Joe Manganiello for Men’s Health UK

Posted on May 31, 2013

You are so damn welcome, kittens.

 

‘True Blood’ star Joe Manganiello covers the July 2013 issue of Men’s Health UK magazine photographed by Patrik Giardino.

Huzzah. Huzzah for rock-climbing Muscle Jesus.

 

P.S.: “TWO WEEKS TO THE BEACH? GET A SHOTGUN 6-PACK!” Oh, you guys are hilarious. Tell us another one, you sociopaths.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Patrik Giardino for Men's Health UK]

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    • Sara L.

      Zounds! Gadzooks! Yowza!

      • Julie Chase

        Pow! Biff!

        • gabbilevy

          Zing!

          • MissAmynae

            Unfh!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508938326 Lisa McKissack

        Dayum.

      • drdarke

        “So Tell me, Dave – ”

        “Slab Bulkhead!”
        “Fridge Largemeat!”
        “Punt Speedchunk!”
        “Butch Deadlift!”

    • marlie

      I love you guys so much today.

      Also: I’m a climber, and a *real* climber wouldn’t wear sneakers. He should just take them off. And the loathsome cargo shorts, too.

      • algaechick

        My 2nd reaction after “oooh” was “you can’t climb in sneakers”. My 3rd reaction was to wonder if I’m still heterosexual, as I am focusing on Joe Manganiello’s shoes.

        • marlie

          I went right from his shoes back to his arms and pecs…

          • RebeccaKW

            To those muscles right above his buttcheeks.

            • barbarienne

              Right there with you. Everything was good, but those had some sort of LOOK HERE spell cast on them.

            • Tonia682

              Lol…..so true!

        • RebeccaKW

          Maybe he didn’t climb…maybe he just did one major pull-up and catapulted himself to the top. With those gleaming muscles.

          • sekushinonyanko

            At that mental image I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. Shame on you!

      • Monzerrat Ontiveros

        and the 3 feet climbing rock…

        • marlie

          We’ll call it bouldering, just to be kind. ;)

      • Jessica Freeman

        He has on shoes? Didn’t notice….

      • LuisaNL

        Absolutely agree, he needs to take it all off.

      • Heather

        OMG I thought the same thing!! Plus look at the photo – he is NOT maintaining 3 points of contact; all his weight is in his arms.

    • Julie Chase

      Jesus mittens. Gracious goodness. Sneaker pimps.

      Words have failed me.

    • Diego!

      OMG… He is a sculpture! Perfect!

    • DinaSews

      I need a better warning before seeing pictures like these. The moaning and shuddering is not appreciated by my co-workers.

    • Emily Smith

      Well it’s good to see the men’s version of this magazine is just as stupid as the women’s in regards to the shit articles they have.

      • Stella Zawistowski

        “I read Men’s Health for the articles!”

        • Emily Smith

          “It’s my husband’s, he likes the articles” “Why is it hidden in your underwear drawer?” ….

      • somebody blonde

        I think for me, “Have sex with all your exes!” is taking the cake.

        • Heather

          Yes. Because, like most of us, I WANT to have sex with people I dumped and/or who dumped me.

      • Tina Power

        Oh the men magazines are just as bad and hilarious. I find Details to be the least hysterical of them and actually worth a read from time to time.

    • Patricia Gillett

      I am so relieved to see that men’s fitness mags shovel as much “get fit quick” manure as women’s fitness mags!

      • RedRaven617

        Yes, I agree. Would you see the same on the USA addition? Would American men think they need to worry?

        • Patricia Gillett

          Hmmmm, the current US cover has Chris Pine on it and says “Build Beach Muscle” but does not give a timeframe.

    • WendyD

      DEAR GOD AND BABY JESUS. I gasped out loud in a completely inappropriate-for-work way.
      He’s about the only guy I find consistently hot with a beard. I want to run my hands through his hair…

      • Ashley Ellen Wilson

        I just want to lick everything. EVERY. THING.

    • mjude

      holy mary mother of god.

    • MilaXX

      That back is giving LIFE!

    • girliecue

      I solemnly swear to be a devout follower of Muscle Jesus and worship regularly.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508938326 Lisa McKissack

        I’d say AMEN! *crosses self*

      • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

        How does one apply to be a disciple?

    • JanW

      “rock-climbing Muscle Jesus” Says it all. You made my day!

    • maggiemaybe

      It’s almost too much. Almost.

    • Monzerrat Ontiveros

      I prefer: HAVE SEX WITH ALL YOUR EXES!!! wanna read that!!!

      • Monabel

        Bragging, or complaining?

        • Monzerrat Ontiveros

          I mean, isn’t that hilarious??? What is that article about??

          • Heather

            Indeed. Is it written from a ‘how to’ perspective? Or as a memoir?

      • sekushinonyanko

        I feel like having sex with exes is approximately the easiest thing in the world to do. You dated them, so you have all the cheat codes.

      • Heather

        I read it as “Have sex with all your eyes” and I thought, does that include the eyes in the back of my head? And my third eye?

    • MK03

      Slab Squat-thrust.

      • JanieS

        Punch Rockgroin.

        • imspinningaround

          Big McLargeHuge.

          • Aidan B

            Thick McRunFast!

            • Joanna Schuth

              Bob Johnson!

            • Meg

              I love you all.

            • quiltrx

              As do I…glad there are other Bitter MiSTie Kittens!

            • MK03

              You guys seriously don’t know how excited I am that y’all got the joke!!

    • http://twitter.com/Glam_Dixie Glam Dixie

      Drool in my keyboard bad, Joe gooooooood.

    • Tina Power

      Abs are made in the kitchen not in the gym. Most of the quick fixes should be about diet change not movesets. You can do all those moves you want but there’s still a sheet of fat over your abs because of what you eat.

      • somebody blonde

        Yeah, unlike getting big arms, with abs, you have to get down to a certain body fat percentage. Thank God I’m a woman so no one actually wants that from me…

    • ChelseaNH

      Hmmm? Wuh? Umm, did you say something?

    • IMNAngryLiberal

      Wow! You would almost have to invent him if he didn’t exist, wouldn’t you….that top shot looks way more Wolverine that Hugh Jackman (who I adore) ever has.

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      Damn!

    • Denis

      Of course he looks amazing… My only issue is – come on… There’s only one way for a 40ish man to weigh 240 and have 2% body fat.

      • knittermom

        He is really tall and is not a thin and willowy body type either (imagine him in one of those skinny suits – uh, no) and I think 240 is a perfectly reasonable weight without steroids or any other drugs. My hubby is almost 6’7, and 240 for him is a great weight (when he was below 200, he was a 28 waist) albeit not 6 pack abs weight, but since muscle weighs more than fat, I can see Joe being 240 and all natural.

        Um, I usually just laugh at the ovaries dropping/Bitter Kittens fighting over someone comments, but then I saw Joe and totally GET IT. Oh my….

    • majorbedhead

      Oh, sweet baby jeebus on toast points!

      Have I mentioned how much I love and appreciate Sausage Friday? Because I do. Deeply. Profoundly. Droolfully. Appreciate.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      My my….

    • IraKi

      Suddenly … OVULATION

      • FunButNutz

        Sung to the tune of Suddenly Seymor from “Little Shop of Horrors”

    • twocee

      I…um..holy….well….

      Excuse me while I go take a very cold shower now.

    • maretha2

      Now if we could just get him into some of those short shorts featured earlier …

      • RebeccaKW

        Exactly what I was thinking. “Get this man some short shorts!”

        • marlie

          Same here!

      • LongTall_Sally

        Or no shorts at all. Either would be an improvement, not that he needs much improving.

    • Stacy C

      After drooling for awhile.. I noticed.. WTF is up with his scrunched up face? This dude is ruggedly handsome on a bad day and those faces are very.. odd.. now back to drooling and pasting a copy of my hubby’s head over Joe’s but leaving the body. ;-)

    • gabbilevy

      … but that cover is just making me laugh. Come ON.

    • Krysta

      What is a shotgun 6-pack? Inquiring minds want to know.

      • stephbellard

        when you ejaculate prematurely on a guy’s six-pack?

    • Ashley Ellen Wilson

      I just….Sausage Fridays are my favorites now. I just think in noises and grunts the whole day. SUPER productive.

    • Emily Dagger

      His back has muscles I didn’t know existed until this moment.

    • random_poster

      And Magic Mike just hit HBO. I am so so very there.

      I love you guys.

    • Qitkat

      My nephew has climbed Denali and in the Andes. But I never thought of him as that muscled. I would imagine that those muscles come from a different kind of working out.

      • marlie

        T’is true – climbers are generally lanky because bulk actually gets in the way.

        But let’s just enjoy the pretty pictures, m’kay?

      • formerlyAnon

        All the climbers I know personally are much leaner. (Yum.)

    • flamingoNW

      Holy crap

    • Jessica Freeman

      It is fucking Christmas in May. Uncles, thank you.

    • stubbornthoughts

      “Have sex with all your exes” – Go fuck yourself, UK.

      My lady parts really love those last two pictures.

    • MsMajestyk

      Muscle Jesus indeed. His cover expression, however, is hilarious. It’s ripe for a caption contest.
      I’d like to imagine him saying, “You wore white shoes after Labor Day? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??”

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      desktop background!

    • Carrieanno

      Well, hello Friday.

    • Io Vee

      To me he is like, the opposite of attractive. Am I the only one?

      • formerlyAnon

        He’s TOTALLY the opposite of my type, so he doesn’t rev the engines at all. But I find him worth admiring, like sculpture.

        • marlie

          He’s not my typical “type” of guy, but I find JM droolworthy anyway, for some reason.

        • charlotte

          Do you know the Sesame Street bit where Jon Hamm explains the word “sculpture”? It is hilarious.

      • Heather

        He is a bit Frankenstein-ian, true.

    • formerlyAnon

      Whoever thought up the rock climbing shoot should start ordering them wholesale for any of the male celebs willing to do them. Make it so.

      Re: your hilarious P.s.: So nice(?) that idiotic headlines on men’s magazines are just as bad as the ones for women’s mags.

    • Synnae

      It’s official. I have been spending too much time getting my ass in shape…my first thought upon seeing these pictures were not “woah, drool, hot damn, get thee to my bed sweet muscley Jezus!” but “woah, I would love to have a chat with him about his excercise programme and diet.”
      Scrolled up again – still my main thought…

      Dammit….

    • Beardslee

      Oh, I don’t know. He is an extremely handsome man and that back shot is alluring but it must take so much work to look like that, I wonder if he would be a Dull Boy. A dull boy living on whey protein.

    • Annarosa

      I love Sausage Friday.

    • Nonmercisansfacon

      He doesn’t even look like a real person in that cover picture, more like a drawing or a well-rendered video game Hulk!

    • Synnamin

      I love him, but WTF with that cover?? He looks like a pewter miniature that’s been badly painted. Also, stupid pose. (yeah. spent last weekend at a gaming convention. Being a woman at a gaming con leaves one a bit… sensitive)

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      TGISF!!!

    • gurl boy

      HE’S A REAL SWEET GUY!

    • MartyBellerMask

      If only his hair matched his beard. *sigh* Can’t have everything. But there’s more than enough here to work with!!! ;) Thanks, TLo!

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      i generally don’t go for muscle man types, but joe here is my number one crush. you won’t believe me if i say it’s his pretty face, but those penetrating eyes and the line of his jaw and cheekbones just slay me. he has a rugged wilderness kind of sex appeal that fits right into my mountain home. joe, i,ll be waiting by the fire wrapped in a (faux) fur blanket.

    • Anniebet

      Looks like I’m gonna get booed for this one, but dear me, that rock climbing pic is just bizarre… he looks hunched, truncated and awkward as hell. Way too much “Me Tarzan” stuff going on in this shoot for me. Yeah, he’s super gorgeous, just rather see him non cave man style.

    • sekushinonyanko

      Good gracious! His body gets more INSANE everytime I see him. I want to climb him like a mountain.

    • jen_vasm

      I was laughing like a maniac because my husband gets this magazine and I was totally going to swipe it until I realized that it’s the UK version. Boo. Sad face.

    • Carla_Charlton

      Ugh — not my style at all.

    • barbarienne

      Hel-LO! Damn! That one where he’s clinging to the rock… *fans self* Thank you, TLo!

    • TheAmericaness

      This is kinda scary! In a sexy way.

    • kimiakay

      Be still my…..oh no it stopped completely. If anyone could do it it’s Joe. Talk about genetically gifted. He is just about perfect. Look at that back, and those legs….magnificent.

    • Lotus Baby

      hes hot no doubt but in these pics he looks like his breath would smell like milk

      • Gwyndall

        What is milk breath indicative of?

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

      Mmmmm. I love it when men rock-climb.

    • TropiCarla

      YUM!
      I unashamedly admit that he is the only reason I’m waiting for True Blood to come back on the air. I hope his hair will be shorter … and that he will have more naked scenes. :-D

    • Joanna Schuth

      Holy crap, it’s real life Tarzan.

    • Peeve

      TGISF!! I don’t see the attraction of the wan, stick-thin mama’s boys that Hollywood thinks are the epitome of sexy. THIS man totally floats my boat! I’m not usually into really muscle-ly, but ‘Dayum’ is right, Lisa!

    • Peeve

      Now that I’ve read some of the comments, I’ve discovered it’s possible to giggle and drool at the same time. A little messy, however…..

    • Chris

      I finally understand how heterosexual men used to feel about Pamela Anderson back in the day. I can say with 100% certainly I do not care about this man’s brain at all. I am wallowing in my shallowness.

      • Peeve

        Come on in! The (shallow) water’s fine!

    • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

      Gay Uncles make me chuckle, then the bitter kittens’ comments make me weep with laughter. All y’all are damn funny.

    • JP

      I think my ovaries just exploded.

    • prettybigkitty

      Funny how his fingers are taped to make it appear as though he is a rock climber. When really those jugs (the biggest and easiest to grab) he’s straining to hold onto are basically at ground level. Nice muscles, though. Will give him that.

    • stephbellard

      I want to do dirtyfilthynastyunspeakable things with him.

    • frannyprof

      Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    • quiltrx

      Thank you for this, the crowning cheese-filled bratwurst on my Sausage Friday.

    • demidaemon

      Man, the taglines here are just as bad as Cosmo.

      But the pictures: THANK YOU, TLO! Christmas has come early this year!

    • Fred Vaughn

      Well, GodDAMN!!!

    • BrooklynBomber

      “you sociopaths” — haha!!
      Also, “rock climbing Muscle Jesus.” (Although in the last shot I expect him to growl and snarl and howl at the moon.)

    • j_anson

      I find it really comforting that men’s magazines have started to push the unrealistic “2 weeks to a beach body!” trope. It’s like the universe has become more balanced in doling out its bizarre body hate.

      • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

        Oh, honey. This is nothing new. They’ve been pushing the same tired lines about six-packs and sex tips for decades.

    • Sugarbeetle

      Speaking of six week abs and the absurdity of obtaining them, please, please, please repost your hilarious recount of when you both worked for your six pack abs. It’s a true treasure to read, and I regret not saving it.

    • clairellis

      I’d let him do so many inappropriate things to me it’s not even funny.

    • http://marshmallowjane.com/ marshmallowjane

      I’ll probably get booed out of here, but I like men who are a bit prettier, a bit on the softer side.

    • Luna

      If there ever would be a similar photoshoot with Joe AND Jason Momoa hanging around in rugged terrain looking manly… My loins would explode.

      • Tonia682

        ………you and me both, my friend, you and me both……

    • Tonia682

      Ooohbah doobah doo!

    • adnama79

      When I was 16 I could get a six-pack in a short period of time. That was a magical year, never to be repeated.

    • elzatelzabelz

      Drool!

    • LJCdoc

      I’ll be in my bunk.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I love you both.

    • PeggyOC

      Nope, not doing it for me. You all can have first dibs. Maybe after he’s showered off that layer of motor oil.

    • librarygrrl64

      I feel nothing.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      Good Christ, he’s like an anatomy lesson and he’s invented new and interesting muscles.

    • Carly Warnock

      As I was scrolling through I started laughing. I think my brain unhinged and melted at the sight of that back. Mmm.

    • http://red.filmsbyneptune.com/ Dani Colman

      Someone get this man a Tarzan movie.

    • http://jimihendrixinparadise.blogspot.com/ Jimi Paradise

      Spectacular! :P