Jennifer Lopez in Saint Laurent

Posted on April 29, 2013

We are convinced that Hakkasan nightclub went on the cheap and hired a J Lo impersonator for its grand opening.


Jennifer Lopez attends Hakkasan Las Vegas Grand Opening Celebration in a Saint Laurent one-shoulder dress accessorized with Brian Atwood pumps and a Tom Ford clutch.

Because we look at that

  1. Shitty hair
  2. Shitty makeup
  3. Shitty dress, and
  4. Shitty shoes

And we can’t help but conclude that the real J Lo turned them down and is currently sleeping under a mink blanket in Beverly Hills while this trashy drag queen takes her place.

In other words, World? That is SO NOT Your J Lo.

Let us never speak of this again.


[Photo Credit: PRN/]

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  • Deedles

    MY RETINAS! What is that dress doing to her left breast, anyway?

    • stellamaris73

      That is some serious titscrepancy she is trying to hide with her big ‘ole clutch purse.

      • jackie cohen

        I was thinking the same thing about the clutch!! She definitely is trying to cover the whole thing up …

        • decormaven

          “Let a smile and a big ol’ honking clutch purse be your umbrella…”

        • makeityourself

          Is there possibly an elastic waistband on that dress? If so, I too would be holding my arms that way in every picture.

    • Louise Bryan

      “What is that dress doing to her left breast, anyway?”

      Not enough, not nearly enough.

  • Jecca2244

    i do not get the Saint Laurent love. That is an awfully cheap looking dressing. I feel like she picked this look up off the floor.

    • MissAnnieRN

      This is at most something from forever 21 or kohls. Before she picked it up off the floor, too.

    • sado

      This is what happens when you get a no talent hack as the head of a once amazing fashion house….the new saint laurent perfect for the sales bin at forever 21

    • Aurumgirl

      You have to look at what Yves Saint Laurent actually designed to “get” it. Whatever is happening in his name now is pretty desperate, but you can tell the current designer has a lot of money to make himself visible. Which is a shame, really, because all you can see is how he’s not meeting that exceedingly high standard.

  • I keep saying how gorgeous she is when she smiles/laughs. Which is surely the final clue that this is an impersonator.

    • Nicole Chubb

      That’s why I thought it was an impersonator too!

  • Rebecca Jay

    So she looked shitty in the shittiest of all shithole cities. Appropriate.

  • Paigealicious

    1992 called. It wants its hair, makeup, and dress back.

    • judybrowni

      Is that hellish orange/red eye shadow back from the dead?
      Here I’d had decades to forget that abomination ever existed, and the rotting corpse staggers back.


  • jw_ny

    are we sure that isn’t Roxxy doing an impression of JLo? All that “shitty” stuff makes me think so…

    • demidaemon

      There isn’t enough skin showing for this to be Roxxxy.

  • I love the desperate clutching of the purse up at her chest, as if we could NOT notice the ridiculously bad fit and baggy boob action.

  • Justine

    It’s Jenny from her In Living Color days!

  • decormaven

    There’s so much bronzer at the forehead, it’s giving the corona effect.

  • sablehunter

    Looks like she got dressed, undressed and re-dressed in the limo. Yikes.

    • And she did her makeup in the dark, with a paint brush.

  • carnush

    You forgot the shitty clutch.

  • muelonil

    She looks like her bags got lost at the airport and she had about 30 min to buy and/or pull something together from the hotel boutique. (But maybe would have been better to skip the event)

  • MilaXX

    That looks less like a one sleeve and more like a crooked halter top. The entire looks somehow looks cheap. Even the makeup is bordering on Roxxy levels of bad.

    • on top of it, it makes her look thick around her middle.

    • rumcg66

      I was going to say exactly this. You can’t call a dress “one shoulder” when, in fact, OT has no shoulders. I guess “crooked halter” just didn’t have the same ring to it.

  • Is her left boob trying to run away?

  • She totally looks like a drag queen version of herself.

  • MyrtleUrkel

    Everything about this look screams early 20s. I could see that dress on Selena Gomez with better shoes and a different bag.

  • Imasewsure

    World? That is SO NOT Your J Lo. WORD

  • And the imposter is smiling. JLo would never smile that much.

  • Why is her face 5 different colors?

  • Imasewsure

    How old are her kids now? I bet she let them dress her and do her hair and makeup… Good Mommy… Bad JLo!!

  • zenobar

    They obviously set this JLO-Bot’s “Smile Dial” too high. Amateurs.

  • She’s so shiny. Maybe in hopes of reflecting onlookers’ glances so that they can’t see what she’s wearing.

  • Beardslee

    Mutton dressed as lamb. Again.

  • Oh, dear.

  • That “dress” is Saint Laurent? The hell?


  • Gwyndall

    Jenny: This dress is too long!!
    Stylist: Hmm… well, let’s just add a belt and blouse it up to raise the hemline a bit.
    Jenny: Still too long!
    Stylist: We’ll blouse it some more! That covers the belt nicely, too. Oops, now the sides gape. Just twist the neckline, and voila! Problem solved.
    Jenny: I look like shit.
    Stylist: Hold this hideous bag in front of you and nobody will notice! And have some hooves.

    [End Scene.]

    • Introspective


  • That’s not a dress, it’s just fabric.

    • Tatiana Luján

      An ugly one.

    • Adriana_Paula

      It looks like one of the “dresses” on mannequins in JoAnn for when they didn’t want to do any actual cutting or sewing.

      • Melizmatic

        It’s “Soft Sculpture!”


  • I think it’s ok, just maybe not age appropiate…

  • She really does look like the Madame Tussaud’s version of herself.

  • SewingSiren

    And.. shitty bag.

    • Coco Cornejo

      She’s using the bag to cover up that awful dress.

  • C. C. Winslow

    It’s JLo. She’s giving The Look (come-hither eyes, open mouth) in pics 2 and 3.

  • Hey, ladyboy, first time in drag? ’cause your JLo is very f**ked up.

  • alyce1213

    This is the real Jenny.
    You know, from the block — before the stylists, the hoopla, the coin, when she could drop into Joyce Leslie, pick up something short and skimpy, a metallic clutch, and call it a day.
    (P.S. I refuse to accept this as a “Saint Laurent.” Yves is ROLLING in his grave.)

  • Trisha26

    Totally agree that the components are awful, but at the same time they just shout JLo.

  • stubbornthoughts

    I knew it was J.Lo when I saw the open-mouthed, squinty-eyed, “I do this because I’m a diva” stare off.

    Sooooo…it looks about right to me.

    • nannypoo

      She always reverts to that dumb expression. I think she looks like she’s about to sneeze.

  • melissaisasnob

    That fabric is so 1983.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Saint Laurent is crashing in burning like that Russian comet.

  • Little_Olive

    Oh yes, I heard someone at RPDR had been robbed.

  • Those aren’t even her facial expressions, I don’t even?

  • She needs to stay home once in a while…. Like once a year at least and hang with her kids …..

  • Where are her boobs??

  • Is it just me, or are Hedi Slimane’s designs for Saint Laurent (those distributed to celebrities, anyway) generally crap? I feel like I have barely seen anything good since they dropped the Yves (which, in my eyes, was a lame decision). I can’t tell if I should blame Slimane for these poor garments, or the stylists for picking the worst pieces out of the collections.

    I’m gonna go with both. A plague on both your houses!

    Stefano Pilati is probably cackling with delight.

  • formerlyAnon

    THAT’s a St. Laurent dress these days?

    I am appalled.

  • She’s only worry to show off her Tom Ford clutch, that’s all.

  • Anniebet

    The day-glo lipstick has blinded me – thank goodness.

  • quiltrx

    As I was scrolling along I was certainly noticing all the strange dragface she was giving. Then I noticed the extremely weird bodice. I’m seriously thinking she’s holding the clutch up to keep her left tit from escaping out the side of the big boob pouch. What a mess.

  • sado

    Love J-LO but this is Awful, The new SAINT LAURENT…SO CHEAP AND BADLY MADE….Horrid

  • demidaemon

    Sad JLO.

  • akprincess72

    THAT qualifies as a one-shoulder? Nuh-uh.

  • ccm800

    open-mouth smizing should be reserved for star trek villainesses. Yikes

  • she kinda looks preggo

  • I’m used to her looking tacky, but at least it’s usually expensive tacky. This just looks cheap.

  • guest2visits

    I’m ok with the hair and even the bright coral lips. But that dress is terrible – it’s all over the place.
    Hefty-Bag Chic. Short, tacky Hefty-Bag. The shoes and the clutch are standard JLo.

  • rkdgal

    Hey, at least she’s trying a real lip color instead of the insane nude lip that she and Halle seem to always sport. Good for you, Jenny!

  • Melizmatic

    That sad excuse for a bodice makes me want to weep.

    Throw in those 1988 prom shoes and the 1991 ‘work-out hair’, and it’s a full-fledged tragedy.

  • Ugly dress. I hate her hair. She has a great hairline, but the ponytail/bun is in the wrong place.