Pairs Division: Cruise and Kurylenko

Posted on April 01, 2013

It’s always weird seeing someone like Tom Cruise doing a photocall in Moscow. Hasn’t he been shown blowing up significant portions of Moscow throughout his career?

Maybe that’s why they made him stand out on a roof in miserable weather.

TCOK+Stella+McCartney+MPC+1Tom Cruise and Olga Kurylenko attend ‘Oblivion’ photocall in Moscow, Russia. Oolga Kurylenko wore a Stella McCartney Pre-Fall 2013 dress paired with Christian Louboutin shoes.





HE: Is a joke. We’re sorry, the lifts, the tight jeans that give him ladyhips, the carefully constructed (and thus never-changing, even after decades) “regular guy” style from someone who has no idea what it’s like to be a regular guy – it all just grates on our nerves to no end, probably because we know his outfit was as carefully chosen as hers was. It’s all such a facade; so old school in the way he presents himself to the public. There’s nothing wrong with what he’s wearing, technically. It’s just that it’s designed to be as blandly inoffensive as possible and that shit’s like nails on a chalkboard to us. Score: 4/10.

SHE: On the other hand, looks the very picture of Soviet-chic. That dress is adorable and looks really great on her. We love that she kept the shoes simple and that she wore sheer hose, even if it does look like she’s got a couple runs. Love the hair on her – because we don’t think we’d love it on every gal – and her makeup is perfectly daytime fresh and picture-ready. She wins this round hands down. Score: 8.5/10.

Combined Score: 6.25/10. Tom, no one’s going to think you’re gay if you wear a blazer and a decent pair of shoes. They’ll think you’re gay for a whole host of other reasons, none of which can be addressed by dressing like a math teacher.

[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • kurylenko looks great!

    • Snailstsichr

      That color is stunning on her.

  • Yeah, agreed, he’s just gross. I have no idea who she is but she looks lovely except for the hair.

  • lehen

    I don’t think those are runs, I think they are raindrops in front of the camera lens.

    • Good call! Similar streaks in front of his sweater.

    • Judy_S

      Runs would follow the line of the leg. These are perpendicular to the floor.

    • H2olovngrl

      I think you are right. My husband does a lot of photography and this has happened to him before.

    • Frank Lithium

      Good eye.

  • Oh and Tom? At the end of the day, no one will give a shit if you are Gay. Just do a better job of looking like a Movie Star, which is, after all, your job. Tom, You’re not doing your job!

    • StellaZafella

      Besides: He’s one beard and a slight paunch away from looking like Al Gore….but Al dresses better.

      • Looking at him again, all he needs to complete the transition to Mr Roger’s Neighborhood is Keds and a cardi.

        • StellaZafella

          Oooooohhh. That just makes me queasy, You win!

        • snarkykitten

          don’t hate on Mr. Rogers, man!

  • lexilexi

    I fear I may stand alone when I admit that I think he’s a really good actor.. and the only time he annoyed me was when he jumped on Oprah’s couch. I especially like him as an action star. And I don’t care how tall he is.

    • Sobaika

      I don’t dislike him as an actor, I wouldn’t think most people do. It’s his off-camera stuff that bugs.

      • filmcricket

        I can’t stand him as an actor. Well, with a few exceptions. I enjoyed “The Firm,” I liked him in “Tropic Thunder,” I thought he was decent in “Collateral.” I don’t watch many action films but I can imagine he’s probably fine in those. But I loathe it when he tries to go too serious: he just winds up eating the scenery. And my opinion has nothing to do with his off-camera antics, he’s just a mediocre actor and always has been.

        • Sobaika

          I’m not much of an action fan but he seems perfectly suited for it – I did like him in Jerry Maguire and Interview with a Vampire. And was it Magnolia or something like that..? I don’t know, out of everything, I find his career to be the least objectionable part about him.

    • No – he’s fine as an action star (I’m not a huge fan when he tries to do serious, dramatic roles, though). But that doesn’t mean that he’s not doing a piss-poor job when he does his red carpet appearances. Also, *HE’S* the one who’s worried about his height – he’s been wearing shoes with lifts for YEARS. I don’t think his fans – or his non fans – would care one whit if he stopped wearing the lifts. Rather, they’d probably applaud him.

      • Considering how tall so many other actors are not, his being short is hardly an issue, either for his fans, or in order for him to get work. He’s the only one who worries about it.

        • lobsterlen

          What I always found odd he is self conscious about his height but always ends up married to tall willowy women. Maybe he thinks he will catch their tallness or something.

          • NC_Meg

            I can hear it now: “Nicole, we have been married for five years. WHY AM I NOT TALLER?”

          • Sara L.

            “Stop being taller than me!”

      • andreawey

        how do we know he’s wearing lifts?

        • As @PastryGoddess:disqus mentioned earlier, there’s a bit of a platform at the bottom of the shoe, and there’s an additional sort of platform INSIDE the shoe as well. Plus, his heels are a little higher than the average man-shoe. His are well-made, so they’re less obvious, but they’re still there.

    • Catiline

      I think he’s talented and has a natural gift for holding the screen. I was shocked at how much I enjoyed Mission Impossible 4 – the action sequences were some of the best I have EVER seen, not only high adrenaline but really cleverly and creatively staged as well. (Though Cruise was upstaged by Jeremy Renner and Simon Pegg, IMO.)

      Having said that, Scientology is a dealbreaker for me. And it’s not the different beliefs I particularly care about, but the physical and financial coercion embedded in the church’s organization.

      • MilaXX

        I liked him fine in Mission Impossible. Then again if an action movie has good action, I don’t worry about plot much.

  • Jean Marie Downing

    I don’t think those are runs – I think it might be the way the rain is streaking in front of them. It’s all over Tom’s outfit too, it’s much more obvious that it’s the rain in that case. One ‘run’ on the left thigh is absent in a different photo of the same angle.

  • Tom looks like “causal Friday at the office.” This is the look that ever. single. one. of my guy friends / my boyfriend wears on a regular basis. Not that it’s a a bad look, but it’s bordering on boring.

    Hers is one of the rare Stella McCartney dresses that doesn’t have me cringing in horror. It’s actually kind of cute, and she looks pretty great. Also, I think it’s rain, not runs in her hose.

  • nannypoo

    I love her dress, but she can’t seem to move her arms without the fabric bulging at the top. He’s just hopeless.

  • teensmom99

    He looks like all the nerdy suburban dads that it is now my lot to spend a lot of time with (though Mr. teensdad99 does not do that look–not that he’s fashionable or even in shape, but he goes more for California casual). I just read Lawrence Wright’s Going Clear so it’s hard to ever look at Tom again without thinking that he is evil. As to her–no idea who she is, but definitely looks good. Just hope for her sake that she doesn’t get through the girlfriend vetting process.

    • It’s kind of sad when his look is described as “math teacher,” “suburban dad,” and “casual Friday.” It’s not the way I think any actor would want their red carpet appearances to be described.

      • teensmom99

        Maybe he’s just aging gracefully. No that’s not it!

    • I just finished reading that book too, I have the same opinion. Since he’s so enmeshed and genuinely believes the stuff I’d be surprised to hear that he doesn’t know about RPF and all that monstrosity. Regardless, how he acquired some of his girlfriends and dropped them, including Katie Holmes, is enough for me to lose respect.

  • Jase Sherman

    Also Tom, the ship has sailed on trying to look “regular” and not-crazy. Like…it’s in Fiji by now

  • hillmad

    I was going to like the Stella McCartney and then I noticed that every time Olga (who is lovely) raises her arms–even a little bit–the dress buckles above the chest! I hate that. If you’re going to make a dress out of what looks like very stiff (almost upholstery-like) material, shouldn’t you be enough of a tailor to make sure this doesn’t happen? It’s a dress that can only be worn by a mannequin. And he looks like an ass, as usual.

    • Donna Tabor

      Yes, exactly. That dress does not fit. Period.

    • barbarienne

      Definitely one of those dresses that looks awesome on a mannequin, but loses its appeal when you realize you have to stay nearly as motionless as a mannequin or else it goes all agley.

      It’s an ivory tower dress, as in it looks great in theory, but doesn’t perform so well in the field.

      • Adriana_Paula

        I love the word “agley.”

      • filmcricket

        Upvote for the use of “agley” – well done.

    • The problem is that the armscyes (armholes) are too deep and too wide-set. A huge pet peeve of mine. A designer of things as expensive as that dress should know that a larger armhole, instead of increasing comfort, decreases mobility!

      • hillmad

        Is that it? I’ve wondered why this sometimes happens, even when one is wearing the right size! Not something you’d expect in a dress that costs as much as this one probably does! Thanks for the explanation!

  • AndresB

    The too-tight jeans on too-tight Cruise are just as remarkable for what
    they’re giving him (ladyhips indeed) as they are for what they’re not giving
    him at all… There’s surely something in-between a Hamm and THIS.

    • I didn’t really want to pay THAT much attention to that region, but now that we’ve gone there, is that VPL (visible panty line) on him, or is that his pockets? Because it sure looks like he’s a boxer-brief man.

  • siriuslover

    I just can’t deal with him. And I have no idea who she is. Her dress is pretty, though.

  • lobsterlen

    That pretty young woman is just his most recent costar? They aren’t a “thing”? I can’t bear him torturing yet another young woman. She bares a slight resemblance to Katie. He seems to like them tall, willowy and shy. Or at least that’s what is arrange for him.

    • MK03

      Not if she’s not a Scientologist. The “church” won’t let him date a non-member.

      • He married 2.

        • MK03

          But weren’t they inducted or something after they got married? I thought Katie Holmes at least was in the “church” after they got married. The Scientology higher-ups are very picky about who is allowed to date him. They actually hand-pick female members to conveniently “run into” him in the hopes that a meet-cute will hook them up.

          • DonnaL

            Neither Nicole Kidman nor Katie Holmes ever became Scientologists.

          • I just read Going Clear, that new book about scientology. Kidman was labeled as a “Suppressive Person” and I won’t be surprised that that was one of the reasons the marriage failed

          • lobsterlen

            Weren’t they both Roman Catholics? I distantly recall could be incorrect but Nicole wanted to remain a Catholic and that is what came between them. Interesting Tom was a Catholic too.

  • urbanamish

    can someone explain to me how you can tell he’s wearing lifts? (i don’t doubt it, but i don’t see it.)

    • OrigamiRose

      Actually I was wondering the same thing. (And I agree with everything TLo said, I just want to know how they can tell on that detail.)

    • PastryGoddess

      His shoes have a platform at the bottom and they also have some extra height inside of the shoe as well. His shoes are always chunky because of all of the extra height he adds

      • To be fair, the reflection from the rain is making them look extra-Frankensteiny.
        But yeah, the lifts are there.

    • MilaXX

      I think the lifts may also play a part in giving him ladyhips due to the slight elevation in his heel.

    • alyce1213

      His are very good, it is hard to tell. Some I’ve seen are way more obvious.

  • lrhoff

    Thank you for your Tommy commentary — I so agree!! I’ve never liked him….he just gives me the creeps and always has and will, no doubt. You’re also right about her — she looks fantastic! Too bad she’s standing next to him and allowing him to touch that beautiful dress.

  • formerlyAnon

    Agree with you on her score. I think you were a little harsh on him, not that you’re not entitled.

    I’d give him 6/10 because that’s what I’d like to think I’d give someone who’s not Mr. Cruise for the same ensemble. (But, I may be kidding myself.)

  • H2olovngrl

    Does he have to lay down stretched out on a bed to get those pants on?

  • A Stella McCartney I don’t hate? I might drop dead of shock.

  • Jecca2244

    i haven’t really liked him in anything since Far and Away. I remember my dorky, history nerd self watching that movie on repeat.

  • Janet B

    He should have his jeans hemmed, unless this is a style I’m not aware of. I don’t think he wants anyone to think his inseam is too short for off the rack pants.
    She looks cute, in Stella McCartney (!), until she raises her arms.

    • Jeans are generally more acceptable at a longer length, and thus with more breaks, than other men’s pants.
      Though since he’s short, you’d think he’d want less breaks to make his legs look longer, but whatevs.

  • BrooklynBomber

    I’ve never heard of her. she’s adorable. Is she playing his love interest in a movie. He’s 50. She’s 33.

    • Par for the course…

      • BrooklynBomber

        Yup. . . sigh . . .

    • She was a Bond Girl but I haven’t seen her in anything else.

    • flamingoNW

      at least she’s not 22….

      • BrooklynBomber

        There’s that. . .

  • YoungSally

    Is that the new mrs. cruise?

    • Oh Lord Almighty! Let’s hope not. I like Olga — she was fantastic in The Centurion.

  • MK03

    Her expression and body language practically scream “Please don’t make me touch him.” Not that I blame her one bit.

  • fringebenefit

    She is exquisite.

  • Just love you guys…always know I will have my daily chuckle!

  • PeaceBang

    She looks really cute when she’s not being forced to cozy up to him. He looks like he’s ready to run for Congress. Mr. “I’m So A Man Of The People” in his “Let’s All Go To Friendly’s For a Fribble” get-up. Please.

  • MilaXX

    I think Tom’s shoes are too dressy for his look. I don’t want him to wear home depot boots, but a more casual shoe is called for here. 4/10 because he bores me

    She looks great, but I think I would have preferred this look with tights.Good not great. 7.5/10

    Combined score 5.75/10

  • There’s something very Christy Turlington-ish about Olga. And that is a high compliment, where I’m concerned.

  • flamingoNW

    Mmm, that dress looks like a craft project to me, and I don’t like the way it bunches up at the neckline

    • alyce1213

      The color is okay, but I don’t like the fabric. It’s stiff and upholstery-ish, which is why it bunches at the neck when she raises her arms. It might make nice heavy drapes. Or not.

  • Isabel

    I haven’t seen his movies in two decades. I won’t watch this one either. I boycotted him when people still thought highly of him.

  • Snailstsichr

    I cannot un-see the lady hips!!

  • ThaliaMenninger

    I love her dress. I want her dress. I do not want her companion. He be cree pee.

  • Trisha26

    The condition of her hair, let alone the “styling” is horrible. That dress has issues if she moves more than 1 degree out of of pose #2. Runs in her hose? No excuse. Hate the pointy shoes. Considering what some guys have worn for photo shoots/red carpets, I have no problems with him.

  • Jackie4g

    Hooray, Disqus has published some trouble shooting solutions for those of use who could not use the comments section for the last couple of weeks.
    It’s so good to be able to participate again, even though, at the moment, you guys covered everything I would have said about the above outfits.

    • OrigamiRose

      What’s the magic word combination to find these solutions on Google?

      • Jackie4g

        It wasn’t Google. I get an error message each time I go past the T&Lo HomePage to a review of an outfit page, and then I keep having to hit F12 and tell my damn computer to use Internet Explorer v.9 standards. Quite a PITA, but a more viable solution than writing the incredibly condescending Disqus Help line people. Have to say they were dead useless because the Disqus link gave you V 10 of Internet Explorer which cause my machine to not work at all, so I uninstalled and re-installed v.9 and that still didn’t work for two weeks, compatibility mode or not. Today was the first day there was a trouble shooting link on the error message. Which didn’t completely work, but it’s farther along that I have been able to progress on my own.

  • I agree about the dress. It’s a “don’t move your arms” dress. Nobody wants that. Cute design, but fail.

    And it’s amazing: they are wrapping their arms around each other, turning their bodies into each other, smiling like crazy and still they both look like they find the other one repellant. It’s like when you stick the wrong ends of the toy trains together.

  • Cousin_Rose

    Lovely dress and lovely legs – perfectly demonstrating why women should continue to wear hose.

  • Wendi126

    When I looked at the first pic I swear I thought it was a lovely lesbian couple- one young and fun and stylish and the other conservative and orderly and plain.

  • Zorkness

    I just don’t know how he gets to continue making films when the last five has bombed. At best he is inoffensive.

  • NoGovernmentName

    This is going to sound so nitpicky, but the way the dress wrinkles above her bust line, due to the fabric being so heavy– it bugs me. The fabric itself looks like upholstery. I like the cut of it, love her head suit and gams, but the dress is not thrilling me.

  • Contralto

    Envelope sleeper.

  • Tree

    He looks just like John Edwards in these photos— another “regular guy” who was anything but.

  • Callitasiseeit

    Good God, people, do you not notice she is positively skeletal? If it weren’t for the billowing dress, I’d say she had come straight from the concentration camps.

  • DeTrop

    Refresh my memory please. Why don’t we like Tom Cruise?

  • H2olovngrl


  • melissaisasnob

    Obviously Tom has decided he does not want to live as gay (if he feels he is gay), so why don’t people stop bothering him about it. If people left him alone, maybe he would be more comfortable in his skin. There is a real possibility, that he is in fact, not gay.

    • If people left him alone, he would shrivel up and die from lack of attention. Lighten up a little.

  • Imasewsure

    “Dressing like a math teacher.” Exactly…. she looks really cute

  • bellafigura1

    He is the most awkward-looking fellow, it’s excruciating.

  • I like Tom in this. Not trying too hard; matches the weather conditions. Her on the other hand, NO.

  • ccm800

    Gawd! He looks like John Edwards in that last shot!

  • Lassie

    What a beautiful little dress! It caught my eye because…way back in the late 60’s, when I was in high school, my mom sewed me a dress, very similar. It had the very same sleeves with the flare just at the wrist, A-line (VERY short), and it was cut from a brown/tan/black paisley print heavy cotton. I wore this with little green suede strappy shoes from Bakers, and fishnet stockings. How I loved that little dress!