Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Sandra Bullock in Ermanno Scervino

Posted on June 24, 2013

Sandy, darling. You’re hurting us real bad.

 

Sandra Bullock attends the premiere of ‘The Heat’ in New York City in an Ermanno Scervino black leather dress paired with Bottega Veneta sandals.

Bottega Venetta Multicolor Calf Butterfly Sandal

The tight leather dress. Long has it been the bane of many a ladystar’s existence, for it seems that they all succumb to its dubious charms at some point in their careers, believing that they are among the .001% of the population who can really pull one off. And to be fair, we do think Sandy falls into that tiny percentage who can wear the tight leather dress. We just don’t think she can pull off this tight leather dress. For one, the bustline is low and wide, which isn’t really flattering her. The cups are only having a distant conversation with her breasts. And we realize she favors that-mid-calf hemline – and likes pairing it with a past-the-ankle shoes -  but it’s all looking a bit too tight and a bit too heavy on her. Plus the lether-and-lace effects are tacky as hell.

Girl, we know you think slapping on any old black thing and a pair of complicated shoes is stylish, but it’s really starting to look like a uniform at this point. And it’s looking like you’ve run out of chic ways to express this look and are now turning towards slightly tacky, ill-fitting ways to do so.

Box this up and send it off to … actually, we can’t think of anyone at the moment. It’s not a horrible dress. But whose dress is it, kittens? To whom should Sandy make the shipping label out? Just please not SJP, because she’d wear this in a second and she really shouldn’t.

 

[Photo Credit: Marco Sagliocco/PRPhotos, bottegaveneta.com]

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  • Leah Elzinga

    Zoe Saldana.

    • Clueless_Jock

      Absolutely.

      • drdarke

        Yes, @leahelzinga:disqus .

        I was going to say “Pack it off to a leathermaker and have them make a stylish motorcycle jacket out of it”, but Saldana’s better.

    • kerryev

      Dammit! I hate the fake lace so much I wanted to think no one, but you’re exactly right.

  • Rand Ortega

    Naya Rivera immediately comes to mind. La Liu would kill this but it’s not sophisticated enough for her.

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      Naya would own this. Good call.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      I am so in love with Naya right now, I want to see her in all the hot dresses.

      • Rand Ortega

        That’s exactly why she’s my go to for all the cool looks these days. Ashley Madekwe is a close 2nd.

        • MilaXX

          I thought of Ashley as well, but Naya is a good call.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    Also, if she is going to look bored and miserable, how are we EVER to believe in it’s beauty? This dress could go to several younger (yeah – I said it) fashion IT girls. Zoe Saldana, Naya Rivera, even Blake Lively (if you cut a few inches off) but the true wearer of this dress is 2008 Angelina Jolie.

    • sekushinonyanko

      Please not Blake Lively. Blake can make 50s Barbies looks work and that’s about where it ends. Anything that could be a little tacky definitely becomes the tackiest when her long legs and large busom get involved.

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        I know – that’s kinda why I want to see it on her. I miss good ol’ Boobs Legsly. She’s working that Sadie Sadie married lady thing so hard, she’s become positively boring.

    • filmcricket

      Yep, Angie was my first thought too. Naya’s also a good call.

    • Little_Olive

      Nah, Angie would not go for the flowery cutouts I think, It’s not sharp enough for her. Plus the neckline is too low, which she doesn’t usually favor.

      I agree with TLo, please not SJP, because apart from wearing it in a heartbeat she’d wear it with cable-knit socks and pink pumps.

  • AmeliaEve

    I thought she dumped the biker husband a few years ago. Maybe she just had this in the back of her closet from a previous trip to Sturgis.

    • RebeccaKW

      I saw a headline on some online site…Yahoo maybe? About Sandra is rubbing her hotness in Jesse’s face in this leather outfit.

      • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

        Ew. Also, I find the odds of her wanting to rub ANYthing in his general direction slim to none at best.

        • RebeccaKW

          Yes. I thought ‘are they in junior high? I’m pretty sure Sandra is over him now.’ It’s like the Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie thing. Jennifer is not Miss Havisham, she is over it.

          • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

            Re Jen/Brad: I’d say over it and possibly laughing at it. Clearly they wanted different things. She wanted to never age, never live a life beyond movies and margaritas (nothing wrong with that, btw) and he wanted family and meaningful charity work.
            I think Sandra was dealt a pretty raw deal, and while long since moved on, I’d say her ability to trust took a pretty big hit.

          • RebeccaKW

            I agree. 100%

  • Danielle L

    The hair makes me weep.

    • Leah Elzinga

      really it’s the hair and the face that are just destroying this for me.

  • MightyMarshal

    This is an Olivia Munn dress if it’s anyone’s dress.

  • clatie

    I didn’t even notice the dress because of THE HAIR. That stylist is trying to kill you, Sandy. Get a restraining order. Hire an extra bodyguard.

  • RebeccaKW

    I think if it were a bit shorter and the cups fit better, this could work on her. Other than the bust, in the photo from waist up, it’s not too bad.

    • Little_Olive

      It’s the cutouts that kill it for me. If it were a plain leather dress it’d be a lot better IMO (shoes and hair are a whole ‘nother story)

  • Kate Andrews

    Rihanna.

    • filmcricket

      She’d want to hem it several inches, but she could make it work, you’re right.

  • Glam Dixie

    Halle Berry would wear this in a heart beat, but she shouldn’t either. It’s all kinds of awful.

    • AnaRoW

      I was going to post the same thing.

  • Bethany Roullett

    She could always send it to Madonna, because I’m pretty sure she already has like six things in her wardrobe that look just like this.

    • janneyb

      Or maybe she would cut it down to six things for her wardrobe.

  • EliseMatisse

    Penelope Cruz, I think.

  • OrigamiRose

    Oh dear god. That is just loathsome.

  • Krafty_L

    Ugh – leather nightgown!

  • random_poster

    Thank you for the Grease reference…that made me smile today. I hate everything about this look, so indeed, Sandy is hurting us real bad.

  • StellaZafella

    Willam…send it…and the shoes, to Willam.

  • hyperionic

    Taylor Momsen.

    • Shawn EH

      With boots and a pointless scarf! Yes, it’s like Sandy’s going for some Goth vibe but can’t fully commit to it!

  • Julaine Haraden Morley

    Somebody taller and flawless. Charlize Theron.

    • makeityourself

      You’re the first one I’ve agreed with. Charlize would do it justice.

  • Lola Channing

    oh honey, you’ve fallen into the pit of “i can wear this because I look good” yes, you look good but you still can’t pull off anything with that hair a la 3 Witches of Macbeth.

  • KayEmWhy

    Saw this on another site and it was praised. Ran right over to the Uncles because you have taught us well. This is a big No and those shoes oiy!

  • TheAmericaness

    She’s a little black obsessed lately. Please throw on some color Ms. Bullock! You’re NOT Queen Victoria so live it up a bit!

  • Garcia Loca

    Posh Spice.

  • Blair Sylvester

    Chloe Sevigny because she would pair it with some cracked out accessories and it would make for a great alters post (which we haven’t been gifted with in a while

  • KTBSN

    I kinda like it on her. She’s into black lately. I’ve been digging her hair and makeup too.

  • shopgirl716

    That woman from Transformers 3, can’t remember her name. She is super tall and stick thin and could probably pull this one off.

    • demidaemon

      Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

  • MilaXX

    I was think maybe Ashley Madeke? The challenge is the length would I think would need to be hemmed. Another thought is Evan Rachel Woods after she has the baby.
    I almost think Sandy could have made this work with better hair, I think a sleek ponytail, and a less fussy shoe.

    • ankali

      Love both of those suggestions.

  • TigerLaverada

    Uma Thurman might be able to make it work, but I don’t know if she’d want to wear it. Pretty ugly dress, IMO, as are 99.9% of black leather calf-length dresses.

  • conniemd

    Forget the dress. Just tell me that any hair stylist not on meth would send a lady out on the red carpet with hair that cannot have been brushed once that day.

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      maybe she ratted it up and then forgot to comb out the top layer before she secured it back from the face, yikes! my mother used to call those “rats’ nests” when she had to comb them out of my hair.

  • ashtangajunkie

    I’d like to see it on Zoe Saldana. I’d also like to see Sandy fire whoever did that to her hair.

  • JulieK

    Lea Michele would wear it but it would be a train wreck.

  • Tatiana Luján

    I kind of like the dress, but I hate that leght paired with shoes that go above the ankles.

  • nannypoo

    OK, the dress is wrong for her, but the hair and makeup are even worse. At least there is someone out there for the dress. The hair and makeup, I’m pretty sure there are no takers.

  • Ashleigh

    me!

  • Shawn EH

    Christina Ricci, maybe? If she gave it a slut cut?

  • kim bunchalastnames

    maybe it’s because i just saw her on your whiteboard, but … krysten ritter?

  • crash1212

    This coulda worked if she hoiked up the bodice and cut about six inches of the length.

    • Pennymac

      LOL @ “hoiked”

  • Qitkat

    I’m thinking HBC would know what to do with it. As in, throw some more garments on, to hide the dreadfulness of it all.

  • birdie & bijou

    Kerry Washington!

  • majorbedhead

    That’s just not the slightest bit flattering.

    Also, her face makeup seems to be too light for the rest of her body. Unless it’s my monitor….

  • demidaemon

    Yeah, it’s obvious that Sandra has some sort of issue with knees (be it knee-length dresses or her own knees, which I can’t really fathom). But she needs something different, STAT. Especially in promoting this movie, which she probably needs to sell the hell out of. The shoe style needs to die too.

  • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

    it needs to be someone who has an attractive chest, neck, and sternum area, so someone with a little flesh on her. not a skinny minnie like nichol ritchie. maybe katy perry? needs to be someone with young skin. and speaking of, sandy, can we talk about that makeup job? is that the best they could do for your skin? cause dayum, girl, you ain’t that old.

  • Synnae

    I think this a great dress (I want it!), that would have worked on Sandy had it had wider straps and little less cleavage and a shorter hem. And other shoes- a simple strong heel- would have gone a long way too.
    BTW, what happened to her hair? She always had gorgeous healthy hair and now it looks like she came straight from the beach. With the make-up, it makes her looks like an desperate 80′s rock video vixen (and note, I like her!)

    As for other celebs- Rose McGowan? not the most obvious choice, and I’d like for her to be a brunette when wearing it, but she has some curves, and she could potentially style it very well.

  • Sagecreek

    She can’t afford a pedicure?

  • marlie

    She could pull it off if it actually fit well. As it is, NO.

  • jw_ny

    yes…this has become her uniform as of late.

    time to switch things up Sandy!

  • plinkiedoodle

    Send the dress to Heidi Klum. I’m sure she’ll make good use of it.

  • ErmengardeGreen

    A Latina somebody. Michelle Rodriguez, Dania Ramirez, Odette Annable, Salma Hayek even, for that kind of Desperado vibe.

    • somebody blonde

      MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ. It wouldn’t have occurred to me, but this is DEFINITELY her dress, IMO.

  • Zaftiguana

    Lucy Liu, but I’m not sure she’d go for it.

  • prettybigkitty

    It is a horrible dress. But I’m guessing Hallie Berry is wishing it was in her closet and that she had a chance to wear it first. Right up her tacky alley.

  • JP

    The fashion-blind nutjobs who write Yahoo’s fashion column called this “Sandy’s Eat Your Heart Out Dress.” Um. NO.

  • Warrior89

    *hangs head* I like it. She looks great.

  • Candigirl1968

    If a rocker chick wore a shorter version to, say, the Grammys, I would think it could possibly work – not be great, but work for the occasion and personality (I’m thinking someone with a Pat Benatar vibe, or, well, just Pat Benatar).

    The hair makes we want to weep.

  • Rachael

    I immediately wondered why Sandra Bullock is shopping in Pamela Anderson’s closet!

  • Adibug

    Trim it down to a skirt and give it to Gwen Stefani

  • http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/ Figgy

    It’s Halle Berry’s.

  • CatherineRhodes

    Kristin Stewart.

  • understateddiva

    Sorry, but this calls to mind the ladies of a certain age one sees at biker rallies in halter tops.

  • Hetha Innis

    Scarlett Johansson

  • JauntyJohn

    If we work from the premise that this is the Tight Leather Dress for a Woman Who Is No Longer A Starlet, then I might like to see how Katey Sagal might work it. I could see a Tilly perhaps, but they are too zoftig I fear.

    Is it just me, or is Sandra’s partner in crime(fighting) and poledancing very absent from this junket? Where is Melissa McC. on all these redcarpet runs?

  • quiltrx

    Pretty sure this is Cher’s dress.
    (psst. Sandy. You’re not married to that awful Jesse James anymore.)

  • AnneElliot

    She should pack this up and send it over to Krysten Ritter. Or maybe Rooney Mara?

  • AnneElliot

    Or Lucy Liu!

  • LaSylphide

    Dress would be great if a) it came to just below her knee, and b) the bodice didn’t make her look like she has breast fed 27 children. And Sandra, please. The hair. Please.

  • CeeQ

    Maybe Zoe Saldana & Naya Rivera will both wear it accidentally and we can have a Sophie’s Choice moment in the comments section :)

  • Jane Dough

    Kat von D would rock that dress

  • Jitka Pavlíková

    Also, girl, that’s not your botox and breast implants. And hair, for that matter.

  • lilazander

    The black leather (or not), mid-calf seems to be her gig recently, no? It’s as if she was wearing different variations of one outfit/ dress.

  • http://twitter.com/kendallbrunson SassyMcFrench

    This look is so dated on her. It’s 1994 and she’s promoting Speed. Where’s Keanu?

  • Kristobel

    I think this would look good on Miley Cyrus, actually.

  • eight_of_nine

    It has been so disgustingly hot and humid in NYC recently; I can’t even fathom wearing a leather dress right now. Not even one with ventilation.

  • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com cheekypinky

    KStew. With red Chucks.

  • sienna elm

    I’m thinking Carrie Ann Moss circa Matrix 1…

  • andreawey

    this is kinda mean I know but, Jesse James skanky girlfriend…….. sorry……and that hair wtf…..

  • Mary Lauer

    And AGAIN with the bondage shoes! FFS, what is going on in her life that she appears to require bondage shoes?!

  • Stacy Feng

    Stop it with the bondage shoes, Sandy. You’re not Miss Congeniality anymore.