veleri

    what about her facial expression in the second pic? what was she thinking? is it stomach ache? period maybe? well, that would explain the hair.

  • Cathy S

    It’s not so great when she stands up but that skirt was made for doing the lie down diva posing. It looks fabulous in that first shot.

  • gsk241

    Well, at least she didn’t deploy the cocker spaniel hair, so that’s a point on the plus side.

  • Danielle L

    That skirt looks hot as HELL.

  • aahlife

    What is going on with her boyfriends neck? There is something over his tattoo. It looks odd. Can anyone tell me what t is going on there?