WERQ: Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann

Posted on May 28, 2013

GREETINGS, CARBON-BASED BIPEDAL LIFE FORMS.

 

Tilda Swinton attends the premiere of ‘Only Lovers Left Alive’ during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival in a Haider Ackermann embroidered suit.

DO NOT BE ALARMED. I AM SPEAKING TO YOU TELEPATHICALLY BECAUSE YOUR TINY APE BRAINS COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND THE ADVANCED MATHEMATICAL LANGUAGE CONTRUCTS, PHEROMONES, AND INTERPRETIVE DANCE MOVES MY PEOPLE NORMALLY USE TO COMMUNICATE.

I HAVE CHOSEN TO BEAM DOWN HERE BECAUSE MY SHIP HAS DETECTED A SURPLUS OF SMALL HANDHELD ELECTRONIC RECORDING DEVICES IN USE IN THIS AREA, WHICH MAKES IT A PERFECT LOCATION FROM WHICH I CAN ADDRESS THE WORLD.

YOU ARE REQUESTED TO HAND OVER ALL OF THIS PLANET’S RESOURCES, INCLUDING WATER AND SMALL HANDHELD ELECTRONIC DEVICES, TO MY WAITING ARMY, WHICH IS HOVERING OVER ALL YOUR MAJOR CITIES, WAITING FOR MY COMMAND TO STRIKE.

ACCORDING TO OUR STUDIES, YOU LIFE FORMS APPEAR TO WORSHIP OTHER LIFE FORMS WHO WEAR SHINY METAL CLOTHES AND BEAM DOWN TO YOUR DESIGNATED PLUMAGE DISPLAY LANDING STRIP. EVEN YOUR PUNY LAW ENFORCEMENT UNIT KNOWN AS ‘FASHION POLICE’ WOULD HAVE TO AGREE THAT I AM SHUTTING THIS PLUMAGE DISPLAY LANDING STRIP THE FUCK DOWN. BECAUSE I AM WERQING IT LIKE MY MONTHLY DOMICILE FEE IS DUE.

BITCHES.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty]

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