Salma Hayek in Gucci

Posted on April 18, 2013

We’re only on our second cup of the day and we’re already weeping, darlings. That’s never a good sign. Bad enough Jennifer Morrison had to hit the streets in a dress so ugly we feel like it slapped us, but then Salma Hayek had to turn around and do this:

 

Salma Hayek attends Sony Pictures Entertainment Presentation in Gucci in Las Vegas.

Gucci Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Alana Zimmer

YOUR HUSBAND OWNS THE FUCKING COMPANY WHO MADE THEM (AND A CHUNK OF THE WORLD); YOU COULDN’T GET THE FRIGGING PANTS HEMMED?

Ugh. Don’t even talk to us, Salma. We’re really upset. Just go. We’ll call you next week.

We promise the next post will be pretty, kittens. You deserve it after being assaulted like this.

[Photo Credit: Getty, style.com]

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  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Plus, there are certain aspects of the 70s that do not need, EVER to be re-visited. Pantsuits are one of them. (Oh, and your hair looks like it got stuck in the Cuisineart.)

  • Kristina Toma

    From the neck down, I thought this was a busty Betty White out on the town.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    “We will be serving cocktails on the Lido Deck in 15 minutes”……

  • imperfectlaura

    She reminds me so much of a crazy substitute teacher I had in grade school. There is no universe where that is ever a compliment.

  • notterriblybitter

    Salma would be the most stylish mom at the PTA meeting if it were the 1980s.

  • http://twitter.com/NormDeplume720 Norm Deplume

    It’s a fabulous color, though.

  • Little_Olive

    THIS.

  • RebeccaKW

    I think this look could work on the right person. Maybe. But it’s not working on Salma. Nothing about this is flattering to her. And the hair…

    • gabbilevy

      The right person would have to be about three feet taller, and even then…

      • RebeccaKW

        I was thinking someone like Rosie H-W, but it’s possible that not even if her tall model-ly goodness could make this work.

  • http://twitter.com/FlyoverFi FlyoverFi

    I loved this on Maude. Not so much on Salma.

    • lovelyivy

      I was thinking Betty White on Mary Tyler Moore, but Maude is better.

      • Lori

        I was thinking my mom, who I swear owned this at one point.

      • MilaXX

        Carol Brady on every episode of The Brady Bunch

      • maggiemaybe

        And I was thinking Phyllis! But it’s Maude for the win…

  • barbarienne

    Is she auditioning for a remake of The Brady Bunch?

  • jetpackdino

    On the upside, it could look really awesome on Tilda Swinton…

    • daisy_walker

      I’d love to see her in that color.

  • Moriginal

    Someone could lose an eye if one of the breast area buttons give out.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Love.

    • http://twitter.com/kerryev kerryev

      *when* one of those buttons gives out. The fit on that blouse is bats.

  • Catiline

    This is some Florida retiree realness.

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      YES.

    • Le_Sigh

      Blanche Devereaux would cut a bitch for that outfit.

  • http://twitter.com/SonjaRW Sonja

    Salma’s just putting the finishing touches on the fondue while Francois-Henri’s getting the bowl for everyone’s keys ready.

    • jetpackdino

      I’m female, I’m hetero, but I would cut a bitch trying to find which keys were Salma’s.

    • ballerinawithagun

      Ice Storm!!! Polyester knit???

  • http://twitter.com/lolacestmoi Lola Channing

    I saw Nurse Salma on somebody’s best-dressed list. Vogue UK. Which makes sense since they are weeping about the demise of NHS and are happy to find anyone paying homage to the former pride of English healthcare.

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    Honestly, I’ve come to expect this from her. I can’t remember the last time she got it right. I think I may be more upset with Gucci for being so literal with the inspiration of vintage into modern. It’s borderline costume.

  • formerlyAnon

    Damn. She looks so good in a tailored top. Or maybe I’m just bored with the tit-squeezing usual fare.

    Hemming the pants would have helped. But she’s really too short to ever command this look. It was sold by models or former models. Charlie Girl Shelley Hack was 5’7″ or 5′ 8.” I know it’s a blow, Ms. Hayek.

    • daisy_walker

      Maybe in Salma’s mind, she thinks she’s 6 ft. tall? Get a mirror that works, gworl.

  • nannypoo

    So bad.

  • Tatiana Luján

    It’s 1994! I swear my mom had a pantsuit just like that one, the jacket being disproportionately long, except hers was properly hemmed.

  • sweetestsith

    I would be curious to see this with a contrasting belt, very very different jewelry, new hair, and a proper hem. I’m not convinced it can be saved, but I’m still curious…

  • MilaXX

    Is she channeling Carol Brady?

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    This is a case where even the color (which I want to like, but CAN’T) is offensive.

  • KSpence

    So. Much. Teal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/miriam.friedman.5 Miriam Friedman

    This was one of those scroll down things for me. I thought it was going to be a shirt dress, and that would have been fairly cute. This however reminds me of something my grandmother would wear.

  • Kyle Crawford

    Maude would be more of a long duster, this would be your Carol Brady realness….

    • Kyle Crawford

      I am not hating it , in theory….

    • ballerinawithagun

      Yes, the Maude duster! Definitely Carol Brady, Salma needs a shag!

  • Angela_the_Librarian

    Maybe she’s angling for a guest spot on Mad Men (actually, that could be kinda awesome)

    • ballerinawithagun

      Yes, if this were a shirtdress it could have been on the last episode.

  • Loola234

    Does anyone else notice the hanger marks on the trousers? Irons/ironing boards are in each and every Vegas hotel room – I assume they’re in the villas too…

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    If he really loved her he’d buy a company that flattered her figure.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      brilliant

  • lexilexi

    One good thing: she looks quite slim in it.

  • Beardslee

    I so agree. We can do without the recrudescence of the 70s pantsuit.

    • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Tess Danesi

      I am new to this word but I love it now.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Oh my god WHAT IS THIS BOXY, UNFLATTERING MONSTROSITY. Selma Hayek you could do SO MUCH BETTER. Spank your husband when he gets home.

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    Aw but she’s serving Hillary Clinton fabulous realness.

    Growing up seeing Hillary Clinton on the teevee and with my mom having her own fondness for sherbet colored suits (probably because we’re from a Caribbean city), I can’t not love a colorful suit. In fact, I’m wearing a blue and white pinstriped suit today (not sherbet, but definitely summery/tropical), just for the hell of it.

  • mmc2315

    Oh no. You have to be ten feet tall to pull that one off. I was prepared for fabulous…before the scroll down.

  • Janet B

    A pantsuit that doesn’t fit. Can’t she get him to make clothes that fit real women?

  • http://twitter.com/Glam_Dixie Glam Dixie

    Even the model can’t make the pantsuit work.

    • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

      The hems don’t fit her, either. Makes me think it’s becoming a thing. Remember Tilda’s similarly overlong pants recently? Tilda doesn’t do anything by accident.

  • aeb1986

    why is she wearing rich lady pjamas at a red carpet event?

  • trixietru

    Bishop sleeves and belt gone bad. Never want to see that color solid from head to toe unless there’s a swimming pool attached. This woman’s face is so incredibly gorgeous, her expression reads, “because I can!”

  • Hillary Meredith

    How amazing could this have been with a giant honking ring, beach blow out hair, a big floppy hat and pencil skirt? If you’re going for the Disco Stu realness with the medallion and all, I would have worn the top more open with a little white cami. A personal tip from me to you Salma, always, always have the pockets cut out of your pants. Kisses

  • SewingSiren

    Sears Best.

  • VeryClaire

    Hillary Clinton, 1992

  • poggi

    I thought or maybe hoped that this was a shirt-dress and was prepared to defend it. Then I was assaulted by the whole Carol Brady-ness of it all.

  • Alexina04

    Looks like the fancy pair of scrubs a very rich woman who gave enormous amounts of money to a hospital would wear to go make the rounds. Ghastly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/conysoledad Constanza Álvarez Espinoza

    Also Salma, your makeup artist forgot to take the bronzer down onto the visible parts of the chest.

  • bellafigura1

    I do think the hem length is on purpose — it’s very Gucci to puddle the pants like that, just as the model’s are.

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      Puddled pants. It sounds like she didn’t make it to the bathroom in time.

  • conniemd

    My favorite polyester pants suit from the 1970′s. Who knew it looked like a Gucci!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UCLO5V2YD36T7QMPKOC7YXPOFU Erica

    Looking at the model, I think the too-long pants were a purposeful decision, more’s the pity. Carol Burnett would have rocked this back in the day.

  • conniemd

    I wrote 70′s polyester pantsuit before I saw your comment. God forbid I actually did wear some of these, so sad to say.

    • Anathema_Device

      My mom had one that looked like patchwork denim. Let that sink in: Polyester in a faux patchwork denim pattern…in pantsuit form. And we thought it was SO COOL!

    • zuzu

      My sister and I had matching polyester pantsuits with bell bottoms and an appliqued flower with a stem that began at the hem of the pants and went all the way up to the shoulder, where the flower itself was.

      • Sarah

        Bangin’!

      • CPK1

        I had a lovely polyester “denim” one. Also sporting appliqued flower although I am jealous of the fact that yours began at the hem of the pants!

  • http://www.facebook.com/bert.keeter Bert Keeter

    So she’s on MAD MEN??? Time warp fashion….

  • MzzPants

    Florence Henderson called…

  • http://www.facebook.com/janice.simonds.3 Janice Simonds

    Well, I needed a good laugh this morning, and now I have had one.

  • duchessofjersey

    Even if the pants were hemmed, this is terrible. It’s almost impressive how Gucci managed to pack the worst of the ’70s AND the worst of the ’80s into one outfit.

  • PeggyOC

    My Mom had this outfit. In 1976. It looked hideous then, and it’s still hideous now. But at least my Mom’s was hemmed.

  • Anathema_Device

    I never ever thought I’d see Salma Hayek wearing anything my mom wore…let alone something my mom wore in the ’70s.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=149100065 Virginia McMurdo

    This just in from Winter Haven, Florida’s Fashion Week.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=149100065 Virginia McMurdo

      The “resort” look. LOL!

  • another_laura

    I just can’t believe this came out of Gucci. I’m speechless.

  • zenobar

    Here, we have Salma in full 1978-Missouri-Synod-Lutheran-church-basement-coffee-klatsch regalia.

    I would cut that bitch for a slice of coffee cake and a cup of scalding perc coffee, though.

  • bellafigura1

    OMG, are the creases across the thigh from being folded over a hanger??!! Now I’m upset.

  • MikeW_Vegas

    Even Betty would have the pants hemmed.. (and look better in it)

  • Melizmatic

    Oh, Salma; gurl, NO.

    *lmao @ “a dress so ugly we feel like it slapped us…”

    That thing really was beyond hideous.

  • padma sallah

    no.

    Just no.

    Go back and try again Salma. This just wont do at all.

  • Imasewsure

    Just needs a full length vest to go with this to complete the ode to Maude Finley. Ugh

  • Heather

    I just glanced at the thumbnail and thought she was wearing a pretty teal/aqua trench coat, and I thought, “I, too, would like a pretty teal/aqua trench coat for Spring.” Then I opened it up… oh, the horror.

    • mmc2315

      I know! Isn’t it hilarious how quickly you size up the look BEFORE the scroll down. Then, SCREECH….crash.

      I was ready for some fabulous, not THAT.

  • unbornfawn

    70′s matron

  • Qitkat

    Boca Raton Bingo Tournament.
    (with apologies to the lovely citizens of BR)

  • kat89

    Two words: Carol Brady.

    • jw_ny

      exactly my 1st thought! XD

  • Crystal

    It’s a shame, cause that color and hairstyle are GORGEOUS.

  • marilyn

    In all fairness,the color is good for her. That being said, this looks like a ployester machine washable pantsuit. She looks like she works in the principal’s office of an elementary school. Doesn’t she have anything more attractive to wear?

  • Trisha26

    This first thing I said to myself was “hem the pants.” Then there’s just all the rest of the 70s pantsuit-ish.

  • jmorino08

    This looks like something Cloris Leachman’s character on the Mary Tyler Moore Show would wear. Or maybe Rhoda, with a big, gaudy scary tied around her neck. What I’m saying is, Salma obviously fell and hit her head and now she thinks she’s auditioning for a 70s sitcom, in TJ actual 70s.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    I’m going back to bed. Call me next week.

  • CPK1

    hahahahahahahaha

  • http://twitter.com/susanpcollier Susan Collier

    And then there’s Salma.

  • Aurumgirl

    My mother made that pantsuit for herself in the 70′s but hers was orange. It was not a good time for women and fashion.

  • Louise Bryan

    I think I owned a pant suit just like that, albeit in a prettier color, about 35 years ago. However, the pants were hemmed at an appropriate length.

  • demidaemon

    Well, it isn’t as bad as the J. Morrison dress. But she looks like a miniature Gumby.

  • Anniebet

    Pantsuits are the spawn of the devil. Someone has kidnapped the real Salma and put this doppelganger in her place.

  • VictoriaDiNardo

    I’m beginning to understand how my mom felt watching me dressed up on retro-forties dresses in the seventies. Somewhere there’s a photo of my younger self demonstrating a Polaroid One Step camera in this get- up. If I could wear it to Rexal Drug, it does not belong on Salma.

  • Nonnah

    Scroll down fug.

  • bd73

    lovely color, but i must agree that is totally unflattering. i can see how she got seduced seeing it on a tall flat-chested model, just like it was modeled in the ’70s as a new idea. but it is all wrong for a petite busty lady. it even looks like salma’s wearing a minimizer bra. trust me, i know about these. they pancake your boobs against your chest to flatten out your front. …see what i mean? it isn’t an improvement.

  • Veronica1022

    Are they rebooting The Brady Bunch? Only reason I can think of for that outfit.

  • quiltrx

    Even Mrs. Roper wouldn’t wear this hideous shit.

  • Kristi M.

    I’m curious, what happened to her boobs? I mean, she was known for having a glorious set of tata’s at one point – and they look almost completely non existent here? Is she strapping them down with duct tape or something? (And that outfit is so hideous it’s making my eyes hurt)

  • Slowfish57

    Rochester, Minnesota has the Flamingo Bingo club. Now I know what to wear if I ever go there.

  • kathrineb

    Totally frumpy.

  • http://remedialstitcher.blogspot.com/ Sara Leigh Merrey

    Unflattering and matronly.

  • Puckndc

    Dorothy Zvornak

  • Beverly Kozma

    If this had been a shirtdress, I would have loved it.

  • SportifLateBoomer

    Oy I hate to see her looking so bad, she is so gorgeous. However, I’m selfishly having a Stars — Just Like Us moment in that she, like me, as a shorty, puts on clothes that are completely out of proportion on her and will never look right.

    The difference of course being she is richer than God and her husband’s business is clothes, and for christ’s sake can’t someone at Gucci whip one of these up in Petite?!?!

    This is a separate issue from the ’70s sitcom realness of the outfit, of course (although I find it somewhat compelling).

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    Yes the pants are too long, but overall, I love the look.

  • librarygrrl64

    Go home, Gucci. You’re drunk. Or costuming a 1970s Cloris Leachman in Phyllis.