Armie Hammer in Tom Ford

Posted on June 24, 2013

Armie. We have a disappoint.


Armie Hammer attends the world premiere of ‘The Lone Ranger’ at the Disney California Adventure Park in Tom Ford.

Tom Ford Spring 2013 Collection

Mr. Skinny-Bitch Tom Ford model can work this thing with some popping, locking and sass, obviously, but you cannot.

We’ve noted before how well suited he is physically to the Tom Ford cut. But the extreme cut of this jacket; the way the opening flares out at the bottom, is making him look downright hippy. Plus the color does absolutely nothing for him. This suit needs to be on a darker-skinned man. And finally, that hair and those whiskers make us weep. That is so not your look, boy. Some men can pull off the rough face, but you’re pure Pretty Boy and need to accept that. This type of grooming just makes you look kind of baby-faced and creepy.

Just an all-around terrible look for him. Tsk.



[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans, Emiley Schweich, Izumi Hasegawa, Jonathan Shensa/PR Photos,]

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  • gsk241

    The model looks like a supervillian, and that’s just awesome.

    • girliecue

      For a second I thought it was Prince in bad lighting.

      • Bethany Roullett

        I thought it was Seneca Crane from The Hunger Games!

      • Julie

        The model looks like a foot taller, toned-down version of Prince.

      • JP

        Me too! I had to go back and check that it wasn’t Prince.

        As for Armie, I find it hard to take a guy seriously who calls himself “Armie.”

        • quiltrx

          Well, Armand is the truth, but he really doesn’t have that face, does he? He totally has an Armie face.
          Plus it gives everyone a second to wonder instead of going straight to the baking soda.

          • His grandfather, for whom he was named, was uber rich Armand Hammer, head of Occidental Petroleum.

            At least Armie is better than Mandy.

    • Emily

      The model is WERQ-ing the bejesus out of that suit. Fierce.

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      Scar from the Lion King.

      • stephbellard


      • quiltrx

        Domo, you get my vote for “Won the Internet, 6/24/13”!

  • marlie

    Sad, from head to toe. And he’s the blandest of the blandly attractive.

    • anotherkate

      See, he’s one of those who doesn’t do much for me in photographs, but THAT VOICE. It’s the same with Benedict Cumberbatch, who I will see in a photo looking rumpled or something and think, “eh, what’s the appeal?” but then I’ll go see Star Trek and hear him say “You can’t even break a rule. How could you break bone?” and I melt into a puddle of fangurl excitement and…where was I? Right, the voice.

      • marlie

        Maybe I need to give Armie another listen, then, because I am right with you on Benedict Cumberbatch. That VOICE.

        • Rand Ortega

          To borrow a quote from Mike Myers as Linda Richman: Like Buttah.

      • Griffinqueen

        You are so right on! And I will go further and give you my guilty secret…Vin Diesel. I know , I know!–but that voice makes me blush. DON”T JUDGE ME!

        • barbarienne

          You are not alone in your Vin-voice love!

        • marlie

          Ooh, his is nice too!

        • quiltrx

          Oh, the voice MAKES Vin, for sure.

      • julnyes

        I don’t think I’ve ever head him speak. I’ll have to hit youtube tonight because if you are comparing his voice to the mind-bending pleasure of Benedict, I am very intrigued.

        • anotherkate

          I mean, he’s not AS good as Benedict. But pleasingly deep. He made those Winkelvoss twins oh-so-sexy.

          • julnyes

            okay I’ll lower my expectations accordingly.

    • jayetyler

      I thought he was bland too but he’s so damn awesome in Reaper that I now find him charming.

  • Clueless_Jock

    There’s also a huge disconnect between the tie and the suit.

    • 3boysful

      And a vast chasm between the suit-n-tie and the neckbeard! Aaargh.

  • Glam Dixie

    And in addition to all of your other points, that wide black tie, also a mistake.

    • makeityourself

      And it’s got texture, too. I can’t think of a worse choice. This suit requires some dandifying to work, and he goes with a black tie and matching oxfords that need a polish. So very bad.

  • GorgeousThings

    Yep, a bad look all around, and the facial hair just makes him look like Seth Rogan’s younger brother. Way younger brother.

  • Merkin

    That tie looks like it’s made out of an old towel.

  • j_anson

    It’s the stubble that’s getting me the most. Boy, you cannot do stubble. Listen to your uncles.

    • Heather

      Can ANYONE do stubble? It’s so Miami Vice, and NOT appealing.

      Dudes: you have way less to do to get ready than us ladies (ie, you do not have to endure hot rollers, etc.). Shaving takes, what, 7 minutes?

      • marlie

        They also don’t “have to” shave everything.

      • Angela_the_Librarian

        Josh Holloway (Sawyer) from Lost. Then again he was supposed to be stranded on an island so he had an excuse for the scruff.

      • TheAmericaness

        Oh I love my man in stubble! I hate beards! but a little light hair? Yes. 🙂 Very handsome on some men. Not all. But some.

  • majorbedhead

    I can tell it’s knit ties that are going to make me splutter. I hated those things on the first go-round, back in the 70s, and I was only a wee young thing back then. But I can remember asking my dad why he let my mom knit him a tie that was so big. That didn’t go over well with mom, needless to say.

    • Donna Tabor

      They were around long before the 70’s. My dad had some from the 50’s. Finer, but still, so ugly.

      • majorbedhead

        It’s entirely possible my dad was wearing his leftovers from the 50s. My parents were on the older side when they had me. Married in ’57.

        • Donna Tabor

          Highly likely. People took care of things better then, and only had a few of each thing, unlike now.

    • lrober03

      Uggh knit ties. We can only hope they don’t filter their way into what is sold in stores. If I start seeing men on the street wearing these…it’s going to be hard to not get angry

  • carnush

    That model makes me LOLZ

  • TSkot

    Suit is terrible, but the scruff looks great. More please.

  • Danielle L

    I wish his tie had a pattern like the model’s. It’s okay, honey. You’re still presh. *pets hair*

  • everest19

    It’s weird, I don’t actually hate it. Simply what is that Tom Ford model doing though…

  • Why thick, knit tie? Why?!?!?

  • River

    Also, horrible tie.

  • SpillinTea

    Another Hollywood “blah…” type. Nothing about him screams “interesting.” Put that suit on Will Smith

  • lexilexi

    Please do Johnny Depp next!

  • girliecue

    The color and the styling make him look like a big ol’ boring bowl of bland oatmeal. And I usually love him. 🙁

  • kirkyo

    Not loving the tie, but the suit looks great.

  • Rand Ortega

    All I can think of is, ‘Oh no, what must the Gay Wind Chime’ look like at this thing?’
    (On Armie: The shirt & tie ruin this look)

  • msdamselfly

    Even at his worst, he looks about a 1000% better than most men. I actually like the suit on him.

  • PeggyOC

    That tie is a crime.

  • Julie

    Check out his eyebrows in each of the photos. That’s the face of someone who was coerced into wearing that suit.

  • OrigamiRose

    The model picture is cracking me up; might be time for a new desktop wallpaper destined to turn me into a puddle of giggles every time I see it.

    Hollywood, please stop trying to make Armie Hammer happen.

  • MilaXX

    The way the suit is styled takes all of the fun out of it. Arnie needs to shave because he look edgy, he looks like he overslept from last night’s bender and didn’t have time to shave or bath this morning.

  • conniemd

    Okay, I’m trying to remember the last time I saw a guy in a suit with a colored (not including pinstripes) shirt like pink, blue, melon, yellow. I always dress my husband in pastel shirts and they looked great with his fair Irish coloring. He also had colored tie and occasional pocket scarf. The men we’ve been looking look so blah in their suits.

  • CeeRich

    Forget Armie, that model is giving me LIFE!

  • Pretty sure that Tom Ford model is the only one allowed to wear that suit. And I swear to Maude, if they put one more muscular guy in a wide, knitted look scarf tie…

  • YoungSally

    He needs the lighting that the model has to make it work.

  • kim bunchalastnames

    that suit REALLY needs a playful shirt/tie/pocket square combo, and armie is wearing … well, NOT that.

  • demidaemon

    I thought the whole thing looked a bit tight on him. Like his clothes are one seam away from exploding. Which would be awesome, but probably an unintended result.

  • ConnieBV

    He just needs to go full Prince William.

  • Mr. Skinny-Bitch Tom Ford model looks like a young Timothy Dalton. I will not comment on Armie except – MEH.

  • sk8tfan

    OMG, that’s two male star ingenues whose natural good looks Tom Ford has managed to undermine. Please don’t tell me he’s Stella McCartney for men!

  • Patricia Gillett

    And he looks like he borrowed one of Henry Cavill’s terrible ties! Dude, if they didn’t work on Superman…

  • formerlyAnon

    Does the unflattering jacket contribute to his ability to be cute and completely without sexual allure simultaneously? Or does he do that all on his own?

    ETA: I have already warned Mr. Cavill about the ties made from winter blankets. THEY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

  • Reality TV Casting

    strongly disagree about his coloring on this suit
    agree about the cut
    feel better now that opinions have been expressed

  • quiltrx

    I has a sad. Armie is so adorable…like he can almost reach “Ryan Gosling Hey Girl” levels of adorable. But not this. The pants fit great, though.
    And I think we Bitter Kittens could have HOURS of fun making up backstories for this model! The mind spins!

  • leahpapa

    Unrelated: What is all over the red carpet here? I don’t like the suit, grooming, color, etc., but what’s really getting to me is that freaking tallgrass.

  • stubbornthoughts

    Um, sorry Uncles but I must adamantly disagree with all of the above. Armie looks dashing and holy crap hot.

  • Bill Craven

    If he kept his hands out of his pockets, it might be OK; but that color is terrible and the tie is wrong. Ugh.