Zoe Saldana Double Shot

Posted on May 21, 2013

Darlings, we’re drowning in celebrity fashion. Between Cannes, the Billboard awards, the opening of several summer movies and the general, all-around attention-seeking celebrities engage in every day, our bitchy cups runneth over. Prepare to be blasted in the face today with celebrity “style” (or what passes for it) as we try to catch up.

It seem Miss Zoe hasn’t had a day off from her poledancing duties in at least a month and we finally had to give up on documenting every look, but these two jumped out at us as worthy of discussion. Grab a cup and meet us in the bitchy conference room, darlings. We’ve got work to do.


Zoe Saldana attends ‘Blood Ties’ Photocall during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival in a Emanuel Ungaro top and skirt paired with Oscar Tiye pumps, Jamie Wolf earrings, and a Melinda Maria ring.

Emanuel Ungaro Fall 2013 Collection/Model: Edita Vilkeviciute (VIVA)

We really love this. Zoe usually looks better when she’s wearing something with a little shape or volume to it and we like that the silhouette is just a little on the odd side. Another thing she needs on the regular is an eye-catching print or graphic, which means the color-blocking and polka dots are just what the bitchy doctors ordered. Love the sleeves, especially the buttons on the cuffs, although we’re not entirely convinced on the buttons continuing down the skirt. Killer pair of shoes, too. It’s a fab day time look and you can tell she’s feeling it.

This, on the other hand, is questionable to us:

Zoe Saldana attends the premiere of ‘Blood Ties’ during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival in a Valentino gown paired with David Yurman jewelry.

Valentino Fall 2013 Collection/Model: Tilda Lindstam (IMG)

Everything about it is pretty, but those shoulders are a real needle scratch. She looks like she’s wearing an undershirt under a strapless gown. Regardless of how pretty the rest of the dress is (and we reiterate: really pretty), that’s a design element we just can’t get past. It doesn’t work for us at all.



[Photo Credit: PR Photos, Getty, PacificCoastNews, style.com]

    • chauncey

      Puritan chic

      • Dam_Angel

        and pilgram couture

        • Pennymac

          Nothing to add. Puritan chic and Pilgrim Couture says it all.

          Look #1? Amazing!

      • 3boysful

        RIght. Beautiful fabric, but those white straps take the bodice into sister-wife apron territory.

        First look, however, is perfection.

        • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

          See, I was going to go with Nun’s Night Out, but Puritan Chic/Pilgrim Couture is much more apt.

      • drdarke

        Zoe Saldana Stars in – TRAPPED BY MORMONS, the 2013 remake of the searing 1922 exposé! I can’t even agree with TLo on that second dress overall – I think it screams “Cult Wife”, even without the shoulders….

        That first look? I kept thinking “Omegerd! It’s Uhura after

        that limey pretending to be Khan

        bisected her from the shoulder with a laser scapel!” The top does weird things to her shape – and the black polka-dot wrap dress doesn’t do her any favors, either…..

    • werika

      Zoe looks really good in sexy, chic ensembles a la the photocall outfit. I don’t like her in princess-y stuff as much.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      Love the first look, unreservedly.
      Love the second, but wish her hair was up.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Love the first look unreservedly. The second dress, though undeniably lovely, is just not working for her. The cooler is a bit off, and the style looks old on her, sadly.

      • ballerinawithagun

        She look so much better than the model, really shows her figure. I love the way the waist is pulled higher, almost empire and that they didn’t use that leather looking turtleneck or whatever it is. I hate the buttons but I have this weird dislike for non-functioning closures.

      • aeb1986

        that first look is crazy awesome!! i WANT it!

      • StellaZafella

        Second look…with a new shoulder treatment…Disney Princess Anastasia.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Yeah, it could go all, “Tsarina of all the Russias” real easily.

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

      I feel like Zoe’s stylist is using her inherent fabulosity as an excuse to coast and not make good choices for her.

    • zenobar

      That first look is pure 1990 supermodel realness. All she needed was a giant black hat.

      • demidaemon

        That would have been awesome!

    • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

      I think I’m in the minority so far — I like the “pretty” dress better than the “unusual” one. But I completely agree about the shoulders on the second dress. That’s just weird.

      • RedRaven617

        I’m with you on the day dress. I know that an all white top would remove it from the “unusual” realm, but I do think it would look “prettier” with a more balanced look. As for the gown….. Made me think of “Breaking Amish” for some reason.

      • ThaliaMenninger

        And her stringy hair is ruining both looks. So no all-out approval for me. At all.

    • Donna Schmidt

      Why white? Ruined the dress

      • LaSylphide

        My first thought too. Really a shame, because the dress would be lovely.

    • Tatiana Luján

      The first one would have been a WERQ for me if the shoes were her size.
      The secod one is too pretty to be ruined just by the straps, it’s still an IN for me.

    • SewingSiren

      Absolutely love the first look. Agrees on the second look . Not her finest red carpet moment, but she still looks good.

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      LOVE that first look. I’m glad she removed that turtle neck piece from the runway version. It looks really awkward on the model, IMHO.

    • msdamselfly

      Her hair and makeup in the second look are lovely

    • Qitkat

      The first look is perfection. Love that she ditched the belt and wore the skirt both higher in the waist and slightly longer at the same time.

    • lulukittie

      Love the first look on her. The second? She needs to pack it up and send it to Carey Mulligan. I prefer the angular/fashiony looks on Zoe.

    • http://twitter.com/steeenie Christine Hart

      I think if that pretty dress was just a top, that would be a really pretty day piece. But on a gown it’s strange – the design element doesn’t match its context.

    • http://twitter.com/omg_dora Dora K.

      That Valentino dress would be SO pretty with a thin strappy arrangement at the shoulders. Or anything other than those incongruous white bits.

      • ballerinawithagun

        The second dress should have been strapless or as you say something delicate. The boys nailed it with saying that it looks like a white T underneath. Almost like going to a thrift store, buying an old prom gown and realizing at the last minute that it doesn’t fit, layer over a tank or T. Now that idea would have been great at the Met Gala…

    • nannypoo

      That first outfit is just fabulous. I love everything about it. The second one has everything going for it except for the undershirt component. The color and fabric and shape are all beautiful.

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      I love the first look. I wonder if she should have kept the belt, but either way, I think she looks great. I like the second dress, but this dress is one of those rare examples of how it might have worked better on a paler skinned ladystar. Those sleeves aren’t nearly as jarringly obvious on the runway version as they are on Miss Saldana. But I agree that the dress is beautiful, otherwise.

      • demidaemon

        It’s because they aren’t as noticeable. I had to go back and check to see if that was the original design. Once I did, I decided it was one of the times the designer said, “I need to add something” when they really didn’t and ruined the whole dress.

    • Lilithcat

      Love the day dress.

      I also love the grey gown, but point taken about the white straps.

    • Janet B

      The second dress is odd, and definitely not a flattering color for Zoe.

      • http://www.facebook.com/agatha.guilluame.7 Agatha Guilluame

        Um she looks like a handmaiden. So if that’s the look she was going for then…you NAILED IT! Zoe.

    • misstressofsylar

      Zoe ditch the Valentino. Prabal will do you so much better!

    • http://profiles.google.com/melantha.chimera Eileen Duffy

      I feel the opposite. Can’t stand the first one, love the second (wish the straps were gray, though).

    • CommenterFormerlyKnownAsR

      The first look has grown on me. It’s really striking.
      The white is way too focus-pulling on the second, and I also don’t love how figure-obliterating the bodice is.

    • BrooklynBomber

      I adore the Valentino gown; I know the white is strange, but I think it’s what makes this more than just another beautiful gown. And I love the first look, too, or I would if the proportions were more balanced; the voluminous top overwhelms the skirt, which I wish was a little longer.

    • SugarSnap108

      I love the first one, but think it looks best in the shot where her arms are behind her back — I don’t care for the trim on the sides of the shirt cuffs; they look like giant honking buttons. The second one: I don’t hate the shoulders. I cannot explain or defend myself. She just makes things work, even if it’s not a WERQ.

    • FrigidDiva

      To me the Valentino gown looks like something Elle Fanning would wear. It’s a pretty dress, it just doesn’t seem like it’s in Zoe’s wheelhouse.

      • tereliz

        Fanning was my first thought too, except there’s way too much color in that dress. ;)

    • l_c_ann

      For some reason I have the song “She’s so tired” from Blazing Saddles in my brain when I see her slight attempts at looking interested as she poses.

      • OrigamiRose

        Ha, now I will have that stuck in my head all day. (Though of songs to have stuck in one’s head all day, that’s a good one.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=603005248 Jeff Warhurst

      That gown reminds me of Ever After.

    • mhleta

      Love the first look, (though I find the skeleton that’s modeling it to be very alarming.) I get what you’re saying about the Valentino, I could get past the shoulders, but I wish she’d done something with her hair that’s worthy of the dress. She looks like she just got off a boat after being set adrift for several months.

    • OrigamiRose

      That first dress is such a slam-drunk WERQ. And she knows it! :)

    • appliquer

      WERQ on the first outfit. Second outfit needs a few things – removal of the white “things” and an updo. The formality of the dress needs more than limp hair, in my book.

    • http://twitter.com/Hussified Coleen

      You can see it in her face – fierce in the first dress, feh in the second. I think she knows it’s not a strong showing.

    • http://twitter.com/GuidosDaddy GuidosDaddy

      I think she looks gorgeous in both, but the whole cast of Star Trek look like they need a nap.

    • GorgeousThings

      You think the rest of that gown is pretty? Funny, all I could see was upholstery. Don’t get me wrong, I completely agree with you about the shoulder needle-scratch, but the rest of the gown just looks like it belongs in an IKEA showroom,

      • demidaemon

        To me, it’s a Marchesa retread with a bit of WTFuckery added with the straps.

    • jw_ny

      maybe if she had her hair up in the 2nd look. I’d like it more…idk. I don’t think that conservative princessy dress is really her style. I like her in more contemporary looks. She doesn’t look like she likes it much either…

    • http://twitter.com/NMMagpie NMMagpie

      The first look is lovely but I just cannot un-see those horribly ill-fititng (yet great) shoes. Totally agree about the shoulders on the second look; they look like an afterthought.

    • sweatpantalternative

      The headband with her hair down was a terrible call with the second look. The dress would have looked more sophisticated and dramatic with an up-do or anything else really.

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      First look: I like the styling changes except for the pushed up sleeves but she looks tired and a bit fed up with it all. The second look, god help me, I like, especially the close up shot. At first I thought it would look better with her hair up but the close up convinced me that it was a more casual look, as casual as you can be in a gown; she’s wearing a head band so the white tshirt under the bodice works?

      No I don’t understand it either but I do think it’s a cute look.

    • guest2visits

      I am in love with the 2nd dress; I luv it with the white (even though I can see your point), I’d luv it more with matching grey….I’d take it without the straps; I just love it and I think she looks pretty wonderful in it.
      I really liked the first until I noticed the chunky side bolts. The skirt is cool without them – looked like men’s ties fashioned into a chic skirt. The top is ok; glad she got rid of the leather collar.

    • Cathy S

      I love them both, but the first look is miles above the second. Love that black and white.

    • http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/ Figgy

      She looks completely miserable in that first outfit! I wonder if she’s just really hot and itchy, because she has total stankface on.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1582777135 Melanie K. Morgan

      completely disagree. The first one is “eh,” the second one is lovely.

    • IMNAngryLiberal

      Love, love the first outfit. Pretty meh on the second. Is it my imagination or have we seen a lot of Disney princess looking dresses at Cannes this year? Seems like Cannes is usually more outre.

    • Carla_Charlton

      Agree about both, except for the red shoes in the first look. Because the dress is so short, I think shoes that are more toned down would look better. That is, not ankle straps, not so high.

    • tereliz

      I like the Valentino, I just think it’s not her dress.

      The Ungaro is amazing! So much better than the one Jennifer Hudson wore to the Call Me Crazy premiere (remember the leopard?). I LOVE the blousy top and the gold buttons with the polka dots.

    • MzzPants

      Are the chosen ones having a black and white ‘moment’, or what? I’m ready for some color on the rc.

    • Tracy_Flick

      The first outfit is nice, except for those buttons – I think Ungaro must have been rifling through the bin from 1989.

      The second one – hateful. Awful. That color is so drab, and the fit is so boring. It takes work to make a designer beaded chiffon gown look like dingy curtains.

    • MilaXX

      Love the first look, but would have preferred a navy shoe. Second look is just too precious for Zoe. I think on the right person it could work even with the odd shoulders.

    • Anniebet

      Yay – something different.. that first look is stellar. Needs different shoes though.

      The second dress is beautiful but doesn’t work on her, IMO. That color would be hard to pull off.

    • Judy_S

      I do not like a lot of Valentino but I gasped as I scrolled down. She looks ravishing in that gown. I also love the short outfit. Both of these are challenges to wear and she is working them.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=535548244 Kim Baker Vidas Davey-Irvin

      maybe because last night i dreamed i was dating humphrey bogart (as he was circa “rick”), i feel so smug and well satisfied today that i love everything, including both of these dresses. however, since we were dating in today’s world and the maître d’s didn’t jump us ahead of the lines because no one knew who he was, i may come back with a grumpier opinion later.

    • julnyes

      The first look is stellar and the second is definitely ruined by the shoulder treatment.

    • stubbornthoughts

      LOVE LOVE LOVE the first one.


    • MaryAtRealityTea

      The second look is just not her. It’s Prom on the polygamous compound. The first look amazing!

    • kimiakay

      The first one is definitely eye catching. But those shoes! They are mine! I can’t make up my mind about the sleeves on that first one. At least she doesn’t have that high neck on it. The dress, I really like it, except. Maybe a belt, and those white shoulders could be black or another color other than white then it would be perfect. But not her hair. Her hair is stringy. Go have a spa day, Zoe. I’m sure you need one.

    • quiltrx

      It’s amazing how ONE design element can ruin a dazzling gown.
      “Oh shit, we’ve made a gown with no support, so it can’t be strapless. What do we do now?” “I KNOW, LET’S TACK ON SOME CLOTH DIAPER STRAPS.”
      It kills me, because the dress is spectacular IMO otherwise.

    • sleepycat

      funny I thought it was the other way around. the valentino dress is just stunning

    • http://twitter.com/carelessriver Caterina Maria

      The second dress is about a yard of white fabric away from being Ren Faire-suitable.

    • librarygrrl64

      I couldn’t agree more, especially on those white shoulders.