Jennifer Lopez in Saint Laurent

Posted on April 29, 2013

We are convinced that Hakkasan nightclub went on the cheap and hired a J Lo impersonator for its grand opening.

 

Jennifer Lopez attends Hakkasan Las Vegas Grand Opening Celebration in a Saint Laurent one-shoulder dress accessorized with Brian Atwood pumps and a Tom Ford clutch.

Because we look at that

  1. Shitty hair
  2. Shitty makeup
  3. Shitty dress, and
  4. Shitty shoes

And we can’t help but conclude that the real J Lo turned them down and is currently sleeping under a mink blanket in Beverly Hills while this trashy drag queen takes her place.

In other words, World? That is SO NOT Your J Lo.

Let us never speak of this again.

 

[Photo Credit: PRN/PRPhotos.com]

    • Deedles

      MY RETINAS! What is that dress doing to her left breast, anyway?

      • stellamaris73

        That is some serious titscrepancy she is trying to hide with her big ‘ole clutch purse.

        • jackie cohen

          I was thinking the same thing about the clutch!! She definitely is trying to cover the whole thing up …

          • decormaven

            “Let a smile and a big ol’ honking clutch purse be your umbrella…”

          • makeityourself

            Is there possibly an elastic waistband on that dress? If so, I too would be holding my arms that way in every picture.

      • Louise Bryan

        “What is that dress doing to her left breast, anyway?”

        Not enough, not nearly enough.

    • Jecca2244

      i do not get the Saint Laurent love. That is an awfully cheap looking dressing. I feel like she picked this look up off the floor.

      • MissAnnieRN

        This is at most something from forever 21 or kohls. Before she picked it up off the floor, too.

      • sado

        This is what happens when you get a no talent hack as the head of a once amazing fashion house….the new saint laurent perfect for the sales bin at forever 21

      • Aurumgirl

        You have to look at what Yves Saint Laurent actually designed to “get” it. Whatever is happening in his name now is pretty desperate, but you can tell the current designer has a lot of money to make himself visible. Which is a shame, really, because all you can see is how he’s not meeting that exceedingly high standard.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      I keep saying how gorgeous she is when she smiles/laughs. Which is surely the final clue that this is an impersonator.

      • Nicole Chubb

        That’s why I thought it was an impersonator too!

    • Rebecca Jay

      So she looked shitty in the shittiest of all shithole cities. Appropriate.

    • Paigealicious

      1992 called. It wants its hair, makeup, and dress back.

      • judybrowni

        Is that hellish orange/red eye shadow back from the dead?
        OOD
        Here I’d had decades to forget that abomination ever existed, and the rotting corpse staggers back.

        HINT, J LO IMPERSONATOR: NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN ORANGE EYE SHADOW. NO ONE.

    • jw_ny

      are we sure that isn’t Roxxy doing an impression of JLo? All that “shitty” stuff makes me think so…

      • demidaemon

        There isn’t enough skin showing for this to be Roxxxy.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      I love the desperate clutching of the purse up at her chest, as if we could NOT notice the ridiculously bad fit and baggy boob action.

    • Justine

      It’s Jenny from her In Living Color days!

    • decormaven

      There’s so much bronzer at the forehead, it’s giving the corona effect.

    • sablehunter

      Looks like she got dressed, undressed and re-dressed in the limo. Yikes.

      • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

        And she did her makeup in the dark, with a paint brush.

    • carnush

      You forgot the shitty clutch.

    • muelonil

      She looks like her bags got lost at the airport and she had about 30 min to buy and/or pull something together from the hotel boutique. (But maybe would have been better to skip the event)

      • http://geekentertainment.tv irinaslutsky

        but hotels in vagase sell Ver-Sase!

    • MilaXX

      That looks less like a one sleeve and more like a crooked halter top. The entire looks somehow looks cheap. Even the makeup is bordering on Roxxy levels of bad.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000905542323 Rhonda Shore

        on top of it, it makes her look thick around her middle.

      • rumcg66

        I was going to say exactly this. You can’t call a dress “one shoulder” when, in fact, OT has no shoulders. I guess “crooked halter” just didn’t have the same ring to it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Smith/12431153 Emily Smith

      Is her left boob trying to run away?

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      She totally looks like a drag queen version of herself.

    • MyrtleUrkel

      Everything about this look screams early 20s. I could see that dress on Selena Gomez with better shoes and a different bag.

    • Imasewsure

      World? That is SO NOT Your J Lo. WORD

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1582777135 Melanie K. Morgan

      And the imposter is smiling. JLo would never smile that much.

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      Why is her face 5 different colors?

    • Imasewsure

      How old are her kids now? I bet she let them dress her and do her hair and makeup… Good Mommy… Bad JLo!!

    • zenobar

      They obviously set this JLO-Bot’s “Smile Dial” too high. Amateurs.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Chase/731391326 Julie Chase

      She’s so shiny. Maybe in hopes of reflecting onlookers’ glances so that they can’t see what she’s wearing.

    • Beardslee

      Mutton dressed as lamb. Again.

    • http://twitter.com/lisledanielle Danielle Lisle

      Oh, dear.

    • http://twitter.com/ms_smartiepants Beth Mellone

      That “dress” is Saint Laurent? The hell?

    • http://heartprintandstyle.com/ Vivi N

      THAT. PONYTAIL. NO.

    • Gwyndall

      Jenny: This dress is too long!!
      Stylist: Hmm… well, let’s just add a belt and blouse it up to raise the hemline a bit.
      Jenny: Still too long!
      Stylist: We’ll blouse it some more! That covers the belt nicely, too. Oops, now the sides gape. Just twist the neckline, and voila! Problem solved.
      Jenny: I look like shit.
      Stylist: Hold this hideous bag in front of you and nobody will notice! And have some hooves.

      [End Scene.]

      • Introspective

        nailed.

    • http://twitter.com/Moondragonic Charlotte

      That’s not a dress, it’s just fabric.

      • Tatiana Luján

        An ugly one.

      • Adriana_Paula

        It looks like one of the “dresses” on mannequins in JoAnn for when they didn’t want to do any actual cutting or sewing.

        • Melizmatic

          It’s “Soft Sculpture!”

          *lolz

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Monzerrat-Ontiveros/100000216133922 Monzerrat Ontiveros

      I think it’s ok, just maybe not age appropiate…

    • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

      She really does look like the Madame Tussaud’s version of herself.

    • SewingSiren

      And.. shitty bag.

      • Coco Cornejo

        She’s using the bag to cover up that awful dress.

    • C. C. Winslow

      It’s JLo. She’s giving The Look (come-hither eyes, open mouth) in pics 2 and 3.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josefina-Madariaga-Suárez/100002964685796 Josefina Madariaga Suárez

      Hey, ladyboy, first time in drag? ’cause your JLo is very f**ked up.

    • alyce1213

      This is the real Jenny.
      You know, from the block — before the stylists, the hoopla, the coin, when she could drop into Joyce Leslie, pick up something short and skimpy, a metallic clutch, and call it a day.
      (P.S. I refuse to accept this as a “Saint Laurent.” Yves is ROLLING in his grave.)

    • Trisha26

      Totally agree that the components are awful, but at the same time they just shout JLo.

    • stubbornthoughts

      I knew it was J.Lo when I saw the open-mouthed, squinty-eyed, “I do this because I’m a diva” stare off.

      Sooooo…it looks about right to me.

      • nannypoo

        She always reverts to that dumb expression. I think she looks like she’s about to sneeze.

    • melissaisasnob

      That fabric is so 1983.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Saint Laurent is crashing in burning like that Russian comet.

    • Little_Olive

      Oh yes, I heard someone at RPDR had been robbed.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      Those aren’t even her facial expressions, I don’t even?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002718877231 Bert Keeter

      She needs to stay home once in a while…. Like once a year at least and hang with her kids …..

    • http://twitter.com/aidanboleyn Aidan B

      Where are her boobs??

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

      Is it just me, or are Hedi Slimane’s designs for Saint Laurent (those distributed to celebrities, anyway) generally crap? I feel like I have barely seen anything good since they dropped the Yves (which, in my eyes, was a lame decision). I can’t tell if I should blame Slimane for these poor garments, or the stylists for picking the worst pieces out of the collections.

      I’m gonna go with both. A plague on both your houses!

      Stefano Pilati is probably cackling with delight.

    • formerlyAnon

      THAT’s a St. Laurent dress these days?

      I am appalled.

    • http://www.facebook.com/conysoledad Constanza Álvarez Espinoza

      She’s only worry to show off her Tom Ford clutch, that’s all.

    • Anniebet

      The day-glo lipstick has blinded me – thank goodness.

    • quiltrx

      As I was scrolling along I was certainly noticing all the strange dragface she was giving. Then I noticed the extremely weird bodice. I’m seriously thinking she’s holding the clutch up to keep her left tit from escaping out the side of the big boob pouch. What a mess.

    • sado

      Love J-LO but this is Awful, The new SAINT LAURENT…SO CHEAP AND BADLY MADE….Horrid

    • demidaemon

      Sad JLO.

    • akprincess72

      THAT qualifies as a one-shoulder? Nuh-uh.

    • ccm800

      open-mouth smizing should be reserved for star trek villainesses. Yikes

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colleen-Kay-Sanceda-Gadon/725256919 Colleen Kay Sanceda Gadon

      she kinda looks preggo

    • http://robot-heart.tumblr.com heartbot

      I’m used to her looking tacky, but at least it’s usually expensive tacky. This just looks cheap.

    • guest2visits

      I’m ok with the hair and even the bright coral lips. But that dress is terrible – it’s all over the place.
      Hefty-Bag Chic. Short, tacky Hefty-Bag. The shoes and the clutch are standard JLo.

    • rkdgal

      Hey, at least she’s trying a real lip color instead of the insane nude lip that she and Halle seem to always sport. Good for you, Jenny!

    • Melizmatic

      That sad excuse for a bodice makes me want to weep.

      Throw in those 1988 prom shoes and the 1991 ‘work-out hair’, and it’s a full-fledged tragedy.

    • http://marshmallowjane.com/ marshmallowjane

      Ugly dress. I hate her hair. She has a great hairline, but the ponytail/bun is in the wrong place.