Martha Stewart at ‘Gatsby’ Premiere

Posted on May 02, 2013

Martha, we love you. We love you for teaching us how to fold fitted sheets and we even love you for ruining our Christmas (and most of our backsplash) lo, these many years gone (because we got a good story out of it). We loved you when we saw you from a few feet away at the Ralph Rucci show during Fashion Week, dressed as you were in brown leather pants and stiletto heels. We love watching you make incredibly complicated Polish Christmas cookies with your mother, and we love even more to watch you collaborate on some craft project with one of the many nervous, high-strung queens in your employ.

You are a diva, Martha Stewart.


Martha Stewart attends the world premiere of ‘The Great Gatsby’ in New York City.

Now go home. You’re drunk.


[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • Those pants aren’t even appropriate for a 15 year old girl going to the under 18 night at the local club.

    • mhleta

      These pants are meant for Liberace’s coachman and no one else.

      • Gah yes! I could not figure out who they should be for, you solved the mystery. Is it too late to reshoot any of that movie? She should ship them off to Matt Damon.

      • Sarah

        The pants AND the blouse. That outfit says gay footman like nobody’s business.

        • Little_Olive

          Hahhahahahaha I am just imagining a GLAAD version of the Renaissance Fair. I want to go.

      • aj_hawks


      • DebbieLovesShoes

        “Liberace’s coachman”… bahaha. Perfect.

    • drdarke

      I Cannot Unsee…. What I Saw.

      ::rinses eyes out with Extra-Strength Bleach::

      • You might just have to go ahead and pull them out. It was that bad.

        • drdarke

          @facebook-10910518:disqus : the Roger Corman movie X – THE MAN WITH X-RAY EYES ends with the main character, Ray Milland, not being able to stop seeing further through things as his X-ray powers increase, stumbling into a tent revival where the preacher quotes “If thy eyes offend thee, then pluck them out” – so he does! The movie ends on a freeze-frame of Milland’s (supposedly-empty) eyesockets (actually, I seem to remember they just put black contacts on) – but Stephen King alleges they’d cut the closing line, Milland screaming “I CAN STILL SEE…!”

          Sure don’t want that happening to me after seeing that!

    • Pterodactyl111

      Those look like the costume gold lamé leggings girls wear to Notre Dame football games.

    • lilazander

      Agreed, and I’d add I hate the shoes.

  • HA! Best tag ever.

  • MilaXX

    I know my fellow BK’s will laugh long and hard at this, but I kinda like it. Wrong shoe though.

    • MarTeaNi

      Martha is 71 and gives zero fucks if people think she shouldn’t be wearing sequined leggings. I kinda like it too. And yeah, it’s the wrong shoe.

      • Heather

        Sequined CAPRI leggings, no less. I have to go with the others who support this. It’s so whacktastic that she’s pulling it off. I mean, damn, girl has been to JAIL. She can wear whatever the hell she wants.

        • Seems like she’s wearing it with a wink and a nudge which makes it okay, tho i wish it wasn’t all so…beige.

    • I kind of like the pants, but I hate how colorless it all is. And the shoes and jacket are all wrong. The pants… different accessories, and they could have worked.

      • MikeW_Vegas

        Maybe if they’d been in a Martha Stewart robin egg’s blue?

    • If the pants had hit just above the ankle, I’d be with you.

  • I feel like this is one of those situations where each of he pieces is alright, but they’re just all wrong together.

    • I feel like, at some age, sequined leggings are off the table.

      • Kathleen Tripodi

        That age is about 8, and I think even that is a bit old.

      • lamamu

        Perhaps she bedazzled them herself? Such a show-off.

        • Derek_anny

          This is Martha we’re talking about. She wouldn’t have “bedazzled” anything. She individually stitched each sequin over a tea chat one day.

          • lamamu

            Right you are! Just got an image of her (and this is not a dig at Martha) in prison, hand stitching sequins onto her jumpsuit while sitting in a sewing circle with her fellow inmates.

    • mhleta

      When are gold sparkly matador pants alright on Martha Stewart? It’s like serving peanut butter with shrimp cocktail.

  • MAKEUP! stat

  • Kate Andrews

    I’m just wondering if this outfit has something to do with her Match profile.

  • and for some reason I am most horrified by the shoes.

  • hughman

    With the sparkle pants/tights, I expect her to throw her jacket back off her shoulders and raise her arms before yelling out “I AM THE GREAT WALENDA!”

    • decormaven

      Well, she is doing a bit of a balancing act in those heels. That blouse harkens to a pom-pom table linen.

  • She looks 8 shades of crazy in this hooker-turned-Golden-Girl ensemble. smh

    • Heather

      I would watch the hell out of a show in which the Golden Girls opened an escort service.

  • PetitePear

    I’ll take the coat/jacket.

  • mhleta

    Throw on a pair of wide leg palazzo pants and I’d give it a pass. This is just so top heavy…and… That’s the nicest thing I can say: It’s top-heavy.

    • 3boysful

      THAT’s the problem–the proportions are all out of whack. She has a fuller torso/boobs, so to dress her torso–in a loose blouse–and WHITE, no less!–and then pair it with pale, skinny leggings is just all kinds of wrong.

      I find it fascinating that she concentrates on the most minute of details in cooking, crafting, decorating, entertaining, folding fitted sheets, yet in her own clothes, she is often lacking.

      • formerlyAnon

        I positively love her apparent conclusion over the last decade that a large enough shirt – large enough to hang loosely – meets every criteria she has for both comfort and appearance. And, if one is in doubt about a shirt, that spray starch is the obvious answer.

        I will take the 5th on whether or not I am sometimes tempted, sorely tempted, to follow her example. It *could be* “a life philosophy, darlings!”

  • FancyPhilly

    If only she had brought along one of her crafty queens who could have ripped the stitches out of those leggings and voila! turned them into a nice pencil skirt.

  • And now I have to go back and read all of your wacky adventures from aught-six. There goes my day.

    • Right? That just made me laugh out loud.

  • Jeepers! The bottom half of this ensemble is so very, very bad. Maybe one of her “many nervous, high-strung queens” said, “Go get dressed in the dark, Martha. You’ll look great – no need for a mirror!” Then he scampered away, laughing heartily, never to be seen again.

  • Glammie

    Bwahahaha! I love/loathe Martha. I love you guys for getting her so right and flove Martha for getting her outfit so wrong.

    How can you blow neutrals like that? With glittering crop pants and pom-poms on the neck ruffles, darlings. It takes someone very, very special to put something like that together. Someone special like Martha.

  • Winter_White

    I love the way the life-size poster image of Carey seems different depending on who’s standing in front of it. She looked as though she was checking out the, uh, fitting of Joel’s pants…here she looks like she jumped into that hole to hide from Martha, and is trying not to laugh… Hope there are more!

  • SewingSiren

    Well . I never read the Baked Alaska post, so thank Martha for that. I’d give about a million dollars to be a fly on the wall at your ruined Christmas. Or at least five.

  • HA HA HA she cannot be serious… I like the jacket but not on her (wrong color) and the rest there are NO words for that mess SMH

  • Spicytomato1

    She looks amazingly well preserved but this ensemble makes her look like a Golden Delicious apple on toothpicks. Items that are maybe OK for one of her projects but not for the red carpet.

  • TheAmericaness

    Oh oh oh…. forgot our regular clothes after a night of role-play didn’t we darling?

  • She looks like a fan taking advantage of the moment to have a photo of herself with the poster of the movie after all the stars already arrived.
    Look, she is even holding a digitial camera!!

  • Janet B

    Great story.
    That is one ugly outfit, if she had belted the coat and lost the pants (and shirt) I’d be happier.

  • Gah – she hates skirts so much! On another topic, one year my dad made Baked Alaska for Christmas. Everything went well (because he didn’t care how perfect his peeks were), until he put them in the oven on a brown paper covered cutting board that promptly caught on fire. He screamed, “Get the plates!” – shoveling them off of a burning board lest they ruin Christmas (nb. there are more dad catches things on fire during the holidays stories).

    • Winter_White

      Haha — I hope Tom reads this. “Get the plates!” is such a perfect Dad version of “You can’t just leave a meringue once you start it!”

      • Another time he was making steak on the stove and had to light the wine sauce on fire. Unfortunately, the fan was on and sucked the flame into the flue. It melted the fan.

        • Winter_White

          Ann! Steak with wine sauce, baked Alaska, wacky misadventures…I’m starting to love your dad. 🙂

    • formerlyAnon

      I find it highly appropriate that saving dessert took precedence over putting out the fire. Your dad had his priorities in order, if not his grasp of ignition points.

  • Little_Olive

    OMG I had to go to the liked comment and am DYING here.

    The pants -say it out loud, Martha: sequined skinny beige capris- added tears to my laughter.

    The blouse combination is the cherry on top for this laughing fit.

  • Little_Olive

    ON a second thought, maybe se is emulating that same Alaska dessert? How does it go, a layer of cake on the bottom, meringue and caramel on top?

  • I can’t even with this outfit, but I kind of love that she’s carrying an old-school camera herself. I’d love to know whose picture she just had to get.

    • Me too! I think it’s kind of cute. And hilarious that a *camera* is old school. 😛

  • What. In. The… She must not have a true friend in the world. If she did they would not have let her out of the house in this.

  • alyce1213

    Now I’ve seen everything.

    Gold lamé pedal pushers. Really Martha?

  • skimblelu

    How can’t pants make your knee look fat, I don’t get it.

  • shirab

    Definitely not A Good Thing.

  • There was a sale at Target and she couldn’t resist any of these items.

  • GorgeousThings

    Jesus, what WAS she thinking???
    That comes nowhere even close to being “all good”.

  • I love how TLo used to call us ‘poodles.’

  • BigShamu

    Somebody had to say it.

  • What on earth is up with her holding that camera? She can’t possibly be taking photos of other attendees, can she? Really? Really, Martha???

    • I think it’s rather cute. I’m guessing that instead of taking cellphone pictures or selfies with the other celebs, she uses her camera!

  • sequined capri pants. SEQUINED CAPRI PANTS!!!!!!!!! Hand over your diva card, Martha, you’re fired.

    • alyce1213

      Are they sequined? I can’t tell. I thought it was a coarse, crunchy lamé.

      • Trust me, this old costumer queer can spot sequins In a pitch black room.

  • Great one! I’m laughing all day

  • Slizz Taylor

    That jacket thing looks like one of Ina Garten’s shents crossbred with a sofa.

  • On word. MONOCHROME

  • nannypoo

    I like the coat, but I don’t think it would be flattering on anyone. There’s nothing else here that’s likeable at all, especially those bizarre pants.

  • I like the coat, but the color doesn’t do much for her. The blouse and pants are ugly, None of the items go together. I can’t think of a good use for the pants. Maybe cut them up and make a doll down. BTW, I love Martha. I guess she isn’t good at everything. She could use a stylist–or a better stylist.

  • Pennymac

    (That is all)

  • YoungSally

    The coat is definitely Rucci — guess she ran out of money and had to stop in at Century 21 (or is it Forever 21) to get the pants and she borrowed the puffy shirt from Seinfeld.

    The important question, though, is how will this ensemble affect her alleged search for love?

  • Kimbolina

    Other than her blouse, she is all one color.

    • Head to toe, beige-ish. Not flattering on ANYONE. I don’t know what’s worse… the clothes themselves, or the color of them.

  • PastryGoddess

    Is she wearing cropped shiny house pajama pants?

  • jennifervney

    She loves those pants! This is at least the 5th time I’ve seen her in them. Bless.

  • maggiemaybe

    Okay, I laughed out loud.

  • There’s not really anything that I like about this look (including the head-to-toe monochromatic color palette), but that jacket just pushes it over the edge for me.

    • The jacket pushes it over the edge? It was the baggy-at-the-knees GOLD SEQUINED CAPRIS that did me in. And those hideous shoes. Hell, the whole outfit pushed me over the edge.

      • I might be in the minority here, but I think the pants have potential. But the pants with the shirt, that jacket, and the hiddy shoes is a big fat “NO.”

  • LuisaNL

    what. the. fuck.

  • I just noticed that she has her camera out. I kind of love that she’s at this event and she’s probably just as excited to see/schmooze with the stars as “regular” people would be.

  • Coco Cornejo

    In what universe would this outfit be considered flattering?

  • Rand Ortega

    Martha, you look fantastic for 71. But glitter pirate is not a look. For anyone.

  • Qitkat

    That is possibly a fabulous coat under other circumstances.
    But this entire look is beyond bizarre.

  • I literally laughed out loud. Not an internal chuckle, but a loud, audible laugh.

  • jw_ny

    lol…I knew you building up to something good, and you delivered! Martha, otoh, delivered shmata.

    seriously thought she had more style and taste than this…

  • teensmom99

    This is a scrolldown WTF. I didn’t love the top but it had an appropriate grandma Eileen Fisher-ish vibe and then I scrolled down and it looks like 2 halves that don’t go together.

  • Sequined. Capri. Leggings. Oh, my bleeding eyes.

  • halleygee

    LOL! Great post.

  • crash1212

    Well, this is a train wreck. Shapely ankles though.

    • formerlyAnon

      XO for the ankles comment. Someday, that’ll be the best they can say about me, and I hope someone notices. [Though not literally. I’m on the verge of Irish washerwoman ankles already and Martha’s got quite a few years on me, yet.]

  • M. H. Leader




    She has totally LOST it. Other than making her look as barrel-chested as Brian Dennehy, the top is…well…hideous.
    The gold lame pants have seared my eyeballs.

    Did she wander into one of the recent Project Runway make-the-old-lady-look-awful challenges? An unconventional materials challenge in which they were required to use gold-foil candy wrappers from the Hershey’s store?

    She’s notoriously color-challenged anyway, but this…this…this…

    Words fail me.

  • ZnSD

    Oh Martha. How could you wear something that makes your KNEES look fat? Just Stop.

  • Proportions lady!!!

  • pop_top

    Is there a such thing as scrolldown shock?

  • rainwood1

    She looks terrible, but I still love her. She’s never known how to dress herself and I find that kind of endearing. And I’ve been watching her Martha’s Cooking School episodes on PBS and bought the cookbook. She’s gone back to the basics in a really good way.

  • That outfit is not a good thing.

  • Is Kate Middleton her stylist?

  • norseofcourse

    I know it’s Martha Stewart, but all I see is Phyllis Diller.

  • spinachleaf

    So that’s what Goring would have looked like if he’d been a woman.

  • Amelia

    I wish her outfit weren’t so beige, but I kind of love her on principle for wearing sequined, skintight capris. But does anyone know WHY Martha Stewart is at the premiere of this movie?

  • kat89

    Martha, You Stinking Bitch is one of my absolutely, all-time most favorite posts. I remember when you first posted it (I started reading you about 2 weeks after you started the blog). Tears were streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I miss those days! (You’re still awesome!)

  • I……..can’t. Too many bitchy comments swirling in my head. Alexis is going to come find you and put you in a home.

  • Beverly Kozma

    Take the capris and burn them. Fast.

  • largishbearishAtlish

    you know when your first reaction is “oooh. ick.” it says a lot. I don’t care if she is 71….oooh. ick.

  • formerlyAnon

    One would credit her with more sense. Unless she just doesn’t mind?

  • formerlyAnon

    At 71, one would credit her with more sense. Unless she just doesn’t mind?

  • demidaemon

    That last line: AWESOME! Martha: Holy shit, Grandma escaped from the home.

  • DeTrop

    Uh Oh. She was never a great dresser but this? This is worrying. She’s my go to lady for all things housekeeping, gardening and baking. She should really know better.

  • Carly Warnock

    What the what?! Not what I was expecting at all. Had to turn the computer around to show the bf.

  • quiltrx

    There’s something kind of fun about the blouse. Now go burn the rest and make yourself something fabulous to go with the blouse.

  • Aw, hell naw. This is a WERQ if I ever saw one. I mean, like, her legs are sparkly and she has a cape-thing and hey how did I run out of vodka? Huh.

  • ccm800

    lolling fo real! Funny fellas

  • can we just talk about how martha is wearing a sequined capri? oh, honey, no.

  • Candigirl1968

    This definitely should not be a picture in Martha’s profile.

  • MarissaLG

    Aside from the pants though, she looks lovely. (but oh, the pants!)

  • deathandthestrawberry

    I love that she brought her own camera. Martha, star-struck fan, just like us!

    But those sequin capris are a bridge too far.

  • guest2visits

    Now that… has me laughing still.
    What is that outfit anyway? Martha’s tasteful Christmas lawn-footman?

  • Open-toed NUDE sling backs?? It’s my every shoe nightmare rolled into one! I could even forgive the pants, but those shoes are..GAHHHHHHH!

  • judybrowni

    Martha, give that outfit back to Louis XVI, and go put on a dress.

    And not one with panniers, either.

  • The drunk part…has me guffawing loudly at work!

  • AmeliaEve

    Somewhere there’s a toreador in a dark alley, waking up with a deadly hangover and wondering what happened to his clothes.

    • librarygrrl64


  • Contralto

    There is not enough WTF in all the world for that look.

  • pamasutra

    A trainwreck outfit for the premiere of a movie that is going to be a trainwreck. Seems apropo to me.

  • No amount of yoga can make up for how fat this outfit makes her look. (and would make ANYone look).
    Hate. it. all.